“Fucking cry me a river, Callie,” Jenna said. Her hands were shaking, and she felt that same urge Callie described, to grab her or shake her or hit her.
“Fuck you!” Callie screamed.
“No, no more bullshit. You can have a normal life. You can have friends. You can fall in love. You can do anything anyone else can, Callie. They’re just scars. I am not responsible for you refusing to live your life.”
“Excuse me?” Callie said. “How dare you? They’re just scars?”
“You’re not paralyzed, Callie. You’re not in a wheelchair. You didn’t lose an arm. There’s nothing stopping you except yourself.”
“Oh, really? You think people don’t look at me in disgust? You think they don’t think I’m a freak?”
“No, Cal, I really don’t. You’re not disgusting.”
Callie snorted and shook her head. “You have your head so far up your ass, Jenna. Just leave me alone. Leave me and Mom behind, and go get laid. That’s what you want to hear, right? Fine, do it. I should take care of Mom because I don’t have a life anyway, right? So go get Danielle back and shut up. Get laid for both of us.”
“I didn’t lock you up in this little tower of yours, Callie! If you want to get laid so bad, do it!”
“I can’t!” Callie screamed. “Clean out your fucking ears and listen! My face is disgusting. No one wants to be with me.”
“No one wants to be with you because you’re a bitch!” Jenna yelled. “You think it’s your face, but it’s not. It’s you. You’re awful to everyone because you think they’re going to be awful to you, but they’re not.”
A knock sounded at the door. Hard, crisp knocks. Jenna and Callie stared at each other, paralyzed and disoriented for a second. They finally broke free of each other’s gazes and headed for the door. Jenna jogged down the stairs, praying someone found their mom. She opened the door and lost her equilibrium again when she saw a police officer standing there.
“Jenna Thompson?” he asked.
“Yes? Did you find my mother?”
“Yes. Were you planning to report her missing?” The officer had an imposing frame, only a little taller than average, but built in a way that suggested he spent as much time at the gym as he did at work.
“Of course.” Jenna only managed to mask her irritation a little. “I just got home a few minutes ago. I was hoping she came back here and thought I should check before I called.”
He cleared his throat. “Someone else called to advise she was missing and gave this address as her residence.”
“Tina,” Jenna said.
He nodded. “In any case, we found her in Crescent Hill.”
“That’s great,” Jenna said. “Where is she?” She craned her neck to see the police car, but couldn’t see anyone in the back. “Is she on a mental health hold?”
“She’s in custody.”
“Meaning what?” Jenna felt Callie brush her shoulder as she approached and shared the doorway with her.
“She attacked someone,” he said. “Hurt them bad.”
Jenna covered her mouth. Heat crawled up her neck.
“Are you saying she’s in jail?” Callie asked.
“Yes, ma’am. She was arrested for attempted murder.”
“Attempted murder?” Callie and Jenna spoke in unison, but Callie’s voice covered hers. “She’s schizophrenic. She wasn’t trying to murder anyone; she’s terrified. And she needs to be in a hospital, not a jail.”
“The victim has life threatening injuries,” he said. “That was the charge. If you want to dispute it, that will happen in court.”
“But what about now?” Jenna said. “She’s right. Our mom needs to be in a hospital. She needs care. She doesn’t belong in jail.”
“She’ll speak with mental health professionals in jail.”
Jenna was dumbfounded. She could hardly put up a fight when the officer handed her some papers.
“This has all the information you need.” He darted off the porch before she could say another word. She slowly closed the door and turned to Callie. Her fingers felt numb. She couldn’t feel the papers in her hand, couldn’t recognize the squiggles on the page as letters and words. She felt like she was breathing through a straw, and the image of their mom sitting on a concrete jail floor ripped her throat and chest to pieces. Just as tears were coming to her eyes, Callie took the papers. She scanned over them, then looked up.
“We need a lawyer.”
