by Diva D. Wood
“Is that a serious question, doc?” Landon smiled.
Perez laughed.
“I’m on medical leave, Dr. Perez, as you just informed me. I’ve got all the time in the world.”
Perez scribbled on a card and handed it to Landon. She also handed him an inch-thick binder. “This is some helpful information on PTSD. There is also a workbook with some exercises I’d like for you to complete before our next session. These exercises will help you isolate stressors in your life. Once we identify them, we’ll devise strategies for dealing with them. Okay?”
“Okay.” Landon swallowed hard as he contemplated the binder.
“You’re going to be all right, Landon. I promise.”
“Thank you, Dr. Perez,” he replied, shaking her hand before rising from the couch. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”
“See you then, Lieutenant Stone. Be safe.”
“I will.” Landon left the office, closing the door quietly behind him.
He was feeling better already.
Chapter 24
One month later
Landon tossed and turned next to a blissfully sleeping Desiree.
Sleep came much more difficultly for Landon these days…when it came at all.
And when it finally came this night, as usual, the dreams were waiting.
Landon strained against his restraints in vain. A hooded terrorist stood next to a chair, where Joe sat, bound by the wrists too.
“Ready to tell us what we need to know yet, American?” the hooded terrorist asked in broken, heavily-accented English.
“Don’t tell him jack-shit, Landon,” Joe said calmly. A second hooded terrorist held a large knife to his throat.
“Go fuck yourself,” Landon said steely as he continued to work at his wrist restraints, which were loosening ever-so-slowly.
“As you wish.” The terrorist leader nodded to his partner, who kicked Joe’s chair to the floor. Joe, his hands still bound behind his back, was nonetheless able to lash out with his similarly bound feet, kicking his assailant in the testicles. The terrorist growled in pain and dropped to his knees.
Landon, who had finally worked his restraints loose, moved quickly over to Joe’s location, throwing the hooded terrorist to the side.
But he was too late.
Joe’s head had been severed from his body.
“Motherfucker!” Landon roared. He grabbed the hooded assassin from the floor and hoisted him to his feet. He pulled off the hood and stared into the cold, dead eyes of an olive-skinned Arab who couldn’t have been much older than sixteen.
Landon disarmed the terrorist, relieving him of the large knife he’d just used to behead Joe. He thrust it into the terrorist’s abdomen and yanked it upward. The terrorist’s eyes went wide as he grabbed at the knife in vain. Finally, he slumped to the floor.
Karma’s a bitch, and she’s got game, Landon thought. He turned his attention to the other terrorist—the leader. He was backing away from Landon, but there was nowhere to hide.
“Your turn, asshole.” Landon pointed to his watch. “You know what time it is?”
The doomed terrorist shook his head.
“Time to die.” Landon pulled a combat knife from his belt. He grabbed the terrorist by the shoulder and plunged the knife into his chest over and over. “Die, you chickenshit motherfucker!” Landon screamed. “Die! Die! Die!”
“Landon, baby! It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. It’s okay!”
Landon was pounding the pillows to a pulp with a large carving knife. He sat up and instantly realized he was in Desiree’s bed.
It had all been a dream. Again.
“Fuck,” Landon said softly.
“The dream again?”
Landon nodded, blinking back tears.
“How did Joe die this time?”
“Beheading,” Landon said, reaching for a Kleenex on the nightstand and wiping a torrent of sweat from his brow.
Desiree shook her head. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could help.”
“You are,” he said, mustering up what he hoped was a somewhat reassuring tone. “Just being here with you helps. A lot.”
“Doesn’t feel like it,” Desiree said, closing her eyes and snuggling deeper into Landon’s chest as she tried to hug away his pain.
“You are. Just trust me.”
“How are your therapy sessions going?”
“As well as can be expected, I guess,” he said with a tired shrug.
“Getting used to the fact that your therapist is a woman?”
“I’m way past that,” Landon said. “She’s been there, done that, and didn’t even get a t-shirt. She lost both her legs in a Black Hawk crash in Iraq. She has nothing to prove to me or anyone else.”
* * * *
Desiree was silent. She stared off into the pitch-black darkness of the room for a long moment, the only light coming from the red LED digits of the clock-radio and the faint light of the bathroom, the only sound coming from the ceiling fan.
Finally, she spoke the thought that had been on her mind for more than ten minutes.
“Where did you get the knife, Landon?”
Landon looked away in shame. “I-I don’t know. It’s not one of mine. We aren’t allowed to carry our weapons off the base anyway.”
Desiree nodded. She examined the knife and immediately recognized it as coming from her kitchen.
“You must have gotten out of bed in your sleep and gotten it from the kitchen,” Desiree observed.
“Must have,” Landon mumbled. He closed his eyes.
Desiree exhaled, voicing another unpleasant thought. “You’re scaring me, Landon.”
“I’m scaring myself,” he whispered, his voice choking with emotion. “So I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, baby,” she said, expelling another long, ragged breath.
“But.”
Shit. Desiree had been hoping to ease into this subject slowly; one that had been tormenting her and keeping her up at night for weeks.
So much for that, she thought ruefully. She took a deep breath and forged ahead.
