by Diva D. Wood
“The lighter thing is in that little drawer to the right.”
Landon smiled. “An answer for everything, as always.”
“Always.”
“Then answer one question for me.”
“Sure.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” Joe asked.
“You know damn well why what.”
Joe exhaled. “Because it was what I was supposed to do, Landon.”
“You were supposed to take my bullet? Fuck that, and fuck you!” Landon seethed. “It should have been me!”
“But it wasn’t.”
Landon was silent for a long moment. He lit the grill and waited for it to heat up. “Damn you,” he whispered, closing his eyes to stanch the sting of the tears that were finally overflowing their banks.
Joe exhaled again. “I know you’re pissed, Landon, and I know you don’t understand. That’s why I’m here. To help.”
“Help what?”
“Help you understand. Help you move on.”
“Good luck with that,” Landon said softly.
Joe was at Landon’s side. Out of uniform, he appeared to Landon in his weekend garb: San Diego Padres t-shirt, khaki shorts, sandals.
“It was an instinct, Landon. It’s what we do. How many SEALs have died diving on a grenade or stepping in front of a bullet?”
“A lot.”
“This was like that.”
“I guess.”
* * * *
Inside, Danita stopped talking to Desiree as she heard voices from the patio—specifically, Landon’s voice.
She motioned to Desiree to stay quiet, and they moved to the patio door. There, they saw Landon engaged in what appeared to them to be a one-sided conversation.
“Poor thing,” Danita observed. “He’s talking to Joe.”
Desiree nodded. “I can’t even imagine what he’s going through. It must be hell. Whatever he needs to do to get through it is fine with me.”
Danita sighed. “I’ve been this route many times, Dez. Joe and Landon have lost too many men to count over the years. Every one of them is like a brother. It tears them apart, and the bullshit macho world they live in conditions them not to talk about it. So they swallow it.”
“This is different, isn’t it?” Desiree asked softly.
“Very.” Danita nodded, downing the last of her umpteenth drink of the day. “These two guys were brothers in pretty much every way you can imagine, except blood.”
Desiree looked away. “I’m so sorry, Danita.”
Danita nodded. “It’s part of the job, Desiree. The Navy is the other woman in your marriage. You live your life in fear of every phone call, every knock on the door, every car coming down your street. You push it to the back of your mind as much as you can, but it’s always there.”
“It sounds like a tough life.”
“It can be,” Danita said, pouring herself another drink. “But it’s worth it. I’d do it all again.”
Desiree started to say something to her friend about how many drinks she’d had, then thought better of it for now.
Danita read the concerned look on her old friend’s face. “I hear what you’re not saying, girlfriend. I’m not a lush yet. Cut me some slack for a minute, all right?”
“All right.” Desiree held up her own glass for a refill of club soda.
* * * *
Landon flipped the steaks over, his mood improving slightly.
Joe was still hanging out by the grill. “Not too rare, eh?” He was trying to lighten the mood.
“Got it, sir,” Landon replied. “I’m sorry I’m being such a shithead.”
“Don’t apologize,” Joe said. “You’re allowed.”
“Glad you approve.”
Joe smiled. “You’re going to be fine, Landon. You’re a survivor. You always have been, and you always will be.”
“I know,” Landon said as he lathered the steaks with more sauce. “But it still sucks.”
“It sucks monkey balls,” Joe agreed. “But it is what it is.”
“How long are you going to be hanging around?” Landon asked. “Not that I’m trying to run you off or anything, mind you.”
Joe smiled. “A while. I’m not sure yet exactly how this works. But I’m not going anywhere until I’m sure that the people I left behind are going to be okay.”
“And that includes me, I’m guessing.”
“It most certainly does.”
“I’ll be fine,” Landon said. “I probably won’t be going back downrange any time soon, so you just do what you need to do.”
Joe nodded. “Have you given Danita the letter yet?”
Landon looked away. “No, but I will.”
“Tonight, okay? She needs to hear the things I never had a chance to say to her.”
“You got it, buddy.”
Joe’s image was fading. “I’m out of here for now. Love you, brother.”
“Love you too, man.”
With his trademark wink, Joe was gone.
Landon exhaled, took another deep breath, and tried to compose himself to be strong for the girls. He pulled the steaks off the grill, placed them on the plate, shut off the grill, and went in the house.
Chapter 16
Landon was silent through most of dinner, keeping to himself and picking at his plate as Desiree and Danita chatted about anything but the eight-hundred-pound elephant sharing the meal with them.
Landon excused himself with a weak smile and went to the living room. Turning the TV to ESPN, he tried to lose himself in a baseball game.
Desiree and Danita finished cleaning up the kitchen and joined Landon in the living room.
Danita wandered over to a bookcase and extracted several large scrapbooks, lugging them to the coffee table. Landon smiled. Danita returned the smile weakly, then bit her lip as she laid the scrapbooks on the table.
Landon started leafing through the first one, which began with he and Joe at the Naval Academy—shots of them at football games, in class, or cutting up in the mess hall.
Danita turned a page to one Landon recognized instantly. Graduation day: Joe, Landon, and Danita in the middle, her arms around both men, smiling warmly.