Chapter Thirty-five
Danielle stepped over Brianna’s sleeping body. She passed out on the floor more often than not ever since Danielle stopped bothering to help her to bed. She kept strange hours, sleeping all day into the early evening, then going to work as a bartender at a rowdy bar, which afforded her the ability to drink on the job and make more money in five hours than most people did in eight. Danielle knew her shift ended at two, but she usually stumbled in around six after partying the remainder of the night away. Seeing Bri that way tore her down the middle even though she was still livid. In a way, it was evidence she was right all along. Brianna would not figure things out if forced. She just crash-landed. And in another way, she saw she was also wrong. While Brianna didn’t straighten out, the world didn’t end because she slept on the floor, either.
When she tried to set her foot down on the other side of Brianna, her toe caught an empty plastic vodka bottle and sent it skidding noisily down the hall. Danielle sighed and scooped it up, then added it to the pile of bottles she’d started saving. Beyond that, Danielle couldn’t focus on Brianna long. It was Raylon’s bruised face that haunted her now. His blue and purple cheek had found its way into her dreams, and Brianna’s drunkenness could barely touch the impact a hurt child made.
Danielle grabbed her keys and the copies she made of the photos of Raylon’s face. She made them for Jenna, but now she couldn’t decide whether or not to show her. She didn’t know if Jenna even knew the boys had been removed, but she would eventually. She couldn’t stand the idea of Jenna thinking she casually pulled Deon and Raylon from their home, that she hadn’t cared what Jenna had explained to her, what she’d shared. She wanted to explain what happened, to prove she’d made the right call, but she also had an inkling that might be a selfish thing to do. The images would crush Jenna. They could even make her feel responsible. Was it a gift or a burden to show her?
Danielle spent the entire day flip-flopping on her decision to show up to Sasha’s gathering at all. When she received the invitation, she hadn’t even considered it, but so much happened so quickly. She had to talk to Jenna, yet some part of her still wondered if she was lying to herself, if it wasn’t more that she simply wanted to talk to Jenna. After all the back and forth, now she was pulling into the parking lot at Big J’s, trying to spot Jenna’s car and feeling the undeniable flutter in her stomach when she did.
Danielle threw the car in park and got out. She left the file with the pictures in the passenger seat. Her feet crunched on the gravel, and she couldn’t resist glancing toward the row of parking spaces they’d disappeared into to sneak their first illicit kiss. Her stomach twisted as the memory of Jenna’s commanding touch flooded her mind.
Danielle spotted Sasha and Adam at a table on the small fenced-in patio. Sasha noticed her just a second later, and her face lit up as she waved Danielle over.
“You made it!” Sasha said.
Danielle threw her legs over the waist-level, wrought iron fence and took the empty chair, noticing the lack of familiar faces.
“Am I the only one?”
Adam laughed. “Are we not good enough?”
“Most of them are inside,” Sasha said.
“Jenna’s here,” Adam said. “She’s having a night.”
“What do you mean?” Danielle surveyed each of their faces.
“I mean she’s back.” Adam drew out the word with glee while he danced in his chair. When he saw she was still confused he chuckled. “They’re doing shots at the bar. Lots of them.”
“Oh.” Danielle inferred that Jenna had friendly company. She remembered how they’d alluded to her wild ways more than once, but she’d never seen much of it. The idea she might be about to see Jenna tangled in someone else’s arms made her desperate for an exit strategy. Sasha smacked Adam on the chest.
“It’s not even like that,” she said. “I’m actually really worried about her. It’s not fun. It’s not partying. This is, I don’t know. I’ve never seen her so down.”
Danielle’s her heart plummeted into her stomach. “She heard then?”
“Heard what?”
“About Deon and Raylon.”
“I’m not sure,” Sasha said. “I guess that means you haven’t heard.”
“Hold on, I’m getting confused,” Adam said.
“About her mom,” Sasha said.
“Oh, about her showing up at work?” Danielle asked.
