by Kaylee Ryan
“Essentially, yes.”
“Can she hear me?”
“Some patients say they could hear their loved ones while in this state, others not. It’s hard to tell. I’d like to think she can. You should talk to her.”
“Can I… can I touch her?” I ask, sitting in the chair next to her bed and moving it as close to her as I can possibly get it.
“You can. Just watch her IV.” She points to her right hand. Fortunately, I’m sitting on her left side. “I’ll be her nurse tonight, so I’ll be back to check on her in a little while.” She turns and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Tentatively, I pick up her hand, holding it in both of mine. “So warm,” I whisper, placing my lips on the back of her hand. Lifting my head, I take a long look at her. “Bree, baby, I’m so scared,” I admit. “There is so much that I want to say to you.” I stop to compose myself. “I love you. I love you so damn much, it hurts. Deep inside, Bree. That’s where you are. You’ve never been a fling, not ever. I agreed to your plan because I wanted you. I thought I would never find what I’ve found in you.” I pause again, taking a deep breath and slowly exhale. “I never got to tell you—” My voice cracks and I lose the battle with my emotions. I don’t try to hide or stop the tears that are flowing freely down my cheeks. “I was waiting for the right time, you know? I wanted it to be a moment where we were just hanging out and being us. Not when we were arguing over Jonah or making love. I wanted you to believe me.”
“Please open your eyes, Bree. Please, come back to me.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to do just that, but nothing happens. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” I tell her, resting my head beside our joined hands on the bed. “I’m not leaving here until you do.”
“Thank you, Maria, but I’m okay,” I tell her for what seems like the tenth time. Jonah came through with her number, and I was able to call her Saturday morning and fill her in on everything that’s going on. She’s been here every day since.
“I’ll be right here,” she assures me. “I’ll call you if there are any changes.”
“I appreciate that, I do. But I’m not leaving her. Until she opens her eyes, I’m going to be here.” It’s Monday mid-morning and still no change. The doctors have been able to get her sugar levels regulated with insulin through her IV, but she’s going to more than likely be on medication for the rest of her life.
“You need to take care of you,” she tries again.
“Being here is taking care of me. She’s all that I need,” I say, pointing to my sleeping beauty. I just wish a simple kiss could wake her up.
“She loves you,” she finally says.
I nod. “I love her too.”
“You never told her.” She’s not accusing me; it’s more of an observation.
“I was waiting for the right time.” I feel like that’s something I’ve repeated over and over too. To Bree, as she lies in this bed, I’ve told her countless times. To my parents, my friends, and now hers.
“At least go to the cafeteria and get something to eat, stretch your legs.”
“I’m fine here. Mom brought me clothes, and I’m not hungry.”
“Blaine,” she says. This time there is something different in her voice. Tearing my eyes from Bree, I look at her. “Thank you. She’s not had the easiest time, I’m not sure what she’s told you, but it warms my heart to know that she has you and your family.”
“Yeah, well, a lot of good it does if she doesn’t realize she has us.”
“She’s a fighter. She’s been through so much. This isn’t going to stop her. Have faith.”
“I’m trying, Maria. I really am, but it’s been days and she still won’t open her eyes. I just want to see them, you know?”
“I know.”
Neither one of us says a word after that. We just sit in silence watching and waiting for my girl to come back to us. Maria leaves a few hours later with a promise from me to call her with any changes, no matter how big or small. Day turns into night, with my parents stopping by to visit. Kevin and the guys are getting the car ready for the Knoxville, Iowa, race this weekend, but what they don’t know is that I’m not going. I can’t just leave her here all alone while I go race.
“Why don’t you go home, or to a hotel, and get a good night’s rest?” Mom suggests.
“I’m good here,” I say, patting the arm of the reclining chair I’ve been living in since it was brought to this room.
“Blaine—” Mom starts, but Dad cuts her off.
