by Shelly Crane
Then Tate did the thing that matched the face he was wearing. He threw the boy on the mat and with a cry of battle rage began to smash the guys face with his fists, over and over. It seemed he’d hit him at least ten times before someone reached them to stop him. Tate was straining and yelling for them to let him go; he was bloodthirsty. The crowd all stood in silent shock. The boy was bleeding from many places and groaning as he rolled on the mat in obvious pain.
Without thought, I stepped down the bleachers and went to Tate as he struggled with coach. I touched his arm and started to say his name, hoping to calm him.
“Ta-” I said but he reached and punched me hard in the chest with a fist that got free.
I fell back forcefully to the mat on my back and heard a big gasp from the onlookers. I rubbed the spot he’d hit and felt the sting of it. I looked around shocked and realized what had just happened. Tate had just pushed me down in front of the entire school and half the town.
Three
I was stunned as I looked up to him and saw him finally register it too. His whole face changed and he looked so incredibly guilty.
The other coach, Mr. Mackey, came to help me up. He kept his arm around me, for support or courage to pass Tate, I wasn’t sure which, but as we passed him Tate spoke to me in a gut wrenchingly heartbreaking voice.
“Clara, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know it was you. Please, babe, I’d never hurt you. You know that.”
I didn’t say anything, just walked. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’ll call your parents,” coach Mackey said and then blanched. “I mean, the Pastor.”
“No, It’s ok. I just live across the street. I can make it.”
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” I heard behind me and saw Eli there, a grim and unhappy look on his face.
“Alright, Mr. Thames. Good of you. Go on then. We’ll take care of Tate, you just get on home.”
“Yes, sir,” I answered and let Eli lead me away, a thousand eyes on me, with his hand on my lower back. Once we reached the parking lot I finally felt the weight of the situation. “Oh my- what just happened?” I whispered hoarsely, my hands on my cheeks.
“What happened was your junkie boyfriend hit you,” he said angrily. “Are you ok?”
I rubbed the spot on my chest and winced as the sting.
“Yeah, I’m ok. Wait- junkie? What do you mean?” I asked hotly and stood with him by the gate to the school entrance.
“I mean he’s using steroids. He’s got classic hot head syndrome.”
“Steroids,” I whispered and shook my head back and forth furiously. “No. No, he wouldn’t.”
“So he’d just hit you for no reason?” When I didn’t answer he leaned over me, placing his hands on the bars above me, towering over me. “Has he done this before, Clara?”
“No, never. He’s always been gentle with me.”
“Has he ever beat a guy like that before?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry, Clara, but I think he’s got a problem. State is coming up isn’t it? Wrestling is a really big deal in this town,” he said with inflection.
I stayed silent as I looked out at nothing in the dark. I mentally waded through his behavior lately. He’d been very snappy, even with me, and his dad, the mayor, was on him more than anyone about making his town proud. Oh no, it was true.
“I want you to be wrong,” I confessed softly.
“I want to be too, but I don’t think I am,” he said just as softly.
The moon was shining streaks of white through his dark hair and his brow ring caught the light, twinkling. I reached up and touched it before I even realized what I was doing. He shivered and I finally looked into his eyes that were already watching me. His eyes were so violet, even in the night, and they captured me. I could literally have stood there all night and just locked gazes with him and smelled him. This close, he smelled like soap and something else, something delicious.
His face took on that familiar twist of enjoyment but he seemed to keep in reigned in for the most part.
His hand came down to smooth my cheek.
“Are you ok? You seem very...torn,” he said finally.
I could think of nothing with his hand on me. Absolutely no words came to mind as I just stood there and let him touch me and held his gaze. And then he leaned in slightly, carefully, testing me. More, more. Then when he was so close I felt his breath on my lips, I put a hand on his chest to stop him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I can’t.”
“Because of Tate?” he asked and I heard the edge there.
“Yes.”
“He hit you, Clara,” he growled. “He hurt you. How can you even think about him right now?”
“I know what Tate just did was horrible but I have to talk to him. I can’t kiss you when I’m still dating someone else, even if it is on the rocks. I’m not like that.”
He nodded and seemed to calm down.
“Alright. You’re right. I respect that.” He leaned back and took a deep breath. “Come on. I’ll get you home.”
~ ~ ~
Pastor was waiting on the porch for me.
“Coach called. You ok?” he said and came to pull me into a hug.
“I’m fine. Pastor, this is Eli Thames. He’s new.”
“Thank you, son, for walking her home,” Pastor said and shook his hand.
“No problem, sir. I’m glad to help.”
“Well, you need a ride home?”
“I just live a little bit that way,” he pointed and started making his way. “See you tomorrow, Clara.”
“Bye. And thank you,” I called.
