“I feel like I want to hang up the phone,” I snarked.
“Have you spoken to Niko about this?” Jarrett asked. “I mean, I’m sure he doesn’t want to cause you financial worry or anything like that, maybe he can help in some way.”
“I don’t want to put pressure on him,” I replied. “He’s carrying my baby, I should be able to provide for him.” I sighed. “Fuck, I feel like such a failure right now. How am I this much of a fuck up when I’m nearly forty?”
“Okay, you’re not a failure, so let’s clear that one up right now, okay?” Jarrett scolded. “Second of all, I didn’t mean by getting Niko to go back to work. What I meant was, he has contacts right? When you first met, he said he could hook you up with people he knew in Howling Hills, really get your art out there and booming.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He did say that.”
“So, call it in, Slater. Jesus,” Jarrett said. “If he said he could help, see if he can. He’s offered so let him know what’s going on with you and see if he can help. You know he’ll want to.”
“You’re right,” I said. He had mentioned it when we’d first gotten together, how great he thought my work was and that he could make me a star. I mean, I didn’t want to be a star, I just wanted to be able to support him and pay rent. “Thanks Jarrett, you’re the best.”
“What about me?” Chasen said.
I sighed, not able to keep the smile off my face. “As usual, Chasen, you’ve been pretty useless.”
He laughed loudly. “That’s what I aim for buddy, good luck!”
I went into the store to pick up a few essentials, milk, cereal, bread, and the Doritos I knew that Niko would be craving and got myself home as quickly as I could.
I threw the bag at him as I walked in the door. He sat cross-legged on the sofa, an old episode of Will & Grace on the TV, a grin on his face.
“Have you seen this show before?” he said, pointing at the screen. “It’s like, a gay classic, it’s great.”
“Oh my god, please don’t call Will & Grace a gay classic, you’re making me feel even older than I am,” I groaned.
“So you’ve seen it?” he seemed disappointed.
“I watched it when it aired!” I exclaimed, looking at what he was watching. “Oh my gosh and this is season five, this wasn’t even a good season.”
He patted the chair next to him. “Sit with me,” he said. “You’ve been painting all morning and I feel like I’ve yet to see you.”
I sat next to him and snaked an arm across his shoulder, letting him snuggle into me. I looked down and could see the slight bump beneath his t-shirt. It had only been a few weeks but I could definitely see it coming through. It was amazing that there was a life growing in there. It was pretty terrifying too but I wasn’t about to tell him that given he was carrying the baby. I needed to talk to him.
When the show went to commercial, I turned my body to face him. “Niko, can I talk to you for a second?”
He raised an eyebrow and shifted himself around. “Sure. Go on.”
“My paintings aren’t doing to well right now,” I said, after a deep breath. “And, I don’t want to push you or anything, but had you had any luck with any of your contacts in Howling Hills? I remembered you mentioned it a while ago, but I didn’t know if you’d had a chance to ask anybody yet. I don’t want to push you but-“
“I haven’t yet,” he said with a smile. “Actually, I got pretty preoccupied and I sort of forgot. I thought everything was fine, why didn’t you say something sooner?”
I shrugged. “Didn’t want to be a let down, I guess.”
He chuckled, reaching out a hand and running it through my hair. “You could never let me down, Slater,” he said. “I’ll make a few calls and see what I can do. I meant what I said, your art is great and, in front of the right people, you could be huge.”
“I don’t want to be huge,” I replied. “Just a little kick start so we can have our family is all I need.”
He smiled and nodded. “Okay then,” he said. “Just leave it with me and I will make you a sort of local star instead of a huge one, how does that sound?”
I laughed. “Perfect.”
And I meant that. How did I manage to get someone so perfect, someone so willing to help me out when things got a little rough. We were a team, Niko and I, and we were going to be okay.
“How about instead of me going off and painting by myself, I paint with you?” I asked. “Just for this afternoon. You can still watch Will & Grace, don’t worry, I’m not about to interrupt your gay education.”
“I can’t paint,” he said. “I can mix music and entertain people in that way, but art is definitely not my forte. I don’t want to waste your materials.”
I grinned. “It won’t be a waste, trust me,” I said. “You won’t even have to do anything.”
I hurried out to my studio, grabbing my Crayola finger paints that I hardly ever used anymore. He looked even more confused when I came back and took a seat on the floor in front of the couch.
“Take off your shirt,” I commanded.
He blinked, surprise rippling across his face. “That’s quite a way to proposition someone, Slater, how did you remain single for so long?”
“No, no, not like that,” I said, feeling my face flush. “You’re my canvas. If you consent.” I added. “I’m not about to just attack you with finger paint, that would be wrong as hell.”
“Okay,” he said, lifting off his shirt and showing what was definitely the beginnings of a bump. “Make me look beautiful.”
“I’ll put my paint away then, shall I?”
“Oh my gosh, you’re so charming, no wonder I’m pregnant,” he quipped.
