When I got back to the booth, Jarrett and Slater were deep in conversation but shut up when I sat back down. They must have been talking about my current situation. I flushed, my heart starting to pound a little faster. What was Slater going to say about all this?
“So there’s more than just the need for a catch up bringing you out tonight, huh?” Slater said. “If I’d known there was something going on, I wouldn’t have railed on you for looking like shit,” he added. “You have reason to look like shit. I was about to go in on you for working yourself too hard.”
I turned to Jarrett. “He knows everything?” I asked.
“He knows enough,” Jarrett said sharply. “He knows what you did to Tate at least, he doesn’t know why. Hell, I don’t even know why.” He was angry at me. I could see it in the way he gripped his beer, his knuckles going a little white around the green of the bottle.
“Are you taking Tate’s side?” I asked, trying not to sound too testy.
“I’m not taking anyone’s side,” Jarrett said, though I wasn’t sure I believed him. “But you should have told him so much sooner than you did! To let him find out via a notice, that’s really fucking cruel, Chasen, can’t you see that?”
“I do.”
“Then what the hell happened, huh?” Jarrett asked.
“It slipped my mind,” I said. “I know it sounds like bullshit and Tate doesn’t believe me either which is why he left in the first place. We were having the best time, Jarrett, you must know that. We couldn’t get enough of each other, we’d moved in, it was all going so so great and then this came in and wrecked it.” I sighed. “I really fucked this up. He’s gone and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Now that’s bullshit,” Slater said taking a swig of his beer.
“Excuse me?”
“You can’t honestly say that there’s nothing you can do about it,” he said. “You’ve not even done anything to try and get him back yet and you’re giving up before you’ve even tried. That’s ridiculous.”
“He knows where to find me when he wants to find me,” I protested. “Jarrett said to give him time and-“
“And that’s not what Jarrett did to Brent, remember?” Slater said. “He fought to get Brent back, or don’t you remember having to go to that talent show for moral support?”
“I do.”
“Well, then,” Slater said. “You’re giving up on this and I think it’s bullshit. Do you know how fucking lucky you are to have found your fated mate, Chasen? Jarrett found his and had to fight to win him back, you can’t just let yours go like this, it wouldn’t be right and you know it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Chasen,” Slater said. “Do something so that Tate knows how much you love him. You’re so fucking lucky and, I’m going to be real with both of you now, I’m really jealous that both of you have found yours while I’m getting really fucking old and not meeting mine.” He took a swig of his beer. “If anyone should be settling down and having kids, it should’ve been me about five years ago, so for fucks sake, Chasen, don’t lose this opportunity. It’s golden, you know that?”
He was right. Of course he was right. And I had no idea that Slater felt so bad about not having his fated mate in his life. I mean, I was pretty cut up when Jarrett got there first but I guess it must have been even worse for Slater given he was four years older than me and eight years older than Jarrett. It must have been really hard for him to be at Jarrett’s bonding ceremony.
“I’m sorry, Slater,” I said. “I had no idea you felt so…”
“Alone?” he said. “Well, it happens, I guess. If I’m not meant to find my fated mate, it is what it is. It’s not like I’m totally alone, I’m still getting a lot of great sex.”
I nearly choked on my beer. “Well, there’s that, I guess!” I said with a grin.
“And I was about to tell you, before Jarrett rudely interrupted me that there is a guy who has moved in next door who is pretty easy on the eyes.”
Jarrett perked up. “Oh really? You kept that quiet.”
“I didn’t keep it quiet,” Slater said, going a little red. “It only happened last week. But holy shit he is hot. Young, cool and edgy looking. I mean, I’m probably old enough to be his dad but that doesn’t mean I can’t take a look every now and then, right?”
“No harm in a bit of window shopping,” Jarrett said, taking a drink. He turned to me. “Look, I’m not mad at you Chasen, okay? I just want you to make things right with Tate. The only reason I was pissed off was because you were hurting my best friend. But I don’t want either of you hurt, you know that right?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do.”
Slater reached across the table and patted my hand. “You’ll figure it out.”
We drank for a little longer before Slater and Jarrett told me they were going to head home and get ready for the moonlight run.
“You coming?” Slater asked. “I know you weren’t sure before but…”
“I think I’m going to head on home,” I said, really feeling the beer sloshing around in my head. “Maybe try and get some sleep, hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Given the amount you’ve had to drink, I can’t imagine that being true,” Jarrett said, pointing to the table and the absolute devastation we had left behind. We certainly had gone hard tonight.
I went home finding myself a little horrified to be coming home to a completely empty house. This wasn’t what I wanted for my life. This wasn’t how things were meant to go. It was meant to be me and Tate against the world and now I was all alone. The family I had been so excited to start had vanished in an instant, all because of a stupid mistake.
