by Mansi Negi
"I always win. I'm the best swimmer!" Tristan pushed off the edge and made it almost across the pool before yelling back to Jack, "last one to the other side is a loser."
I lifted myself to the concrete ledge around the pool and sat and watched as he entertained her by swimming toward the other side.
"You're never going to win, you realize?" I laughed as he resurfaced near where my feet dangled in the water.
"Not worried about winning. Why aren't you in here racing with us?" He asked, smiling brightly toward me.
"I learned my lesson on racing Tristan a long time ago. Isn't that right T.?" I laughed as she broke out in giggles.
"Lyla can't beat me." She mused. "She's a terrible swimmer!" Her toothless smile spread across her face.
The afternoon stretched on this way for a while, before my mom and dad appeared in the backyard ready to grill.
"Would you like to stay for dinner Jack?" My dad called out from his customary spot in front of the grill. He tipped his hat toward us and motioned to the platter full of food in his hands.
"Sure! Sounds great, can I help with anything?"
Jack said back, clinging to the edge of the pool next to me, as Tristan grabbed onto his arm to drag him back out for more pool games.
"No thanks, I've had a lot of practice becoming grill master, it will take you at least a few more visits before you learn the ways of the grill." He winked back at us. I met my moms eyes and we both gave each other an eye roll.
I stood from the edge of the pool and made my way over to the lounger beside my mom to help her put arm floaties on the twins, it was a chore, tugging and wiggling the floating devices up their little arms, while they revolted against it, trying to make their way to the pool.
"He seems like a nice boy." She said quietly, gesturing toward Jack, who was teaching Tristan how to do a backflip under water.
"He is a really nice boy." I smiled back, trying to hide my slight blush.1
"I don't know about all of the tattoos." She raised her brow. "But I guess that's what all of the kids are doing now a days." She finished, trying not to sound so judgmental.
"He got a lot of them to commemorate his missions trips." I looked at her, smiling, knowing she would love him all the more hearing that.
"Oh really?" She gave a half smirk of approval.
"Yes, he travels a lot with his youth group, or he did. He's kind of the nicest guy I've ever met honestly." I looked over at him. It was true, he was nice, and sweet, driven and helpful, obviously gorgeous, so why did I wish it was Jonas in his place right now?4
Dinner was finished and we gathered around the big, outdoor, glass table and loaded our plates full.
"Jack, I wanted to take the kids to the beach tomorrow. Would you like to join us so that Delilah isn't bored out of her mind?" My mom asked, surprising me. She must have really liked him to invite him out with our family.
"I'd love to honestly, but I work until two tomorrow. I could meet you there a little later if you'll be there a while?" He looked toward me when he asked. I looked up at my mom questioning how late we'd be there.1
"Of course, honey, I wasn't going to leave until after the twins nap around noon, so we won't get there until about two anyway." She smiled at him, excited that he had agreed to come.
I could see her match maker wheels spinning, and I knew she was partly doing it because she desperately wanted me to move on from Jonas, which I understood, because I'd been miserable, but still, it annoyed me.
Dinner continued even after we'd finished eating as Jack told my parents about all of the places he'd been to, pointing out each tattoo and it's symbolism.
Finally, Tristan spoke up.
"Do you love Lyla?" She asked. Looking very seriously at Jack, who looked back at her with big eyes.
"My brother loves her." She continued like it were the most normal thing in the world, the wheels spinning in her head, she looked a little at war with herself. It was unreal how similar her mannerisms were to that of her father.
Finally, she must have decided Jack was ok, because she finished. "I guess you can be her boyfriend for now, until Jonas comes back."
My mom's face looked mortified. "Time to go in Tristan." Her voice came out high pitched with embarrassment. She motioned to my dad to grab the twins as she helped Tristan up and led her toward the house by her hand.
Her eyes connected with mine sending an apologetic and embarrassed eye roll in my direction, as if to say, "kids will be kids."
A few moments later Jack and I were alone.
"I'm sorry, that was...awkward." I looked down at my hands fidgeting with the fork on my plate, scooting remnants of salad from one side to the other.
"It's alright." Jack dragged a hand through his hair in a move that made my heart ache at the memory of Jonas doing the same thing when he was uncomfortable.
"She's little, and I could... you know, see myself..." he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "falling in love with you." He lifted my chin with his hand to direct my attention back to him.
"Really?" It was the only thing I could think to ask and it made me sound like I had no self-esteem what-so-ever. I honestly wondered though, how someone could want to be with me, want to fall in love with me, knowing what he knew.
"Yes Lyla, really." He laughed, like I was insane for questioning it at all.
"You're beautiful and I like to be around you, it's nice." He smiled at me, letting his dimples show.
"It's nice to be around you too." I admitted. It wasn't the fireworks and passion, nor the sexual tension of being around Jonas, it was more comfortable, nothing awkward, like we fit well together... nice was truly the perfect word for it.
It made bad things seem far away and uncomfortable things seem pleasant, to be in Jack's company. I liked it.
"I should get going." Jack said looking at the orange glow of the sunset in the sky. I stood and lifted my plate to throw it away.
