“Maury, darlin’, would you slice the onions? You know how they make me cry,” Nicolette called to Maury from the kitchen as she stood over her sink looking out to the garden below.
She loved their home, so bright and colorful, flowers and vines blooming almost all year long. Maury bought it for them just after Desiree was born, insisting that their child have a proper yard, a safe place to run and play.
There were two apartments, one up and one down. The lower one was larger, taking two of the three stories, with easy access to the walled yard. The top level was vacant. They used it for Maury’s spare office and storage. Desi had a special playroom that she and her friends could pretend was a tree house like in Swiss Family Robinson, and in later years, she used it when she needed quiet time or had a slumber party.
But today, even the garden sunshine could not cheer Nicolette’s heart. “For you, my love, I would peel them with my teeth,” Maury said as he leaned through the open kitchen door.
“Would you now? Good. Then I need two.” She handed him the onions and knife. Nicolette looked around for Desiree.
Maury caught her eye. “She’s gone upstairs to do whatever it is girls do after they have already spent an hour making themselves look glamorous.”
“Maury, we need to talk about Desi.” She looked at him with pain in her eyes.
“Why? Is something wrong?” his concern was immediate.
“Not yet, but it will be. We can’t keep the truth from her much longer. She’s about to go out in the world, Maury. She’ll meet people. She’ll find out. You can’t explain away everything with business forever.”
“I don’t understand.”
“There’s more. She may seem happy to you, but she’s always so hurt when you’re gone for the holidays. It takes everything she’s got to hide her pain from you. The night before isn’t enough, never was. She’s always wanted to be like other children whose daddies are home on Thanksgiving and Christmas. She hates your work because of it. And the trips and presents aren’t good substitutes; she wants you to be here. She has to know about the others. She has to know.” Nicolette’s words were urgent, pleading.
“And what am I supposed to tell her, Nicci? That I’m not really Maury Sanderson, but one of a long line of Trudeaus? That we fell in love after I already had a wife and six children? That divorce is out of the question? That I’d lose everything I’ve worked for, that I’d lose my other children?”
Nicolette touched his arm. “I’m telling you that somehow, some way it’s going to happen, and when it does, she’ll be devastated. The best we can do is tell her ourselves,” Nicolette’s voice cracked.
“If I told her, she’d hate me. I’d lose her, our life here. Why can’t we just leave it alone? Next year she’ll be in college far away from anybody here. She never has to know, at least not now. Maybe when she gets married or graduates from college or something. Not now. I can’t.” He shook his head and turned away from her.
“Listen to me. She tried to find your office on Wednesday, even though we’ve told her you’re hardly ever there. You said it yourself. She doesn’t know who you really are, Maury. She’s lived all her life believing you have no family besides us. My life as an orphan will never be an issue. But, don’t you see? We got lucky this time, but it will happen. I can feel it. You must listen to me.” Her hands were shaking as she looked at him with desperation in her eyes.
He dropped the onions in the sink and looked at her with bloodshot eyes. He placed his hand over hers.
“Nicci, I don’t want to lose her. Don’t you see? My God, every time I look at her, so bright, so innocent, how can I? I just can’t do it.” He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and looked down at the floor. Desiree glided in to join them.
“Daddy, you sure are slow at those onions. See, they even made you cry, huh?” she laughed and then stopped as she looked at her parents, sensing the tension. Her mother busied herself in the cupboards looking for things she didn’t need. “How come you guys are so quiet? You talking about me or somethin’?”
“Desi, I need a clean towel from the linen closet. Could you run up and get me one, please dear heart?”
“Sure, but don’t you have some in this drawer?”
“I want a bigger one,” was the brisk reply from her mother.
“Okay. Okay. I’ll get it.” Desi looked from one parent to the other and frowned.
After she left, Maury spoke softly, barely above a whisper, “All right, Nicci, I’ll tell her I’m never in the office, and then I promise, I’ll tell her after she graduates from high school—next summer.”
