“Important?” she asked lightly.
He looked serious when he responded, “Possibly.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I have to think about it. In September, Matt wants me to fly to Africa with a group of doctors who are setting up a clinic.”
“Is the area dangerous?”
“Any area there is dangerous. On a scale of one to ten, this is about a five. There’s a need for the doctors and a need for the word to get out about the conditions there. I’d be an asset since I can document the trip in photos and by blogging.”
“Like what you did before.”
“Yes. But the time frame would be limited. I’d only be there about a week until they got the clinic set up. He also has another junket planned for November. But that story is in Alabama. It’s about kids again, conditions in the schools...and literacy in general. Both are great opportunities to help.”
“You could do a lot of good,” she agreed, though she didn’t want to. If Jase took up his former life, where would that leave her and Amy?
“It’s a lot to think about,” he said, watching her.
“Yes, it is. Could Ethan spare you for that long?”
“I’m not sure. Liam and Tony might be able to take over for a week or so.”
The romantic mood had definitely been broken. All of her doubts about seriously getting involved with Jase had resurfaced. Now he would be preoccupied with a decision he had to make. “How soon do you have to let him know?”
“By July fifteenth.”
She was under no illusions that Jase would turn down these assignments. Photojournalism and good causes were in his blood. Her throat felt tight and tears weren’t far away. She swallowed, took a deep breath and said, “I’d better unpack or my dress for dinner will need more than a little steaming.” She’d brought along the dress she’d worn for the soiree, as well as a plain black one that could suit any occasion. Though fashion was the last thing she wanted to think about right now.
“After you unpack, do you want to come with me to the wine expo for a while?”
That was the reason Jase was here. And she’d come along to be with him. Time sampling wine could give them breathing room for the decisions they both had to make.
* * *
Jase knew so many people at the expo, from the sommeliers to the representatives from the vineyards and the cellars. There was a thread of restrained tension between her and Jase, and Sara knew that had come from his phone conversation. She didn’t know how he really felt about her and how she fit into his future. If she fit into his future. And he didn’t know how she felt about him...how she’d fallen for him in a huge way. Was he really thinking about going back to a life of travel, writing and photography? Would he actually leave the vineyard behind?
Each time he glanced at her, she knew the questions were in her eyes. She knew he could read the anxiety on her face. She knew he was already making up his mind. She’d come to realize Jase was a decisive person and decisions wouldn’t wait.
As they stood at a high table sampling a Chardonnay Jase had chosen and snacking on an assortment of cheeses and crackers, a gray-haired man stopped and shook Jase’s hand.
Jase introduced him to Sara. “Travis Goodman, this is Sara Stevens. Sara, Travis makes superior wine at Valley Vineyards.”
After a nod to Sara, the older man asked Jase, “So are you speaking at the symposium in January?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“You’d have a lot to offer.”
“Liam is talking about organic processes.”
“I know. And so are other winemakers. But general management is an area that’s changing year by year. We’d all like to hear how you’re rolling with the changes.”
Jase laughed. “You want me to give away all our secrets.”
“Maybe not all. Just some. Your wine club has a reputation for being one of the best.”
“That secret is easy. We give away freebies and coupons.”
“Yes, but patrons have to want to participate in the vineyard’s activities. They have to want to buy your wines. And they do.”
“Raintree is more than a brand. It’s a way of life. We have a history behind us.”
“Yes, you do. Your father’s been around the block a few times and he learned it from his dad. I’m glad you’re continuing in the tradition. That has to be important to Ethan.” He smiled at Sara. “I’ll let you enjoy your Chardonnay from a cellar other than ours. Don’t forget to stop by Valley’s table.”
“We won’t. I have to keep up with my competition,” Jase assured him.
Jase was joking. But Sara could see something different in his expression since Travis had mentioned Ethan. Would Jase talk about it here in the midst of chatter and noise, wine pouring and an all-around celebratory atmosphere?
She leaned closer to him so he could hear her. “What’s the symposium Travis spoke about?”
“It’s an event that brings together winemakers, labelers, distributors, even bottle vendors...everyone involved in the wine-making industry from all over the world.”
“How’s it different from this?”
“Oh, it’s much different. It’s more of a conference atmosphere. And like a trade show. It’s usually in Sacramento in January.”
“So you’d be giving a workshop?”
“If I decide to do it. As I told Travis, Liam is giving one. I’d be taking Dad’s place.”
“So he wants you to do it?”
“Oh, yes. He hates all the schmoozing now.”
“You can talk to anyone about anything.”
“Is this going somewhere?”
Yes, it was, though Sara knew this was the part Jase might not want to talk about. “If you fly off to Africa again, how’s that going to affect Ethan?”
Studying his wineglass, he turned it slowly. “I’ve been thinking about that, but I don’t have an answer. I do know he thinks Raintree is the be-all and end-all of the world. I don’t.”
It was easy to hear the certainty in his voice and she knew what that meant. “So you’ve made up your mind.”
