by Ross Heaven
Simon’s healing journey is recounted in his own words and in some detail in my book The Hummingbird’s Journey to God.1 More recently, however, he has published a book of his own, The Shaman and Snow White (Simon Ralli Robinson, 2011), in which he has collated a number of testimonials from those who have drunk San Pedro and had life-changing experiences of their own.
These are a few of these testimonials, which range from summary sentences to more detailed accounts. Collectively, they provide us with an insight into what a healing with San Pedro might entail and what the outcome might be.
A lovely experience. I found the spirits in the sky.
An amazing journey. It gave me some powerful insights.
What could I say that in any way does justice to the experience I have had? All I could think was to be silent and listen to the answers around me in every living thing.
I found answers that I had been hiding from and many that I needed. San Pedro taught me what it means to be at one with nature and to trust myself more. Seeing the Earth spirits and the Earth breathing—wow! Love is the answer to any question.
My life has changed unbelievably since my experience. . . . My view of the world is different, my intuition much stronger, and my relationships with people much healthier and more direct. I’ve reconnected with my dad and I’ve begun the process of healing, having been able to let go of things that don’t belong to me and knowing that healing comes from within.
I have learned more about myself in the past month than I have in my entire school career. Retching out toxic thoughts and emotions is a new cleansing for me but I am closer to the source now. [I] learned a new patience for myself. . . . It was a big deal for me because it’s so unlike anything I have experienced before but it’s really opened my eyes to a new way of seeing the world and all it offers. I feel powerful.
The sky was incredibly gorgeous, laced clouds with light blue and sparkling. And there in the sky was the answer. Things were brought to my attention: my life, friends, family, needing to simplify my existence. Lots of little worlds to explore, possibilities one can’t ignore.
My experience was not a pleasant one. The physical reaction in my body was intense to say the least. But still there were lessons learned and beauty found. [Afterward] I had a big checkup at the doctor and had everything done: heart, blood, x-rays, the whole lot, and guess what the doctor said? Never in a million years when she met me did she ever think I would be well again. [But now] there is not a thing wrong with me. I told her about San Pedro and she said she would never discount my testimony as she had seen with her own eyes how well I am. . . . San Pedro saved my life.
San Pedro opened my channels of light and reminded me of how I need to focus my energies: not on addiction and depression but on moving forward and dropping little nuggets of love-light into the lives of every new person I meet.
I felt like a little girl again, which is good because our minds aren’t so polluted when we’re young and kids see things that adults cannot see.
Awakening is the only way I can describe it. I asked San Pedro for liberation and it gave it to me. . . . I saw the love and power in all things.
Incredibly life changing and healing. Every day I see a new life, I am connected with nature and awareness. I actually feared this connection [before and] had a hard time receiving the extreme energy that I feel with it. I have become in touch with or aware of the thought patterns that I was previously unaware of that were inhibiting my health and spiritual growth.
San Pedro—not at all what I expected. Feeling at one with the spirit of life, feeling myself to be everything around me, seeing so many levels of energy and consciousness. . . . I am awed, humbled, and blessed.
My experience was more inside myself but I experienced beauty and love beyond words. I saw things I don’t understand yet but that’s okay. . . . The experience released my power that I feel growing inside me. I saw myself before I was born. . . . I see God in me. My power grows, it doesn’t stop.
San Pedro [has] taken me so much further than words can ever reach and today I keep learning from it. My first San Pedro experience was very physical. I could feel San Pedro caressing every part, every cell of my body, it was a wow feeling. . . . I could not stop smiling for twelve hours. It was more than a happy feeling, it was a complete connection with everything around me, especially nature, sometimes love coming from the trees and plants, it was overwhelming . . . a connection with my own love and with the love of the universe and our beautiful planet. [I experienced] a complete rebirth. I saw myself as a newborn . . . giving birth to myself . . . confusing and beautiful at the same time. I believe San Pedro showed me myself in my purest state to understand who I am and that no matter what happens to me along the way I have to remember who I am regardless. I also believe San Pedro wanted to give me a fresh start, a new beginning, a second chance and to show me I am always able to change my life whenever I want . . . [and] that my future is far more important than my past and I need to let go of my past sufferings to put that energy of the moment into the future.
WHAT CAN WE DRAW FROM THESE COMMENTS?
In The Antipodes of the Mind,2 Benny Shanon, Ph.D., distilled the essence of more than 130 personal ayahuasca journeys along with data from others who have drunk the brew in various settings. In all, about 2,500 ayahuasca sessions are covered, a figure that adds considerably to our understanding of the nature of this plant, its visionary effects, and the information it has to impart.
In The Hummingbird’s Journey to God I began a similar analysis of the San Pedro experience, although the dozen accounts I included there, most of them conducted in a limited ceremonial context and with one shaman, pale into insignificance compared to Shanon’s figures and the scientific rigor with which he collated and analyzed them. Still, it was interesting to see what common factors emerged from the accounts of those who had drunk San Pedro with me. What I learned was that there are indeed consistencies.