So I sat in front of him and set myself up while he watched Will & Grace, letting the paint warm on my fingers before spreading it across his pale white stomach. It was basically like a canvas anyway, and the way the colors swirled together, I managed to give it enough of a dimension that it looked like a planet all its own. Because that’s what he was carrying in there, a little person who was about to become my whole world.
12
Niko
You could call me crazy if you really wanted to, I certainly knew I was feeling that way, but I was sure that Slater was getting sick of me. Sure, he put up a really good front, told me how much he cared about me on a daily basis and even had me living with him, but I had my doubts.
Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones getting the better of me, but I felt like a burden. As the days and weeks ticked by, my pregnancy bump getting bigger, Slater working super hard to try and make ends meet, I couldn’t help but feel I was only in his way. I wasn’t a fulfilling part of his life, I was just something that he needed to take care of. I tried to tell myself it was my head playing tricks but I couldn’t shake the feeling away, no matter how hard I tried.
Doctor Acevedo hadn’t told me that I couldn’t work, but that was how Slater had taken it for sure, and he wasn’t about to let me put myself or our child at risk just for a little bit of extra cash. That was sweet, what wasn’t was that I was certain he was losing whatever love he might have had for me.
Could it be that he was only with me because we were fated, not because he truly wanted to? Where was it in the rules that said that you were to fall in love with your fated, not just be betrothed to them by the stars? What if Slater didn’t love me at all, but was staying with me because I was pregnant? That wasn’t what I wanted, not really. Not that I was in any position to try and do this all on my own.
I’d managed to work myself up into this state as the days passed by, making myself feel all the worse, trying to ignore it but ultimately failing. The littlest thing was setting me on edge. If he wasn’t interested anymore, how the heck was I supposed to keep him interested? Was there any way I could convince him that we were right together and that this whole thing wasn’t a mistake?
While Slater had apparently been falling more and more out of love with me, I seemed to have gotten m
yself in even deeper, unable to separate myself from him, unable to stop myself loving even the tiniest things about him. The way he’d get stuck on a song whenever he was working on a painting and keep listening to it to the point where tiny motifs of it drifted into his life without him noticing, a little hum here, a whistle there. I loved the way he was rarely without some kind of paint in his hair or something. That was a constant. Even if he’d showered after he’d been working, he’d still almost always end up having missed a bit.
There had to be something I could do to keep him? Maybe getting in touch with some of my contacts back in Howling Hills was the only way. If it was the only way, it was an opportunity I was going to jump at. I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t.
I got on the phone with Malynda Tice, the owner of probably the most gorgeous gallery in Howling Hills, Artscapia. It was a glass building by the river that held high class events a couple of nights a week, always packed with celebrities, always someone there willing to drop a huge amount of money on a piece of art. If I could get Slater in there, he would be happy. If I could get salter in there, maybe he wouldn’t leave me.
“Malynda?” I said when she answered the phone.
“Niko Lesher, as I live and breathe,” she drawled. “I haven’t heard from you in forever, I was starting to think you didn’t care about us Howling Hills folks anymore.”
“Far from it,” I said, “I miss you guys so so much. It’s weird being in Furbitten Falls. I know it’s not a million miles away, but you should see this place. It’s so damn quiet, I don’t know how Nyle stands it.”
She laughed, no doubt flicking her perfectly straight blonde hair over her shoulder as she did so. A signature move. I might have been laying up how much I missed her for effect but, thinking about how she was, the things she used to do, I felt a pang in my heart for her. Malynda was a one of a kind original.
“So what can I do for you?” she said. “I’m assuming this is more than a social call, huh?”
“Got me!” I said, which made her laugh again. “So, even though Furbitten Falls might be a little on the tiny side, it isn’t without its highlights. I’ve found someone.”
“Have you now?”
“An artist who goes by the name of Slater Ewen,” I said, feeling my breath quicken. How long was it before she figured out I was pretty much calling in a favor? Maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to mention that I was sleeping with the guy and carrying his baby. “He’s a bit of a recluse, lives on the outskirts of town and sells his paintings at local art showings and fairs, nothing major. But his work is better than that, he should be in huge galleries with people wandering around eating canapés and drinking champagne not drinking coffee and eating churros, you know?”
“Not everyone gets a big break, Niko,” she said, knowingly. “You know that. It’s my firm belief that some of the greatest artists who ever lived have gone undiscovered because of one reason or another, whether that be circumstances or just bad timing. Sometimes it can’t be helped.”
“Which is where you come in,” I said.
“I thought it might be,” she said. “I’m going to need a little more information if I’m going to meet with this guy, Niko, what do you have?”
“His work is mostly abstract,” I said. “But don’t let that put you off. You know what I’m like with art, but this is special. It’s the kind of abstract that somehow manages to reach out from the canvas and grab hold of your heart. I have no idea how he does it, but there is a little part of him in every painting and it really shows.”
“What’s it like? Describe it to me.”
“A lot of splatters and crossing over brushstrokes, but there is something more to it than all of that. You know I’m not a huge art guy, but something about the use of color and the storytelling in every piece I’ve seen of his really stood out. Every brushstroke is like a little melody, it’s like music on a canvas, it’s the only way I can describe it. Then there’s Fishstick.”