When I’d taken a shower and gotten myself ready for bed, I found myself just staring at the ceiling, unable to drift off, unable to get Tate out of my head. He should have been in this bed with me. He should have been falling asleep before we really had a chance to say goodnight, wriggling throughout the night and keeping me awake but cuddling up close to me and making me feel like I could protect him against anything in the world if I needed to. And now he was gone, and I missed him.
I couldn’t take it.
I texted Jarrett and told him I’d meet him out on the moonlight run, I wasn’t about to stay in and pine after Tate, I needed to do something, I needed to feel the wind in my fur, to feel the rush of the wolf in my veins as I pounded the ground.
I didn’t waste any time. I got outside and took myself away from town and towards the wilderness that surrounded Furbitten Falls and I let the wolf take over.
I hadn’t shifted since the bonding ceremony all those months ago and the feeling of the wolf overtaking my body was something I felt like I’d forgotten. I let it fill me up, the moonlight hitting my skin, giving me strength, bringing me to life. The fur sprouted on my arms, spreading across my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my hands extended into claws, my face turning to a snout as my teeth sharpened and my senses suddenly heightened. My muscles bulged and I let myself go to my all fours. I could smell Jarrett and Slater running somewhere off in the distance, I would find them and we would run together to the early hours of the morning, just like we used to. This was what I needed.
I howled at the moon. I howled for Tate, for the mate that I missed so dearly, that I was fairly sure I had lost. I didn’t want to lose him. I loved him so very much. I needed to get him back. I needed him.
16
Tate
There was a familiar sound running through my head, a sound I’d heard my entire life that was chasing me around in my dream. I was somewhere between asleep and awake when it seemed to get louder, pulling me back into the world. There was a moment where I couldn’t figure out where I was. I’d been staying at Jonica’s for a little while now, sleeping on an air mattress in her living room and waking her up in the middle of the night because the baby kept making me need to pee, and there were definitely times when I would
wake up and forget where I was.
I missed him.
I didn’t want to admit it, I hated to admit it because it made me feel weak and feeble and like I couldn’t end for myself as a wolf, but he was my fated mate and, more than that, a friend, and I fucking missed him.
The sound came in through the window again, accompanied by the light of the full moon that was giving the living room the impression it was early evening, not the middle of the night. The window was open. I wondered if Jonica had left it that way or if I’d subconsciously known that I would hear a wolfsong tonight, that I would hear Chasen tonight and I knew that my body needed it.
It was the moonlight run tonight and I was pretty sure he would be on it. There was a chance he would stay at home but, if I knew Chasen, he would be out running with his brothers. I wished I was out there with him, just to shift right now, just to feel the wind combing its way through my fur, to feel the moonlight bringing me back to life would have been just everything.
But I was here on a half-inflated air mattress, my back killing me and my unborn baby sitting on bladder.
I shouldn’t really complain about everything Jonica had done for me since I moved in. It wasn’t easy having a houseguest at the best of times but having one that was highly emotional and pretty damn pregnant couldn’t have been easy. It wasn’t just uncomfortable for me, it was uncomfortable for her too, I was certain of it. But she wouldn’t say anything about it, and neither would I.
The wolfsong flew in through the window again, dancing around the room and resting itself in my ears. I knew it was Chasen, I could feel it. The way the song made me feel, the way the baby seemed to move and wriggle around at its sound. The baby knew that his dad was out there and he missed him.
I missed him.
Fuck me, I missed him.
I didn’t want to but I did and it was making me want to just get up and forgive him. I could have called his number there and then and he would have been over before morning to pick me up and take me back home, back to the life that we thought we were going to have, back to everything we had before.
I’d waited so long for him. I’d hoped and I’d prayed that something would happen between us, never believing that it would actually come true but here we were and it was happening and I had walked out on him. I’d left it all behind. For what?
I’d spent so much time pining over him, flirting with him and taking anti-heat pills to keep him at arm’s-length. We could have had so much more time together if I’d been braver and now I was about to throw all of that away for this. How much longer was I willing to keep this fight up?
I stroked my pregnant belly, my thoughts wandering to Chasen out there running in his beautiful wolf form. He really was handsome no matter what form he took. I didn’t know how he did it and it seemed pretty unfair if you asked me but somehow he managed to just pull off anything, He could probably wear a paper bag and still make it look like he was some kind of super model. At least that’s how he always looked to me. I smiled at the thought.
I wondered how he was doing. I wondered how he spent his days, how the update of Main Street was going. Jarrett had said it was a huge contract; one that would be amazing for his career, so I hoped it was going well for him. He deserved that kind of success. He deserved all the success in the world and I sincerely hoped he got it.
There was a trashy TV show called One Tree Hill that I watched while I was growing up and there was a line that always stuck with me. “Who do you want standing next to you when all of your dreams come true?” And I didn’t know if I was the one he wanted there, but I certainly wanted to be there when it happened. Imagine seeing his face if everything on Main Street worked out, if his business was booming and everything was just falling into place. That would be perfect. I wanted that for him. I wanted that for us.
“Us.”
I laughed a little to myself.
