For the weeks that followed, I couldn’t really move without Chasen doing something for me. I spent an awful lot of time at his place, letting him cook for me and look after me during the pregnancy. I insisted that he didn’t need to and that this early, I was pretty much a fully functioning human being, but he didn’t seem to care about that. He was alpha in the way that he treated me and he was alpha in the way that he looked after me. If nothing else, the Frostbites social media pages had never been so used and if it were possible to “complete” Netflix, I might manage to do it over the course of the pregnancy.
“I can do things you know,” I said as Chasen cooked us yet another meal. It smelled incredible, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop him, but I was starting to feel like I was taking advantage of him. “We both know the baby isn’t that big yet, it’s barely the size of a sweet pea. I can help.”
“You can ask the doctor tomorrow if you think it’s that important,” he said. “And if Doctor Morris says you can do things, I might consider letting you do the dishes.”
I gave him a look that hopefully conveyed that I thought he was being stupid. “I can do more than dishes.”
“I like taking care of you, Tate,” he said. “Why don’t you just let someone be nice to you and not beat yourself up about it?”
He was far too good to me, it was true. But the awful part of my brain was definitely waiting for something to come along and fuck it up. I’d not really spoken to Jarrett since I found out I was pregnant so that was thing number one that made me worry. It also wasn’t helping that he literally lived next door to Chasen and we hadn’t even randomly bumped into one another like I had with Brent. I was pretty sure he was avoiding me. Thing number two hadn’t revealed itself yet. There was just no way things could stay this perfect. It all seemed a little bit too easy.
“I can’t believe we’ll get to see our baby tomorrow,” Chasen said, practically giddy with excitement. “I’m going to become one of those annoying parents that posts all about their kids on Facebook, you do understand that right?”
“Sure.”
“And it starts with the sonogram!” he announced triumphantly. “I’ll have to ask for a digital file so it can be a decent picture. And for the doctor to point out where the baby is because if it’s the size of a sweet pea, that’s going to be super hard to find.”
“Chasen,” I said. “Could you take me somewhere after the appointment tomorrow?”
“Oh my god, I am not taking you shopping for bakeware,” he said, pointing a spatula at me menacingly. “There are certain things I will help you with, cooking, cleaning, plucking, tweezing, whatever, but going and looking at whisks is where I draw the line.”
“No,” I laughed. “I was wondering if you could drop me of at Jarrett’s tomorrow. I want to talk to him.”
Chasen stopped dead in the kitchen. “Are you sure about that?” he said. “Have you spoken to him since-?”
“No.”
“Ah.”
“So I feel like it’s sort of necessary,” I said, trying to sound sure of myself when really I wasn’t at all sure of any of this. “I don’t want us to be having this baby and to have all this animosity between me and Jarrett. If things can be perfect I’d like them to be perfect all over.”
Chasen smiled. “Then that’s fine with me.”
I’d never really been a fan of hospitals. There was something about them that always creeped me out. I’d not really had a chance to be creeped out when I was here last because I was too busy finding out that I had a person growing inside of me and that was distraction enough. This time I was seeing the clinical corridors and sick people and desperately wished I didn’t have to be a part of it.
“You’d think there’d be an app for this by now,” I said as I stepped into Doctor Morris’ examination room. “And we wouldn’t have to come down to the hospital and be around sick people to make sure my baby is healthy. It’s counter intuitive.”
“Counter intuitive?”
“I don’t want to get sick, Chasen,” I snapped. “I don’t like being sick and I don’t want to be sick and pregnant.”
Chasen held up his hands. “Understood. Tate doesn’t like hospitals. Good to know.” He took a beat. “You know when you give birth to the baby you’re going to have to come to the hospital?” he added.
“Yes, I’m not stupid,” I said. “But at least then I’ll be distracted by contractions and pain and stuff so I won’t have time to think about it.”