“But I think you…we, need a break.”
“I see.” Landon released Desiree, sat up in bed, and turned on the bedside lamp.
This is already headed south, Desiree thought. “You need some time to focus on your treatment, baby.”
“I guess you’re right.” Landon pulled off the covers and slid out of bed.
“I didn’t mean this instant.”
“What’s the point in waiting until morning?” he asked, his voice breaking. “Maybe the crazy vet will have another crazy dream. It’s better that I go now.” Landon was already dressed, tying his shoes and then buckling his belt.
Desiree fell back on the bed, sighing with exasperation and closing her eyes.
She opened them instantly when she heard Landon pick his keys up off the nightstand.
“I’ll be in touch, beautiful,” Landon said, trying to smile through the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “Just don’t give up on me, okay?”
Desiree pulled Landon into a hug. “Never,” she whispered, beginning to lose the battle against her own tears. “I never gave up on you, and I never will.”
“Good to know.” He smiled weakly and put on his light jacket. “Take care of yourself, all right? I’ll be thinking of you.”
The tears were starting to overflow their banks for Desiree. “Will you be safe?”
“Yes,” Landon replied, nodding vigorously. “I’m on stress leave, remember? They extended it another month. I can’t be deployed until I’m cleared to return to active duty by Dr. Perez. And that won’t be happening any time soon.”
“Well, that’s one less thing to worry about,” she said with a sigh of relief. “I guess Uncle Sam will just have to fight the war on terror without you for a while, huh?”
“My teammates will be fine,” Landon said curtly. “Joe was a great pla
toon leader. He gave us all the tools we needed to do our jobs, stay alive, and get back home to our families…or their families anyway. I’m sure the interim platoon leader is very worthy.”
“What will you do with your time?”
“The same shit I’ve been doing since they shut me down,” he replied, a bitter edge creeping into his voice. “Editing and rewriting after-action reports, making other assholes look good. Performing other ancillary, dull-as-fuck public affairs shit. Bored to death.”
Desiree nodded. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“It is what it is for now,” Landon said with a heavy sigh and a resigned shrug. “But I hate it. I’m a SEAL, damnit. My place is with my men. I didn’t start out as a SEAL, but it’s damn sure who and what I am now. You don’t shut that off with a fucking piece of paper.”
Desiree nodded again.
“I have to go. Bye for now, babe. I love you.” He pecked Desiree lightly on the lips, grabbed his bag, and was gone, closing the door gently behind him.
Desiree wept.
Chapter 25
Desiree tried to ignore the alarm clock as it buzzed relentlessly at seven AM. She was in no frame of mind to get out of bed, let alone go to work.
But she had to, and work would help her keep her mind off the relationship-killing mistake she feared she’d just made with Landon…or so she desperately hoped.
Desiree forced herself to roll out of bed. Her phone was blinking, holding the promise of an unopened text message. She grabbed the phone hopefully, swiping a finger across the touch screen to unlock it.
Even more hopefully, she pressed the Text Messages button.
Alas, there was no message from Landon.
There was, however, her morning text message from Bank of America, informing her that her checking account was overdrawn again, this time by only fifty-six dollars.
Desiree resisted the urge to hurl the phone at the wall. That, she surmised, would just create another unnecessary expense.
Instead, Desiree put the phone on the charger, got back in bed, pulled the covers over her head, and cried for about fifteen minutes. But eventually she dragged herself out of bed and to the shower.
After a quick Starbucks stop for her usual double latte—purchased by raiding the jar of change she used as an emergency fund—Desiree arrived at the salon a few minutes before eight AM. Her partner, Lakisha Johnson, was already there as usual.
“Morning, Dez,” Lakisha said with a smile.
“Morning, ’Kisha,” Desiree said quietly.
“Damn, girlfriend,” Lakisha said, surveying her longtime friend and business partner. “You look like shit. Long night with your white knight, huh?” She winked.
Desiree sighed. “Technically, that would be true, but…” Her voice trailed off as she bit her trembling lower lip.
“What’s wrong, Dez?”
Desiree let out a ragged, exhausted breath. She shared every last detail of the previous night’s happenings.
Lakisha shook her head. “Damn, girlfriend. That’s some shit.”
“Right?” Desiree said with a heavy sigh. “I fucked up. Big time.”
“You’ll get through it.”
Desiree smiled. “This is where you say ‘No, you didn’t.’”
Lakisha laughed. “You know what I mean.”
Desiree grabbed a Kleenex. “Yeah. You’re just keepin’ it real.”
“I am,” Lakisha said with a nod. “And you will get through this.”
“Will we?”
“Of course,” Lakisha said.
“You didn’t see the hurt in Landon’s eyes,” Desiree said, trying but failing to choke back tears.
“Landon loves you,” Lakisha said, embracing her friend tightly. “Give him some time. He’ll come around. Maybe the time off will do you both some good.”
“Or maybe it will be the end.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“I wish I was as sure of that as you apparently are.”
Lakisha exhaled. “Think positive, Dez. And listen to my damn advice for once, huh?”
Desiree smiled through her tears. “I’m trying. But it’s hard. I just feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life for the second time.”