"No, let me." He stacked it on his and made his way to the trash can, disposing of our used paper dishes and plastic forks. He walked back over, grabbing his heap of a shirt off the cement patio and throwing it back over his head.
"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled at him.
"I guess so, honestly, I'd like to see you a lot Lyla. I'd like to see you tomorrow..." he lifted my hand with his. "...and the day after that, and the day after that." He brought my hand to his lips and pressed them to the back softly.
"And every day after." He finished, pulling me in closer and wrapping me into his body.
"I think I would like that too." I said, flush covering my skin at how forthcoming he'd been about his feelings toward me. I automatically reminisced on the kiss we'd shared the night of our first date. That had felt passionate.
It had felt right and good and had left me wanting more. My mind then immediately took me to the night I'd spent letting Jonas ravage my body afterward, and guilt made me pull away from Jack's embrace.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then." I started walking toward the door and gestured for him to follow. I walked him to the front porch and watched him climb into his car and drive away.
I could see myself with him, not just hanging out with him, but building a life with him. If only I weren't so hung up on Jonas. Those feelings would fade with time though, they were impractical.
My relationship with Jonas had been a complete shit show. The push and pull, the lies and secrets, it was probably all of those things that had made it seem so passionate.
At the end of the day, being with Jonas now would be no different than being with him then.
Wind blew across my face, as I reminisced, carrying the familiar smell of cigarette smoke, that triggered my body to instantly grow excited. I looked around, combing the neighborhood for someone smoking.
A car parked on the side of the street one street over was the only thing that seemed out of place. Empty yards and porches held no one, not a single person who was smoking.
I watched
the unfamiliar vehicle as a cloud of smoke blew from the driver's side window, and a chill ran through my body. Something about the car just sitting there made me uneasy.
They were nowhere near my house, but it brought back Jonas' warning about Tyler and I turned quickly, inhaling the smell one last time, and quickly scurrying into the house.4
I finished packing up the dishes from outside a little later. The car had driven off and I felt like a paranoid idiot for letting my imagination trigger my fears so much.
I really needed some normalcy, a few months with Jonas and Tyler and I was on the verge of full blown paranoia.
I washed the dishes and decided on an early bedtime since I'd never gotten my nap in and I'd barely slept the previous night. I cracked my window and closed my door letting the sounds of crickets and locusts lull me to sleep.
When I woke I noticed my phone had missed texts.
Jack: I miss you already... can't wait to see you today.
Casey: hey girl, I miss you, sleep over tonight?
I didn't respond to Jack. He was probably already at work and I didn't know how I felt about him missing me.
I liked him, but I think he really liked me a lot more and I didn't want to end up hurting him, he was too nice a guy to hurt. I responded to Casey instead.
Lyla: Yes, definitely
Drowned
The whole morning was spent in a packing frenzy. Going to the beach with three children, five and under, was quite the task — there was sunscreen, towels, beach toys, a seperate bag for snacks, a blanket, floaties, not to mention diapers, dry clothes, and little swimmers. We packed well into nap time.
"I'll drive separate." I laughed as I shoved the second beach bag into the passenger seat of the minivan. One would think we were taking a week’s vacation.
"Thanks Lyla." My mom huffed. As she threw some lawn chairs into the hatch back.
We weren't on our way until 1:00 pm. At least we would beat the heat of the day by arriving at three, plus Jack was an hour and a half closer, so by the time we arrived he would be right behind us.
After we'd driven an hour and I knew Jack would be off work I picked up my phone and gave him a call.
"Hey Lyla!" He answered, sounding enthusiastic.
"Hey, we're on our way, we should get there around three." I instructed him as to which beach and parking lot we would be using. He was already familiar with it.
"Yes, that's the same beach we use. It's much cleaner. I'll jump in the shower and change, then I'll head that way." He said, adding, "can't wait to see you."
"You too. Bye." I quickly hung up the phone. I don't know why his wanting to see me made me nervous all the time. It shouldn't have.
He was nice, I was convinced it was guilt about the night I'd went to see Jonas after our first kiss. I really did like Jack, and I was attracted to him, so it made no sense to me why I felt so uncomfortable with his affection.3
Two trips back and forth from the car to the beach and we were finally set up. I helped my mom lather sunscreen on and put life jackets on the kids and then plopped myself down where the tide barely crested the beach and looked over the expanse of the ocean.
My heart swelled, as I took in the sky and thought that Jonas was somewhere under the same blue sky. It was a comforting but fleeting thought, because two hands rested on my shoulders and pulled me quickly back to the here and now.
"Hey Jack!" I looked up at him as he sat behind me nestling me in between his legs.
"Hey, what are you doing? Just taking it all in?" He asked as he brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Yes, I just love to come here and relax. It makes me feel a little insignificant. I guess it just puts some perspective on things, don't you think?" I asked, as I leaned back against his chest and his arms cane around my waist.
"Yes, that's one way of looking at it." He nestled his chin on my shoulder and stared out with me. This was comfortable, reliable, sweet, Jack.