“I want to be with you when we tell her. It’s as much my secret as yours. I still think we should tell her now, but if you promise, really promise...well, I guess it can wait a few more months, but I don’t like it.” A heaviness had replaced her customary buoyancy.
“I swear it. Just a while longer, Nicci, just a while.” He took her hand and put it to his lips.
Desiree returned with the towel. “Here you are, mother. Anything else?” Again, she looked at their faces.
“Yes, Desi, if you could set the table please.”
They sat around the polished cherry table and lifted their glasses of wine to each other. Desi wanted to do a toast.
“To us and to Christmas. Here’s hoping Daddy won’t have to work all day again,” she said boldly as she raised her glass.
Maury and Nicolette looked at each other with sadness in their eyes and tried to smile.
“Yes, darling, to us,” Nicolette said as she clinked the rim of her glass to theirs.
CHAPTER 10
By June, the heat draped the air like a heavy wool blanket, but at night the city cooled and came alive. With the phone in its usual position, attached to her ear, Desi made plans.
“Jes, let’s go see what’s doin’ at Pompano’s. I mean, the guys are pretty cool, and we need to take Chrissie out for her big eighteenth birthday drink. Mother said I could have the car, but I’ve got to be back before twelve-thirty. Daddy’s home tonight, and he gets real upset if I’m late.”
The three girls walked into the bar in a straight line as if they were joined at the hip. The smoke rolled out the door in a thick yellow cloud, and the music pounded their ears. Heaven. Not too crowded, but a dozen sets of eyes watched the three girls’ every move as they snaked their way between the small, round wooden tables that encircled the dance floor.
Chrissie’s pixie face, blonde, blonde hair and her ‘oh so perfect clothes’ that clung to her ‘oh so perfect body’ had given her an edge. None of the boys she’d dated thought she had any brains, and she did nothing to disprove them. “Play dumb, they like you better that way,” was Chrissie’s motto.
Jes, on the other hand suffered from terminal shyness and unfortunate acne. She was loyal to the death, but boys never seemed interested in her mind, or her body, or anything else she had to offer.
On the way to the ladies room, just ahead of Jes and a step behind Chrissie, Desi bumped into a boy who was leaning against the bar. He was tall, extra tall. Most boys were too short for her. His tight blue jean butt stuck out just enough to make it impossible to miss him.
“‘Scuse me,” Desi grunted as she pushed by him. He turned only his head while he pulled in his posterior. Their eyes connected, and Desi felt the instant tingling beneath her skin, behind her eyes. Jes, expecting Desi to keep moving, ran into her full force, pushing her into his side.
“Gees, Desi, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Jes. No, really. It’s okay, my fault.” She was talking to her friend, but her eyes had not left the stranger’s face.
“Buy you a drink?” The blonde Adonis smiled his best lady-killer grin without missing a beat.
Desi hesitated and shrugged her shoulders, “Sure, I guess so.”
Without turning around, she said, “Jes, you guys go ahead. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” His clear grey eyes appeared almost translucent in the dim lights of the fl
ashing neon beer signs, and they laughed as he spoke.
“Wanna smoke?” He offered her a cigarette.
“Thanks. Yeah. Okay.” He lit it. She inhaled, gagged and coughed.
“Not a real smoker, huh?”
“Not really, but I’m getting better at it,” Desi said.
The next dance was a slow one. “Wanna dance?” he asked.
There was only one answer, and they both knew it. The power between them had been switched on the instant they collided.
“Yeah. Okay. Sure.”
He grabbed her hand and twirled her around to face him.
“I love this song,” Desi said as he pulled her up to his chest. The beat of the bass vibrated through her body.
He said nothing, but tightened his hold on her. She moved with him like sand beneath a wave. He smelled like spice and smoke. Before the dance was over, he was rubbing her back and playing with her long ebony hair. It didn’t seem to matter that they were hot and sweaty. They fit together.