“It’s all going to work out.”
“Thanks for the pep talk,” Desiree said, sighing. “And again, I wish I had your confidence.”
“You and Landon are destiny,” Lakisha said. “You wouldn’t have reconnected so easily—and so strongly—after all these years if it wasn’t meant to be.”
“I guess.”
“Keep the faith,” Lakisha said. “You’ve always been one of the most positive people I know. Focus on that, use this time off to get your head in the right place, and when Landon works through his shit and comes back to you, welcome him with open arms and embrace your new life. Okay?”
Desiree’s phone buzzed in her purse. She grabbed it and swiped her finger over the screen to unlock it.
And found another overdraft text message.
After much effort, she successfully resisted the impulse to hurl the phone at the wall. A new cellphone was an expense she really didn’t need at this point.
“What’s wrong, Dez?”
“Same shit, different day,” Desiree said with a sniffle. “Every time my phone buzzes I grab it, hoping it’s a message from Landon. But it never is. Just some bullshit.”
“He needs time,” Lakisha said. “He’s dealing with a lot of shit. He’ll be back.”
“I hope so. I lost him once due to my own stupidity. I don’t want to do it again.”
“You won’t,” Lakisha said firmly. “Like I said, just be ready when he comes back to you. And never let each other go again.”
“I’ve been ready since the moment he walked out my door,” Desiree said quietly. “I’ve been ready for years. It was just a matter of getting my shit together and waiting for the planets to line up. And then …” Her voice trailed off.
“And then what?”
“And then when that finally happened, I fucked it up.”
“It’s going to be okay, girlfriend,” Lakisha said. “Why don’t you take the day off? I can handle your appointments. The schedule is really light today. A few trims, a couple of perms, a weave, and Sister Carter’s monthly coloring.”
“Pink highlights?”
“What else?” Lakisha laughed.
Desiree smiled. “Thanks for the offer, ’Kisha, but you know I never blow off work. I’d feel better if I stayed here with you and just buried myself in work, you know? And anyway, what am I going to do at home? Sit around and mope? No thanks.”
“I’m sure you can come up with something much better than that, Dez. Get away for the day. Go to the beach. Go to a movie. Turn off your phone and unplug from the world for a while. It will do you good.”
Desiree rubbed her temples. She could feel a tension headache beginning to assert its presence with a vengeance.
As much as she just wanted to go home, pull the curtains shut, and cry herself to sleep, she had to grudgingly admit Lakisha’s idea was a much better plan.
“Okay,” Desiree said with a heavy sigh. “See you tomorrow? Bright and early?”
“You got it, girlfriend. Take care of yourself. And don’t worry one minute about the shop. I got this. Oh, and one more thing?”
“Yes?”
Lakisha grinned. “I’m going to call you later. If it doesn’t go straight to voice mail, I’m going to be all up in your shit tomorrow morning. That is all.”
Desiree laughed, shaking her head. “No worries, girlfriend. I’m out of here. I owe you one. Love you, ’Kisha.”
“You don’t owe me a damn thing, Dez. You’d do the same for me, and you’ll probably get the chance some day. Now get out of here.”
“I’m gone.” Desiree grabbed her keys off the rack near the front desk and was out the door in a flash.
The beach sounded like a good idea to Desiree. She thought she’d head over t
o Coronado. It would make her feel closer to Landon, knowing he was just a short distance away, even if she didn’t get to see him.
Desiree made the now-familiar trip across the Coronado Bridge, the midday traffic thankfully light. She pulled into the parking lot of the oceanfront community’s main beach, shut off her engine, and just sat there for a few minutes.
Eventually, she exhaled, exited her vehicle, and meandered aimlessly toward the beach, not really wanting to be anywhere but home in bed with the covers pulled over her head and the room blacked out.
But she found the cool sea air somehow invigorating. And since it was early on a weekday, the beach was relatively empty.
Desiree removed her shoes, liking the feeling of the warm sand between her toes. She carved out a path just shy of the surf, enjoying the feel of the cool salt water as the waves lapped at her feet.
About one hundred feet down the beach, Desiree noticed a familiar figure sitting in the sand, arms folded around her knees, staring off into the distance.
Danita.
Desiree shook her head sadly.
Over the years, the beach had always been a safe place for all of them. Desiree had often gotten into her car with nothing more than her thoughts, her purse, and whatever few dollars it contained.
There was something about being at the beach, the calming effect of the water, the cool sea air, that made your problems not disappear exactly, but seem not as bad.
Danita seemed lost in her thoughts as Desiree tentatively approached.
“Hey there, girlfriend,” Desiree said softly.
“Hey,” Danita replied just as softly.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Desiree remarked, smiling as she sat down in the sand next to her longtime friend.
Danita smiled. “I’ve been spending a lot of time here actually. In a weird way, it makes me feel close to Joe, knowing I’m only a few hundred yards away from the place he spent so much of his time.”
Desiree shook her head bemusedly. “Actually, that was the main reason I came here instead of simply going down to IB, where we usually hang. I can imagine Landon being over there, close by.” She gestured north to NAB Coronado.