“Robin, let him stay. He’s a grown man. He knows his limits.”
“Do you need anything?” Mom asks.
“No, thanks for bringing dinner and more clothes.”
“I’ll take the dirties home and wash them. I’ll bring them back with me tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” The only time I’ve left her side is to shower—the world’s quickest I’m sure—or to use the restroom. I haven’t left this room, not once since the night I walked through the door. I made her a promise, and even if she didn’t hear it, I intend to keep it.
After saying goodbye to my parents, I settle into my seat. Her hand is in mine. “Night, baby,” I whisper as I drift off to sleep.
I’m jolted awake by a dream. It was so real, she was squeezing my hand. Looking over at the bed, her eyes are still closed. With my free hand, I rub the sleep from my eyes. I’m just about to stand to go to the restroom and splash some cold water on my face when it happens.
She squeezes my hand.
“Bree,” I choke out. I scramble from the chair and lean over her. “Open your eyes, baby. Please open your eyes.” I wait and wait and wait, and nothing happens. Reaching for the call button to tell the nurse of this new discovery, I hear the sweetest sound I’ve heard in days. My name whispered from her lips.
“B-B-Blaine,” she murmurs.
“Hey, baby. I’m right here,” I assure her. “Can you open your eyes for me? Can you do that?” I wait, never blinking an eye afraid I might miss it and am rewarded by the first flutter of her eyes. “There you go. Let me see those big green eyes, Bree.” Again, I wait. Her hand squeezes mine so I know she can hear me. “It’s okay. Take your time. I’m right here.” I don’t know how much time passes, could be seconds, could be minutes, but when she finally does it, when she forces her eyes open and they land on mine, I lose it.
“I missed you,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes. I need to be able to see her. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“Wh—” She tries to talk, but I’m sure her mouth is dry as hell.
“Let me call the nurse.” I hit the call button twice for good measure. “You fell. Your blood sugar levels were too low. They think you hit your head, and you’ve been out for a few days. It’s early Tuesday morning.”
“Blaine,” the night nurse greets me. “Oh, you’re awake. That’s good to see. Let me get your vitals, and we’ll start with some ice chips for your dry throat. We have to start slow.”
Bree nods, just slightly, but it’s a nod all the same. It’s a reply, one I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to see again. I stand back, letting the nurse do her thing, but never taking my eyes off her. She nods and answers questions as best as she can.
“I’m going to page the doctor, but your vitals are strong, and your glucose levels are stable. You have a lot of people on your team,” the nurse tells her. “This one hasn’t left your side. I’ll be back with some ice chips,” she says before leaving the room.
I waste no time taking my seat next to her and clasping her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. “I was scared I’d never see those beautiful green eyes again. Did I ever tell you that? That I love your eyes?”
She nods.
“Could you hear me? When you were sleeping? Could you hear me?”
“S-somet-times,” she croaks.
“Shh, don’t try to talk. I’m sorry. Wait for the ice chips.” The nurse walks in as soon as I say it and hands me a small plastic
cup with a spoon.
“Take it slow, but if she finishes all of those and keeps it down, she can have some water.”
“Let’s sit you up.” I press the button to slowly move her to the sitting position. “Better?” She nods. “Now, some ice,” I spoon just a few small chunks and place them in her mouth. She moans and immediately opens for more. We repeat the same process a dozen or so more times before she’s satisfied.
“Thank you,” she says, her voice gruff from not being used.
“I need to call everyone and let them know you’re awake.”
“How long?”
“Friday night at the track we found you lying on the ground. It’s Tuesday morning.” Glancing at the clock on the wall, I see it’s just a little after 5:00 a.m. “Do you remember anything?”
“I just didn’t feel well. I was hot and felt… off, so I was going to go lie down. I don’t remember much after that.”
