“That totally makes sense, Jax. And who knows how Rosie will adapt to losing her mom, you know?”
My heart sinks. “I know. I keep waiting for it to get harder. I’m not sure how this works. Does time make it harder—will it hit home for her eventually? Or will it just drift from her mind because she’s still so little?”
“I don’t know.”
I think about it, just as I have since the day I got Rosie. I don’t want her to forget her mother. Although I’m afraid that bringing her up will make her sad, I want her to be able to hold on to things about Nettie so she can remember them when she’s older.
“Have you figured anything out?” I ask Libby, changing pace. “Are you coming back to Savannah?”
“I think I'm going to stay in Nevada. My attorney says I'll get alimony, but I don't know how much or for how long. And I can force Ted to either sell the house or buy me out of it, and I'm going to. I should be set for a little while, but I'm definitely going to have to get a plan together because I can't live on that money forever.”
“Once I get settled, I'm coming out there to visit you. We can go to the strip club, drink too much, and see those guys who try to look like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike.”
“You have a child there, don’t you?”
My eyes go wide. “Yup. Crap.” I look up at Rosie. She’s dancing in her seat again. “I’m going to have to watch myself.”
She starts laughing. “You don't wanna do any of that any more than I do anyway.”
“I don't know. I really think I'm hitting a midlife crisis.”
“You're too young for that.”
I laugh too. “I can't wait to see what that brings then.”
“Jaxi!” Rosie calls.
I look up to see her pointing at the foyer.
“Somebody is here,” Rosie says.
“Lib, I have to go. I’ll call you soon, okay?”
“You better. I’m living vicariously through you and the love story you’re writing with my hunky ex-neighbor.”
I roll my eyes. “Stop watching so many soap operas. They’re warping your brain.”
She laughs. “Call me if you need me. I love you, Jaxi.”
“I’m here if you need me. Talk soon.”
“Jaxi,” Rosie insists as I hang up the phone. “Somebody is here.”
“I know. I got it.” I set the phone down and walk around the counter. “You sit right here and don’t get up. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I walk into the foyer and open the door. A woman in a tidy black uniform stands on the stoop. She smiles a bright white smile.
“Are you Jaxi?” she asks cheerfully.
“Yes. Can I help you?”
“Actually, I'm here to help you. My name is Christina, and I am with Rooney’s Cleaning Systems. Mr. Mason set up an appointment for us to come and clean the premises twice a week. He set us up for today but since you don't seem to know that I was coming ...”
That fucker.
I smile at the woman. “I'm gonna be really honest. I was not expecting you.”
“Well, ma'am, I can come back another day, but he paid extra to get us on the schedule. Is there a day you’d like us to get started?”
I have half a notion to tell her that I’ll handle it. But she seems to be with a small business, and I'm all about supporting small businesses. Why should they lose a customer out of pride?
“You know what? Come on in,” I tell her and step to the side. “Do you need anything from me?”
“No. I will take a quick look around to see what I need. Then I’ll go out to our van and grab some supplies. You won’t even know I’m here.” She digs into the front pocket of her shirt and pulls out a business card. She hands it to me. “This is our contact information. If you have any problems at all, feel free to call anytime.”
“Thank you.”
“Absolutely. Now go enjoy your day and let me take care of the house.”
This is wild.
I head into the kitchen and throw the dinner ingredients back in the fridge. Then I pick up Rosie and my telephone.
“Snack?” Rosie asks.
“I can't give you a snack when you're covered in paint,” I tell her as we head to the bathroom. “You'll be eating paint.”
She wiggles her finger at me. “We don't eat paint.”
“Nope, we don't.” I flip the light on and stand her up in the bathtub. I strip her clothes off and toss them into the sink so paint globs don’t get anywhere else. I plug the bathtub and turn on the water to a nice warm temperature.
She immediately starts splashing around. I grab my phone and find Boone’s number.
Me: You hired a cleaning lady?
Boone: I don't like vacuuming.
Me: I told you that I would clean up. This was how I was paying you back, remember?
Boone: Really? I don't remember that at all.
I grin.
I look down the hallway to see Christina entering the kitchen. Dishwater begins to run, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm kind of glad I don't have to do it.
Me: You have no boundaries.
Boone: Trust me. I'm showing more restraint than I even knew that I had.
A shiver runs down my spine. I close my eyes and try to wipe the picture of Boone with restraints hovering over me in bed. It doesn't mesh well with the sounds of a child splashing in a bathtub behind me.
Me: I’m worried about Janey.
Boone: I love that you’re worried about her.
Me:
Boone: If Janey wants to come back to work, she can. I can destroy a house fast enough for two cleaning services.
Me: Is she okay?
Boone: Yes. Just old. Oliver has called me twice in the past thirty seconds so I probably need to make sure that he's just being a dick and nothing is actually wrong. I should be home around five thirty.
Me: I will see you then.
Boone: Can't wait.