The music ended, but they stayed clutched together, neither releasing the other. Her face was so close to his; she could feel his hot breath in her ear. He rubbed his clean-shaven chin against her cheek. Slowly, he pushed a mesmerized Desi away from him just enough to look into her midnight eyes. His weren’t laughing anymore.
“I’m Zach. Will you stay with me awhile?”
Zach drove down from Hammond as often as possible to meet Desi at Pompano’s. They dared to ride the Zephyr at Pontchartrain Beach, screaming hilariously through every stomach-churning turn. They rode the only streetcar in the city, the Canal-Tulane Line, popping on and off as the whim suited them. Their secret rendezvous were magical. Knowing she would leave in August for college and he would stay behind at LSU placed a kind of time capsule over them.
Zach no longer chased young girls. Gone was his desire to walk down Bourbon Street, duck into one of the dark, musty barrios and leave with a girl he would forget before morning. For weeks he hadn’t even looked at another girl, except to passingly compare the rest of the female population unfavorably to Desiree.
She moved him as no one had before, and still he had not made love to her. Being with her was as pleasing as a ride through the fields with Touchdown, exhilarating, unpredictable.
The plantation boy discovered new things about the city girl, her quick firecracker laughter flashing as her soft, chocolate eyes drank him in. He ached for her, yearned to touch her soul, leave his imprint, and satiate his longing.
She came to him one night in an ivory gauze dress. The skirt flowed over her hips and graceful bronze legs like a waterfall. Cascades of long, shimmering black hair tumbled over her shoulders, as free and untethered as her laughter.
Zach wanted her, all of her, to be his and his alone. He imagined her laying beside him, her hair on his chest, sleeping peacefully after he had loved her. Somehow she had to come with him, be with him, quench his desire. She was already a part of his soul.
“Des,” Zach said as quietly as if he were in church. “Let’s hop in the car. I brought some wine, and I feel like just takin’ off for a while.”
“Me, too. I’ve been cooped up all week. Mother and Daddy are out of town until tomorrow night. They flew to Dallas to see about some land Daddy wants to buy. So you see, I’m all alone, and I don’t want to be all alone.”
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Zach couldn’t believe his luck.
“I was kinda hoping you’d say that. We have a spare bedroom in the upstairs apartment, and I could make it cozy for you. Just knowing you were there would make me feel better.” She smiled at him and took his hand.
“That’d be fine. I’ll take you home, and you can tuck me in. Remind me to call home. My mother works herself into a migraine if I’m not there in the morning. God! I hate it when she does that.” He almost spit out the words and then looked at her, relaxed his face, and smiled.
Desiree unlocked the door and ushered him in through the hall. She offered him food, enjoying the opportunity to prove her cooking skills. He was everything she wanted in a man, sinfully handsome, a gentleman, fun, and he had a big family. She realized she was in love with him on the third date, when he grabbed her hand and her flesh tingled like she had been plugged into some kind of curious current. Yet, she sensed that he needed to be the first to utter words of love, or the bubble would break, and all her glorious feelings would sink to the ground, crushed by the sheer weight of her words. She couldn’t risk it.
So she waited, wanting him to kiss her skin, to reach beyond her throat, to caress her entire being. On other nights, he nibbled her ears, probed her mouth with his, and ran his strong fingers lightly over her breasts, moving down her belly to her thighs, but never more. His restraint impressed her, and it drove her mad. She wished for him to make love to her, wondering if her wish was wrong, hoping somehow she’d know what to do if it came true.
Desiree felt his eyes on her as she rinsed off his plate. The quiet was unsettling. He rose to give her another glass of wine. She took it from him, weaving slightly from the drink and the palpable heat they were generating. Zach moved slowly towards her until she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. He put down his glass and scooped her up in his arms.
“Oh my, Zach. What are you doin’?” Her words were slow and cautious, but she didn’t resist.
His reply tumbled over her ears. “I love you, Des, I want to love all of you, tonight, now.”
“Oh Zach. I love you too. But...”
“Then nothin’ else matters, does it, suga’? I’ve wanted you since that first night, that first dance.” He had made it to the bottom of the stairs. “To the top, or do you have a better idea?”