He nodded and lifted a hand in acknowledgement as he walked away.
Pastor took me inside and passed me to Mrs. Ruth, who took me straight upstairs for an inspection. She removed my shirt and even through my bra I could see a faint spot showing right between my breasts.
“Clara...I can’t believe Tate did this to you. I think it’s needless to say you can’t see him anymore and we need to file a police report.”
“No! Wait... He didn’t know it was me, I came up behind him. I need to talk to him first, to understand what happened.”
“Clara...I don’t think it’s a good idea but...I’ll talk to Pastor about it.” She ran her hand down the back of my hair. “You want to stay home from school tomorrow? I’m sure that would be quite alright.”
“It’s ok. People will just talk even worse if I’m not there. They’ll say Tate killed me or something,” I joked and tried to make light of it. “I’ll go, I’m fine.”
“If you’re sure. I’ll make you pancakes in the morning, ok?”
“Mrs. Ruth, it’s ok. I know the twins keep you up at night. Really, I’m fine. You guys are doing just fine at taking care of me. You don’t have to try so hard,” I said with a smile.
“Oh, honey. It’s been a pleasure having you stay with us. Your parents are so proud of you. I guarantee it.”
“Thanks.”
“Night. Let me know if you need anything. You know I’ll be up,” she said wryly making me laugh.
“Ok, thank you.”
She closed the door and left. I collapsed on my bed, wondering how the day had ended like it had. Pulling my knees up I felt the sting in my chest and buried my head under my pillow. He hadn’t known it was me coming up behind him…but still. Why would he punch someone he when he didn’t even know who it was? Just because it was me still didn’t make it ok for it to be someone else.
I lay down just like that, my bra on and jeans, face under my silk pillow case and feet hanging off the side of the bed. I closed my eyes and realized my subconscious had been invaded when I was standing back at the school gate. I was leaning my back against it and there was a presence over me. It wasn’t ominous though I felt if it had been seen by someone else they would have thought so. He leaned in, his face shaded and dark like before, his breath overly warm and powerful before my lips. He spoke.
“Why would I hate you?” I whispered, fearing my voice would no longer work.
“I’m not a good person. I’m an evil thing that has fallen under your spell,” he muttered and ran the back of his hand down my cheek and neck.
“Eli?” I asked, testing my theory.
“Is that who you want it to be?”
“I want you to be who you are.”
He hesitated then the shadow lifted from his face as he inched closer and I was struck by his face. He was unlike anything I’d ever seen. He looked like him, but not. He was so completely breathtaking with his gorgeous ruggedness and imperfections and he was looking at me like I was the only thing he wanted in this whole world.
“What did you mean you’re an evil thing, Eli?” I asked.
“I am...something I can’t describe. I’m not worthy of you in any sense of the word but I must have you. Do you understand? You have ensnared me, bewitched me, and I can no longer exist without you with me.”
“I barely know you,” I whispered.
“But I know you,” he said cryptically against my cheek, kissing my scorching flesh. “Open your eyes, sleeping beauty.”
I gasped, aware on my bed, and felt my cheek where he had laid his soft lips. It was still too warm to be normal. I sat up and looked around. Oh man. My imagination was working overtime. Was I becoming one of those pathetic girls who couldn’t get a boy off her mind to the point of obsession, usually ending in restraining orders and timed served at a mental health facility?
When I lay back down and closed my eyes, I was alone.
The next morning I woke with a start. A quick glance at the clock showed I was borderline running late so I hurried to jump in the shower. The bruise was a little more angry today but still not horrible. I put my hair up in a ponytail and worried over my wardrobe. I’d have to pick something to hide the bruise. I put on my black turtleneck under my school vest and earrings with a necklace so I didn’t look like I was trying to cover anything up.
I was just normal me. The mirror said as much and I grabbed my bag swiftly from the chair and raced downstairs. I kissed all the babies and grabbed an apple as I shoved my way out the door, trailing loud goodbyes in my wake.
Once I reached the street though, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of embarrassment and shame. What had happened last night would no doubt be the talk of the school today. My steps faltered and I looked around at all the faces. There seemed to be a lot of eyes trained on me but then looking away quickly. I straightened my back and slung my bag further up my shoulder.
I was not going to cower for something I didn’t even do.
I walked all the way across the street and saw a few people who normally didn’t talk to me wave at me and smile. I returned it and looked for my friends. I saw Megan and Deidre...with Eli. Deidre had her tacky fake nails on his arm and was pushing her chest against him as she laughed at whatever he was saying.
And just like he could sense me, Eli looked up and directly at me. He watched me watch him and then he craned his neck, his expression changing, and began to come forward but Dee grabbed his arm to stop him. I wondered what was wrong but then I felt it. The warm, gentle hand on my wrist and the eerie quiet of the courtyard as everyone watched.
