by T J Kelly
“As you know, Chas is the youngest of five boys. His father is a narcissist. Oberon feels everything his boys do reflects on himself. He doesn’t care about the quality of their lives as long as they excel and make him look good. If they can add to his power, all the better.”
I hastily swallowed. “I swear, Oberon is such a nightmare.”
“That he is. And living under the dark isn’t easy. Childhood contains enough pain and drama for the average child, but imagine being the son of a powerful dark magician. Oberon demanded competition among his sons. Chas’s brothers made it a priority to take whatever he had because Chas was too little to defend himself. Toys, what few toys the boys were allowed, and friends. Then when he was older, his girlfriend.”
I groaned. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“It gets worse. Every one of the Taine boys has been Promised since early childhood. They were contracted to marry to the daughters of the most powerful dark families to maintain their alliances. But the marriage Promises didn’t stop them. His eldest brother was the first boy Chas’s Promised kissed. In fact, his future bride dated each brother in turn, hurting him even more. The rumors about what happened spread like wildfire, humiliating him.”
I was horrified. No wonder Chas thought he would damage my reputation. Magicians were often cruel and quick to use any weakness to their advantage. But never allowing himself to care because it would make him vulnerable was no way to live. I was impressed by Chas’s ability to maintain any light inside of himself at all.
“So when Peter gives me a hug, or we eat together?” I broke off.
“Chas remembers what happened with his brothers and his Promised,” Peony finished. “He cares about Peter. They’re close, a lot like brothers. There’s a fear inside of Chas that you won’t stick by him. And Lia, I’ve seen you with Peter, too. Are you sure there isn’t anything going on?”
I shook my head. “No, I swear there isn’t. I’d never do that to Chas. Never.” I cringed inside, though. Peter had kissed me. We were swept up in the moment. He would never have done that under normal circumstances, and neither would I. But it happened.
Thankfully, nobody else had seen it. I was certain I was in love with Chas. He was going to be my only love. He was amazing and everything I ever wanted for myself. A witness to my silly kiss with Peter wouldn’t have understood that.
Telling Chas about the kiss would only hurt him. It wouldn’t help at all. Relieving my mind of that burden by confessing to Chas wasn’t fair to him. Peter would never tell anyone, either. He loved Chas like a brother and wouldn’t want to hurt him.
A thought flitted through my mind. I shoved it aside along with the memory of the kiss, a whiff of magic helping me push it out of my mind permanently.
“I wonder what I can do to reassure Chas,” I said.
“Sweetheart, that kind of reassurance only comes with time and consistency. Eventually, there will come a day when Chas will know that you are with him. And he’ll finally relax. Try to bear with him in the meantime.”
I nodded, bemused. I hadn’t really known Chas long. Not quite two months. Yet in some ways, I felt like I had known him forever. He was private and would hate that I was talking to my aunt about him. It was time for me to handle our relationship on my own and stop telling secrets.
“Thanks for your advice, Aunt Peony. I don’t know what I would do without you. Or Uncle Ged. Or Mort, for that matter. Thank you. Really.”
Peony’s eyes glistened with emotion. She hopped up and gave me a hug. “I don’t know how we managed not to die of boredom before you came, my dear. You’re a breath of fresh air and exactly what we needed to make our little family complete. Now, enough of that.” Peony blinked her tears away. “Why don’t you hang your dress in the closet so it won’t wrinkle before we use it.”
I dabbed my eyes too, and then followed my aunt’s directions, deep in thought. I never before had to consider how my personal actions might affect somebody else. Or how the things I did appeared to others. Or even how anyone could be hurt by my actions. My parents taught me how to maintain a good business reputation, but sadly, they never discussed my personal reputation.
Chas seemed so confident that it never occurred to me that he could be unsure about anything, especially me. I felt foolish and childish. And guilty. I was going to have to do better.
FIFTEEN
I Wreck Everything
My Ascension Ceremony was small, but everyone I cared about was there, and that’s all that mattered.