I sit on the toilet and turn the water off. Rosie swims around the bathtub like a little duck. The paint from her body dissolves in the water, making it look like a swirling watercolor itself.
The joy in her face warms my heart.
Suddenly, she sits up and looks at me.
“Jaxi? Can I see my mommy?” she asks.
My warm heart breaks. “She went to see Piper, remember?”
Her face falls. “That's right.”
“I'm sure she misses you. She loved you very, very much.”
“I love Mommy, too.” She stills, her hands pausing in the water and the ripples that were moving across the surface stop. “Jaxi?”
“What baby?”
“I'm happy that she was my mommy, even if I can't see her anymore. She read the best bedtime stories.” The light comes back on in her face. “Just a little better than you, though. Not too much.”
She goes back to splashing around again, and I sit back amazed.
If only I were that resilient, I'd be a little less scared for myself.
In some senses, I’m surprised that I seem to know what to do with Rosie. God knows that my mother never sat with me while I finger painted or read to me. She didn’t play with me or sing to me.
But Nettie did. Nettie had been my safety net.
It’s as though she prepared me for Rosie somehow.
Or am I just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even though I don’t want it to, I’ve lived enough to know that it’s going to happen.
It always does.
Seventeen
Boone
“Found you!”
Rosie shrieks as I yank back the curtain. Her hands cup her face as she giggles, somehow surprised that I found her.
“Again!” She bounces on the balls of her feet, causing her pale pink nightgown to swish around her knees. The fabric near her neck is damp from her hair after her bat
h. “Let’s do it again, Boone. I hide again.”
“You always get to hide.”
“I know. I like to hide.”
I pout. “I like to hide too.”
She moves toward me and wiggles her finger for me to crouch down. So, I do.
Her hands cup my cheeks as she looks me in the eye.
“You can’t always hide. You have to share,” she whispers.
My natural reaction is to point out that I am sharing. It’s her who’s not taking turns. But then I’m reminded that she’s four, and I’m just not going to get my turn.
Dammit. I had a good place figured out too.
“How about we pop some popcorn and watch a movie instead?” I ask her. Because, while I like playing with her, her hiding spots suck.
“Yes! The Little Mermaid!”
“Uh, sorry, sweetheart,” Jaxi’s voice calls out from behind us. “How about we get to bed instead?”
I turn around to see Jaxi standing in a short pair of shorts and a tee. She holds her head to the side and squishes the ends of her wet hair with a towel.
The sight of her like that—so natural and comfortable—makes my stomach tighten in the best fucking way.
“What?” she asks me.
“I was just thinking that going to bed doesn’t sound like a terrible idea.”
She cracks a grin. “I was talking to Rosie.”
“No bed!” Rosie says.
“But why not me?” I tease.
She drops her towel to her side. “You, behave.”
“You’re no fun,” I say as I stand. “Come on, kiddo. Time for bed.”
I reach for Rosie’s hand, but she jerks it away.
“No. You said we could watch a movie,” she says, stomping her foot.
I raise my brows. “I didn’t realize it was bedtime.”
She crosses her arms tightly across her chest and gives me what I think is the meanest look a four-year-old can give.
“Let’s go,” Jaxi says, motioning for her to come.
“No.”
I bend back down, figuring it might help if I’m on her level. I’ve seen Bellamy do this with the little girl she babysits.
“We have to go to sleep so we have enough energy to play tomorrow,” I say.
“I don’t want to.”
“I get that. I don’t always want to go to bed either.” Especially on the couch.
I have to do something about that.
“We can read two stories if you come now,” Jaxi tells her.
Rosie scrunches her face up even more and turns her glare to her aunt. “Aunt Jaxi is mean.”
The color drains from Jaxi’s face. I can see her heart breaking right in front of me.
I touch Rosie’s arm to redirect her. She snaps her anger back to me.
“Jaxi isn’t mean,” I say softly. “She loves you. She knows what’s best for you.”
“You’re mean too!”
The room stills around the three of us. There’s a whole lot of emotion drifting through the room, and if I don’t handle this correctly, feelings could get hurt.
“Look, I know you’re angry,” I tell Rosie. “Anger happens sometimes. But when we get angry, we don’t take it out on other people.”
“I am not angry!” Her face turns bright red. “I want to go home. Take me home. I want my mommy!”
Jaxi sucks in a breath behind me. I don’t even try to look at her. My heart cracks with the emotion in Rosie’s words and tone. I can’t imagine how it makes Jaxi feel.
I’ve wondered when this moment would come. Rosie has taken all of this way too easily. I’d hoped that maybe she was a unicorn child and would just take the life transitions thrown at her as easily as it seemed she did.
But I knew better. And now we’re here.
“Do you miss her?” I ask gently. “Do you miss your mommy?”
The frustration on Rosie’s face slips, and her lips begin to tremble. “I miss her.”
“It’s okay to miss her,” I say. “You love her.”
