Reasons Only Time Allows

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Reasons Only Time Allows Page 14

by Micah Thomas


  Thelon nodded and some part of his mind clicked into place. He wasn’t dragging Henry along. He didn’t have to convince anyone of this. Things were happening as they needed to and that was a divine plan or some shit.

  With this quasi, vague as hell epiphany solidifying, the door unlocked with a heavy clang and crept open. An entirely familiar smell wafted through the black hole before them.

  “That’s tacos,” Henry said.

  “Yeah, that definitely smells like tacos.” Thelon laughed and held out his hand, which Henry accepted.

  “It’s no yellow brick road, but it’s tacos and a way out of this dead-ass memory.”

  Together, they stepped through the perfect black portal, following the smell into that empty nothingness. For a moment, both of their minds were suspended in a state that existed outside of time and space. They entangled, not joined by their fingers—no, not here. They were as one and without thought or emotion. A single mote of joined energies floating outside of all that was and ever would be. Knowledge came to them. It traveled a long spark, reaching from all that was, seeking them like an antibody within a cellular structure. Something noticed them trespassing in this sacred space.

  Before that sparkling lasso could grab them, from within their conjoined core, volition manifested and lurched them with extreme speed back through an unseen crack and there they were outside a Circle K in Tempe, Arizona. , On wobbly legs, dazed and confused, they stood on the very spot where Henry had, in another life, caused quite a scene with a fire.

  “Whoa,” Henry said, touching his chest, feeling the shirt and pants as if worried he might be naked. He patted himself like a man who couldn’t find his lighter.

  Thelon did much the same, but was checking for two items in particular; both were there in his pockets. A phone against his left thigh. His wallet against his right. Fuck. His lips pressed into a grimace. He caught sight of his reflection in the door of the Circle K, brightly lit from the inside, shining against the dark night. He looked like his dad. Brows knitted. Mouth turned down. Wrinkles deep in the forehead. Worried, just like Pops.

  His gaze ping-ponged between his own body, his mirror image, and Henry. For his part, Henry wore a wide-eyed grin.

  “Hey, hey!” Henry said. “What happens if we go back to the hotel right now?”

  Thelon rubbed his bottom lip with the back of his hand, “Right now? I’d say we’d see ourselves sleeping in our beds. Yeah. Probably would see that then…I don’t know, maybe the world would explode or some shit.”

  “Wanna try it?” Henry asked. “Or, I dunno. Can we get something to drink? Cause I am parched!”

  They went into the Circle K and the attendant warily eyed the pair. Henry checked himself out in the security cam while Thelon anxiously focused on the beverage aisle.

  “You buying something or just here for kicks?” the attendant asked Henry.

  “I’m buying. Easy. Jesus.”

  At that exact moment, the little bell rang as the door opened again, and in walked Officer Sanders, looking as stiff and starched as he did earlier in the day.

  “Gentlemen,” he said in a low and serious tone.

  Thelon’s body whipped up straight in a hurry, but he had his water and Henry’s Thirst Quencher Extreme in his grip. We’re here to buy something. It’s not illegal to buy something. God, why have I felt this way around cops since I was little? And this guy! Does he remember sending me to prison?

  “I have to say,” Officer Sanders went on as he added a pack of chewing gum to his items on the counter and paid, “I expected to see you two again, but it doesn’t make me any happier being right.”

  Henry coughed. “Uh, good to see you as well. Tough night?”

  “Son, it’s four in the morning—that is a.m. Mountain Time—and I’d like to go home without having to make a detour carting you two around, so can you please tell me why you are back here, just across the street from where I asked you not to be?”

  “But are we here?” Henry asked. “This is a dream,” he said in a goofy voice.

  With his eyes, Thelon begged Henry to not start shit as he lifted his drink as if to show Officer Sanders; See? just a normal four a.m. purchase. “We’re not up to trouble. It’s just been a long night for us, too. We’re heading back to our hotel and out of town tomorrow.” A headache brewed in his skull.

  Henry leaned towards Thelon and whispered in his ear loud enough for Sanders to hear, “But dude, if we are dreaming still, it’s not like we have to do anything.”