The issue of what we might call “truth versus fear” came up for about two-thirds of my sample. By this I mean that it appears to be a property of San Pedro that it supports and empowers us to address our fears almost as a form of initiation. By facing what was hidden but still disempowering for us, we emerge with a greater sense of courage and understanding, feeling healed and more in touch with what is “real” for us rather than allowing the illusion of fear to overwhelm us.
Fear may be expressed as “feelings of claustrophobia when women got too close to me,” as one of my participants put it. His San Pedro vision “addressed that fear head on” and enabled him to arrive at a new truth: “that it was a good thing if we [men and women] merged . . . I wasn’t losing myself because there was nothing really to lose.”
Another participant, because of her childhood experiences, was afraid of intimacy and especially of connections with children. What she realized during her journey though is that “everything [even the traumatic times she had gone through] is exactly as it is meant to be.” As a result of this realization she was able to move beyond fear to find love and, within a short time, to marry and have a child of her own. As she remarked, “San Pedro gave me my daughter.”
For another it was a fear of abandonment. With the aid of San Pedro, however, this participant was able to work through her issue until she realized that it was not really fear she was experiencing at all but “my old patterns again.” From there she could move on and conclude that “everything was just as it should be . . . there is never anything wrong. Nature and the Earth is in the perfect bliss of the moment.”
It will be interesting to reflect on this notion of an initiation into and beyond fear as you read Alexia’s account, which appears in chapter 10.
Another commonality among my participants was their realization of the importance of love. At least 50 percent of my respondents reported that they were able to emerge from their exploration of fear with a feeling of greater love for themselves, for others, and for the world as a whole.
Kane, for example, sa
id that his greatest lesson was to learn to love himself and to appreciate the Earth for the love and care that it gave him. Another participant, Jamie, realized that “the truth is love, always has been and always will be” and that it is important to “give yourself entirely” to its pursuit and “never take for granted the love that is before you.” Michael’s journey enabled him to reconcile his differences with his parents and rather than continuing to resent them for their controlling and overprotective actions, to understand where their anxiety stemmed from so his “frustration toward them turned to love and compassion.”
As Michael’s words suggest, allied to love in many cases is forgiveness. Nearly 20 percent of my participants mentioned this specifically in their accounts, whether it was expressed in forgiveness for themselves, a parent, girlfriend, child, or some other significant person with whom there had previously been issues. Not surprisingly as well in view of this, the healing of relationships (including the relationship to oneself) figured in 92 percent of the accounts I received.
For some people, these healings concerned relationships of a more spiritual or “cosmic” nature. Both Tracie and Kyle commented on the connections between us all and between human beings and the planet as a whole. “I had an overwhelming sense of belonging to the earth,” said Tracie. “Every living thing has its place and it is all of equal importance.” While Kyle realized that “I am intrinsically a part of everything. Whatever I do in the world also happens to me; my individual body is a microcosm for the world at large.”
Another of San Pedro’s teachings is the understanding that “reality” is not something that inheres in the world but is created by us as a consequence of how we view it, and by our thoughts, ideas, actions, and words. Nearly 60 percent of people mentioned this, including Michael who wrote that “our thoughts are things and create our reality in the physical world. We have the power to create our own heaven or hell with every passing thought,” and Tracie who realized “the power of words and even thoughts” to create reality so that nothing is “really real” unless we make it so.
Sixty-seven percent of participants mentioned that they felt more deeply and intimately connected to nature as a result of drinking San Pedro, including Kane who said that he “met Mother Earth” on his journey and expressed a desire to try San Pedro again, “this time to increase my awareness and communication with Pachamama, to assist and heal her.”
For Michael this connection to the Earth emerged from the landscape in which he found himself. “The land was beautiful. . . . I became part of the Earth itself and had a feeling of complete peace. . . . I looked at the mountains and the valley to my left and felt their presence. They were alive; breathing just like me.”
Finally, for my participants there was a sense, particularly in connection with nature, that the world is ensouled and enchanted, that God exists and that the true order of the universe is love. Forty-two percent of people mentioned God directly in their accounts or else his or her representation as “Pachamama” or “Mother Earth.” Kane, as we have already seen, says that he “met Mother Earth.” Jamie felt that she had to give thanks to God “who has brought me into this gorgeous moment of gift and privilege.” Michael understood that “we are all part of God.”
It is interesting to compare these findings to those in the testimonials that Simon has gathered.
OTHER ACCOUNTS
Of these, 40 percent mention the ensouled nature of the world. Comments range from seeing “spirits in the sky” to “seeing the Earth spirits and the Earth breathing” to the sense that “I am connected to nature and awareness.” Others report “feeling at one with the spirit of life, feeling myself to be everything around me,” sensing “love coming from the trees and plants . . . [and] the love of the universe” to quite simply, “I see God in me.”
