“Sorry,” he said, rubbing at his damp hair.
“Have a seat. I’m almost done.”
He did as she bade, saying, “You didn’t have to cook.”
She shrugged, one shoulder rising and falling, her shirt sliding down to expose the strap of her bra and the creamy skin around it. She was too damned much temptation.
“I wanted to.”
“Have you done any Christmas shopping?”
Looking chagrined, she said, “No. Have you?”
“No. I thought we could go today, since it’s Saturday. Ashlyn and Deacon aren’t going anywhere.”
She stared at him a beat. “Okay. That sounds nice. Though I didn’t take you for the shopping kind.”
He grimaced. “I’m not. But it has to be done.”
Smiling, she slid the bacon and some eggs onto a plate. “Are you going to Ashlyn and Deacon’s Christmas dinner?”
He nodded. Where else would he go?
“I am too. My parents are coming for Christmas.”
He thought on that a moment. “This isn’t going to be a problem, if you’re still living here when they get here?”
She stopped what she was doing. “Well...”
Lifting a hand, he said, “That says it all. I’ll do my best to have you out of here by Christmas, but I can’t promise anything.”
She set his plate down in front of him. “I know you’re doing everything you can. We’ll just... Cross that bridge if it comes to it.”
Emotions were playing behind her eyes, and he felt she receded and looked less cheerful than before. It didn’t take a genius to know that her parents wouldn’t approve of her living with a man when they came to visit. But he wouldn’t let her go back to her own apartment until he felt she could be safe. If that meant facing the wrath of her parents, so be it.
They ate in silence. He left her to her thoughts.
“This is good.”
“It’s just eggs and bacon,” she protested, biting into a piece of perfectly crispy bacon.
“Whatever you seasoned the eggs with is good.”
He got a smile then. “A family secret.”
Polishing his breakfast in no time, he rinsed his plate and slid it into the empty dishwasher before starting coffee. The machine was one of those fancy ones that brewed a cup at a time. He found it less wasteful.
“Want one?” He asked, and she nodded.
When they were done, he took the coffees back to the table and relaxed in his chair, legs straight out in front of him, bare feet crossed at the ankles. She tucked hers beneath her and palmed the coffee cup, all but inhaling the steam.
“I love the smell of coffee,” she told him.
“Always smells better than it tastes.”
“True, but that’s why there are a variety of creamers in the world,” she said, smiling.
Benton couldn’t remember a time he sat with a woman over a table and talked about simple things. Maybe he never had. His relationships were few and far between, with the military as his mistress and becoming Deacon’s bodyguard and driver afterward. Most of his focus centered on work and righting his life in the last few years. He had some, but most were short-lived, being more about the sex than anything else.
Andrea wouldn’t be that type of woman and he knew it. And he didn’t know if he had it in him to give her what she deserved.
“Black and strong, wakes you up.”
“You keep your bitter coffee. I’ll take my creamer,” she said, amusement evident in her tone and expression.
Considering the tension between them at times, Benton found her easy to live with. She made no demands on him. She liked to make dinner, kept things tidy and often spent time by herself.
Glancing sideways, she cleared her throat. “Benton, I wanted to thank you for yesterday...”
“No need.”
She looked at him. “I just wanted you to know I appreciate it. What you shared, it couldn’t have been easy.”
He sipped his coffee, careful not to scorch his tongue. “I’ve had a long time to get to that point.”
She looked down, peering into her cup as if it held the answers she needed. “I know it’s been a couple of months... I just... I felt so helpless and I don’t want to feel that way again.”
“Anything we don’t have control over makes us helpless. It doesn’t have to be something like what happened to you. You can’t beat yourself up for something you should never have been prepared for in the first place.”
Lifting her head, her grip tightening on her mug, she showed him the shadows in her eyes, the turmoil that had to be eating her alive. Without thinking, he reached out and placed his hand over the one she left resting on the table.
“It’s all right to feel what you feel. But none of it was your fault and there wasn’t a damn thing you could’ve done differently.”
Chin rising, she said, “It won’t happen again.”
He considered her. “Do you want me to teach you a few things?”
She blinked. “You mean... Like self-defense moves?”
Letting a soft laugh loose, he said, “Better than that.”
“Okay.”
If he taught her a few more defensive moves, had her master them, she would be stronger if Brad caught her alone. It was two-fold; it would give her confidence and stave some of his worry. Knowing her like he did, he knew she craved control. She made her own way here in Seattle and to keep herself afloat, she learned to manage all aspects of her life. But what she didn’t realize now, was she had friends that were more than willing to help.