What kind of us was there left at this point? Was there even an ‘us’? I was pretty sure that by walking out in a huff, I’d done a pretty good job of making sure that wasn’t going to happen anymore. But there was that little flicker of hope in my chest that refused to go away, that little thing that told me that it might have a shot at working out. We were fated after all. That had to mean something.
I told myself it had to mean something. If I didn’t, I was afraid I’d never sleep again.
Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, I turned my attention elsewhere and to ideas of what Frostbites was going to look like. The new storefronts were meant to be all glass-fronted and gorgeous. He’d shown me the designs. I couldn’t wait to get back in there. I missed being creative, missed making things with my hands. I kept getting new ideas and putting them in the notes app on my phone, but I wasn’t about to takeover Jonica’s kitchen so that I could do a bit of baking, though I was fairly sure she’d be happy with the results.
I wanted to get back into my kitchen, back into my rustic and old looking bakery and start baking again, start seeing my customers. I could only hope that after all this was over, my customers would even want to come back. Just another thing that was playing on my mind. That was a huge thing to consider, just thinking about it made my head hurt, what the hell were we going to do to get our old customers back and to attract new ones? We’d been making such good headway over the past few years, it seemed like we were going to be starting from nothing all over again, which made me want to cry.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to wake up Jonica in a panic.
I allowed my arms to drift to my swollen belly as I stared up at the night sky. There was so much that was uncertain right now, so much that I was unsure of. The only thing that I could be certain of was my baby boy.
17
Chasen
The midnight run had made it certain in my head, this was my last chance to get Tate back. If this didn’t do it, then nothing would. At least he would be happy, or I hoped he would.
I’d done everything the right way; I’d gone to see the mayor to get the permits, I’d cleared out his apartment and I’d worked my ass off to get it all ready so that Frostbites could reopen with a brand new lease of life. And a brand new building, did I mention that?
I knew that Tate wouldn’t be coming back to Main Street. It would be much too painful for him given that he couldn’t open Frostbites that first day we’d started construction. But it meant that I could get on and fix Frostbites up to be the bakery of his dreams, do the renovations he’d always hoped for. I managed to get the permits when I went to see the mayor; I just had to put everything in place.
I was there the day they pulled the old place down, leaving hardly anything but a memory behind. The only thing we kept of it was the old menu boards and the art Tate had chosen for the walls in case he wanted to rehang them. Then I got to work rebuilding the whole place from scratch.
I made sure he had a state of the art kitchen, much bigger than the one he had before. I made sure the building went further back so he could fit in more seats. Everything was the best that money could buy, and every little bit of it was tailor made so it fit the vision that Tate always had for it.
It took us the best part of the two months we had to put it together, and I’d had to hire a whole different set of guys to work on that while the rest of my team worked on Main Street but it was worth it. When it was done it looked like everything Tate had said, and hopefully more. I hoped it made him happy.
The only thing that was left to do was to show it to him, but I needed another opinion first. The morning I was finally going to unveil the place to Tate, I called Slater and Jarrett, convincing them to come down and take a look at it, make sure I hadn’t lost my mind. Neither one of them had any idea what I was doing. I’d managed to keep it all a secret to everyone apart from my team and the mayor, and they weren’t about to tell Tate a thing about it.
“Okay,” I said as I took Slater and Jarrett to the new front doors. “What I need from you are your honest opinions. This is what Tate told
me he wanted the place to look at but, before I show him, I want to know that it actually looks good and not like some kind of unholy eyesore. So honesty.” I took a beat. “But also kindness because holy hell am I tired!”
Slater yawned as I mentioned being tired. “Sorry,” he said. “New neighbor is…” He yawned again.
“Keeping you up?” Jarrett said with a wink.
“Not in the way that I’d like him to,” Slater growled. “He’s a fucking party animal. Who knew that young people could be so loud? I don’t think I’ve slept for the past week.”
“Okay, well maybe try and focus on the bakery, just for a second and then you can go home and nap, okay grandpa?” I quipped. It got a smile out of Slater.
I walked them through the fully redecorated Frostbites. I meant what I’d said. It was exactly what Tate had described to me, or at least how it looked in my head. I only hoped it would be good enough when he saw it.
The silver grouting was there looking all sparkly under the new lights, the service counter was a little wider than it had been before with more space for Tate’s bakes, the color scheme of baby blue, white and silver made it look so wintery I swear you could catch a chill if you stood in here for too long.
“Wow,” Jarrett breathed wandering around. “This is incredible,” he said. “You can hardly recognize the place.”
“It looks totally different,” Slater said, stopping himself from yawning again. “You did all of this? Was this meant to be part of the refurb?”
I shook my head. “It’s a surprise for Tate. He has no idea.”
“Wow,” Slater said with a smile. “This is incredible, Chasen, he’s going to love it.”
“Well then, if you guys could head out the back and help some of my boys bring the furniture in so we can have this place all set up, I’m going to give Jonica a call to get Tate down here.”
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