My aunt and uncle thought my happiness was enough to push aside the ever-present darkness inside of me. They didn’t understand that it didn’t matter how I felt. Rector magic didn’t work that way. The Council, the examiner, my uncle - none of them realized I had to ascend into my new life with only slightly more Light in me than Dark.
Armageddon performed the ceremony himself. When he asked me to call forth my magic, I did, thrilled it answered my call. All the training, the studying, and handling of materials paid off. When I ascended, I linked to all four main elements, as well as Dark and Light. This gave me flexibility and hopefully would surprise my future enemies.
Not to mention a few of the current ones.
When Armageddon finished speaking the words over me, I connected completely and wholly to my magic. I was a part of it, and it was a part of me. As if it always had been. The final act of the ceremony was when I crossed the bridge from my mundane life into my magical one, calling out my magician’s name, linking it to me for life.
Praelia Nox. Battles the Night.
I was declaring to all my enemies that I was a fighter and I would hunt them down.
We had the obligatory party typical of all magical gatherings, but I left earlier than expected. I was an adult, a magician, and there was only a month left before the trials. I had a lot of work to do, and to do it well, I needed sleep. I even used my own silk pouch of mixed herbs to relax. It worked so well that I knew it would come in handy in the weeks to come.
My fighting lessons with Mort took up half my day. He taught me to integrate my magic into my fighting style. I learned how to charm my weapons and use them as an extension of myself. Not surprisingly, the knives he had given me for Eostre turned out to be my best weapon even though I was still too inept to use them as an offensive weapon. But as a backup, the knives would eventually be ideal.
Mort explained that since I was so small, most magicians would try to intimidate me physically, assuming I was weak. My new strategy would use my size to my advantage and include taking out as many enemies as I could from a distance. The fewer rivals I had to face one-on-one, the better.
I was the last of my family line. It was likely that I would be alone when my enemies came for me, and I needed to be ready.
The other half of my days were dedicated to cramming spells into my head and working directly with Armageddon. I passed my business tasks quickly. What had been impossible before was now so simple that I hardly had to focus as I imagined the spells. Barely an outline of a sketch formed in my mind before it worked. It was that easy for me to cast Rector spells.
Even so, my uncle had me perform the tasks hundreds of times while he pulled as many tricks as he could to distract me. My rivals could do the same in the ring. That part only took a couple of days because nothing stopped me and we both felt confident in my skills.
Besides, the advantage was mine in the first round of the trials. Rector Enterprises was my family’s business. Every spell was designed by people like me, for people like me. Nobody would ever be able to compete at my level.
The second round, however, was where I was at my weakest. No matter how hard I practiced, I wouldn’t achieve the same level of ability as Oberon Taine. He had been winning magical battles for decades, and he wouldn’t be alone. His brothers and sons would amplify his strength by a thousand.
We needed a plan. A good plan. And at least fifteen backup plans if I wanted to survive the trials. So Mort and Armageddon taugh
t me as many dirty tricks as they could. And thanks to the Dark inside of me, I was really good at them.
Chas was away on missions most of the time, but when he was home, he reminded me what it was I was fighting for.
My aunt and Peter helped with meditation techniques. My success relied on my ability to clear my mind and picture my spells regardless of any distractions. Even if they consisted of exploding crystals and raging tornadoes. My abilities could be practically limitless as long as I was creative enough to think of something to do.
Once I got used to working magic, I didn’t have to visualize as carefully as I did when I lit my first candle. My ultimate goal was to progress to the point where I didn’t need to imagine anything to perform a spell. Where I would think about a concept, idea, or feeling, and then act on it.
My star-shaped necklace saved me countless times. Without it, I would have accidentally performed magic in my sleep or with any stray thought. There wasn’t enough time to learn how to cast spells only when I consciously wanted to. Learning control would have to wait until after the trials.