“You fell just between the toter home and the trailer. You hit your head when you fell. You have a nice goose egg right here.” I point to the spot on her head. She runs her fingers gingerly over the spot and winces. “When we brought you in, they ran some tests and determined that your blood sugar levels were too low. They think you passed out due to that and hit your head when you did.”
“I’ve never had issues with my blood sugar.”
“That’s what I told them. You’d never mentioned it. Maria later confirmed that she didn’t think you had either. They say you’re a diabetic now.”
“What?”
“It can be controlled with medication, and they have your levels at a good number now,” I assure her. “The doctor will be in soon to answer any questions you might have.”
Standing from my seat, I hover over her. “I love you, Aubree.” She opens her mouth, but I place my finger to her lips to stop her. “I have for a while now. Hell, probably since the first day I felt your soft skin. I wouldn’t admit it even to myself not until recently. I had planned on telling you after the race. I could feel you pulling away from me, and I needed to tell you. I just never got the chance.”
“Blaine,” she whispers.
I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. Just a soft featherlight kiss, but it’s a kiss all the same. “I love you, baby. We’re going to get you better, and then we’ll decide where we go from here.” I wasn’t sure I would ever get to see those beautiful green eyes again. Relief washes over me. She finally knows that I love her. That I’m here for her, and there is no end date.
“What do you mean?”
“Our future, Bree. You tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen. That’s how this is going to work.” I’ll do everything in my power to give her a life she deserves—full of love and family. The corner of my mouth lifts when I think about waking up to her every morning and going to sleep with her tucked into my side every night. No more hiding, no more sneaking around. I can shout my love for her from the rooftops.
I blink up at him, not sure if I’m hearing him right. This causes him to throw his head back in laughter. I’m just about ready to ask him to repeat himself one more time when the door opens and a man walks in.
“Well, this is a nice surprise. Aubree, I’m Dr. Townsend. I’ve been treating you since you were admitted. How are you feeling?” He goes on to ask me about what I remember and then explains my new diagnosis. “You’ll receive some diabetes education. Blaine and his parents and a few of your friends have already received it,” he tells me.
“You did?” I ask, not able to hide the emotion in my voice.
“Of course, we did. We want to know how to help you. What signs to look for, those kinds of things.”
“You’re very lucky to have such a huge support system…” The doctor babbles on, but I’m stuck there. On the support system. I’ve never had more than Uncle Bobby growing up and Maria and Isaac after him. To think that I have Blaine and his friends and family behind me, after we’ve lied to them all these months. I’m shocked and so incredibly grateful.
“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Townsend asks.
“When can I go home?”
He chuckles. “We’ll keep you another day or so for observation. Let’s slowly get you eating some real food and see how your blood sugar reacts.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Blaine reaches out and shakes his hand.
“You all did that?” I ask before the door is even shut behind the doctor.
“We did. We want to know how to help you if you start to feel bad again, the signs to look for.”
“But the season is almost over,” I counter.
“Baby, did you not hear anything I just said? Sure, this season is over, and then there will be next season and the one after that. I love you, Aubree. As far as I’m concerned, there is no end.”
“Blaine, you don’t have to—” He cuts me off once again pressing his lips to mine.
“I do,” he whispers. “I do have to tell you because it’s the honest truth. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He pulls back and takes his phone out of his pocket. I watch as he hits a few buttons and holds the phone out in front of him. “Hey, Maria.” He grins. “I have someone you should say hi to.” He turns the phone and there she is, my best friend is on the screen with tears in her eyes and her hand covering her mouth.
“Aubs,” she cries. “I’m so happy to see you,” she says with a teary laugh. “You gave us a scare.” She motions to someone off-screen.
“Hey, there.” Isaac waves. “Glad to see you’re awake.”
“Hi.” I wave at the screen. Tears start to build. Maria has been there for me since I moved to town, and I’m so grateful to have her in my life. She encouraged me to pursue this thing with Blaine and now… now he loves me.
“It’s good to see you awake. We’ll be there later today to see you,” Maria says, her voice cracking.
