by Mansi Negi
Standing there with her in my arms, I realized I would do anything to take away her pain, be anything she needed me to be just to make her smile again.
"The only thing I hate about you Lyla... is how much I love you." I whispered at the top of her head. "And only because it makes this hurt so bad." I squeezed her a little tighter to me and let the shower wash away all of the anger towards her that I was still holding onto.
Mom
Lyla’s point of view
Some form of shock had set in, and all of the words available that might describe how I should have felt flitted their way about in my mind.
Hurt was there and anger, betrayal, embarrassment... the feelings of being used, cheated, lied to... but all of them seemed to fall short and just become a list of words that couldn't quite hit the nail on the head.
My list of vocabulary floated through the empty space that was culminating in my brain, none of it quite measuring up to the feelings that left me silent.
Jonas had led me to my room a while ago and left me here when he met my parent's and the kids, downstairs, after they'd arrived home.
I'd heard him tell them I was sleeping and I was thankful he had. I wanted to see them, to grab my mom and cry and tell her everything that had happened, but that wasn't an option for me. I was alone in this.
My fear that Tyler would come home had grown as dusk had made its way across the sky and darkness started to envelope my bedroom, shadows slowly snuck across the floor and walls until they faded into the darkness of night.
I welcomed the dark, it seemed to match whatever void was settling in my chest. Tears weren't there anymore... I didn't have room for them in the emptiness.
Part of me hoped Jonas would kill Tyler, and part of me feared the idea. Every thought that momentarily invaded my blank space started with "I should have..." or "Jonas should have...".
He should have warned me better, I should have listened more closely, He should have been here, I should have never been doing what I was doing to begin with...4
A light knock pulled me from my trance and I made my way to the door.
"Dinner's ready." Jonas whispered softly, looking behind me into my dark room.
"Lyla..." The way he said it sounded concerned and sad with the realization that I'd just sat up here for the last three hours in darkness.
I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Lyla!" Tristan ran over and threw her arms around me. I patted her head and faked a smile. My mom wrapped me in a hug.
"I'm so happy you're awake Lyla! I missed you!" She rubbed a hand down my back and pulled away looking at my face. "You still look tired. Are you feeling alright honey?" She asked, holding the back of her hand to my cheek and then my forehead.
"Yes, I'm fine mom." I grabbed her back into a hug, fighting back tears. She held on longer than normal, maybe sensing that something was off with me, maybe because she needed it, whatever the reason, I momentarily relished the feeling. Opening my eyes, I caught Jonas standing behind us looking toward us.
He seemed so sad...like he blamed himself for the whole thing. I wished he wouldn't. I didn't, not even a little bit. Tyler was to blame.
I'd tell him that later, later when I could form sentences again, when I could make better sense of the past 24 hours.
My mom spooned some of her famous homemade macaroni and cheese into my bowl and I sat at the island beside Jonas.
I stared into my bowl, listening to my parents talking about their trip, how my grandpa's house was in contract, how much the small children had enjoyed the snow, and how thankful they were to have had such a large amount of it this late into the season.
I nodded every once in a while, to feign interest, but my mind couldn't really focus on anything except for my own situation. Jonas had at some point placed his hand at the small of my back and I could feel his thumb rubbing comfortingly against me.
He really was the perfect man. I wouldn't have expected his reaction to be this, but I was glad it was, because it was what I needed right now.1
I knew eventually his jealousy would show through, just because of who Jonas was, but he was controlling it really well, just like he controlled everything.
He was always so in control that it made me think one day he'd totally lose his mind and go off the deep end. The thought made me smile briefly. I'd like to see that actually.1
He stopped his thumb's movement and smirked at me inquisitively, noticing the smile.
"What are you smiling about little girl?" He whispered over to me, raising an eyebrow.
The moment was interrupted as headlights bounced through the front window of the house and cascaded through the kitchen.
My smile fell, replaced by a look of panic and dread. Jonas' head shot to the window and I felt him stiffen as he removed his hand from my back and brought it to rest on the island top in front of him, his body moving into a position that would make it more easy for him to lunge if he needed to.
I felt my heart beat quicken as the sound of the truck door slamming sounded, pulling my parent's attention to the front door.
"Oh! good Tyler's home." My mom said, smiling at my dad. I brought my hand up and placed it over Jonas' on the countertop, giving it a gentle squeeze that let him know right now was not the time.
His head whipped toward me, eyes lit with rage. I softened my face and pleaded with my eyes for him to not do what he was about to. I watched his throat bob as he swallowed back anger and his features began to relax as he stared into my eyes.3
The front door swung open and I couldn't bring my eyes to even look at Tyler. I let my head fall and stared once more into my bowl of macaroni and cheese that was still almost full. Jonas' eyes didn't leave me.
I could feel them burning intensely into me, as if he were waiting for some sign that I'd changed my mind so that he could attack.
"Tyler!" My mom squealed.
"How was your birthday son?" My dad stood and walked over patting him on the back. I didn't look up, I couldn't.
I'd probably shoot over and kill him myself if I allowed my eyes to meet his.
"It was the best birthday I've ever had... thanks to Lyla." He said, arrogance cloaking the statement.
