by Mansi Negi
"Great, I'll send you the address, meet at five? That way we can get there and eat and not be in the bad part of town too long after dark?" He suggested.
"Perfect Jack, see you at five."
"Yep, see you then Lyla."
I hurried to hang up the phone and jumped out of the closet. "I have a date!!" I yelled to Casey.
"Lyla..." I heard come from my phone followed by hard laughter. Oh my god. I froze, lifting my phone to my ear.6
"Jack?" I groaned into the phone.
"Yes, congratulations on your date, I look forward to it."
I could hear the amusement in his voice.
"Goodbye Lyla... oh and it's the red button to end the call." He chuckled again.5
I clicked the red button, staring at my screen to make sure it was off this time.
"Shoot me!" I groaned as Casey buried her head into her pillow, laughing hysterically.
"Hey, at least he seemed excited about it." She squealed.
"Let me help you find something to wear." She jumped up and ran to her closet. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"I promise I'm not going to Lorna you up... I just know you don't have many things outside of the sweater-vest category.
"Ok." I conceded, she wasn't wrong. "I have some cute sun dresses though." I defended.
"Yes, but a dress might not be your best choice for a burger joint." She raised an eyebrow.
"I don't have to, if you aren't comfortable with it, you know you'll be beautiful in whatever Lyla." She smiled. I loved Casey. She was always thoughtful, the complete opposite of what Lorna had been.
I don't know how I would have survived the last five weeks without her.
Telling my mom what had actually happened had been a huge relief and Lorna getting expelled after drugs were found in her locker had been an even bigger relief, but my new friendship with Casey had been my true saving grace.
If I hadn't made my mistake with Jonas I would probably have never formed the unbreakable bond Casey and I now had, so at least one good thing had come from the whole ordeal.10
"No, I want your help, I need it actually." I smiled at her. She walked into her closet and re-emerged with an off white lace romper and an open toed low heel in white. "
You can wear my pearls with this. I feel like it says super classy, but not over done, plus if he wants to get frisky, this outfit says... denied!" She laughed, running her hand over the middle of the romper to show the area where the material came together.
"I feel like it also says, no emergency bathroom breaks." I laughed.2
"Oh definitely, it for sure says that, just don't drink a ton of water." We both giggled.
I slid the romper over my shoulders and turned around for her to zip me up. Sliding my feet into the heels, I turned around to face her.
"Holy hell! You look so hot!" Casey grabbed a string of pearls and wrapped it twice before slinging it around my neck.
"Yes, yes, yes... all of this!" She fanned her hands out at me making me blush. "Check yourself out girl!"
I walked over to her full length mirror. "Wow, you do good work." I smiled at my reflection.
"I really love it Casey! Thank you!"
"Keep it, I don't look like that in it." She smiled at me.
"Really? Thanks." I did a spin checking out the whole thing. I would never have bought something like this for myself, but I loved it.
I'd have to expand my wardrobe before I left for college in a month. I was so happy Casey was going to the same school as me. I just wish we could have roomed together in the dorms.
"I'm going to head home. I'm on babysitting duty tomorrow while my mom's at work. I'll call you after my date and let you know how it goes."
"You better!" She winked my way. "Oh, and you're welcome... for the date." She flopped down on the bed.
"Later Lyla." She called as I walked out.
"Later Case!" I yelled back.
I climbed into my car looking at the text from Jonas again. Three dots started bouncing. He was typing something.
I started the car and stared at my screen. The dots disappeared and then reappeared again, like he'd erased the first text and started over.
I waited in anticipation it was ten p.m. What could he possibly have been texting me about after telling me to leave him alone.
I set my phone face up on my lap so I could see it and pulled out of the driveway heading toward home.2
I pulled in at home only to find the dots gone and no new text. I couldn't help but wonder what he had been going to say. I started to text him back that he should follow his own advice, but erased it. I had a date tomorrow.
Casey was right, I needed to at least try to move on. I was tired of feeling alone, tired of feeling empty and used.1
Night time was the worst. The quiet ate away at me, bringing back the memories of Jonas in my bed, making me long to feel him climb in again, to feel his warmth against me, lulling me to sleep.
I mostly missed how he loved me, how his love completely consumed me. I'd never felt a love like that before, and suspected I never would again, that's what sucked.
I should have been excited for my date with Jack, instead I laid in bed day dreaming of Jonas.
I read his text one more time... Casey had said he was toxic to me and the longer I went without him the more I started to realize just how true that rang.
I'd been completely blinded while I was in the thick of it, but now I was thinking much more clearly. This was probably for the best.
Missing him
Up at six in the morning, and showered, it was my new routine.
Sleep for maybe three hours, if I were lucky, wake up, check phone to see if Jonas had text, realize he was gone and not coming back.
Get up and try to distract myself in any way that I could. It was getting old.2
I needed a stop button, just to shut down my feelings for a few months, or years, or however long it would take to not feel this way anymore.