“I’ve made up my mind about doing the article on the doctors’ clinic...and doing the project in Alabama. My father and I will just have to figure out who can take up the slack while I’m gone.”
“What if he doesn’t want you to go?” In her mind she was thinking, What if I don’t want you to go?
“I already know he won’t want me to go. But I have to do what I feel is right, not what he thinks is safe.”
And that went for her, too. She could see it in Jase’s gaze...in his body language...in his attitude.
Sara watched Jase pick up his wineglass, saw him take a swallow. His hand made the glass look fragile and small. She remembered all too well what his touch felt like. Just thinking about it stoked the familiar heat inside her. Making love with Jase would be the biggest risk of her life. She’d be starting an affair, and she’d never had an affair. Maybe some women would find that exciting and dream-fulfilling, but her dreams had always been about a family, about a husband she could count on, about a life filled with commitment and promises. If Jase flew off at a moment’s notice, how could they have commitment and promises? If he was in and out of her life, how would that affect Amy?
Jase suddenly leaned toward her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and murmured against her temple, “You’re thinking too much. Let’s just enjoy the time we have here.”
She hadn’t practiced a lot of living in the moment. Could Jase teach her how to do it? As a mom, could she do it?
When she didn’t respond, he said, “Let’s go upstairs and get ready for dinner. I know a great restaurant with global cuisine that you might like.”
All his offer did was make her think
again about Jase leaving. He had been around the globe, sampling all kinds of foods, and he wanted to do it again.
As they walked through the hotel lobby, she noted the guests coming and going, wheeling suitcases, carrying duffel bags and leather briefcases. Men in expensive suits carried laptops or sat working on them in the leather club chairs. Jase was part of this world. She imagined his suit was custom-tailored, too. Although Jase had been in hotel lobbies like this all over the world, she knew he’d also lived under the most dangerous conditions. He’d been shot at and almost died.
On the other hand, she’d never left California. Before she’d met Conrad, she hadn’t had the opportunity or the funds. Afterward, she was focused on her marriage and then a baby. Now Amy was her life.
She had to figure out how Jase fit in that life. If he fit in. If who she was when she was with him was better than who she was when she was alone.
In the elevator, they didn’t speak. She felt Jase glance at her now and then, but she wasn’t sure what her response would be if their gazes met. She wasn’t sure about anything. Her stomach felt turned upside down. And she felt turned inside out.
In the suite, they went to their separate rooms to get ready, and she wondered what they were going to talk about over dinner...just how honest they could be.
In her room, she stared at the two dresses she’d brought along—the Carzanne and the black sheath. She hadn’t asked Jase how dressy this restaurant was. Maybe she should ask him which one would be more appropriate. She didn’t want to stand out like the proverbial sore thumb.
Sara was intent on getting an answer to her question as she saw Jase’s partially opened bedroom door and rapped on it. A second later, he was standing there in front of her, shirtless and beltless and his dress slacks were undone at the waist. Touching him in the hot springs pool vividly clicked through her mind. Every sensation she’d felt that day was alive in her once more. Desire burned in her belly and her feelings for him threatened to break loose.
“You’ve seen me dressed in less than this,” he said with a twist of a smile.
Yes, she had. But this seemed different somehow. They were alone...in a hotel suite. And she’d come on this trip because—
Because she’d fallen in love with him.
“Sara?” he asked as she stared at his chest and the whirling black hair and the dip of his slacks under his navel.
“I—” She moistened very dry lips. “I wondered how dressed up to get for tonight. If I should wear the Carzanne or something simpler.” Her gaze lifted to his and locked on his sensual gray eyes.
“Anything goes. It’s up to you what you want to wear.”
Yes, it seemed everything was up to her.
“Sara?” He was looking as if he wanted to take her into his arms. She felt foolish, now, naive and gauche, as if she’d never been anywhere and he’d been everywhere. She was scared she’d make a mess of her feelings for Jase...of her happiness and Amy’s.
“I’ll be ready in about twenty minutes,” she said, and started to turn away. But he clasped her shoulder before she could, and the heat of his hand through her silky blouse was scorching.
His voice was deep and husky, indicating he was in some turmoil as he said, “I know you’re upset about my decision to take the assignment in Africa.”
“I’m not upset,” she said with a shake of her head. “Just unsure...about where we’re going.”
He brought her a little closer. “Not everything has to be about the future. Maybe we just need to take one step at a time. You’re here with me. I want to be with you. Really be with you. Isn’t that enough?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. He was right, wasn’t he? Couldn’t her life be about more than planning ahead? More than being a mom? More than about the constant fear she was making the wrong decisions? It could simply be about her love for Jase.
Gazing up at him, so close that the tips of her breasts touched his chest, she knew this was a now or never moment. She and Jase could eke out such little time alone. She wasn’t going to waste tonight on doubts and worries and maybes. She wanted to focus on feelings and desires. Hers for him and his for her.
