by Kaylee Ryan
Blaine: You’ve been gone for a long time. Please come back.
Blaine: Bree, please don’t be mad.
Blaine: At least let me know you’re okay.
Blaine: Aubree, where in the hell are you?
Blaine: Please, call me.
Blaine: Please.
It was never my intention to stay away this long, and I didn’t mean to worry him. Hitting his contact, the phone barely rings before he’s answering.
“Bree?”
“Hey, sorry. I fell asleep.”
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
“I’m fine. Camber and I took a nap under the old oak tree at the elementary school.”
“I’ve been worried sick. I have the guys driving around looking for you.”
“I parked my car behind the building. The tree is in the very back of the lot.”
“Stay put. I’m on my way.”
“Blaine. Stop. I’m fine. We’re fine. I’m leaving now. I’m going to grab us a drink and then I’ll drop Camber off safe and sound.”
“It’s not just my fucking dog I’m worried about, Aubree. You were missing,” he says, raising his voice.
“I hardly call a few hours of missed messages and calls missing.” I fight the lump in my throat. He was worried because he’s a good guy. I wish it was more, but he warned me. He doesn’t do serious. I knew the rules.
“What was I supposed to think? You left mad and upset and then I can’t find you. You’re not where you say you’re going to be and hours pass with no word from you.”
“I said I was sorry. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I don’t wait for a reply, ending the call. “We better go, girl. He’s not happy.” We load up in the car, and I drive us through the drive-thru and get a small cup and two bottles of water. Camber and I both finish ours off before I pull back out on the road and head toward Blaine’s.
When I pull into his driveway, Camber is wiggling in the seat, happy to be home. Before I even have the car in park, Blaine is pulling open the door. I take my time shutting off the engine and unbuckling my seat belt. As soon as I do, he’s offering me his hand and helping me out of the car. When my feet hit the ground, he engulfs me in a hug. It’s so tight I can hardly breathe.
“Ease up there, man,” I hear Kevin tell him.
He relaxes his hold but doesn’t release me. “Don’t.” His voice wobbles. “Please don’t ever do that again.”
“It wasn’t intentional,” I pant, still trying to catch my breath from his crushing hug. You would think that I’d been gone for days the way he’s acting.
“Give the girl some room.” This from Ashley. I feel her hand on my arm as she tugs me out of his embrace. He doesn’t look happy about it, but that doesn’t stop her.
“Camber’s fine,” I say, pointing to the dog that’s bouncing around her owner’s feet, waiting for some attention.
Absently, he reaches down and pats her on the head, never taking his eyes off me.
“You had us all worried,” Ashley says softly.
“Just went for a drive. We fell asleep under the old oak tree at the elementary school.”
“We drove past there, didn’t see your car,” Kevin says.
“Yeah, I parked in the back. The tree is at the very back of the lot.”
“Yeah,” Blaine says, placing his phone next to his ear. “She’s here,” he tells whoever it is he’s talking to. “Okay. Thanks for your help. No, we’re good,” he tells them before hanging up. “Mom and Dad say hello and they’re glad you’re safe,” he tells me. I feel terrible that I had them all worried. I’ve never had this many people in my life who cared. My breath bottles up in my chest as I realize these people matter. Not just Blaine, but all of them matter to me, and me to them. For the first time in my life, I have people.
“Rick and Jacob went on home. I called them and told them you’d talked to her,” Kevin tells Blaine, pointing at me.
“Thanks, man.”
“Well, crisis averted,” Ash smiles. “We’re going to get out of your hair.” She hugs me again.
“This is not that big of a deal,” I tell her. “Just a couple of hours of sleep under a tree.”
“Maybe not to you,” she whispers just for me, tilting her head toward Blaine.
He doesn’t take his eyes off me or even bother saying goodbye to his friends. He just stands there, his hands at his sides, and an unreadable expression on his face.
“I’m sorry I took her and stayed gone so long.”