  “Gentlemen,” Sanders interrupted, “I’m going to ask this plain: are you high?”

  “No, sir,” Thelon said, so weary. A heaviness coated his limbs, a tightness traveled through his chest. Please don’t go sideways! “He is just…he’s just a pain in the ass.”

  Officer Sanders sized them up and moved to the side, gesturing for Thelon to make his purchase. The attendant, bored as ever, rang him up and gave him his change. Sanders went as far as holding the door for them, but his level of interest was not so high after all, and he left them outside, giving them a wary finger wag through the car window as he drove off.

  “You hungry?” Henry asked between chugs of his sports drink.

  “Naw. I’m not hungry,” Thelon said.

  “We’ve got time to kill before we meet Cassie back at her place. What you want to do?”

  “What you said in there, about us dreaming?”

  “Yeah?”

  A huge mosquito-eater flew by Thelon’s head and he swatted at it, losing his balance on the parking lot curb. His arms swam and Henry reached for him, but he fell on his ass anyway.

  “Fucking yikes!” Henry said.

  “Ouch.” Thelon stayed down but shifted to a sitting position with his hands on his knees. “This dream sucks. I just want to like, really and normally sleep for a minute.”

  Henry knelt beside him and took his hand, brushing off little pebbles of gravel, then blew on it. “Why don’t you just chill out? We are magical creatures, man. We just went through another universe. Can’t you feel it? This is not where we were before.”

  Thelon took his hand back and gently pushed Henry away to stand up on his own. “I don’t fucking believe it.”

  “What? Damn, dude. I’m just trying be helpful.”

  “No. Not that. Look.” He pointed to the gas pumps. There, beneath the ugly, funky neon lights, sat the rental SUV.

  “No way,” Henry said. “Do you even have the keys?”

  Thelon checked his pockets for a second time. Phone against his left thigh. Wallet and something else—yes, now something else—against his right. He pulled it out. “You mean these keys? Never leave home without them, I guess.”

  Convenient. Ridiculous. Dream logic and not the first time he’d dealt with it. Thelon willed himself to accept it, to stop the inner critic from calling out the impossibilities, yet the last few hours kept pushing him. The weight of should pressed over everything. Shouldn’t he feel this or that? Shouldn’t he do this or that? If I’m dreaming all of this, shouldn’t it be way easier or at least make sense?

  Henry seemed unworried. They got in the car, which started fine; the radio came on, playing a melancholy song they’d heard a thousand times.

  “Where to?” Thelon asked, though he told himself he should be the one deciding.

  “Too early to bug Cassie. She’s still sleeping, and like you said, we are still sleeping at the hotel so that’s everyone we know in this city. Got any relatives you want to visit?”

  Thelon got them out on the road, not headed anywhere, but the roll of the tires propelled them into pleasant motion. They’d been inert too long, and the movement of the sweet SUV was a soft marshmallow floating on air.

  “Dude, look at the Moon!” Henry shouted.

  Thelon leaned forward and saw the Moon, huge and orange between palm trees. He’d read once that it was atmospheric optics that made the Moon look big or small depending on the time of the year. Well, what the fuck?

&n
bsp; “Yeah,” Thelon said, giving in to the laconic passivity.

  “Were we really up there, you think?”

  “I don’t know, man. Maybe.”

  “Oh, snap. No, like,” Henry chuckled, “like the Moon landings and shit. Like was that a hoax?”

  “God damn it, Henry. I don’t know. I don’t think so. Why should I know that?”

  Henry sighed and relaxed in his seat. “I don’t know. You just seem like you know shit.”

  Though he was tired, despite his habit of withdrawing, Thelon couldn’t stop himself from enjoying Henry. “You know, I don’t really want to find out what’s in the hotel room right now. Mind if we just cruise around and listen to music and talk shit until it feels like we’re supposed to do something else?”

  Henry smiled and gave him a single nod. “You read my fucking mind.”

