by Eva Haining
Doctor: I’m sure it’s painful. But if it still has such a visceral hold over you, then your work with therapy isn’t done.
JBG Anon: The first time I did drugs, I’d just run away from yet another foster family. The dad was a violent man. Not with the kids, but at night when they thought everyone was asleep, I could hear him knocking around my foster mother. She was a sweet lady, her fostering fueled by her deep desire to help kids like me, who needed a roof over their heads.
Doctor: And why do you think drugs were the answer at that time?
JBG Anon: I needed an escape. I didn’t want to feel anything, and I couldn’t cope with what I was capable of.
Doctor: Can you elaborate on that? What were you capable of?
JBG Anon: Murder.
ARE YOU STILL THERE? LIVE CHAT WILL TIME OUT AFTER THIRTY SECONDS…
JBG Anon: I didn’t kill him, but I would have if my sister hadn’t walked in at the right moment to save me from myself.
JBG Anon: That night, I woke up to the screams of my foster mother as she attempted to fend off his relentless abuse. She begged him, for the sake of us kids, not to kill her. I’d hit a puberty growth spurt, and I could hold my own in a fight, so I didn’t think twice about running to her aid.
JBG Anon: I was able to pull him off her and tackle him to the ground. I didn’t hesitate and just started pounding on him over and over again. The anger of a lifetime spent unwanted came thrashing to the surface, channeling all that hurt into my fists. I guess one of the others used my phone to call my sister. She was staying with a family close by and came over immediately. When she arrived a few minutes later, my knuckles were bloody and bruised, and my scumbag of a foster father was unrecognizable. I’d broken his nose, his cheekbone, and jaw. His eyes were black and blue, swollen shut.
Doctor: And how did it make you feel when your sister witnessed this?
JBG Anon: I was so ashamed. If she hadn’t come in when she did, I’d be serving time in prison for murder. Every night, I’d lie in bed going over it in my mind, wondering how I’d turned into the very thing I despised. I never thought I was capable of such violence. It tormented me, and when a friend suggested I kick back and get high, I thought it would solve all my problems. I wanted that Zen high, where I could go on a trip so far away from my real life. Drugs became my oasis in the dark.
Doctor: And how long did that last?
JBG Anon: It worked for a while, but as time went on, I needed harder drugs to get the high I craved. By the time I realized my oasis in the dark wasn’t an oasis at all but rather a prison, I’d become a slave to the next hit. It was too late. I was addicted, and anyone who tried to talk to me about it became obsolete.
Doctor: And what about your sister? Had she become obsolete?
JBG Anon: No. I hid it from her pretty well until we were adults. And even when she saw that there was a problem, I played it down to calm her fears. She’d talk to me about it occasionally with an impassioned plea to cut back on all my excesses. I’d placate her with promises I knew I’d break. I’m not proud of it, but that was my life for a good few years.
Doctor: And then there was the overdose.
JBG Anon: Bingo. The worst part about that time was seeing how much it killed her to see me that way. I wanted to make it all better for her. I was supposed to be the guy who kept her safe from the harsh, seedy realities of life, and I let her down.
Doctor: How long were you clean before your recent relapse?
JBG Anon: About eight months before I started drinking. I hid it from everyone, and for a while, I was content with a stranger to warm my bed and a bottle of beer in my hand. It quickly turned to hard liquor, and shortly after, I started popping uppers and downers. That brought me to the night I first spoke with you.
Doctor: So, what was different that night? Why did you graduate from the pills back to snorting cocaine?
JBG Anon: The person I brought back to my bed that night had a pretty little bag of white power, and when offered, it was like slipping on an old pair of sneakers. Comfortable. Familiar.
Doctor: But you stopped yourself.
JBG Anon: Barely. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and didn’t like who was staring back at me.
Doctor: And what do you see when you look in the mirror now?