In the meantime, I only removed my necklace during the training sessions. Otherwise, I never took it off.
Like Peony said, I could accidentally kill everyone around me without it.
◆◆◆
We only had a week left, and the stress was getting to me. I needed to see Chas. His company soothed me. I told Armageddon right in the middle of a spell training session that I needed to see my boyfriend. Surely I had earned a break.
“I can arrange for him to come in when he’s off duty if you really need to see him,” my uncle offered.
“Yes, I definitely need to see him. Uncle Ged, sometimes it feels like my brain is going to explode from everything we’ve crammed into it. I need a break, and I miss him. Where’s he been, anyway?”
“He’s in the City doing Council work. I need to talk to you before I send for him. There’s something you need to hear.”
I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes. “Sounds serious.”
“It is. Come on. Let’s take a breather. Now is as good a time as any.”
Armageddon led me to a bench near the door of the ballroom, which we had turned into a practice arena.
I wiped the sweat off of my face and neck with a small towel and sat down, opening a water bottle. “Okay, what’s up?”
“Lia, there isn’t an easy way to say this, so I want you to hear me out.”
I nodded my agreement.
“Oberon and his sons have contacted Chas. Even though the Light inside of him makes performing some of the more nefarious duties of the Taine clan impossible, there’s enough Dark inside of him to perform the magic of his family.”
I didn’t like where this was going. “Good thing he isn’t interested in joining them, or else that might have been a problem,” I said.
“My spies have intercepted some of their communications,” my uncle continued as if I hadn’t interrupted. “Oberon swore that he wouldn’t ask Chas to hurt anyone. Chas refused his offer.”
“Right. Chas doesn’t want to live with his family. He doesn’t want to go back to the Dark.” What was his point?
“Lia, I need you to understand that his early upbringing still influences him. Things that come naturally to us are impossible for Chas to embrace instinctively. I’m not saying that I think he will attack you directly, I’m saying that he may hesitate at the wrong moment. Even if it’s inadvertent, he can still harm you. I trust him, Lia, but I can’t trust him completely. And neither should you.”
I was one with my magic, but that also meant I was one with the darkness inside. That made it harder for me to control myself when people were wrong.
Rage bubbled up inside of me. “He has lived with you for five years!” I shouted. “Chas is your apprentice and a member of the Irregulars, yet you claim he can’t be trusted? What’s wrong with this picture? You’ve been overprotective since I arrived and I’ve had enough. You’re not my dad, Ged. I don’t need you putting yourself between my boyfriend and me because you can’t manage to treat me like an adult.”
Armageddon’s back straightened. “I’m perfectly aware that I’m not your father, Lia. I never pretended that I was. This isn’t about you having a boyfriend, although you have to admit, you’re moving really fast with a boy you’ve only known for a couple of months.”
Where did he get off thinking he could butt his nose into my personal life? Sure, Armageddon was my guardian until I was twenty-one, but legally he had no say in my personal life. And it hurt. It hurt to hear him openly admit that he didn’t trust Chas, who loved him like a son.
“You and Peony knew you wanted to get married in five weeks! She told me! So don’t act like I’m a fool because I’m not.”
I was standing, yelling at my uncle. I couldn’t handle when people were so unfair that they couldn’t see past their prejudices. And what if Peony told me about Chas and his brothers because she was contriving to help Armageddon badmouth Chas? Her sharing that information so freely suddenly made sense.
“It isn’t the same,” Armageddon tried to say, but I wasn’t having any of it.
“It is too the same,” I growled. “You just don’t want to admit that you’re a hypocrite. Call him back, Ged, make sure he gets home tonight because he doesn’t deserve to be exiled like some evil magician because he isn’t! How dare you try to control my life like that? I’ve been busting my butt every day doing things your way, and you can’t give me any credit for that? Do you honestly think I’m so stupid that I can’t tell when somebody is trying to pull a con? Well, butt out! Quit trying to control the only part of my life that hasn’t sucked!”