  So, they drove. This time, Thelon was the one playing the video game, weaving expertly in and out of traffic as it ebbed and flowed, enjoying himself for what felt like the first time in ages.

  ~

  THELON PARKED THE car in front of the hotel and waved away the valet. “We’re just running in, grabbing bags, and running out.”

  They’d driven all morning—even had to stop for more gas—and by nine a.m., they were ready to see if they were their own evil doubles.

  Henry nodded. “And if anything weird happens, I’ve got my water bottle.”

  They went to their room, Thelon feeling that weird, creeped out vibe, but they stopped short of entering as a housekeeping cart held open their door. He had the sudden thought that he should be exhausted, but his body vibrated, invigorated and not the least bit tired. It was like driving with Henry had been as good as a night’s sleep.

  “Hello?” Henry called into the room.

  “Hello,” came a reply–a man’s voice, but neither of theirs.

  Henry stepped around the cart and pushed the door the rest of the way open. It was just housekeeping, the dude tidying up a room that barely looked used at all.

  “Hey, were these beds slept in?” Henry asked. “Like, when you came in to clean the room?”

  “No say,” the Hispanic man replied.

  Thelon said, “Let’s just get our stuff and go.” Like Henry, he wanted to ask more, to figure out if their sleeping doppelgängers had woken up and were already out getting breakfast, but he knew that it was futile. Whatever the fuck happened, happened. Don’t dwell on the weird.

  He skipped checking out of the hotel. If the other me is still going to bill the room for breakfast, I’ll just pay. It made a sense to him. He tried to follow Henry’s go with the flow approach, but still bothered him as he drove back over to Cassie’s apartment.

  How much more of this can I take? He’d lost track of how many dreams deep he was, yet the persistence of a tangible reality proved undeniable. The fact that Henry sat beside him, visible to others, confirmed that he was real—this all was. These thoughts kept his mind busy while he drove and soon found himself at Cassie’s apartment, unable to recall exactly how he got there.

  “So, you gonna go up to the door or me or both or what?” Henry asked, changing his shirt.

  Thelon looked away, bashful to see Henry half dressed. Close as brothers, this guy and me.

  “Oh, I’ll go up, I guess,” Thelon said, but just as he got out of the car, Cassie opened her door on the second floor and started walking down to greet him.

  She didn’t smile, but looked more relaxed than the prior night, wearing jeans and a rock band t-shirt instead of the nurse’s uniform.

  She looks angry. Did we come over here again last night? Thelon couldn’t remember.

  “Hey, fuckers,” Cassie said. “I thought you chickened out. Or maybe that you were both full of shit.”

  “What? Why?” Thelon asked.

  Henry joined them on the sidewalk and smiled at them both like it was just another day hanging out with friends.

  Cassie crossed her arms and shook her head. “You were supposed to be here yesterday. I already took the time off work or else I’d be seriously pissed.” She paused and looked down at them. “To be honest, I’m kinda pissed at you.”

  “So, you are coming with us?” Henry asked and danced a little jig of victory.

  “I didn’t say that. I just thought you were going to be here yesterday morning, like, not a day later. Since neither of you have a phone, I just did nothing all day, feeling like an fool.”

  Henry squinted and raised a hand to stop Thelon before he started. “We…uh, Thelon, didn’t we get our days mixed up?”

  “Yeah,” Thelon said barely loud enough for them to hear. “We got the days mixed up.” No. We didn’t do that, but what the fuck day is it? First, we lost time on the road to Vegas. Five hours missing. Now, an entire day?

  Henry acted like it was no big deal, but gave Thelon another knowing glance even though Thelon had no idea what that knowing could have meant. “Hey, bro, I’m gonna go inside and talk with Cassie. Why don’t you chill out here?”

  “Fine.”

  “Did you just invite yourself into my place?” Cassie asked, eyebrow raised.

  “I guess. Oh, beautiful lady in castle on high, may I please enter your abode?”

  “That’s better.” She held her head haughty and proud, but with a sly amusement .“Yes. For a minute, but if you don’t say some magic fucking words, buster, you are officially cancelled. You both hear me? Cancelled.”