“No. The attic. It’s my special place, my secrets are all there, and you are my biggest secret of all.” Desiree gulped the last drops of her tall glass of burgundy. Her head was spinning. She giggled. “I’m a little dizzy, Zach. I think I’m sort of tipsy. Maybe....”
“Maybe that’s jus’ fine. I’ll take care of you. I’ll always take care of you. Just show me the way.”
At the top of the separate back stairs that led to the top floor, Desiree turned on the light by reaching over Zach’s shoulder. He opened the door that led to a small hallway.
“Over here. My hideaway. I loved to play here when I was little. Used to have slumber parties. Is this a slumber party, Zach?” she giggled again.
“Sure. Only I didn’t bring my jammies!” He laughed and put her down on the single bed that was draped with a quilt.
He left the light on in the hall and decided against turning one on in the bedroom. In the shadows, Desi lay waiting for him, not knowing what to do or how to do it, still nervous and not a little afraid.
“Zach, what if...?”
“Shhh. Just relax.” He took off his shirt and lay down beside her, his legs hanging off the end of the bed. Slowly, he began to kiss her, moving his hands up her bare leg and then inching his way to the top of her dress. He pulled it down to reveal her satiny soft, firm breasts. As he did so, she let out a gasp. Responsive moans rose from her throat.
“Oh Zach, I love you. I love you.”
He reached underneath her dress and found her warmth and dampness, pulling off her undergarments with skill. The thrill of lying beside her, touching her naked body drove him crazy. In an instant he had taken off the rest of his clothes and lay on top of her, drowning in the delicate sweet scent that emanated from her skin. He supported his body on his arms as he hovered over her and found what he was searching for. He entered slowly at first, but unable to contain himself, he released with a force that caused Desiree to scream out in pain. But he couldn’t stop; it was too late.
It was over. Desiree lay beneath him, weeping in a quiet way, not understanding why something that was supposed to be so wonderful, hurt so much. She felt stupid, hurt, and confused.
“I love you, Des. You were great!” The satisfied Zach crooned in her ear.
“It hurt, Zach. Why did it
hurt? Why does it have to hurt?” Tears fell down the sides of her face to the pillow.
“It only hurts the first time, Des. Maidenhead or something. Don’t worry. The next time it won’t hurt. You’ll see.”
“You promise? I don’t know if we should do this again.” She was suddenly sober and afraid.
“I promise. You’ll see. We can’t stop now; the best is yet to come. I love you. I wanna marry you. Don’t you understand? I’ve found you now, and you have to stay with me.”
“Marry you? Do you mean that? But what about...?”
“I figured it all out. You’ll stay in New Orleans and go to Tulane or come to LSU, and I’ll see you when I’m not playing football. We’ll be together forever. Don’t you see, we’ll take care of each other, and it’ll work out fine. Don’t you see? Yeah. Marry me. That’s right. We’ll do that as soon as we can, and it’ll be great.”
Desi’s head was throbbing, more from what he said than the wine. The man she loved had just taken her virginity and offered to marry her. But something didn’t feel right. She should be thrilled. He loved her. He wanted her. So why did she have a burning pit in her stomach? It didn’t matter; he was so close, and he loved her. Still, she stared at the ceiling for a long while and listened to him breathe.
They fell asleep wrapped around each other, breathing in and breathing out as though they were one body. In the middle of the night, the moon rose high and shone on their naked bodies, illuminating the room with an eerie light.
Something had changed. She knew it the minute she woke up. Her body felt different, not just the dull ache between her legs, but inside, a fullness that was new. It must be love, she thought. Desi turned her head to look at him, gorgeous and innocent, with a peaceful expression on his face. How could she leave him now? How could she go away when a piece of her, a critical part of her happiness would be across the Lake? He was her first and only lover; there was no turning back.
Zach’s eyes opened slowly, squinting from the sun that blinded him. “Hi,” he said, stretching and nearly falling off the bed. Then he reached for her. She resisted.
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