Armageddon loomed over me. His eyes narrowed in anger, but I didn’t care. There wasn’t anything he could do to me that I couldn’t counter.
“Lia, listen to me. You’re misunderstanding what I’m trying to say.”
“Oh, no, Uncle, I’m positive I understood you quite clearly. You’re just mad that I’m not falling for it.” I turned and headed towards the door. “Just leave me alone, okay? You’re a jerk, everyone said you were a jerk. I didn’t believe them, but now I get it. Just leave me the hell alone, Ged.”
I stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind me.
◆◆◆
I headed outside. I couldn’t stand the thought of being inside my uncle’s castle for another minute.
Where did he get off, anyway? Chas lived with him for years and never once betrayed Armageddon or anyone else. And he could have. There were plenty of opportunities and secrets just lying around, ready to be used against the Irregulars. But Chas never did anything like that.
I hurried towards my usual thinking spot. There were wildflowers everywhere along the way, and I swiped at a few of them, knocking them over. I hated when I lost my temper, but Armageddon’s obnoxious opinions ticked me off. I hated how he was acting like he was my father. I already had a father, who loved me and watched out for me. Now that he was gone it didn’t mean the position was available. There wasn’t a vacancy for somebody else to step into as if my father had never existed.
Tears filled my eyes. I missed my father. He was funny. He loved me. And he was fair. He would have been worried about his little girl dating a boy, but he also would have taken Chas for the man he was instead of judging him based on his family. Rectors were known for our fairness. For our ability to see through fake actions and words. To know the truth.
And the truth was, Chas loved me and wouldn’t hurt me.
My focus shifted and I realized spring had come to the Pacific Northwest with a vengeance. Wildflowers bloomed in profusion all over the fields, bees humming as they collected their nectar, birds singing in the trees. There were a lot of them. Their birdsong was loud. Deafening. In fact, their songs were so intrusive that I couldn’t think.
I picked up a rock and threw it at the trees, hoping to scare the birds into silence. I needed a moment of peace, but instead, they were so obnoxi
ous that I was surprised we couldn’t hear them inside the castle. They kept going on and on, though, as if I wasn’t even there.
“Shut up already!” I yelled. Then I was embarrassed at myself, talking to a bunch of birds. My anger dried the tears in my eyes. I stopped walking, facing the trees where the loudest of the cawing, chattering, clucking, tweeting, whistling, squawking, and cheeping was coming from.
Poets thought birds were romantic, always writing stupid poems about how sweet they sounded. I bet it was because they didn’t really live near any of them. There was no way they could spend time in nature and think the racket birds made was lovely. No. They were annoying. In fact, I wished they would just shut up for once and leave me alone.
I wished every single one of them would just go away.
And that was exactly what happened. Every bird, probably hundreds of them, disappeared from the trees and the sky. Their nests emptied. Ah, blessed silence. I took a breath, held it, let it out. Then took another. Finally, a little peace.
I walked two steps towards the flat rocks in the reeds when I froze. What just happened? The surge of magic had come easily to me. Slid through me so quickly that I almost didn’t notice when I used it.
But it happened. I had felt the telltale static electricity that crawled along my arms and made my scalp prickle whenever I let loose. I had just used magic. A lot of magic. But I didn’t have a picture of what I wanted inside of my head. All I had in my mind was swirling, angry darkness.
So where did the birds go?
The blood in my veins turned to ice because I knew. I knew where they went. I knew where I had just sent all those birds.
Into swirling, angry darkness.
I tried to call them back, but they didn’t come. I tried to picture them back in the trees, back in the air, back in their nests, but I couldn’t do it. There wasn’t anything left of them to call.
The thought overwhelmed me. They were gone, and I was the one who made them go.
My anger disappeared, and all that was left was a yawning void of shame. They were gone for good. I had just destroyed hundreds of lives with barely a thought. I killed them with Dark because I was throwing a temper tantrum.