“Tomorrow morning. Right now, go get ready for shopping and we’ll head out.”
“I won’t be long.”
True to her word, she readied herself in twenty minutes. She changed into slender jeans, boots and a cream-colored blouse that looked soft as butter. She slung a button-up sweater over that and reached for her coat. With barely any make-up on, he thought she looked young and beautiful. Pulled back from her face, her hair still managed to look neat and his fingers itched to set it loose. He liked seeing her with it down.
“You look nice for twenty minutes.”
Something moved through her expression. “I’m a girl, I know how to be fast when I want to.”
“When you want to...” he muttered, hiding his smile as he reached for his own coat.
They took the Jeep, the frigid air heavy with the threat of snow. He wouldn’t be surprised if they had a few inches before the night ended.
“Brr!” Andrea rubbed her hands together in front of the vent as the heat blasted out.
“Might snow.”
Excitement shone in her face. “I love snow. We rarely get it here, but back home it was practically a requirement.”
Glancing at her and then back to the road, he asked, “Where did you come from?”
“Colorado. Over five years ago.”
Nodding, he turned left into the shopping mall parking lot. “Then you definitely had snow.”
Looking wistful, she said, “Sometimes I miss it.”
“Well you might get your wish by tonight.”
The air proved no less cold for being in the Jeep for a half-hour as they battled traffic carrying people with similar ideas to their own. If anything, it was worse. Shielding Andrea from it the best he could, he didn’t protest when she sidled up next to him. He wanted to put her inside his coat and keep her warm, she looked so small and cold.
“Oh, it feels good in here,” she said, smiling up at him.
That feeling shot through him again, striking him in the chest. It felt too easy to be here with her, to sit over a breakfast table and discuss the mundane. It made him uneasy; it made him want to push her away and put some distance between them.
She grabbed his coat, distracting him. “Let’s go in here!”
“A baby store?”
“For Ashlyn’s baby. She’s going to need a lot of things. I wanted to get her some blankets.”
Feeling awkward and out
of place, he dutifully followed her around as she exclaimed how adorable each and everything in the store was. It took more time than he liked, but she finally settled on a blanket and few outfits that looked so tiny, he couldn’t imagine they would fit. If babies were that small, he wanted nothing to do with it when it was born.
“These are just lovely, aren’t they?” The clerk beamed at them. An older woman, she chatted Andrea up and seemed far too cheerful for him.
“When are you due?” The woman asked.
Andrea laughed. “It’s not for me. It’s for a friend.”
“Oh.” She glanced at Benton. “Well you make a nice couple. You should make beautiful babies.”
Suddenly, the store seemed too small and he was having difficulty getting air. The thought of creating life with Andrea, of watching her round with his child sent a panic through him. But at the same time, something very male in him rose up and that unreasonable part of him couldn’t see it happening with anyone else. She wasn’t his; just because they kissed a few times didn’t mean he held any hold over her.
“Every older woman seems to think you need kids,” she said, shaking her head as they exited the store.
“That’s because they’re Grandmas.”
Looking up at him, blue eyes assessing, probing into places he didn’t want them to go, she said, “That made you uncomfortable, didn’t it?”
He shrugged. “A little.”
She looked away. “Don’t worry. I won’t maul you and demand you impregnate me.”
There was an edge to her tone not there before. Somehow, he thought he did something wrong, though he couldn’t for the life of him say what. So he was honest; being in a baby store, thinking of having a child with a woman he hadn’t even slept with, did make him squirm.
She started walking ahead of him, her short legs moving at a furious pace. He caught up with her and grasped her shoulder, turning her to face him.
“You’re mad at me.”
“Am I so repulsive?”
“What? What the hell are you talking about, Andrea?”
She jabbed him in the stomach with her finger. “You looked terrified. Is the thought so awful that-?”
Silly, insecure woman. He grabbed her, pulling her up on her toes so that he could kiss her senseless. When he finished, she sagged against him, lips pink and swollen from the assault. Her eyes weren’t entirely clear, and it behooved him to admit neither were his.
“What was that for?” She asked after a moment.
Leaning down until his breath blew across her ear, he said quietly, “I want you in my bed so damn bad I can’t breathe. Don’t think for a second I find you anything less than desirable and sexy as hell.”