“Where’s your girlfriend?” Desiree asked.
“Didn’t have one,” Landon replied.
He smiled again as he came across a section dedicated to Landon and Joe’s BUD/S class. He and Joe were grimacing with several other classmates as they labored to keep a heavy log balanced on their shoulders.
Other photos showed the best friends rolling in the mud, swimming in cold water—or at least what passed for cold water in San Diego—and finally, again standing with Danita on graduation day in their dress whites with their shiny new gold SEAL tridents freshly pinned to their left breast.
The second scrapbook featured numerous photos of Landon and Joe with their unit. One in particular drew Desiree’s attention: Landon and Joe, in full battle gear, M-4 rifles slung over their shoulders, stood outside a transport plane, both looking utterly exhausted and grim-faced.
Landon recalled the mission instantly. Their unit had just liquidated an Al-Qaeda cell in Ar-Ramadi, Iraq—a cell that had been responsible for hundreds of deaths of their comrades in IED explosions.
Mission accomplished, the two elite warriors, minus two fallen members of their platoon, were going home.
“You guys look so sad,” Desiree said.
“That’s a combination of battle fatigue, sadness, anger, and God knows what else,” Landon said. “We’d lost two of our team members to snipers. The mission was a success, but that success came with a heavy price.”
Desiree nodded.
Danita smiled sadly. “I remember when you guys came home from that one. Joe wouldn’t talk about it—even less than usual.”
“Not even with me,” Landon said. “It’s hard. We both got some leave. We went surfing, we played some really bad golf, we went to a game here and there. We talked about everything except what
we’d seen over there.”
Danita closed the scrapbook and drew a ragged, heavy breath. “I can’t believe that my boo is never going to walk through that door again. I can’t believe I’ll never hear his laugh, or that booming voice again…” She dissolved into tears.
Landon instantly moved over to embrace Danita. “He’ll always be with you,” he said as she cried on his shoulder. He held her tight, stroking her back as she sobbed uncontrollably for what seemed like hours.
As Danita ever so slowly began to regain her composure, Landon released her and reached into his pocket for the envelope he’d been carrying for three weeks.
“Joe gave me this when we got on the transport to head over there,” Landon said haltingly. I had specific orders to give it to you if…if…” His voice trailed off.
Danita nodded, wiping away her tears. She took the letter from him and immediately opened it.
“You don’t have to read it right now, girlfriend,” Desiree said quickly.
Danita ignored her friend and began to read. “Babe, if you’re reading this, it means one thing—I wasn’t able to keep my promise to come home. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
Landon closed his eyes. Being present for the reading of the letter wasn’t in his plans. But then again, when have my plans ever worked out? Landon thought sarcastically.
Danita cleared her throat and continued. “Landon is bringing you this letter. Don’t blame the messenger, okay, babe? Whatever brought about my death, you can rest assured it wasn’t Landon’s fault.”
“I wish I believed that,” Landon mumbled.
“What, Landon?”
“Nothing, Danita,” Landon said, not realizing he’d voiced the thought. “I’m just talking to myself.”
Danita smiled weakly. She continued to read quietly. “I’ll always be watching over you, baby. And the kids. Maybe someday they will understand. Maybe you can help them get there.”
Danita stopped to wipe her eyes.
She continued, “I’ve done my best to plan for this day, even while hoping it would never come. But it has. You know my wishes as to my funeral and cremation. Half of me at Fort Rosecrans and half on the football field. Landon knows the drill.”
Landon nodded.
“Well, my love, it’s nearly sunup, and we’re about fifteen minutes from the drop zone. If we made it home, then I’m there with you and Landon has disposed of this letter properly. But if not—” Danita faltered a moment. “If not, then know that I love you always. You and the kids were the best thing in my life. I’ll look in on you from time to time, but I want you to move on. Grieve for me as long as you need to, but eventually let me go, babe. I’ve gone to a place where there’s no more war, no more suffering, no more death. We’ll all be together again soon across the river in the Promised Land, my love. Until then, be safe. Your loving husband, Joe.”
Landon’s eyes were closed tightly to keep the tears held at bay. He opened them and embraced Danita. “I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, wiping away her own tears. “Thank you for making sure this got to me, Landon.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, trying and failing to stifle a yawn.
“You must be exhausted, baby,” Desiree said, rubbing Landon’s shoulders.
“That would be the understatement of the millennium,” he said softly.
“Let me get you a blanket,” Danita said, rising from the couch and padding down the hall to the linen closet, where she extracted a large pillow and an oversized fleece blanket. “We’re going to be up for a while, I’m sure. Maybe you can crash on the air mattress in Joe’s mancave downstairs?”
“Sounds delightful,” Landon said with a smile. “Lead the way.”
Danita handed Landon the blanket and pillow.
“Talk to you in the morning, baby,” Desiree said, kissing Landon on the cheek.
“Good night, ladies,” Landon said, his voice barely above a whisper, as he headed down the stairs.
Chapter 17
Landon was snoring lightly, but awakened instantly when the air mattress dipped and Desiree’s now again-familiar, soft, feminine body snuggled up behind him. She wrapped her arms around him.