“Bree,” he murmurs, stepping closer. He doesn’t stop until he’s close enough to cup my face in the palm of his hands. “I was worried about my dog, don’t get me wrong, but you—” He shakes his head. “Just the thought of something happening to you.”
“I was fine.”
“I didn’t know that. I knew that you were upset when you left and not responding to any of my messages. I knew that you were not where you said you would be. I knew that I hurt you, and I was afraid I would never get the chance to say I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I croak, already feeling my throat clogging from his heartfelt speech.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I started to, but then this… attraction that I have for you won out. We said this was casual, and I didn’t want you to worry about your job. You were worried enough as it was. I’m a selfish bastard that wanted you. So, I kept it to myself.”
“I could get fired,” I say, taking a step back, causing his hands to fall to his sides.
“You won’t. Jonah’s not like that.”
“He’s my boss, Blaine. My boss! He’s your cousin, and you failed to mention this to me. What if they told him, huh?”
“Who?”
“Your family, your friends, that’s who.” He opens his mouth to protest and I cut him off. “Don’t pretend like they don’t see it. Not after the way I acted when you wrecked. They know, and they’re just being nice and not saying anything.”
“I never wanted to hide it in the first place.”
“I told you, I came from nothing. No family support. Nothing.” I emphasize the word. “I’ve busted my ass to get where I am. I love that job, Blaine. That’s all I have. My job, and you risked that. You risked me losing the one thing in life I have to call my own.”
“Bree—” He reaches out for me. “I’m sorry. I know I was wrong, I should have told you.”
“I think we need to slow this down a little.” The words are out of my mouth before I even realize I’m saying them.
“What? Why would we do that? What we have, it’s good, right?”
“Yeah.” I smile softly. It is good. Being with him makes me feel alive and vibrant. Like I’m the twenty-three-year-old I am.
“Come in, let’s get you some food, and we can talk some more.”
“I’m really tired.”
“You just slept,” he says with a little bite in his tone.
“And I’m still tired.”
“Okay,” he concedes. “We can go to bed, just don’t leave. Not yet.”
“Blaine.”
“Please, Bree. Just let me hold you, okay? Let me feel you next to me and know you’re okay. I was scared as hell something had happened to you. I know I fucked up, I do, and I’m sorrier than you will ever know, but can you give me this? Please, just let me hold you.”
I’m weak. I know I need to put distance between us. I know he should have told me about Jonah, but at the end of all of that, there is still me, just the girl who is madly in love with him. The thought of lying in his arms is something I know I’m not going to have much more of. So, instead of going home like I know I should, I nod and let him lead me into the house. Camber at our heels.
He guides me to his room, and strips me out of my clothes. When he pulls one of his T-shirts over my head, I’m grateful. I really just want him to hold me. Hold me so I can pretend that everything is fine, that we’re fine, and that he’s mine to keep. Hold me so that I can pretend, just a little whi
le longer.
Pulling the covers back, he climbs into his bed, and holds them open for me. I slide in beside him and he wastes no time wrapping me up in his arms. The room is silent and I hear Camber sigh as she settles in on her bed on the floor.
“I was so worried,” he says, his voice a quiet whisper into the dark room.
“I’m okay.”
His reply is to tighten his hold on me. It doesn’t take long before the warmth and security of being in his arms pulls me to sleep.
It’s Friday morning and I woke up alone, much to my disappointment. I’ve gotten used to waking up to her red hair covering my pillow and the feel of her pressed up against me. Not today. Yesterday at breakfast she was quiet, and I know she’s still upset with me. She claimed to have loads of laundry and emails from work to catch up on. I tried to get her to bring it here, even offered to come to her place, but she refused. In the end, after we cleaned up the kitchen, she left, and I haven’t seen her since. I did talk to her last night before bed. She sounded tired, and I can’t help but feel guilty. I know she’s worried about us; she has no idea that I never intend to let her go. At least not without a fight. When she disappeared for those few hours, I was in full-on panic mode. If anything ever happened to her—No, I can’t even think about it.