“You don’t have to come,” I try to tell her, losing the battle with my emotions as the tears finally fall.
“Maybe we can get that man of yours to go grab some fresh air so we can have some girl time,” Maria teases.
“Not likely. I don’t leave until she does, remember?” he asks her.
“All right, you two. We’ll see you soon. Love you, Aubs.”
“Love you too.”
Blaine hits end on his phone and dials it again. We repeat the same process with the guys at the shop, Ashley, and his parents. All of them saying the same thing that Blaine needs to get out of here and get some fresh air.
“I’m okay,” I tell him after our last call. “Why don’t you go grab something to eat, and uh, get some fresh air?” I end with a laugh and he playfully rolls his eyes.
“Not happening, Bree. I made a promise whether you heard me or not. I’m not leaving here until you do.” My heart flips over in my chest at his confession.
“That’s silly. You heard the doctor. I’m going to be fine.”
“You are fine,” he says. “And when you leave here, you’ll be coming home with me.”
“I have a place of my own.”
“Yeah, we should change that.”
“What? Are you feeling all right?” I ask.
“I’m good. Perfect in fact.” He leans in and kisses me, and I sigh against his lips. “I missed you. I was a fool to not tell you what you meant to me before this happened. I’ll never make that mistake again. If I feel it, if I want it, you’ll know about it. I could have lost you, Bree.”
“I’m okay.” Reaching out, I place my hand on his cheek. “You really mean it, all of it, don’t you?” My voice trembles as I take in a shaking breath. It’s as if I woke up and all my dreams have come true.
“Every word.”
“I love you too.” I say the words without an ounce of hesitation. Instead, relief warms me now I’m finally able to speak them, to tell him what he means to me.
His eyes soften and a grin tilts his lips. “That’s all that matters. We’ll work the rest out as we go.”
There
are nurses and doctors in and out of my room all morning long. By lunchtime, my stomach rumbles from hunger. I’m able to convince the nurse I’m ready for solid food since I’ve held down my ice and water rations along with my oatmeal this morning. They bring me a piece of grilled chicken, broccoli, a roll, and some applesauce. I eat every bite. It was pretty good for hospital food. Then again, it’s been a while since I’ve had solid food so cardboard probably would have tasted good at this point.
“Doing well, Aubree,” Dr. Townsend says later in the afternoon. “Your numbers are holding strong, so if all goes well, we might let him spring you out of here tomorrow.”
“Really?” I ask, hopeful.
“Yes, as long as you keep progressing.”
“Thank you, Dr. Townsend.”
“Glad to see you’re on the road to recovery. We’ll get you set up for your diabetes education. I’m not sending you home on insulin. You can try the oral medicine and diet since your levels have stabilized so well. If that’s going to change, it will with the solid foods.” He clicks on the computer located on a rolling cart and looks through my chart. “So far just a small spike, but that’s to be expected anytime you eat. Your number is falling back to where it should be for having eaten two hours ago.”
“Thanks, Doc.” Blaine shakes his hand before he leaves the room. “So, what do you say we take a nap?” he asks.
As if just the thought of napping makes me sleepy, I cover a yawn. “You should go home and rest. Come back tomorrow and pick me up.”
“Nope. I have a better idea.” I watch him as he kicks off his shoes. “Scoot over,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I ask, even though I have a pretty good idea. The idea of laying in his arms makes me giddy with excitement.
“It’s been too many nights of not holding you. Too many nights of only being able to hold your hand. I just need you in my arms, just a nap, Bree.”
What woman in their right mind would deny him that request? Moving over to the far side of the bed, he settles in stretching out beside me. “Now, come here.” He holds open his arms and I carefully move back toward him. Once we’re settled, he exhales softly and kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Aubree,” he murmurs before his breathing evens out. My heart is full. Closing my eyes, I let the warmth of his body, and the security of his arms lull me to sleep.