  Henry looked back at Thelon and gave him a thumbs up. Thelon shook his head. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

  Thelon watched them go and paced back and forth before feeling overwhelmed by self-consciousness. It was a gross feeling. He wanted to put his hands somewhere. Damn. Whether in his pockets or nervously fidgeting with his beard, he cringed. Someone will think I’m a drug dealer.

  As Thelon stood awkward and listless in the parking lot, he also knew he should be more concerned about the missing time, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t concerned about anything other than his physical discombobulation.

  All at once, a profound stillness dominated him. The last few days of disconnected dots of experience with no narrative broke apart. Though Thelon knew he’d been places, mind bent with insecure contradictions. At this moment, he was standing in Arizona—a state he’d never visited before—but it wasn’t real.

  He wasn’t really Thelon. He wasn’t anything at all. Just eyes in a head atop a body that moved around. It also occurred to him that maybe there wasn’t a Henry and Cassie, that he’d dreamed it all up and he was in a stranger’s parking lot doing nothing in particular. He’d wait and see if anyone came back out of that apartment, but what if they didn’t? What if I just stood here forever? How would I know I was supposed to be somewhere else?

  He failed to connect with his emotions. Blanks confronted his efforts to think or feel. Nothing was better than the tension following him around. Something is not right about me. The should haves returned, populating ants in his mind. He should feel this way, or should feel that way, but the feelings were too disconnected to be meaningful.

  A tenant of the building walked past, and he had to move out of their way so they could get in the car. They’re probably thinking something racist. And they might have been, but they didn’t say anything, just gave him a squinty glare and went on their way. Thelon didn’t care. I’m dead. I’m already dead.

  His attention was brought to a vibration in his pocket. That’s definitely not my phone. Without remembering how these calls and texts affected him, without bracing for the hit of dread, he idly slid it out of his pants and answered.

  “Yo.”

  Nestor’s voice was gravel caught in a garbage disposal. “You get the girl?”

  “Probably,” Thelon said and shot a nervous glance up at the apartment door, wishing he knew what was happening inside.

  “You sound strange. Where are you?”

  Cute. Motherfucker, can you hear yourself? “Arizona. You?”

  “No. Not that. Y
ou’ve dissociated.”

  “I did what now?”

  “Wake up!” Nestor screamed and the line went dead. Thelon again held a phone which did not work/. With the speed of reverse cocaine, he stumbled, struck with instantaneous racing horror.

  “Oh, fuck,” he cried, looking around. “Henry?”

  His knuckles clenched in time with his jaw. His teeth hurt and all the rest of him jittered and shook. It wasn’t as if he imagined something terrible happening. No. It was worse. The terrible things had and were continuing to happen. Everything is so horribly wrong. This is not my life. This is not the real world.

  Thelon got in the car and then back out. Then he sat behind the wheel again, starting the engine this time. I’ll go to the airport. Go home. Go to a shrink. No. Check into a hospital. That would do.

  His thoughts raced too fast to catch. Dread, shame, and the knowledge that he’d forgotten something important filled him, but he couldn’t remember–but he’d also done something so bad, so bad it was the worst. That’s it. I fucked up. I’m in trouble. None of this real. He’d finally made up his mind to leave when the apartment door opened and he heard laughter. There they were–really there. All was well.

  “Hey, loser,” Henry called down to him, “come help carry stuff.”

  “Actually, I’m fine, so just chill,” Cassie said and now she was smiling.

  Henry hopped down the steps, taking two and three in big leaps until he stood in front of Thelon with the biggest grin on his face. That was when Thelon noticed Henry held a cat in his hoodie. “She’s cool,” Henry said, petting the cat, but leaving Thelon unsure of whether he meant the animal or Cassie.

  “What did you say?” Thelon’s his shot nerves and pounding heart slowed, but he didn’t want to tell Henry he’d been right on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.

  “Look. She likes you,” Henry said as the cat leaned out of his hoodie towards Thelon, who let the cat rub her face against his chest.

  “Hmmph,” said Thelon and stepped away. “What’s her name?”

 

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