JBG Anon: A stronger person than this time last year. Someone who can find happiness. I know it’s a long road, but I feel like maybe, someday, I can become the kind of person who can have what everyone else has. Someone to love, a family of my own, and hopefully, my career.
Doctor: If you keep working on being cognizant of the potential pitfalls of returning to your career, I think you can have everything you want in life.
JBG Anon: Thanks, doc. I better get going to my meeting. I’m looking forward to holding that six-month chip in my hand.
Doctor: Enjoy the moment and be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come. I see we already have our next session booked in for a week from now. We’ll talk then.
JBG Anon: Over and out, Dr. Elliot. Thanks for everything.
THE LIVE CHAT HAS ENDED…
YOU WILL BE EMAILED A COPY OF THE TRANSCRIPT FROM TODAY’S SESSION.
THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING E.J.S THERAPY ANONYMOUS.
_____________________
Twelve
Ellie
Johnny is picking me up for our date in ten minutes, and he wouldn’t tell me where we’re going, so I’ve tried on at least a dozen outfits having no idea what’s appropriate attire for the evening. In the end, I give up and video call Piper.
“Hey, foxy lady. Texas agrees with you.”
“Hey, Pipes. I need your help. What do I wear when I don’t know where I’m going?”
“Does it matter? Whatever outfit you choose, it’ll end up on the bedroom floor. I still can’t believe you’re dating Johnny Reed. He’s so hot he could impregnate you with a single look from those icy-blue eyes.”
“You’re drooling, Pipes.”
“I’m living vicariously. Give me a break.”
“Yeah, yeah. You get plenty of hot guy action without fantasizing about my boyfriend.”
“Oh God, it’s serious. You just used the ‘B’ word.”
“Can you focus for two seconds and tell me what to wear?”
“You realize this would be easier in person, right?”
“Yes, but we live in different states, so this will have to do. I’ve got everything laid out on my bed. Hang on, and I’ll flip the camera.”
“The important thing is to find an outfit that will work for Saturday night.”
“It’s Wednesday. Why do I care what I’m going to wear at the weekend?”
“Because you’ll be strutting your stuff around Kingsbury Falls with the hottest person you know.”
“I need to be ready to leave my house with him in ten minutes.”
“Not the hot rock star. Me. I’m the hottest person you know, hands down, and when I fly in on Friday, I expect to be shown a good time on Saturday night.”
“Shut the front door. Are you messing with me?”
“Nope. I booked my flight about an hour ago.”
I squeal with excitement. “Oh my God. I can’t wait to see you, Pipes. I miss you so much.”
“And I can’t wait to meet your new beau. I’ve never seen you giddy over a guy, so I need to come and suss him out, make sure his intentions are honorable.”
“I can’t believe you’ll be here in two days.”
“I was going to surprise you, but knowing that I might walk in on you doing the nasty with Mr. Rock and Roll, I figure it’s best for my retinas that you have some advanced warning.”
“How long are you staying?”
“Can you put up with me for a week?”
“Yes! I can’t wait to show you around town and introduce you to my friends. They are going to love you. And Johnny… he’ll be thrilled to meet you. I’ve been telling him some of our more exciting adventures in the Big Apple.”
&
nbsp; “I’m sure our tales of a night on the town will be tame compared to his stories.”
“He’s not big on talking about that stuff right now. If you can avoid giving him the third degree on sex, drugs, and rock and roll, I’ll be eternally grateful.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not completely tactless, Ellie. I get that he’s on the straight and narrow these days. If he weren’t, I’d already be on a plane to Texas to put his nuts in a vice and warn him that if he so much as makes you mildly annoyed, I’ll turn him into Kingsbury Falls’ very own eunuch.” I’ve missed her insane tangents and flights of fancy.
“Are you done?”
“For now,” she says with a conspiratorial wink.
“Promise me you won’t give Johnny the Spanish Inquisition.”
“I make no such promises. I need to know he’s good enough for my best friend.”
“He is. He’s amazing.”