“For once in my life, I want to grab the moment.” She felt breathless with the thought of it.
Jase’s slow smile turned up his lips, and then he swept her up into his arms. Kissing her all the way, he held her close and carried her to the king-sized bed.
When he broke the kiss, he stared down at her with so much desire she thought she’d melt.
“I want this,” she told Jase so he’d have no doubts.
“When you asked me what you should wear tonight, I wanted to say, ‘Nothing.’”
“That might raise a few eyebrows.”
“It would raise more than eyebrows!”
After kissing her again, he let her feet drop to the side of the bed. One arm still around her, he took hold of the comforter and sheets and threw them back in one swoop. That huge surface with its pristine taupe sheet said it all. They were going to make love there. She was going to make love there. Maybe soon she’d know what Jase felt, too. Maybe afterward, though their worlds would be different, they could find a way to make them overlap.
Jase’s fingers went to the buttons on her blouse. One by one he opened them, letting his finger drag along her skin as he did. He was creating excitement...and need...and longing for something she’d never had—a man who desired her as much as she desired him.
As Jase’s fingers fumbled a bit, she realized he wasn’t as cool as he pretended to be. He gave her a half smile and a shrug.
After he’d unfastened the last button, she reached out and touched the hair on his chest. She followed the swirls in a glide down to his navel and, to her delight, he sucked in a breath.
He shook his head. “It would take me about a minute to tear your clothes off you and ravish you on that bed. But I want to give us both more pleasure than that.”
“We have all night,” she said softly, and it was a promise.
Her words seemed to unwrap his control. He unfastened her bra, unhooked the clasp at her waist and stripped off her slacks.
“Too fast?” he asked, looking down at her, slipping his hands under the elastic of her panties and clasping her backside. When he pulled her flush against him, she was already wishing he was naked, too. “Not too fast. Not too slow. Just right.” She was trying to flirt with him, to keep up the banter, to hide the intensity of the love and passion swirling inside her.
He laughed, scooped her up again and laid her on the bed. Then he stripped quickly and joined her, as if he was afraid she’d disappear if he looked away too long.
“I want to do everything with you,” he said in a deep husky voice that thrilled her.
Her sex life with Conrad had been very traditional. She wasn’t sure what “everything” was, but she was looking forward to trying it with Jase. “What do you have in mind?” she asked, realizing that flirting with him was easy. So why was it so hard to tell him what she was feeling?
“Why don’t I start by kissing you all over?”
When he began at her forehead and tenderly stroked her hair, she felt ridiculously like crying. He trailed kisses down her cheek and took her mouth with a deeply erotic search without giving her a chance to even touch him. Stringing kisses to her earlobe, he teased it with his tongue until she restlessly moved on the sheets.
She did reach for him then, but he just chuckled, took both of her hands and held them above her head. “I’ll let you have some fun next time. Let me have mine now.”
Fun? He called this fun? He was sensually torturing her. And she loved every kiss, every stroke of his tongue, every brush of his fingers. He definitely knew how to please a woman, but she kicked that thought out of her head. She wouldn’t wander into his romantic past. Not tonight, when every
thing was just for the two of them.
As he held one hand on either side of her head and dipped lower to her breast, she felt more excited than she’d ever believed she could.
“I am going to touch you,” he warned. “All over.”
His gaze held hers and he could tell she enjoyed the idea of what he was proposing. Finally she let his hands go so he could move lower and lower and lower.
“Jase, you’re not—”
“I said all over.”
Yes, he had, and she knew what he was about to do would make her feel more vulnerable than she’d felt before. Could she trust him that much? Could she trust herself to believe in a future with him no matter where he wandered?
When he spread her thighs with his hands, she felt the roughened calluses. The sensation of rough against smooth had her reaching for his shoulders. His tongue swirled where she least expected to be kissed...where she felt more sensations than anyplace else on her body. As he teased and taunted, she dug her fingers into the thick and vibrantly silky hair that she loved touching.
“Jase, you’re going to make me come apart again.” She remembered the last time and how he had guarded not only his feelings but his physical needs. She took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. “You can’t just shut down tonight. You can’t just tell me you want my pleasure. Not this time.”
A beat of silence filled the room until he agreed solemnly, “Not this time.”
Those words made her even wilder with wanting as his tongue circled her center, as he slid one finger inside of her, then two...as he found the spot that could unravel her.
Her ears began to buzz and she realized she was panting. “I don’t want to have a climax without you.”
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, making herself explicitly clear.
“You can have one, and then another. I’ll prove it to you.”
He was so sure of her body when she wasn’t. He must have some magic formula, some magic touch. That was exactly what it turned out to be. She’d never felt as if she was the center of someone’s universe before as she felt it with Jase. As she allowed him the intimate pleasure of bringing her to climax with his mouth, she hung on to him, scraped her nails down his back, called his name, hoping the walls in these suites were soundproof. Her body had been wound tightly, but now in the extreme pleasure, all tension fled.
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