I saw them do it a few weeks ago while watching Vampire Diaries, shut off their humanity — it should be a real life thing. It would eliminate so many problems.
I envied people who would never find love... I'd rather live half a life than a life that made me feel this kind of pain.4
Most days that I wasn't with Casey, I binge watched shows about love and cried until I couldn't stand myself anymore and then I'd head out to the pool and tan.
This break up had definitely helped my tan, but I couldn't eat, and I was looking more gaunt than I ever had. I could tell my mom was worried, she would offer me food constantly.
"It won't hurt forever Lyla." She kept saying, but I wasn't so sure.1
Today, I was babysitting for my parents to meet with the social worker about the final adoption of Lucy, Wyatt and Tristan.
After they came home, I was going to meet Jack for a date, and I found my anticipation to be less of a nuisance and more a welcome distraction.
I had just served the twins some cut up fruit and macaroni when my parents arrived home.
"I hate to dash, but I have to meet a friend for dinner." I said, hoping they wouldn't pry too deep. I headed straight toward the stairs with my romper from Casey in hand.
"Who are you meeting?" My mom asked, looking at the Lacey white fabric I had hold of.
"His name's Jack, I met him at the college tour. He's in the elementary education and teaching program at S.T.U with me." I looked at my feet, hoping she wouldn't make a big deal.
"Oh, a boy?" She sounded pleasantly surprised. Maybe because it was someone other than Jonas.
I couldn't blame her. I'd been a mess over him the last month and it probably came as a relief to her that I was going out without with someone new.
"Yes, just a casual thing, not a date." I said, running my hand through my hair.
"Oh, ok, well take your pepper spray, just in case." She instructed, trying to hide the smile in her eyes.2
"Yes, of course." I said over my shoulder as I bolted up t
he stairs. An hour later I walked back down in the romper and heels. I'd pulled my hair back, not wanting to do too much to it because the humidity was wicked and it would be standing on end if I left it down.
"Not a date huh?" My mom gave me the once over and looked at me like she wasn't so sure.
"No, just school related." I assured her, but the look she gave my dad let me know she didn't believe that for a minute.
I climbed into the Audi which my parents had all but given to me since my family had practically outgrown it and the minivan was their new ride of choice. I punched in the address and took off.
I was happy that my hair was pulled back, it gave me the freedom to lower the windows and blast my music.
Post Malone came on, and I turned it up, feeling more free and better than I had in far too long.
I let my hand drift just outside the window and ride the waves of the wind as I drove down the highway.2
I thought I would be nervous for this date, but I wasn't at all. In fact, I felt really great about it. I passed the College and smiled to myself. In less than a month I'd be moved into my dorm and starting a whole new life.
I couldn't wait. I needed the freedom and the distraction, if I would have still been with Jonas, we would be living in our apartment by now.
It was something I thought about a lot — not only about us living together, but about the fact that he had just given all of his savings to Tyler so easily.
All of his dreams for his garage and home, just so easily cast aside, just as he'd done with me. It was hard to believe he had done it willingly.
I got so lost in thought, that by the time I looked around at where I was, I realized that the area looked hauntingly familiar, Jonas had brought me here before.
"In 300 feet turn left." Siri's voice sounded from my phone. I drove forward to the stop sign and felt my heart begin to race.
As I glanced out my driver's side window, I was met with the unmistakable graffiti of the abandon car shop that was meant to be the home of Jonas and I.
I stared at it. It really was an awful place from this view point, but it was going to be our place, he and I, together. I felt my pulse quicken at the thought of the homeless man walking in on Jonas and I during such an intimate moment, after I'd agreed to live there with him.
The sound of a horn from the car behind me pulled me from my memories. I switched on my blinker and slowly made the turn.
From this angle I could view the front of the building. Someone had mowed down some of the foliage that had grown up around the parking lot.
All the homeless men that had been there the night Jonas had brought me sat at the corner of the lot, just as they had that night, only now I noticed they held signs.
They read, Disabled Vet in Need of Money, and Cancer survivor need money for food.
Before I knew what I was doing I had turned on my blinker and pulled into the parking lot. This is a horrible idea Lyla.
I scolded myself as I made my way out of the car and handed $10.00 to each of the men. I would never have done something so reckless if I hadn't needed just a few more minutes to take the place in. To remember what could have been and almost was.
I stared at the brick structure. It had definitely seen better days, but it was still charming. It hadn't looked this appealing to me the first time I'd come here.
I glanced up into one of the expansive second floor windows and realized there was a light on inside. Oh my god.
Was there someone inside? Had Jonas sold it? Had he been here? My heart started to beat irrationally at the thought. I hurried back to my car.
I was only a couple of minutes away from my destination, but the last thing I wanted was to be late, not on account of my light weight stalking of my ex-boyfriend anyway.2
As I slowly made my way passed the building, I noticed an old Monte Carlo pulled along the side.
It looked like it could have been abandoned there with all of the rust coating it. I wouldn't have noticed it when Jonas had brought me here, not on that side of the building.