I felt Jonas' hand twitch and tighten under mine as he gripped the edge of the island.
"She gave me the most beautiful gift..." he continued. Jonas shot to his feet and I pulled his arm toward me, fighting back a wave nausea that rippled through my stomach and almost made me audibly gag.3
I looked up to Jonas, who stared at Tyler like a tiger ready to pounce. My heart quickened as I met Tyler's eyes, looking playfully at me — a cat toying with his mouse. It really was all a game to him.
"Lyla, that's nice, what did you get him?" My mom asked, redirecting her attention to me as I slipped my hand away from Jonas' and let it rest on my leg.
"Umm..." I couldn't even form a word. Was he honestly about to tell them what he'd done? I didn't even know what to say. My cheeks flushed, adding to the nausea radiating through my stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick." As quickly as the heat had burned my cheeks I felt my colour drain.
"It was a sweater." Tyler answered for me. "What did she get you Jonas?" He asked mockingly.2
I couldn't hold back the urge to lurch my guts out anymore. I shot to my feet and ran down the hall, flinging myself to the floor in front of the toilet as my stomach convulsed, emptying what little contents it contained into the bowl and leaving me dry heaving for the next few minutes.2
Jonas' hand met my back, rubbing slow circles. My mom's voice sounded from the doorway.
"Are you ok Lyla? It looks like you have a stomach bug honey." She shuffled her way into the bathroom.
"I've got her sweetheart." She said, resting her hand on Jonas' shoulder and prompting him to stand and make his way to the doorway. I glanced up to see him turn toward me, a look of complete shame covering his face.
"Is everything ok Lyla?" My mom asked as she held my hair
back and glanced from Jonas and back to me, like she was seeing his concern for me in a new light, like she had just realized that Jonas had feelings for me that shouldn't be there.
I looked to Jonas panicked, knowing he had saw the same thing I just had. He glanced at me, giving me a shake of his head, before disappearing down the hall.
"You can tell me if something is wrong Lyla. I shouldn't have left you here alone honey. Please tell me what's going on." She pushed the door lightly shut and turned me to face her. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted my life back, but I wanted Jonas too much to betray his loyalty that way.
"I think I have the flu." I groaned, pretending to be oblivious to the awkward realization she'd just had.
She raised a skeptical brow to me and I brought my hand to my stomach letting out another moan, trying to sound as miserable as possible, to stop the questions.
"I need to go to bed." I whined, standing and making as hasty an exit as possible. I rounded the stairs and ran as quickly as I could to the top, exhaling finally when I'd rounded the hallway and was completely out of sight.
I locked my bedroom door and climbed into bed, cradling myself inside of my blankets.
How quickly I had become the pawn in Tyler's disgusting game, the woman who I'd loathed for what she'd done to the twins.
I was now the Della... and I would remain the target until I left this place and went to college in the fall.2
I knew now that I could not wait that long. I needed to talk to Jonas. I needed to leave as soon as school was out.
I wouldn't let this happen and I wouldn't let Jonas carry the guilt of Tyler's actions anymore. It was time for Jonas to start a new life without Tyler, and for Tyler to pay for the terrible things he had inflicted on innocent people.
My mom sat on the end of my bed in the morning.
"Why was your door locked Lyla? I need answers and I need them now." She looked at me, her eyes full of concern.
"I had a chat with Lorna last night, so if you lie to me about Jonas I'll know. I'm calling children's services today to put a stop to this, but I need to know now. I need to hear it from your mouth Lyla." She rested a hand on my leg.5
Oh fuck.
1
Jonas’ point of view
I'd gotten hardly any sleep at all, I'd waited until everyone had gone to bed and brought my pillow to camp outside of Lyla's room, hoping to detract any of Tyler's attempts to torment her further.
I'd heard her mum on the phone with someone last night, and I knew she was at least partly aware of the situation — my part, and I knew she planned to call the social worker today and have me removed from the home.
I'd already come up with a plan to keep Lyla safe in my absence.
My time here was coming to an end. I needed to talk to Lyla, to let her know that my leaving would not affect my feelings about her, but her mum woke up early.
I felt a slight tap on my leg as she knocked her foot against it in the morning.
"Jonas?" She questioned, no one could ever tell me and my brother apart, it was maddening, especially as of late. I looked up at her.
"You need to get up and get ready for school." Her voice was cool and the way she glanced to Delilah's room with concern told me she no longer wanted me here.1
"Should I wake Lyla?" I asked.
"Absolutely not, she won't be going today." She walked to her daughter's door and stood like a pillar, blocking me from it.1
I readied myself for school. No longer having anything to lose, I couldn't wait to be alone with Tyler.
I was going to thoroughly beat his ass. Before I left, I snuck into Tristan's room and knelt beside her bed. One of her little hands was curled under her head and her tiny mouth wrapped her thumb on the other, sucking it, just as she'd done as a baby.
"Goodbye peanut." I whispered, rubbing a hand over her tiny blonde head.
I sat there for a few minutes memorizing the rise and fall of her tiny chest, trying to absorb the last few moments I would probably have with the tiny human I'd given life to. I couldn't wish for a better family for her to be with.