“Jesus, woman, what happened to you? I’ve never seen you moon over a guy all doe-eyed.”
“He’s different. I feel more like myself when I’m with him. He doesn’t look at me and see only my career success.”
“Yeah, because he’s already got one of those baths that Scrooge McDuck has. The one he can jump in and swim around in with all of his money.”
“He’s not like that. You’ll see when you get here. He is really down to earth.”
“Is he clean?” Her question is jarring.
“How do you know about that?”
“You’d have to have been living under a rock not to know. He’s a star, and that comes with zero privacy. Think about that before you get too deep. You’re not exactly a fan of the spotlight.”
“Kingsbury Falls is home to a few high-profile residents, and they seem to be living normal lives when they’re here.”
“Like who? Color me intrigued.”
“You’re going to freak out.”
“Who?”
“J.J. Savage.”
“Shut the fuck up! He’s the biggest movie star of his generation.”
“Yeah, and he married a girl from this town. They hang with us at Maddox’s ranch house when they’re in town.”
“Shit. I remember hearing the rumors about him and Maisie Bryant, now Maisie Savage. What are they like?”
“They make me feel like a troll. Talk about the beautiful people of Hollywood.”
“I’m not sure I can wait until Friday. I may have to sprint to the airport and get on a flight right now.” I can’t help but laugh, mostly because I wouldn’t put it past her.
“Oh, and Maddox Hale, the rodeo god, is the owner of the ranch my house is built on. You knew about him, though.”
“What? No, I didn’t. I’m beginning to question our friendship. You’re hogging all the sexy hot men.”
“Maddox is married to A.B. You remember, our friend, the surgeon.”
“Of course, I do. Are there any eligible bachelors left?”
“One or two. It’s honestly ridiculous. The guys in this town are definitely blessed when it comes to good looks and masculinity.”
“I’m making a mental note to pack my sexy underwear. I’ll be on the prowl this weekend.”
“Before you do that, can you help me pick an outfit?” I take a quick glance at my watch. “I’m supposed to be ready in the next sixty seconds.”
“I’m sure Johnny won’t mind if you open the door in nothing but your bra and panties.” A thrill courses through me, and as if on cue, the doorbell chimes.
“Shit. I’ll talk to you later, Pipes. He’s here.”
“The red one.”
“What?”
“Wear the red dress. It flatters you in all the right places.”
“Thanks, Pipes. I’ll see you on Friday. Send me your flight details so I can pick you up at the airport.”
“Will do. Enjoy your date.”
“Love you, friend.”
“Love you more.” I end the call and slip into the red dress Piper told me to wear. I gather the rest into a ball and throw them in the closet. I need the bed cleared in case we end up back here after our date.
I pad down the hallway in my bare feet, tugging my dress to smooth it over my hips. When I open the door, I’m met by the most beautiful, crooked smile as Johnny rakes his eyes over me. “Wow. You look incredible. That dress is killer.” He rests his hands on my waist and leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek.
“Thank you. Am I overdressed?”
“You’re perfect.” The heat in his eyes is enough to set a swarm of butterflies loose in the pit of my stomach.
“Let me grab my shoes, and I’m ready to go.”
“I’m rethinking our date. I suddenly have the urge to stay in for a not-so-quiet night.”
“Down, boy. You can ravish me after you take me out. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Mmm… I’m not sure if I like surprises.”
“I just want to take you out on a proper date, you know… food, music, dancing, and a goodnight kiss that lasts till breakfast.”
“Can we start with the goodnight kiss?”
His wry smile sends a thrill of anticipation down my spine. “As much as I’d love to see that dress of yours puddled on the floor in your bedroom, I’m wining and dining you tonight. I can’t hide away for the rest of my life.”
“Then let’s go. The sooner we go, the sooner we get home, and that means you naked and my lips wrapped around your big, beautiful cock.”
“Are you trying to kill me? I’m being the good guy. A proper boyfriend. Dinner, then you can have all the… dessert you want.”