He stirred and turned around, smiling sleepily. “Hey.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Desiree whispered.
“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “I was barely sleeping anyway.”
Desiree smiled demurely. She moved her hand up under Landon’s shirt until she reached an unfamiliar point—a bandage.
Her eyes widened with alarm. “What’s this, Landon?”
“A bandage.”
“Obviously. What’s it for?”
Landon closed his eyes. “My shoulder wound.”
“Your what?”
“The gunshot wound I sustained after Joe…” Landon’s voice trailed off.
Desiree moaned. “Oh, baby. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not that bad,” he said with a resigned shrug as he instinctively rubbed the wound. “It’s nothing, really. Just a flesh wound, healing nicely, or so the doctors say.”
“Okay, Black Knight,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“It’s almost completely healed,” he said, continuing to massage the wound gently. “My other wounds are another story.”
Desiree nodded. She kissed Landon lightly on the lips. “I’m sorry, baby.”
Landon nodded. “I know.”
He winced, attempting to get comfortable on the air mattress, where he’d spent countless nights over the years. It was always a losing proposition, and tonight was destined to be no different, Landon thought ruefully.
“Is Danita asleep?” Landon asked.
“Yes.” Desiree nodded. “She’s going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning.”
“I can just imagine. Been there, done that.” Landon gave up trying to get comfortable and moved over to the sofa, where he and Joe had watched dozens of Charger games, sharing beers, laughs, high-fives, and more obscenities than Landon could count.
* * * *
Desiree followed Landon to the couch, unsure of what she should say, or if she should even say anything at all.
“Do you want to talk about it, Landon?”
“No.”
“Okay. When you do, I’m here.”
Landon nodded with a weak smile, blinking back tears.
Desiree pulled him to her chest. “Try to sleep, boo,” she said.
“I wish I could,” he said, wiping his eyes and rubbing them vigorously. “Easier said than done right now. You know?”
“No, I don’t know. But I’m trying.”
“I know you are. Just be patient with me, okay? It’s going to be a long, hard road to get back from where I am right now. I might not get back. Time will tell.”
“I understand.”
Landon sat up and pulled Desiree to him. “I’ll figure it out. I just need some time.”
“Take all the time you need, baby,” she whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good to know,” Landon murmured, fading fast. He closed his eyes and finally fell into a deep sleep.
Desiree stroked Landon’s face for a few minutes until she herself could no longer keep her eyes open. She drifted off to sleep, Landon’s arms still tight around her.
Chapter 18
September, 1983
Landon sped through his shower, thinking of his upcoming date with Desiree.
It would be their first solo date—technically their third date, but the first two had been double dates with Joe and Danita.
Landon and Joe agreed it was time to ‘take off the training wheels’ as Joe so indelicately put it. Landon had a hunch that, as usual, the idea had originated with Danita.
Was Landon nervous?
Maybe a little, he conceded to his reflection in the mirror, which grinned back at him sheepishly.
The phone rang. Landon picked it up midway through the second ring,
“Hello?”
&nbs
p; “Hey, stud.”
“Hey, Joe.”
“Ready to fly solo, my friend?”
Landon chuckled as he slapped on a liberal amount of Brut aftershave. “You betcha. Bring it on.”
“That’s my boy,” Joe said. Landon could hear his lifelong friend’s ear-to-ear grin through the phone. “You’re going to be fine. I have the utmost confidence in you. What’s the plan?”
“Humphrey’s for dinner, then a walk along the Embarcadero. Stroll by the Star of India perhaps.”
“Ooh,” Joe said, sounding highly impressed. “Sounds like this particular operation has been in the planning stages for a while.”
“Hell yes, it has been,” Landon replied, with a wide grin of his own.
“Operational planning skills are going to be a good thing to have in the Navy, my friend.”
“For you, maybe,” Landon said. “The biggest thing I’m going to have to plan is what stories to put in the base newspaper.”
“Something tells me you’re way off base there, pal. Way off base.”
Landon shrugged. “You’re the guy who’s going to do all the Rambo shit. I’m just the guy who’s going to be in charge of telling the world about it.”
“Whatever, Landon,” Joe said. “Life has a way of fucking with our best-laid plans.”
Landon glanced at the clock. It was getting late, and he wanted to be on time for his date. “I’d better finish getting ready. Talk to you later, buddy.”
“Hopefully, I won’t,” Joe said.
“Why not? I should be home by midnight. You don’t want to hear the play-by-play? Rather wait until tomorrow?”
Joe chuckled. “Whatever you say, Landon.”
Landon was confused. “You know something I don’t? Feel free to fill me in. I’m all ears.”
“Never mind. Later, Landon. Have fun.” Joe hung up before Landon could grill him any further.
It sure sounded to Landon like something was up. But he surmised that he’d find out what it was soon enough. He shrugged and put the phone back on the charger.
Landon surveyed the outfit he’d selected for the big date with Desiree: a brand-new blue suit, purchased on clearance at Mervyn’s the week before with his latest McDonald’s paycheck. He put it on and liked what he saw in the mirror, grinning widely.