Sasha frowned. “After that. Jenna’s mom got arrested for attempted murder. And I think something happened with Callie.”
“What?” Danielle stood up and looked over her shoulder at the door, trying to see through to the bar. She looked back to Sasha, who shrugged.
“I can only get bits and pieces from her,” she said. “Go on in and try.”
Adam grimaced. “Are we sure that’s a good idea? After the whole break up thi—”
“What, you know now too?”
“Honey, everyone knows now.”
“Fantastic.” Danielle went through the door to the bar without pausing to second-guess it. It took her a second to spot Jenna, but soon she saw Jenna’s long dark wavy hair. As if seeing her somehow turned on the volume in her head, she heard Jenna’s laugh at the same moment she saw her. She was surrounded by a group of women, three, four, maybe five of them. It was hard to tell who was part of the group and who was just passing through. She didn’t recognize any of them. They weren’t from the office. Danielle wondered if this was what everyone had been talking about, how Jenna usually operated. Was she the type that showed up with friends but inevitably flew away on the breeze like a dandelion seed?
There was a blonde standing too close to her, pressing her thigh into Jenna’s, gazing at her with an intensity that begged to be special, but Jenna seemed unaware of it. She was laughing with the bartender as the boyish young woman poured a row of shots. When Jenna glanced over and their eyes met, Danielle lost her breath. Suddenly, her mouth was dry and her legs didn’t work, but she walked somehow. She pushed through the crowd, determined to make it all the way into Jenna’s space without being intimidated by her company.
“Didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Jenna said.
“Did you not want to?” Danielle tried to read Jenna, tried to judge if she knew about Raylon and Deon or not. If she did know, she had to explain, but if she didn’t, it was hardly a good time to add to her list of sorrows. Jenna’s gaze traveled up and down her and Danielle felt a shiver crawl through her.
“I always want to,” Jenna said. The ease of her honesty surprised Danielle. She hadn’t expected any warmth from her. Jenna grabbed two of the shot glasses, offering one to Danielle.
“No thanks,” she said.
Jenna smiled as if to herself. The blonde that had been all over her moments before appeared at her side again, slipping her arm around Jenna’s shoulder as she reached across with the other arm for the shot Danielle refused.
“Another?” She clinked her glass against the one Jenna was already holding. Jenna glanced at Danielle. She thought she saw a moment of discomfort pass through her, but Jenna looked away and took the shot, returning the empty glass swiftly to the bar. The blonde allowed her arm to linger around Jenna’s shoulder.
“You want to shoot some pool?” she asked. Danielle hated her even though she knew she had no right. Jenna wasn’t hers, and the woman wasn’t being obscene or obnoxious about what was a completely fair advance, but Danielle wanted to yank her off of Jenna by her earrings all the same.
“Can I talk to you?” Danielle asked.
Jenna’s eyes shot up and locked on hers. Danielle found she couldn’t breathe as both she and the blonde waited for an answer.
“Of course.”
“Outside,” Danielle said. Jenna looked over each of her shoulders like she was trying to spot some reason why they should leave. “Please,” Danielle added.
Jenna nodded and stood up, following Danielle through the bar without another word to the blonde. Danielle took that to mean they’d just met and soaked in the relief. She didn’t come here to get Jenna back. She just wanted to make sure she was okay, to explain what happened with the case, but seeing someone else touch her was unbearable.
Danielle felt a rush of calm when they went out the door into the night air and the oppressing chatter bouncing off the walls fell away. It was like a pressure inside her head was relieved. She could breathe and think again.
“What’s up?” Jenna asked.
Danielle turned. “Are you okay?”
Jenna laughed. “You brought me out here to ask if I’m okay?”
“Yes,” Danielle said. “And no. I…”
Jenna waited, offering no help. There was a slight sway in Jenna’s stance and Danielle realized how many drinks she must have had.
“Are you drunk?”
“Oh yeah,” Jenna said.