Tate.
“Hey. I’m glad you came today. I was so worried about you last night but you’re phone was dead and the Pastor wouldn’t get you for the house phone.”
“I’m surprised you came,” I said softly.
“Why? I had to see you,” he said and came closer, his hand drifting down to rest in mine.
I heard a bunch of murmurs and gasps and looked around to see everyone’s eyes still glued to us. I pulled him by his arm, feeling Eli’s eyes on me, and took a swift glance to confirm that. He looked like he wanted to follow but I towed Tate all the way through the school to the girl’s bathroom. I shut the door and turned against it for support as I faced him.
“What’s wrong, Tate?
“Nothing,” he said and looked at the floor. “I’m fine. I just got really mad. That guy was cheating.”
“Don’t lie to me. Not to me.” He took a deep breath before letting his book bag fall to the floor and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Steroids, Tate? Really?”
“You don’t know what it’s like!” he yelled and I flinched.
He saw and came until he was flush with my toes. He touched my cheek.
“You can’t think I’d ever hurt you. I’d never, ever, hurt you, Clara. I love you.”
He finally said it. After he hit me and humiliated me in front of the whole school, he says it.
“Tate, I can’t do this. You can’t just say, yes I’m taking steroids and expect everything to just go back to normal. Stop taking them!” I yelled and he seemed surprise by it. “Get your crap back together! You could have killed that guy! Do you even understand that?”
“I know, ok!” he yelled back. “I know, but what can I do about it now? I already got a court date for it. Friday I have to see a judge and them tell me what they’re gonna do to me. That guy pressed charges so...”
“As he should have, Tate. You really hurt him.”
“My mom was worried you were going to press charges too,” he muttered and looked at me from under his lashes. I noticed his parents weren’t worried about me, just Tate’s reputation.
“Pastor wants me to but I told them I had to talk to you first.”
“That’s my girl,” he crooned, cracking a smile, and pulled me to him. “I knew you’d know I never meant to hurt you. It was an accident.”
I pushed him back a little.
“This isn’t over, just like that. You hurt me, Tate, and scared me. Watching you hit that guy over and over...I never want to see that again. That’s not who you are.”
“I know it’s not. I’m sorry. Babe, I’m so sorry. I love you, please, please, forgive me,” he begged into my neck.
“I’m working on it,” I told him. “But you have to stop taking them.”
“Already did. I flushed it all last night when I got home. I’m done, babe. Promise.”
“Good.”
I let him kiss me, though I wasn’t into it, he didn’t seem to notice. I noticed he never asked to see my bruise or if there even was one. And after a few minutes we made our way, well passed the bell, into the empty hall and he walked me to my first period class. He opened the door for me and kissed me right in front of everyone as they all looked to see who was coming in late. My cheeks flashed scarlet and I wanted to ask Tate why he had done that. It was like he was telling everyone ‘See, she forgave me, ha!’
The rest of the week went just like that. Tate was extra attentive, especially in the halls where everyone could see. Our group of friends pretended that nothing had happened at all and everything was fine. And Eli.
When I lay down at night and closed my eyes, Eli was right there, every night. The first night he pulled the collar of my shirt down with his finger to see my bruise and winced. He said he’d kill him if I’d let him. We almost kissed every time and he always told me he needed me and wanted me more than anyone else. In real life, he was different.
He watched me, always watching, and Deidre seemed to cling to him whether he wanted her to or not and he let, her but everyone could tell he was just humoring her. I heard her say he was taking her out on Saturday but who knew if that was true, knowing Dee. He never spoke to me unless it was about school stuff as he walked with me to classes and in Art. Things were strange, awkward in an oddly comfortable way. It seemed that Eli was just waiting for me. And I was curious about the dream-like visits and how I felt so strange around him.
And Tate. He had spent every night at my house. Despite Pastor’s advice, I let him come over and told them everything was fine. It was all just a big misunderstanding. They didn’t seem convinced but let me have it anyway. Tate tried to seduce me in his truck before we went in every nigh
t. I told him he didn’t have to try to make up for anything anymore. He said he wasn’t, he just wanted me so badly. I had to physically push him to stop him twice, which I’d never had to do before.
He said he wanted to come walk me to school the next day so I let him. He pulled up in his truck but instead of walking he lifted me onto the seat and climbed in beside me. He drove into the parking lot of the school and parked. Then he pulled me onto his lap immediately and began frantically kissing me. He kissed my neck and tugged my hair to pull my head back to give him more access to my throat. He moaned and groaned, using his hands to pull me against him. When he started to unbutton my shirt I slapped his hand away and asked what he was doing.