It wouldn't have been visible. It could belong to someone. What if it belonged to Jonas?
Stop!
My brain interceded my thoughts before I could continue down that path. I redirected my attention to the road and picked up my speed. I only glanced back at the brick car shop as I descended a hill and it faded out of sight.
Pulling into the small Mom and Pop burger joint I felt a tingle of nervousness run through my spine when I saw Jack leaned up against a black mustang.
He really was incredibly good looking, the ink running up his arms adding to the whole bad boy thing he had going on.5
I parked beside him and nervously climbed out. His hand caught my arm as my heel landed in a crack in the asphalt and I stumbled.
"Thanks." I blushed in embarrassment. Graceful was the last word anyone would use to describe me. I watched his eyes scan my appearance and blushed again as a smile curved the corners of his lips.
"You look...wow Lyla." He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was checking me out. "I feel underdressed." He then looked down at his white T-shirt and dark ripped jeans.
"You're fine, you look great." I smiled up at him, thinking that I was definitely the over dressed one now that I saw what a hole in the wall this place was.
"Shall we?" He asked, offering me his arm, probably because he realized how clumsy I was in heels and the pot holes littering the parking lot were not going to be my saving grace.
I appreciatively linked my arm through his and let him lead me in.
There were a few older people in line and a group of what was presumably college kids at one of the red faux leather booths. The place smelled amazing, though it could really have used a facelift inside and out.
It seemed that everything on this side of town was rundown, like it had been a quaint up and coming area back in the fifty's and then everyone had just sort of left and let time take its toll on the whole city.
We stood at the back of the line looking over the chalkboard menu. The options were numbered hand written. There were only a few so deciding what to get would be easy.
"Do you know what you want?" Jack asked me, still holding onto my arm, which was nice, but I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow I was betraying Jonas by letting someone else touch me that way.
I knew I shouldn't feel that way, not after everything he'd done to me, including ending our relationship. He had probably been with other girls by now I imagined and I shouldn't have let my mind go there because I felt that pit hollow out a little more at the thought of it.
A light squeeze against my arm pulled me back into reality. "Do you? Know what you want?" Jack looked down at me smirking.
"I'll just have whatever you're having." I said. All the options sounded good and I'd probably only be able to eat a few bites anyway.
"Ok, do you want to go grab a booth before all of these people fill the place up and I'll order?" He asked thoughtfully, still staring down at me like every word I would say would be vital to his next reaction.
"Sure." I turned toward the dining area and scanned the room for a booth that would allow us to have some privacy.
The table in the very corner was open and I decided it would be our best option at avoiding the noise from the table of college students who were now blowing their straw wrappers off of their straws toward one another and laughing like it were the most hysterical thing that had ever happened in life.
"Be careful." Jack winked at me, letting his arm fall back at his side as he released me and I took a step toward the table.
"Always." I giggled back, looking over my shoulder and almost running into a girl who had stood and was heading for the condiments counter.
Great Lyla. Jack's eyebrows raised and he bit his lips together holding back laughter that came out through his nose anyway.1
I planted myself at the corner booth, deciding not to get up anymore until we left. That way I'd save myself the embarrassment tha
t my clumsiness would, no doubt, cause in these heels.
I couldn't believe I was out with another guy other than Jonas. Jack walked over and placed our order number card at the edge of the table and climbed into the booth across from me.
Jonas wouldn't have done that. He would have sat right next to me, uncomfortably close, finding different ways to touch me until I was burning with desire for him. I had to stop where my thoughts were taking me and give Jack a chance, but being here with him, only made me miss Jonas more.
1
Unlucky Encounter
I tucked my ‘Jonas’ related thoughts deep into a compartment in the back of my mind.
Jack was nice and he was gorgeous. He deserved a fair shake. Hell, I deserved it as well.6
"So, what school related things did you have in that pretty little head of yours?" Jack surprised me, leaning over the table and looking at me with a gleam in his eye.
"Umm..." I blushed for a second, casting my eyes away, unable to meet his playful gaze.
"What classes did you sign up for?" I asked, hoping he hadn't picked up on my nervousness. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he continued to stare at me, he'd noticed, he'd definitely noticed.
"Am I making you nervous?" He asked moving his eyes to my hands that I hadn't realized had removed my straw wrapper and were now twisting and pulling it into tiny pieces on the table.
My face heated further. Maybe he was more like Jonas than I gave him credit for.2
"What, no..." I said acting dumb, and scraping the remnants of twisted paper into my hand. The only problem was that now I wasn't sure what to do with them.
He smiled at me, as I scanned the restaurant for a trash can.
"There's a trash bin at the front." He raised his eyebrows and pointed toward the front of the restaurant.
"I know." I said, standing and making sure I had my sea legs before walking over to it.
Get it together Lyla. I scolded myself on the way. I hadn't been nervous on the drive here, what made it different now?
I walked by the group of college students on my way back to Jack and was surprised as one of the taller boy's arms shot out in front of me.