I just hated that I couldn't give her what she deserved to have. Maybe we would see each other again when she was older. Maybe I'd be able to explain to her one day who she was to me, and the sacrifices I'd made for her. I wiped away a tear.
"I love you little one." I whispered as I stood and quietly snuck out of the room.4
Mrs. Moore eyed me threateningly as I softly closed the door.
"Thank you, for everything." I said and cast my gaze to the floor. I meant it. I couldn't be more thankful for the life she would give my daughter, and for the life she had given my Lyla, my girl... my everything.
She stood silently with her arms crossed over her chest. I couldn't help but feel like this was it for me and Delilah. A wave of pain passed through my chest. If I could have just talked to her before had to leave.
I met my brother downstairs. He twirled the keys to the truck on his finger.
"Sucks to lose huh?" He smirked and headed out the door, jumping into the driver's seat. I climbed into the back biding my time. As soon as we were out of here and I'd executed my plan, he'd get his.1
"You're quiet Jonas." Tyler smirked, amused by himself. I didn't give him the response he was hoping for.
I stayed silent, wracking my mind, going through how I wanted and needed this transaction to go.
"Just so you know, she screamed your name the whole time she was cumming on my dick, If that's any consolation to you." He dug deeper and my whole body tensed.
The thought of my girl in bed with my brother, with this animal, the things he may have done to her, the terrible things he was capable of doing to her.
"Fuck you Tyler, you know she wouldn't have even considered sleeping with you had she known who you were!" My voice was a growl, I barely recognized it.1
"Yes, but she did, and you know what that means brother... I win the truck and the girl... those are the rules." He answered nonchalantly.8
"I told you I called off the bet with you, it wasn't supposed to happen, not with her!" I barked. We were drawing nearer to the school and as soon as we parked, I was going to kill him!1
"And I told you, you don't call the shots Jonas, this is how we've always done it... she's mine now and so is the truck... Do you really want to dispute that, because I can make it harder for you. I know you love her, but so do I... the difference between you and I is that I'm not afraid to hurt her... keep pushing me Jonas, I dare you!" The look he gave me in the rear view mirror told me he had already come up with a plan for her.
The problem I had was that I didn't know if her mum planned on getting rid of just me or the both of us. I couldn't leave her there with him unprotected.
"I want to make a deal." I said as unemotionally as I could, knowing Tyler would catch on to any emotion I showed him and use it against me.
"I don't think so Jonas. I have already sacrificed enough for you, do you even remember brother?" He asked, eyeing me in the mirror.
"I do, but I was a kid Tyler, and I never asked you to do that for me! You can't use it against me anymore. We're adults now, you have to take some responsibility for your actions." I said it fighting back the deep emotion it brought to me every time he brought it up.1
For years he had taken his abuse and mine to spare me from it. When our mum had become sick and could no longer sell herself she had gotten her drugs anyway she could. Including selling her own children.2
Tyler had always taken my place.
It was what had fucked him, why he had nightmares and I didn't.
Of course, it fucked me too, to hear my brother screaming in pain and crying himself to sleep every night just to protect me, but I couldn't save him from himself any longer.
He had let it turn him into a monster, into the very person he had once tried to protect me from.
I knew it when he turned on Della, but I still thought he could be saved for some reason. I thought I could
save him and make up to him all the years he'd sacrificed for me, but I couldn't have been more wrong.4
"Where's your accountability Jonas? I know you heard Daniel screaming after you lit the fire that took his life, bloody hell, for all you know Della could have still been alive." He winked at me and my blood boiled, red encompassed my vision.4
Breathe just breathe
"I thought you killed them both, fuck you! You know I only lit the fire to keep you from getting in trouble! I wish I wouldn't have!" My breath was growing deep and labored, I needed to control my emotions. He was getting to me. He was gaining the upper hand.2
"Did you tell Lyla, that you're a murderer?"
Tyler asked, emotionless, showing no sign of remorse for having snapped and beaten Della and Daniel to death.
Even without the fire Daniel would have never survived, Tyler had grabbed his baseball bat when he caught them trying to leave, I had been outside or I would have tried to stop him.
Both had no pulse, so I moved them to Daniel's room and started the fire, locking the door behind me. It was my biggest regret, but we were 14, and I believed I was saving Tyler, the way he had saved me years before.
I'd never imagined that it would become a pattern. I had thought he'd killed them both, but if I'd have known Daniel wasn't dead, I never would have done it. He knew that.
"I asked you a question, does she know you're just as fucked as me?" Tyler presses.3
"No..." I closed my eyes, trying to maintain control.
"Don't worry brother, I'll make sure she finds out. Just like I'll make sure she knows to thank Lorna for our magical night together. It was her idea, after you had sent me to the dance in your place, she decided to return the favour... I told you she'd given me something better than a blowjob."3
We pulled into the school lot and parked. "So, this deal then?" Tyler asked, prolonging his ass beating a little longer. He looked into the mirror. I knew his curiosity would get the best of him.
"I'll give you $10,000 if you go away and don't come back. That means you stay away from Lyla completely." I stared at him.