Doctor Morris came in and checked that we were both doing okay, nothing out of the ordinary happening and that I felt all right. I made sure she knew that I didn’t like hospitals. I’m pretty sure Chasen died a little bit of embarrassment.
“Okay, onto the sonogram then,” Doctor Morris said cheerily. “How are we feeling about that?”
“Nervous,” I said. “I mean, I’m nervous about all of this but once I hear that heartbeat…” I trailed off.
“What?” Doctor Morris asked.
“Well, once I hear that heartbeat, I guess all of this is suddenly real and I have a whole other thing to start panicking about.”
“That’s the spirit,” Chasen said dryly.
Doctor Morris got me to lift my shirt and put a small amount of really freaking cold gel on my stomach. Then she ran the scanner across my lower abdomen. There was a deathly silence in the room and I was pretty sure we were all holding our breaths.
Then a sound started to come through, a steady thrum thrum thrum that made my heart skip and tears spring to my eyes. That was it. That was the sound of our baby’s heart beating. It was real. It was…what was it?
“Wait,” I said, turning to Chasen. “Do we want to know the gender?”
“I do if you do,” he replied.
I turned back to Doctor Morris. “Can we know?” I asked.
“Of course,” she grinned. “That sound is the sound of your very healthy baby boy. Congratulations to you both.”
“A boy,” Chasen gasped, his eyes wide, tears springing to them and rolling down his cheeks. “I can’t believe it.” He looked over at me, the sound of the heartbeat still thrumming around the room. “We’re having a boy.”
“And that lovely mating bite of yours hasn’t affected things one bit,” Doctor Morris said. “I’ll grab you a picture of the ultrasound and give you two a moment.” She left the room, leaving the two of us alone in the silence.
And in that instant, I could see our lives unfolding before our very eyes. I could see us moving into Chasen’s house, a cheesy family portrait of us on the front porch waving at whoever was taking the picture. I could see us taking holidays together, teaching him to ride a bike, taking him to school for the first time. I could see a forever that stretched out as far as my imagination would take me and I could feel tears in my eyes as I thought of it.
I took hold of Chasen’s hand and he squeezed it tight.
“So a boy then,” he managed, swallowing back his tears.
“Yeah, a boy,” I said. “Better start thinking of names.”
“Christ, names!”
“We’re not calling him Christ,” I said, which got a laugh out of him. “We’re going to have a little boy, Chasen.” I could hardly believe it was happening. A baby boy. Our baby boy. It was real.
“You sure you want to go in there alone?” Chasen said as he pulled up outside Jarrett and Brent’s house. “There are three kids in there, I’m worried they’ll kill you before Jarrett does. Or they’ll ruin the fact we’ve just heard our baby’s heartbeat by being annoying.”
“You know those are your nephews and niece you’re talking about right?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I’ll be fine. They love me.”
He nodded. “I know they do. But seriously, you sure you don’t want me with you for moral support?” He leaned in a little. “With Jarrett, not the kids.”
I sighed. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but if you take longer than half an hour I’m coming over,” he
said, driving the car the extra hundred meters or so to his own house.
The fact of the matter was, I wasn’t sure we’d be fine at all. We’d not spoken since he was at my bedside after my fainting episode. I thought we would have tried to get in contact at some point, or maybe he would have come into Frostbites to see me while I was working like he usually did. But I hadn’t seen him for six weeks and it was really getting to me. He’d spoken to Chasen, he hadn’t spoken to me. Actually going to his house and talking to him was pretty much my last option.
I knocked on the door.
“Oh,” Jarrett said when he opened the door. “Hi Tate.”
“Hi stranger,” I said, hoping there was no edge to my voice. I didn’t want to scare him off. I wanted us to be friends again; I didn’t want us to be fighting. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve been super busy. How are…things?”
“Good,” I said, smiling. “We actually just had the first sonogram appointment today. Got to hear the heartbeat and everything.”