She thought I was upset that she had Camber that long. I wanted to scream at her and tell her how much I love her. That even though this started out as fun, it’s way more than that. She’s way more than that. She’s the beat of my heart, and I know without a doubt, she’s all I want. The words were on the tip of my tongue. I held back. I don’t want to tell her while we’re fighting. I don’t want to tell her when either of us are upset. I know Aubree, and she would assume it’s the heat of the moment. So, telling her during sex is not really an option either. No, my girl needs a spur-of-the-moment, casual I love you. Nothing elaborate. No fan fair, just the two of us doing something mundane. That’s why I haven’t told her. The time hasn’t been right, and I want it to be perfect. One, because she deserves nothing less, and two, it must be right for her to believe me. I warned her I wasn’t capable of love, that I didn’t do long-term. Now, I’ve changed the rules, so it has to be the right moment when I tell her that I’m madly in love with her.
I have a feeling I’m going to need to convince her, once I do tell her. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with showing her she’s everything. Somehow, she’s managed to do what no other has done before her. I’d say she’s a miracle worker, but it’s just her.
Just Aubree.
The love of my life.
Climbing out of bed, my gaze lands on Camber, who lifts her head and lazily climbs to her feet, stretching. I grab a quick shower, and head out to the shop. Everyone should be here any minute, including Bree. It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I laid my eyes on her, since my lips have been pressed to hers, and it’s about to drive me insane with want. With need. She’s my addiction, one that I never want to cure.
She’s usually the first one here, but today it’s Rick, followed by Jacob, Kevin, and Ashley. Still no Aubree. I look at my watch and will myself to keep cool. She’s not late technically. Right at eleven, she pulls in behind my parents. It’s as if she planned it so I can’t ravish her. She’s distancing herself from me, and I hate it. If I didn’t know she would hate it, I would stalk to her car, pull her out, and kiss the living hell out of her. I don’t give a damn who sees me. Then, I would tell her that I love her. That she is the keeper of my heart, one I never thought I would have. However, I won’t. She’s private, and I love that about her. I love that she’s not like anyone I’ve ever met.
“You all loaded up?” Dad asks.
“Yeah, Aubree, you have anything you need to load?” I ask.
“Nope, all my work stuff is still on board, and we’ll be home tonight so I don’t need a bag.” Her cheeks flush, and I want to press my lips against them to feel their heat.
“Okay then, let’s head out.”
“We stopping for lunch?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, we can do that. You all lead the way.” I climb on board and take my seat behind the wheel.
“You sitting up front?” Rick asks her.
“You can if you want. Ash and I need to catch up.”
Damn it. I want to scream and yell and stomp my foot like a toddler, but I know better. I know she would hate that, and it wouldn’t solve anything. It would piss her off and put me further in the dog house. Further away from her. I hate it, but at least it’s only a little over an hour’s drive. I can do that without her by my side. I don’t want to, but I will. I always want her as close as possible. A change for me, which I’m embracing all because it’s her.
At the restaurant, Bree, Mom, and Ash sit at their own booth, leaving me, Dad, and the guys alone at a table. It was Mom’s idea claiming she needed girl time and didn’t want to talk racing. It’s as if the universe has it out for me. To make things worse, Ash and Bree end up riding the rest of the way to the track with my parents. Something about a new book they’re all reading or something. I want to feel bad for my dad, but I know him too well. He’s all too happy to listen to Mom rave about her latest book. Of course, he is; she’s there beside him.
I get it.
Now I finally get it.
I want that.
With Aubree.