Thirty-three percent of Simon’s group also mention an enhanced connection to nature, and this is implied in many other responses too. Comments include “San Pedro taught me what it means to be at one with nature,” there are “answers around me in every living thing” and the sense of “complete connection to everything around me, especially nature.”
In The Hummingbird’s Journey to God I reflected on the fact that one of the gifts of San Pedro is to show us that reality is never a given but instead is what we make of it and that there are answers to be found in all things. Seventy-three percent of Simon’s respondents discovered something similar for themselves. “I am closer to the source now [and have] a new way of seeing the world,” says one. “[There are a] lot of [new] little worlds to explore, possibilities one can’t ignore,” says another. Others reflect that “San Pedro . . . reminded me of how I need to focus my energies: not on addiction and depression but on moving forward,” that San Pedro was “incredibly life changing [and I am now more aware of my] thought patterns.” “Awakening is the only way I can describe it” says another, through to simply “I saw things I didn’t understand but that’s okay.”
Then there is the account of respondent number eight, whose medical doctor confirmed that she had moved from a position of ill health to one of total well-being following her San Pedro experience (“San Pedro saved my life”). If the world is indeed as we decide it will be, then our health must certainly be part of that too, and as this example shows, a change of mind and a new way of seeing the world and ourselves may be all it takes to create a physical change that can be confirmed by a blood test or an x-ray.
Also consistent with my own study is the issue of forgiveness and the healing of relationships that can emerge from this. Many of Simon’s accounts hint at relationship changes, healthier interactions with others and with the natural world, and at the forgiveness of others or the self for wrongs committed. Twenty percent of them mention the latter directly. “I’ve reconnected with my dad,” “I’ve learned a new patience for myself ” and “San Pedro showed me myself in my purest state [and gave me] a fresh start” are some of the comments made. From this, as respondent number five puts it: “relationships with people [at least have a new potential to become] much healthier and more direct.”
Again, just as I discovered, a greater sense of love, self-love, and connection is implied or suggested in most of Simon’s accounts. One-third of his sample mentioned this directly. “Love is the answer to any question,” “I saw the love and power in all things,” “I experienced beauty and love beyond words.” There is a lesson in this too for some, that to be well and happy they must retain a “connection with my own love and the love of the universe” as well as “dropping little nuggets of love-light into the lives of every new person I meet.”
What I have called the initiation into and through fear is also present in these accounts, as it was for me and my own respondents. A third of Simon’s group refer to it. “I found answers that I had been hiding from,” for example, and “I actually feared this connection [to nature and awareness].” Others are less direct but it is suggested in comments like “I’ve let go of things that don’t belong to me,” “I need[ed] to let go of past suffering,” and in the experience of “retching out toxic thoughts and emotions.”
Other things are interesting from Simon’s group, too. It is fascinating how often the words power and powerful are mentioned for example. “I feel powerful,” “I saw the love and power in all things,” “The experience released my power,” “My power grows,” “[I received] powerful insights.” This sense of new power is also reflected more subtly in other accounts: “[I] trust myself more,” “I am closer to the source now,” “I am connected,” and in the realization that “healing comes from within.”
For me, these summaries bring us back to the work of Henri Bergson, the French philosopher who has been mentioned a few times now in this book and who proposed that the mind is capable of all things—including self-healing, deep insights about the truth of the universe, and knowledge of ourselves—but limits itself so that we are not overwhelmed by all of the data around and within us. As David Luke and other aca
demics have suggested, plants like San Pedro can remove the mind’s barriers to wisdom so that the doors of perception are cleansed and we see the world as it truly is.
Many of Simon’s respondents hint at the same thing, most notably here perhaps in the words of respondent 10: “I felt like a little girl again, which is good because our minds aren’t so polluted when we’re young and kids see things that adults cannot see.” As children, before our socialization into a more limited worldview, we were indeed more capable of imagination, “true hallucinations,” creative daydreaming, and inspiration that many adults have lost. Growing into a more limited worldview gives power to the filters of the mind and channels our thoughts and perceptions—what we can see (or allow ourselves to see) and know—into a particular direction so we can survive within the social dream we have created.
But then a plant such as San Pedro may come along to remove these filters, leading us to realizations and remembrances that the infinite is present in every moment and that the world is vaster and richer than we have come to believe. Observations of the infinite are apparent in every account that Simon provides, in fact, and are present in comments like these:
“I found the spirits in the sky” [that is, under the influence of San Pedro that which is normally hidden is made more obvious to us or as La Gringa expressed it in her interview, “San Pedro shows you what is already there”]; “[There were] answers around me in every living thing”; “My view of the world is different, my intuition much stronger”; “It’s really opened my eyes to a new way of seeing the world and all it offers”; “San Pedro opened my channels of light”; “Awakening is the only way I can describe it”; “I see a new life, I am connected. . . . I have become in touch with or aware of the thought patterns that I was previously unaware of that were inhibiting my health and spiritual growth”; “I experienced beauty and love beyond words. I saw things I don’t understand. . . . I see God in me”; “It was a complete connection with everything . . . it was overwhelming.”