Jarrett’s eyes widened, a smile breaking across his face. “That’s incredible! Gosh. You didn’t go alone did you? I would have gone if you’d called-“
“Chasen was there, don’t worry,” I laughed. “He’s doing his fatherly duties like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Is he with you now?”
“Nope, just me,” I said. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Jarrett said, opening the door and stepping to one side so I could come in.
I’d hardly gotten my shoes off before Emery had run over to me, her hair tied up in pigtails, her face split with the broadest grin.
“Tate! Tate! Tate!” she screamed. “Did you bring us treats?”
Shit. I knew I’d forgotten something.
“Sorry, Emery, I forgot,” I sighed.
“That’s because you’ve got baby brain,” Emery said knowingly. “That’s what happened to Papa when he was pregnant with Emmett and Easton. Most days, Jarrett took me to school because Papa kept forgetting to wake up.”
“Is that so?” I looked over to Jarrett who was looking down at Emery with the biggest grin on his face. I always loved seeing him when the kids were around. He was so much more relaxed and less serious. They softened him a lot.
“Ooof.” I grunted as Emery ran into me, slapping her hands onto my belly.
“Emery.” Jarrett warned.
“I want to feel if the baby is kicking,” she said, running her hands all over my stomach. There wasn’t even really anything to feel yet but this was making me feel deeply uncomfortable.
“Jarrett, this is weird I-“
“Hellooooooooo!” Emery shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth and putting it near my belly. “Are you in there?” she hollered.
“Emery, please-“ I started, trying to contain myself. I didn’t like this; I didn’t like it at all. It was making me feel all hot and flustered. I didn’t want this level of attention on me, on my stomach. That’s not what I came here for.
“Little baby are you here?” Emery shouted.
“That’s enough!” I said, a lot louder than I intended to. Emery stopped and took a step backwards, surprised that I had raised my voice. I surprised myself a little too.
“Brent!” Jarrett called. Brent popped his head around the doorframe, an apron on, his hair sticking out at odd angles, a little bit of flour on his forehead. “Could Emery come and decorate cookies with you while I chat with-?”
“Tate!” Brent said excitedly, a smile breaking across his face stretching right up to his eyes. “I didn’t know you were coming over, can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine, thank you Brent.” My face flushed red. I felt so embarrassed. Where had that frustration come from? That wasn’t me. That wasn’t how I did things at all.
“Congratulations are in order I hear,” Brent said. “If you need any tips, just let me know. Or even any baby clothes, we’ve got loads from having twins, so just give me a call.”
“Thanks Brent.” He was a sweetheart and I was being an asshole. This day had started so well, why did that have to happen?
Emery trotted out after Brent and Jarrett took me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa. I felt so sheepish. I just wanted to leave.
“So how have you been?” Jarrett asked. “I’m sorry I’ve not spoken to you in a while I’ve-“
“Been busy, you said,” I interrupted. I didn’t mean for it to come out catty but I didn’t have the filter to stop that one. “I missed you, if that helps.” I added. “I’m so used to seeing you most days because you come into Frostbites for coffee, so it’s been weird not having you around. I know you had the bonding ceremony and stuff but I thought you’d come back at some point. I guess I really pissed you off by getting with Chasen, huh?”
“It’s not that.”
“Are you sure? Because it certainly feels like it is,” I said. “I’ve not spoken to you since the bonding ceremony, or since I collapsed. You can’t tell me the two things aren’t connected.”
“It’s not about you and Chasen, I swear,” he said. He took a moment to gather himself. “The thing that I really can’t understand is why you would pretend to be an alpha for so long. I mean, you can’t fight fate and Chasen is your fated. You two are really cute together. There’s always been chemistry there and while it annoyed me because I thought Chasen would just have sex with you and then make our friendship awkward, it’s pretty great you two are fated. The chemistry is so important and you guys have tons of it.” He paused. “But why did you lie to me for so long?”