“Deal.” I slip into my heels and grab my purse, ready for whatever the night may bring.
We drive a few towns over to a super-fancy steakhouse. It’s one of the top three in the country. The décor is a far cry from the diner in Kingsbury Falls and makes me feel like I’ve been transported back to a trendy Manhattan Michelin star restaurant.
“This place is amazing. How did you know about it?” I take a sip of water, wondering if he’s brought other women here in the past.
“Jax recommended it as ‘the ultimate foreplay.’ I get that the man enjoys a good steak, but nothing can top the feast I enjoy between your thighs.”
“Keep your voice down.” My cheeks flush as I imagine Johnny disappearing under the tablecloth, pushing my panties aside, and teasing me with his tongue.
“My girl is horny. I can see it in your eyes and the way you’re clenching your thighs together. I want to know what you’re thinking about.”
“You, feasting on me under the table.”
“Holy shit. I’m rocking a semi, you little minx. I didn’t know you were an exhibitionist. That’s hot.”
“I’m not. It’s you. You do this to me. The mere mention of your lips on my body, and I lose all sense of propriety. All I know is that you’d be hidden by the tablecloth.” I bite my bottom lip, squeezing my thighs together to lessen the ache that’s taken root.
“Fuck, you’re hot.”
A waiter appears to take our order, but I can’t even concentrate long enough to read the menu.
“I’ll have the filet mignon, rare. And for the lady…” He looks to me, knowing exactly what he’s doing as I fight to get my breathing steady. “The same.”
“Medium rare.” My voice comes out in a whisper, unrecognizable and filled with desire.
“Thanks.” He grabs the menus and hands them to the waiter.
As soon as he’s out of earshot, Johnny moves his chair closer to me before sliding his hand under the table, pushing the hem of my dress up my thigh, his fingers blazing a trail to the bundle of nerves that crave his touch.
“You’ll have to wait until we get home for my kiss here.” He tugs my panties to the side and circles his fingers over my clit. “But I promise the wait will be worth it.”
A groan escapes me, garnering side glances from the people at the next table. “You have to stop, Johnny. I can’t
be quiet when you’re touching me like this.”
“You’ll just have to try your best, sweetheart.”
He continues his ministrations, teasing me to the brink of orgasm while making idle chit-chat. To anyone else in this restaurant, we’re an average couple, catching up on our work week as we await our meal. It’s intense and thrilling and makes me want to skip dinner and get him home as fast as possible.
“Some appetizers while you wait.” The waiter sets a platter down between us, unaware that I’m so close to climax, I can barely breathe.
“Thanks.”
“Would you like to see the wine list?”
“Not for me, but if you could bring one out for my lady friend, I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course, I’ll be right back.”
“No!” My voice says no, but my body is screaming yes as Johnny circles his thumb over my clit with just enough pressure to send me over the edge. “No wine. Oh God… yes…” What the hell am I doing? “Just water, thanks.” The waiter looks at me in disbelief, his jaw dropping to the floor.
“You’re awfully enthused by a glass of water tonight, Ellie.” I clamp my legs together, forcing myself just out of his reach. His eyes are ablaze with desire and the promise of what’s to come.
I lean across the table, whispering so only he can hear. “I just orgasmed in front of the waiter and all these people.”
“Yes.” He pulls his hand back from under the table and darts his tongue out to lick the pad of his thumb, wet with my arousal. “You did, and you taste divine.”
“What are you doing to me, Johnny Reed? I’ve never done anything like that before.”
“Get used to it because this won’t be the last time I get you off with people unwittingly watching you fall apart beneath my touch.” I’m dead. I’ve been attracted to plenty of men in my life, but none could disarm me so completely. If he were to ask me to strip and spread my legs on this table right now, I’d do it. I ache for more of him, and nothing short of having him riding me so hard it straddles the line between pain and pleasure will do.
“Is this what a relationship with you is going to be like?”