“Oh,” Danielle said. “I guess we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“What?”
“If you’re too drunk—”
“I didn’t say I’m too drunk. I just said I’m drunk. What did you want to talk about?”
“I didn’t know if you heard—”
“I did.”
“About the boys.”
“Yeah.” Jenna sighed. “I heard about that.”
“Chuck?”
Jenna laughed. “God no.”
“Paula?”
“Nope, on her shit list too.”
“Then…”
“Ladona.”
“Oh.” Danielle pulled away in surprise. “I guess I didn’t realize she had your number, or that she would call, but of course she does, would. That makes sense.”
“She just called my office,” Jenna said. “It’s not like she comes over for Thanksgiving dinner.”
“I didn’t mean that,” Danielle said, suddenly feeling flustered. “What did she say?”
Jenna shrugged. “Same stuff everyone says after their kids are taken away. You’re baby snatching devils. Give them back.”
“I’m so sorry,” Danielle said. “Jenna, I tried. I’m so sorry you were blindsided by that. I didn’t mean—”
“I know,” Jenna said. “I’m sure only a quarter of what she said was true, and even that was enough for me to piece together that you did the right thing.”
“I want to explain. I have pictures if you want to see them.”
“Pictures?”
“Yeah, from the case file.”
“That’s against the rules.” Jenna playfully tsked.
“I know,” Danielle said. “But it’s important to me. I want you to feel good about this, as much as you can. I want you to know I didn’t just go in there and change everything all around. I didn’t ignore what you said.”
Jenna’s eyes watered. “I’m sorry, Danielle.”
“What?”
“I never should have made you feel like you owed it to me to do things a certain way with them. It wasn’t right, especially when my way wasn’t even always by the book. You knew how to do the job the day you walked in.”
Danielle shook her head. “Every case is different, and you know that one inside and out. There’s nothing wrong with wanting consistency for them.” Danielle watched Jenna try to fight off tears. “Do you want to see the pictures?”
Jenna stared at the ground. “How bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.”
“Both of them?”
“Just Raylon.”
Tears spilled over. “Sweet little Raylon. Deon is going to feel bad about that for the rest o
f his life.”
“Deon? It’s not his fault.”
“Of course not, but he’s going to wish he asked to leave sooner, or that he intervened somehow. You were right all along, Danielle. I shouldn’t have let them have a say. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting my experience as a kid have anything to do with how I do things. It’s not like we turned out well. I don’t know why I’ve been walking around thinking I was mature enough to make those kinds of decisions at that age, like anything would have been different with a different caseworker. How could I pretend to know that? Maybe we would have done everything exactly the same. Maybe it’s all an excuse I’ve been telling myself, and I would have made the same mistakes no matter what.” Jenna walked over to the bench a few paces away and slumped onto it. “Callie hates me.”
“What are you talking about? Callie loves you. You’re everything to her.”
Jenna shook her head. The moonlight bounced off her fair skin and made her look like some kind of mystical creature.
“No,” Jenna said. “I used to think that, but all this time she’s hated me for what I did to her face. She’s the one who told Paula about us.”
Danielle felt the words blurring and swirling together in her mind. As if she suddenly realized how drunk she was, Jenna quickly sat forward and put her head in her hands. Danielle waited, trying to judge if she would be sick or not, if her emotions were going to flip to something else the way Brianna’s always did, but nothing happened.
“Why would she do that?” Danielle asked.
“Because she fucking hates me.” Tears rolled down Jenna’s face. “She wanted to break us up. She didn’t even say she was sorry. She thinks no one will ever fall in love with her, so she doesn’t want me to have it either. My mom heard her talking to Paula and told me, and oh God, my mom.” Jenna fell into a fit of sobs, and Danielle couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and wrapping her arms around Jenna, pulling her tight against her chest.
“I just heard,” Danielle said. “I’m so sorry, Jenna.”
Secrets On the Clock Page 21