“Fishstick?”
“Yes,” I chuckled as the black and white cat looked up having heard his name. “He’s got this cat that he is just head over heels in love with who walks over every painting one way or another.”
“How do you mean?”
“There are paw prints on every canvas,” I said brightly. “It’s gorgeous, they really add a little extra something to the pieces, like each one is a collaboration with his cat.”
“Right-”
“You’re saying that like I’m mad, but the two of them are so in sync, there’s something about it that really makes the paintings pop,” I continued. “I mean, they’re amazing anyway, so insightful and evocative, but you add in the little paw prints and suddenly it’s like a whole other level has opened up. New meanings present themselves, new thoughts, it’s really something.”
“Is that so?” she asked, her voice creaking with curiosity.
“It’s gorgeous artwork, Malynda, really stunning, you have to see it,” I said, doing my best not to sound desperate.
“A meeting then,” she said. “You know me, I’m always looking for something new, something the other dealers in Howling Hills won’t have seen yet. This could be the perfect thing. I have a showcase happening soon and it would be nice to show off something new rather than the same artists I always seem to have at these things.”
“Fantastic, when works for you?”
“He can come by the gallery anytime this week,” she said. “Just let me know when he is coming and I’ll make sure we’re ready for him. I’m in every day except Thursday, I’m out seeing another client.”
If I was in my right mind, I probably would have told her about mine and Slater’s relationship. It certainly would have been the more sensible news because now, while I wasn’t lying, I might as well have been. I’d not told her something incredibly important all in the name of her agreeing to meet with him. I was playing with fire. But this could be it for Slater, his ticket to dizzying heights of fame that he could only dream of. Why would he leave me now after all of that?
I stayed on the phone a little while longer with Malynda, her catching me up on all the little things that had been happening at the gallery, only confirming for me that calling her was the right choice because things were going really well for her. This could be great and, when I got off the phone with her, I was already excited to tell Slater all about it.
I waited on the sofa, Will & Grace playing in the background, some snacks on the table ready for us to have a quiet night in together to celebrate what could have been the start of a new phase in his art career.
But nine o’clock turned to ten, and ten o’clock turned to eleven, and before I knew it, I had to drag myself to bed at three am. Wondering where the hell Slater was.
13
Slater
I’d needed the full moon run tonight to blow off steam, to try to get rid of all the worries that seemed to be piling up with the lack of money with a baby on the way. I knew it wouldn’t be safe for Niko to shift being pregnant and, while he was a little disappointed to not be going on the run, he seemed just as happy to be staying in for the evening. I’d bought him some snacks and he was still really into his Will & Grace, so he had plenty to be getting on with. I’d make sure I came back early in the morning to see him. I hated feeling like I’d abandoned him while he was pregnant.
“Well, well, well,” Halen said, as I showed up at Jarrett’s house. “I was beginning to forget what your face looks like!”
“How could you forget this gorgeous mug?” I smirked.
She hurried over to me and started pawing at my face. “Quick, I need to get an imprint of it for the next time you disappear!”
I snorted. “Halen, my mate is pregnant, what do you expect me to do?”
She shrugged. “I’m not asking you to abandon Niko, I’m asking you to answer my texts.” She laughed and jabbed my side so I flinched a little.” Halen snaked in a little closer. “I’m only asking you this because you’re my best friend,”
she whispered. “But I wanted to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been AWOL since Niko moved in, your brothers have hardly heard from you, and I just wanted to make sure you’re not driving yourself totally insane.” She sighed. “And if you are going through something, we’re all here for you. Chasen and Jarrett are terrible with feelings, that’s nothing new, but I’m pretty good. You can always count on me. And them too if I don’t happen to be around.”
“Is this a pep talk for me or an ego boost for you?” I asked.
“A little bit of both, actually,” she replied. “But you’re okay?”
I wanted to tell her that I was struggling in my head, that I was worried about being a good father, about being able to provide for Niko and our unborn child, but it didn’t feel like the alpha thing to do. It was nice to know that I had a support network though, and that if things really were going off the rails then I would be able to talk to any of them about it. But, for now, I’d try to handle it on my own. The run would get those voices to go away, I knew it would. This was what I needed.
“I’ll be all right,” I said. “But thank you. It’s nice to know I’ve got you, and Chasen and Jarrett of course.”
“But mostly me?”
“Yes, Halen, mostly you.” I rolled my eyes and she busted out laughing.
“Are we running or what?” Jarrett asked, pulling off his shirt so the moonlight bathed his taut torso with a ghostly glow. “If you two keep having secret chats over there, it’ll be sunrise before we even start the run.”
“You’re sure you’re up for this?” Halen asked, locking eyes with me, not letting me go for that moment. She reached out and placed a hand on my bicep, giving it a light squeeze. “We can always go drink or eat, or do both of those things, I’m not fussy.”
“No,” I said. “I want to do this. I need to do this.”
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