She nods. A strand of hair swings into her face and sticks to her cheek. I reach up and brush it away.
Jaxi kneels next to me. Pain streaks through her eyes. I want to pull her into a hug until it goes away.
“I love your mommy, too,” Jaxi tells Rosie. “And I know it hurts that you can’t see her. I wish I could fix that.”
Rosie hides her eyes with the back of her hand. “I just want to see her.”
A tear slips down Jaxi’s cheek.
I move so that I’m sitting on the floor with my back against the couch. I pull Rosie onto my lap and nudge Jaxi until she’s sitting next to me. Rosie buries her head against my shoulder, wetting the fabric with her tears.
I bring an arm around Jaxi’s shoulder and pull her against me too. She curls up against my side, her hair covering her face, and knots my shirt in her hand as she presses her forehead into my chest.
Soft sobs whisper through the room as I hold my two girls.
My chest feels like it’s breaking in two as they cry for a woman I never knew. I wish I could do more—I wish I could fix this. But there’s nothing to do but sit here and let them mourn their loss.
I rest my head against the top of Jaxi’s and say a silent prayer for them. For Nettie too.
I press a kiss to the top of Jaxi’s head.
Slowly, Rosie’s cries fade, and her body stops shaking. She laces a hand across my body and onto my other shoulder. Her breathing evens out.
My chest is tight as I take in the moment—our trio trying to muddle our way through this. Rosie needs us. Jaxi needs Rosie and me too.
I don’t think they understand how much I’m beginning to need them in return. It’s taken me a day to ponder what my brothers said about love because I am who I am. Well, who I was … but now I want more.
Jaxi’s gorgeous and funny and has the best heart. She makes me want to do better, be better. Falling for her was easy. We click. It’s so insanely natural to be with her—like it’s the only way I can see living now.
But the two of them together?
Since they got here, I’ve had a reason to get up in the morning. I want to impress Jaxi with tales from the office. I practice the voices for Rosie’s bedtime stories on my way home from work every day.
I won’t let us fall apart.
Jaxi rustles at my side and sits up. Her eyes are red and swollen. “I’m sorry,” she says.
“For what?”
“For breaking down like that.”
I shake my head. “You are a hell of a lot stronger than I would’ve been in your situation.”
She half smiles.
“Let’s get off this floor and get her to bed,” I say.
Jaxi nods and gets to her feet. She offers me a hand, and I give it to her, even though her pulling me up is a joke.
We face each other. Unspoken words swim around us, dancing in the midst of the walls that were just broken down.
“I’m going to lay her down,” I whisper.
Jaxi leans forward and kisses Rosie’s cheek. “Good night, sweetheart.”
Rosie doesn’t flinch.
I toss Jaxi a wink and head down the hall and into Rosie’s room. I flip on the night-light on the dresser. It casts a muted glow over all of the mermaid decorations that Mom bought for her. It’s perfect.
I pause and take in the sight and realize how amazing my mother really is. She raised five boys, yet she knew exactly what this little girl needed. She didn’t miss a single thing. It was as if Rosie was hers, and she went above and beyond to make her comfortable.
There’s a message in that, I’m sure. It’s Mom’s style. I’m just not quite sure what it is yet.
Mom is getting an extra hug the next time I see her.
Gently, I place Rosie in her bed and cover her up. I find her Glo Worm buried under a stack of books and tuck it in next to her.
“Night,” I whisper as I back out of the room. I close the door softly.
M
y body is on alert as if there’s more to do. I just don’t know what it is.
I turn around, and my gaze is snatched up by Jaxi. She’s standing in the middle of my bedroom with an unreadable look on her pretty face.
“Hey,” I say, walking across the hall and into my room too. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
There’s a hesitation in her eyes that sits just behind a partially constructed wall that I’m sure was built to keep me out.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I just …” She presses her thumb into her elbow. “We are a lot to deal with, aren’t we?”
“That’s subjective.”
She sighs. “Boone, I’m going to be honest with you.”
“I hope you would.”
She forces a swallow. “I want you to know that it takes everything inside me to have the guts to do this.”
A bolt of uncertainty crashes through me. I have no idea where this is going.
I take her hand and lead her to the bed. We sit next to each other on the mattress.
My heart races as I watch her war over what to say.
She lifts her chin and looks me in the eye. The confidence that I was first so attracted to settles on her face. It’s a façade, though, because I know her enough now to see the fear that is bleeding just behind it.
“I like you,” she says.
“I think it’s obvious that I like you too.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I’m trying to balance all of this in a way that is healthy for everyone involved. I respect you and appreciate you so much. But I also …” She looks down, as her cheeks pink. “I also fight my attraction to you every day. And when you touch me and let me cry against you, I feel … I feel something between us that scares the crap out of me.”
I lift her chin with the tip of my finger. “Why do you fight it?”
“Because all of this is a … it’s a lot. And you didn’t ask for any of it.”
Reckless (The Mason Family Series Book 3) Page 15