As soon as we get to the track, the three of them rush off to set up the T-shirt trailer and again, I miss her. She’s here, but I can feel this disconnect between us. It’s been there since my accident, and I don’t know what to do to bring her back. Telling her how I feel now will just make her think I’m playing games to get her attention. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Pushing through, I go over the car with the guys and my father. We check the lug nuts, make sure the tank is topped off, check the air in the tires, and Dad makes sure that I have fresh tear-offs on my helmet. We’re race ready. I just need to see her before I go out on that track. There is this nagging feeling in my gut, and I need her here. It’s as simple as that. The sport I love no longer holds the shine that it used to, not when placed next to Aubree.
“You ready?” Mom asks from behind me. My eyes meet hers before looking over her shoulder to see Ashley and behind her is Bree. My Bree, with Camber at her side.
“Yeah,” I say, exhaling a breath. She’s here.
“Bring it in.” Mom laughs, pulling me into a hug. I can’t help but smile at her. We go through our pre-race routine, she steps out of the way and Dad steps in with a handshake. The guys do the same before Ash steps forward. She hugs me and wishes me luck. Then there she is. She’s in her issue KHP Bishop Racing polo, cut-off jean shorts, tennis shoes, and her hair is pulled back into a hat that reads Race hair don’t care. She’s perfect.
“Hey.” She steps a little closer, but not close enough.
“Hey.” I reach out and brush my thumb over her cheek. I don’t care who sees. “You and me, we need to talk, tonight after the race.” I can see her face change, and she thinks she knows what’s coming. She has no clue. I step toward her. We’re toe to toe. “It’s a good talk, Bree. I feel you pulling away from me, and I… let’s just say I don’t want that. Not at all.” I’m being vague, but fuck, we have an audience, and I have to climb into this race car and win this race. I need my head in the game.
“Okay,” she replies softly.
“Look at me, Bree.”
Her gorgeous green eyes capture mine. “It’s all good, I promise you that. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” I keep it light because I need to be in the right headspace in about twenty seconds. I need to know she’s going to be ready to talk when I pull off that track. Regardless of why she thinks I’m telling her, I can’t go another day without her knowing how much she means to me. Without telling her that I love her, more than anything.
“Be safe, Blaine.”
“Always.” I lean in and kiss her on the forehead. When I pull away, she’s wearing a confused look, but the corn
er of her mouth slowly tilts, giving me a small smile. That’s what I needed to see. Now, I can do my job, then take care of my girl.
Climbing into the car, I give her one last glance before pushing everything out of my mind except winning this race. At least that’s the plan. I’m not, however, successful. As I’m taking the track, all I can think about is getting back to her. To telling her I love her. I’m ready for whatever she wants. House, kids, more dogs, whatever she wants.
I’m all in.
I stand here until Blaine pulls out on the track, and I can’t help but wonder what he wants to talk about. Dread washes over me. Is he done? Was my little stunt not returning his calls too much for him, the worry and he’s ready to cut me loose? My mind wanders with how this conversation is going to go. Will I be able to hold myself together? My gut tightens and that’s when it hits me. I break out in a sweat, and my hands start to shake.
Fear.
What else could it be? This is the first time I’ve seen him race since the accident and honestly, the way my heart is racing and the way I feel right now, I can’t do it. I can’t watch him maybe wreck again. It’s too soon, and I feel… not good. My head starts to pound and suddenly, I need to get out of here.
“I don’t feel well,” I tell Robin. “I think I’m going to go back to the hauler and lie down.”
“Oh, you do look flushed.” She reaches out and places the back of her hand against my forehead. “You’re sweating. You want me to come with you?” She’s looking at me with motherly concern, something I’ve never had in my life. My heart twinges even more for what I’ve lost and what I will lose in her when this ends.
“No, I think it’s just nerves.” I grimace and place my fingertips to my temples. This headache came out of nowhere. “I just need to drink some water and lie down.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.” She still does not look convinced that I should be going anywhere on my own.
“I’m sure, it’s not that far. I’ll be fine,” I assure her. Camber nudges my hand with her nose. “You can come too, girl,” I tell her.