Chapter Thirteen
A thrill raced through Andrea as his breath blew across the sensitive flesh of her ear and his words took root. Shivering, she tightened her hold on the bag of baby things. A part of her was afraid to look into his face, but she hated being a coward. Conflicted, she stared into his eyes blazing with the desire that shone the truth of his declaration. Whatever lay between them, she could not doubt he wanted her.
A response trembled on her tongue, but she didn’t know if she could voice it. They stood in the middle of a mall, in public, surrounded by people, and she couldn’t feel bolstered the way she did when he kissed her alone. But the way he looked at her... Heat swept from head to toe and she suddenly felt like she wore too much clothing.
She did the only thing she could think of. She started walking away.
He caught up with her easily, grasping her arm. “What the hell, Andrea?”
Her words came out stiff and insecure. “This isn’t the place to talk about this.”
Without turning, she waited, and when his hand fell away, she felt the loss keenly. It was her own fault. Benton gave her the opening she wanted, and she could only run away like a coward.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” he told her. “You run hot and cold. You’re damned confusing.”
A giggle bubbled up. “I know.”
“I fail to find this funny.”
“It’s not. I just...”
He fell beside her. “I get it. Let’s just go shopping.”
Why did part of her feel relieved and yet, part of her wanted to fight, demand he take the conversation one step further? He was right when he said she didn’t know what she wanted. What happened to the part of her that thrilled, knowing he wanted her, after a year of wondering and keeping her distance?
Maybe she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was.
How much longer could she stay with Benton, tossing and turning all night while she imagined him sleeping a few doors away? The entire thing with Brad was becoming ridiculous. She hadn’t heard anything from the man in days, and she was beginning to think it couldn’t be as bad as she made it to be. Maybe it would be better to move back into her own apartment.
She stole a glance at Benton. By the way his jaw set and he kept his eyes trained ahead, she doubted now would be the time to approach the subject.
As they went from store to store, the air between them hung thick with tension. Andrea wanted to say something to clear it, but she didn’t know what. She doubted Benton wanted to hear anything she had to say. Everything between them was becoming conflicted; it was easier when she pined for him from afar and he seemed not to notice. She hadn’t known how much safety existed in keeping her distance.
A half-an hour into their shopping, they stopped for lunch. Andrea sat across from Benton, pretending to study her menu when really, she hardly saw the words wavering in front of her. She felt as if she should apologize, but she didn’t know what to say. So she sipped her water and ordered the first thing she remembered when the waitress came to their table.
Benton drank his coffee, sifting through his phone. She curled her hands into her lap and looked anywhere but at him. People sat scattered in the restaurant, the low hum of conversation drifting around them. Everyone looked so normal. She felt a pang when she realized she wished the two of them were just another couple taking a break from holiday gift hunting. Instead, Benton basically served as her bodyguard and sometimes she wondered if they could even be considered friends.
Now that she knew he wanted her more than she ever thought, things between them were awkward. Hadn’t this been what she wanted? Why did she feel like running in the other direction for safety? Was she a coward? She despaired for so long of him ever noticing her and yet when he did, she retreated. But things became much messier when feelings were involved and there was the chance to lose.
“I’ve got somewhere I need to go after this.”
Startled by his voice, she pulled her eyes back to him. “Okay.”
She couldn’t read his expression. She had never met a man better at hiding what he thought and what he felt than this one.
Searching for anything to talk about, Andrea asked, “Are your parents coming to dinner?”
He blinked, face remaining impassive. “My Mom isn’t alive. My Dad...” He shrugged.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Don’t apologize. I don’t talk about it.”
So, he was all alone basically. She wanted to ask him why he and his dad weren’t on speaking terms, but she didn’t want to pry where he hadn’t invited. She felt badly for him; she knew he wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment though.
The discussion stalled and she focused on eating when the food came. Afterward, they both decided that they were done shopping for now. Benton offered to carry her bags, and she let him, not wanting to argue over something so simple after she already caused problems between them.
Outside, the sky sprawled overcast and gray, the first fat flakes of winter pushing their way from the clouds. The sight of it lifted her spirits, and she turned her face toward the cold, enjoying the silk of snow on her cheeks. Though she wasn’t a child anymore and left snow angels and snowman to younger people, she still enjoyed this part of December.
“Looks like your snow is here,” Benton remarked, stowing the packages in the back of his Jeep.
“I know!” She climbed into the Jeep, vibrating with excitement. She could imagine sitting in Benton’s living room with hot chocolate, a blanket and a good book while she watched the snow from the window.
Staring the Jeep, Benton glanced at her, laughing softly.
The Proposal Page 9