Always presenting with the perfect moments at the perfect time. He was every boy who ever existed on any television show on the CW.1
We sat for a few minutes before he stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. He started to wade into the ocean and I shuffled my feet, hesitating briefly.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked, looking at me with a half grin.
"Umm, I don't really go into the ocean." I bit my lip embarrassed and he noticed.
"Are you afraid of sharks?" He laughed, lifting his feet one by one from the sand as the waves rolled in and out burying them.
"Well...yes, and jellyfish, and any other swimming creepy crawly the ocean has to offer." I laughed.1
He walked toward me looking amused. "Get over it, you're swimming today." He winked as he picked me up bridal style and began to make his way into the water.
I closed my eyes and wrapped my hands around his neck pulling myself tight to his chest.
"Is that better?" He asked at the side of my face, his lips grazing across my cheek as he did so, sending shivers through my spine.
"Just don't put me down." I said half laughing, half in a true state of panic. I hated actually getting into the ocean.
When I was nine, we'd come to the ocean and were just leaving for the day when a little boy about my age was attacked by a shark. I remembered the paramedics rushing him out.
I never actually saw anything, but it had still been traumatizing enough for me to stay out of the water.
"I won't. I rather like holding you like this." He laughed, and I noticed a little seduction in his tone. It surprised me, he seemed so laced.
I liked his little surprises. I also liked straight laced, at least I did, before Jonas, now I wasn't so sure.
Deeper and deeper he trudged in, until I could feel the swell of the waves lift us and place us back down.
"Ok, that's far enough, please." I kept my face buried in his chest and my arms tight around his neck, trying to lift my body from the water as much as possible.
"Lyla, you've got to loosen your grip, your hands are like a vice around my neck baby." The pet name came out, and shocked me.
He stopped and I felt his heart beat pick up, like he hadn't meant to say it and it had just sort of slipped from his mouth.
"Is it ok that I called you that?" He asked, rubbing his hand up my arm to my hand and prying at my grip to loosen it a little.
I had to think for a minute. It didn't seem right, it felt wrong for anyone to call me what Jonas once had.
It felt like a total betrayal to him, but Jonas wasn't here, Jack was, and I hadn't hated the way it made me feel. It just made Jack feel even more comfortable, like he belonged... or maybe like I belonged.
That's what Jack was, he was a comforter, even when he held me in his arms deep in the ocean, the way his arms crushed me to his chest and his fingers made soothing circles on my side felt comforting, like he were lulling away all of the bad vibes and replacing them with Jack.
Jack and Lyla would be a much different relationship than Jonas and Lyla. Much more stable. He was steady and strong and capable.
Jonas was always towing the line, unpredictable and to be perfectly honest, incapable of providing a lot of the emotional needs it requires to have a working relationship.
He was also always trying though, and he at least deserved some credit for that.
"Umm, so no then? I can't call you baby?" He nudged my head back from his shoulder and looked me in the eyes.
"Sorry, yes, you can." He surprised me by bringing his lips to mine, just a sweet kiss at first and then he pulled away and momentarily stared at my mouth before his lips collided with mine again, his tongue forcing entry and swirling against mine feverishly.
Fireworks! My body reacted to his invasion and I laced my fingers into the back of his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Soft moaning sounds came from both of our throats and my legs lowered and wrapped around his hips before I knew it had even happened.1
"Lyla, baby we have to stop." He pulled away p
anting.
"You feel that don't you? When we kiss... What is it? I never want to stop kissing you... ever." He said, bringing his lips to my jawline and planting a few soft kisses there before pulling me away from his body and lifting me back from the water.
"I feel it." I said, laying my head across his shoulder so he couldn't see my blush.2
The rest of the afternoon we entertained Tristan while my mom built a sand castle with Lucy and Wyatt. I caught myself staring at Jack a couple of times, he would be an amazing father one day. He would be an amazing husband... he was too good for someone like me.
I remembered Jonas telling me the same thing. I would have absolutely fallen in love with Jack a few months ago. I was different now somehow.
Things had changed. I had changed.
I desperately wanted to get back to my old self, but I wasn't her anymore. I'd probably never be her again. The problem was I didn't know who I was or what I wanted.
"I'm going to head home Lyla, don't be too long." My mom said after packing up the last of our things.
"I won't keep her very much longer. I just wanted to show her the sunset." Jack smiled back.
We laid on the blanket, his arm around me, talking about Tristan. We both agreed she would be a hell of an athlete when she was older. She never stopped going.
The sky slowly became painted in bright pinks and oranges and we watched in awe. Occasionally glancing at one another and smiling, until I realized we were some of the only ones left on beach and it was beginning to grow dark.
"I should go." I smiled, not wanting our day to end, not wanting the warmth that his arms provided to go cold.
"Let me walk you to your car." He said, climbing up and grabbing the blanket we had laid on to shake the sand off of it.
He placed his arm around me and we walked back bare foot through the sand. It had cooled in the absence of the hot sun.
As we approached the parking lot I noticed a car that looked familiar to me. I grabbed Jack a little tighter and turned toward my car.
"I think I've seen that car before." I said to him, motioning my head toward it and watching as a puff of smoke blew from the driver's side window.