“I didn’t lie to you-“
“No, Tate, you did,” Jarrett said flatly. “You can deny it if you want to, but what you did was lie and it upset me. I thought you were an alpha, you told me you were, what was the point?”
“I didn’t want to lose you,” I whispered. “It sounds stupid, I know, but your friendship means the absolute world to me. It started out as a small thing, I was hiding it because I really liked Chasen, and then it just got bigger and bigger. I hid so much of who I was in the name of guarding my heart and it was stupid because I’ve missed out on so much because of it.” I reached out and I took Jarrett’s hand. “I never meant to hurt you Jarrett, that’s the last thing I want to do. You’re my best friend. I can’t lose you. Besides you’re going to have a little nephew and they’re going to need someone like you.”
Jarrett opened his arms and pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tight on the sofa as I let myself cry. I was going to blame this on pregnancy hormones for sure. I was never usually this up and down emotionally.
“Are we okay?” I said into his chest.
He laughed. “Of course we are. I don’t want to lose you either Tate. Where the hell would I get my coffee from?”
11
Chasen
The weeks flew by like a dream and it wasn’t long before I’d convinced Tate that, considering he stayed with me almost every night of the week, it might be an idea that he had some stuff at my place or maybe he could just move in with me.
“Are you kidding?” he said through a mouthful of day-old donut from Frostbites. “You want me to live with you?”
“Well, we are having a baby together,” I said. “It might be cool if all three of us live under one roof.”
“If my mouth weren’t covered in powdered sugar, I would kiss you so hard.”
“Fuck the powdered sugar, if it’s a yes, kiss me!”
“Of course it’s a yes!” He leaped to his feet and hurried over to me, planting a kiss on my lips, wrapping his arms around my neck. “So I’m going to live here?”
I looked around. It was like looking at my house for the first time, seeing it through Tate’s eyes rather than my own. It needed a few homely touches, but we could make it work.
“I think you should keep your apartment over the bakery though,” I said. Tate looked worried. “No, not like that. You’re pregnant and working, it would be good for you to have a s
pace that you can go and unwind on a break rather than just sitting out the back. Or working through your breaks like you normally do.”
“Chasen-“
“You need your rest,” I said, squeezing him a little tighter. “I’m going to have Jonica watching you, if you don’t take your breaks I’m going to know about it.”
He leaned up and kissed me softly on the lips, our foreheads touching. He stayed there, his hot breath on my face. “How did I get so lucky to have you taking care of me?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a smirk. “But you’ll spend the rest of your life repaying me.”
We moved his stuff in that day, taking boxes and bags of essentials from his apartment to my house. He kept some stuff at the apartment so it wouldn’t be completely empty when he went up there for breaks, but he brought a lot of stuff to mine. Well, ours.
“Gosh, I had such huge plans for that apartment,” Tate said as we packed the last of the boxes into the car. “When I first got it, I was going to redo the whole thing. That, of course, was going to be after I renovated the bakery.”
“Why would you want to renovate Frostbites?” I asked. “It’s an absolute town treasure, everybody loves it there.”
“Yeah, I know,” he groaned, climbing into the front seat of the car. I got into the driver’s seat. “But when I first got there, I was making do with what I had. I went with the sort of rustic, town bakery feel because I didn’t have the money to actually make it look the way I wanted it. That’s part of the charm now and it’s well liked but if I could do it up, business would skyrocket.”
“You could still do that,” I said. “It’s not too late just because you’re moving out.”
“Well, I’m going to be busy with the baby,” he said. “Not that I’m unhappy about that, but I just had huge plans for it, you know, and I feel like I’ve sort of backed out on them.”
“You’ve not!”
“I could see it, you know?” he said, staring back at the shop front. “All glass fronted and gorgeous, decorated in blue and whites so that the frosty theme really came through. Silver glitter grout!” he laughed to himself. “It’s funny how dreams change, isn’t it?”
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