by Meghan Diane
“You made it?” was all I could manage to think to say.
“Yeah, I’m always down for a party by the beach.” She smirked again, causing me to smile in response.
“Yo, Phoenix, want a beer?” one of the boys shouted from inside.
“You know I do.” She smiled at me. “Be back in a few.”
I shook my head. This was going to be trouble. I think I need a beer too.
I was back to sitting by the edge of the pool, letting the water tickle my toes, when Halley came and sat down beside me.
“You look a little dazed. Everything okay?”
I watched as my toes made little ripples in the water. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Just soaking up some sun.” But in reality I had been thinking about my future. I’d been working at Royal Records for the past year and the talk with Stella and Halley got my mind rolling. Could I make a future out of photography? How would I even begin?
“Well,” she started, and I could tell she wasn’t fully convinced by my façade. “Do you want to go down to the beach, away from all of the people for a little bit? Go for a walk maybe?” She was letting my little white lie go, and I was thankful for it. I guess this is why we’re best friends.
“Of course I do.” I raised an eyebrow, finally looking over at her. Her hair was ruffled and there was an unmistakable glow on her face. I shook my head. “Do you want to take some drinks with us?”
“Is that even a question?” she replied back.
I smiled. “I love you,” I said, grabbing her hand to help her up. “Let’s see what fun we can get into.”
Five minutes later we found ourselves standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door hanging open in front of us. Somehow we had gotten a cooler. “This one?” I asked, putting a bottle in the bag and not waiting for her response.
“But of course,” she replied, handing me two more to put in the bag.
“Whatcha guys doing?” came a voice from behind us, nearly causing me to jump out of my skin.
“Packing for the beach,” I replied casually. I pointed my drink at her. “You coming with us, Phoenix?” Say yes, say yes. As much as I wanted it to be just Halley and I, the idea of Phoenix coming wasn’t actually that upsetting. Careful, I warned myself, reaching for a coin that still wasn’t there.
“Sure, yeah, I think everyone’s coming.” She motioned back toward the other voices. “You know, sunset and all.”
I groaned inwardly as the image of relaxing on the beach crashed in front of my eyes. It’s not that I didn’t like the people at the party; they were all very charming. I just needed a minute away. I needed a minute of quiet. “Oh cool,” I managed, rolling my eyes as I packed up the cooler. “Shall we?”
“We shall,” Halley chimed, linking our arms together.
The beach wasn’t far away and I was happy to be outside again. My eyes were even happier when I reached up and let the sunglasses slide down over them.
Halley leaned her head on my shoulder as we walked. “I’m so happy you’re here,” she sighed. “I like my new friends, but I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I said, leaning my head on top of hers, and I really did. She was the type of friend that I could go to on a bad day and she wouldn’t ask questions. She would just sit with me and feed me until it was better. I loved her for that.
“Can you just move here already?” she whined into my shoulder.
A smile crept up once again. It had only been twenty-four hours and already I’d smiled more this trip than I had in the past three months. Things were starting to look up.
And that’s when I heard it.
“Oh my gosh, it’s so beautiful,” squealed the girls behind me. I groaned, and tried to pretend they weren’t there. I loved the ocean. It was always my safe haven and one of my favorite places to walk. But being here with them when I just needed a moment to relax tainted it a little. I frowned before giving Halley a pained look.
“I’m just going to put my toes in for a second,” I explained, as I slipped the flip-flops off my feet.
She smiled at me, giving me a knowing look. “You do that, sweetheart. I’ll be here if you need me.”
I smiled back at her before turning toward the water. I loved being at the beach, but I didn’t really love the water. There was something about being dry that just made me feel better, safer. I made it to right where the water and the sand met before sitting down. I closed my eyes and inhaled the salty ocean air. Maybe if I pretended the group wasn’t here, they would just disappear so that I could sort out my thoughts for a minute. Yeah right, Aurora.
I rolled my eyes, but let my daydreams take me away anyway.
I wonder what it would be like to live here. Right on the beach, up close and personal. Would I be able to create here? Take pictures? I smiled. Of course I would. Just give me the sand, the sun, and my camera and I would be set. Well, and someone to share it with would be nice too. I squeezed my eyes even tighter, letting the sounds of the waves take me over.
“Enjoying yourself?” came a voice behind me. It was her. I knew the sound of her voice now.
I smiled up at Phoenix. “Yeah.” I patted the ground for her to sit, and she did. We sat together just staring at the water, not saying a word. It was refreshing. Sometimes I just liked to sit in the silence. But for most people, silence was as deafening as sound was to me.
My safe haven didn’t last long. Halley came sauntering over to us before plopping down on my other side.
“Nice out isn’t it?”
I opened the cooler and offered her another drink. “It sure is.”
I looked around at the boys playing with the football they had brought. “Spencer seems cute.” I gave her a devilish grin.
“Yeah, he’s okay for now.” She joked back with the same devilish grin.
I felt Phoenix stand up beside me. “I’m gonna get my feet wet,” she said, nodding toward the water.
Halley jumped up too. “I’ll join you.” She looked down at me, but I just shooed her away.
“You go ahead. I just want to sit.” I stuck out my tongue to emphasize that I was okay. As I watched them walk away, I smiled. They looked good together. Not in the together kind of way, just the normal friendship kind of way. They were comfortable and they enjoyed each other’s company.
“Nice view, isn’t it?” I looked up just in time to see Spencer sitting down beside me.
I laughed. I knew he meant the girls and not the water. “Yeah, I do believe it is.” And it really was. I didn’t mind sitting here on the water with him, watching our girls. Wait, our girls? I shook my head. No.
* * *
On our way back to the house, someone had the genius idea to order pizza. The time I had spent sitting beside Spencer was enough to bring me back around, and I was feeling back up to par. I was ready to socialize again and most of us had settled into the living room, our plates piled high with pizza and breadsticks.
“This was a brilliant idea,” I said to the girl beside me on the couch.
She grinned at me. “Riiiiight? It’s exactly what we all needed.”
Movement in the room caught my eye and I looked up just as Halley was walking by. Something wasn’t right. She looked upset and she was walking as fast as she could so that no one would see her. Oh brother.
I stood up, ditching my last slice of pizza.
As I rounded a corner, I ran right into Spencer.
“Oh hey, Aurora. What’s up?” He was drunk and holding himself up against the counter. His hair was a curly mess, his bangs threatening to cover his already drooping eyes.
“Have you seen Halley? I swear she came by this way.” I cocked my head to the side, waiting for him to respond.
“She’s mad at me,” he slurred, looking down so he wouldn’t have to face me.
By this time my hands had found their way to my hips. “Whyyyyy?”
He looked up at me through his lashes. His big brown eyes gave him a cute, boyish charm. “Because I told her I want
ed to sleep with her.”
I waited. I knew there was more.
“And another girl.”
I raised my eyebrow, a scowl forming on my face.
“At the same time, together,” he continued.
“Oh brother,” was all I could manage. “You stupid boy. Why would you do that?”
He threw his hands up in the air. “She’s always telling me that we’re casual—that I’m allowed to. How was I supposed to know?”
I turned to walk away, annoyed by how the night was about to turn out. “Where is she?”
He pointed to the door and I scowled one more time before walking out.
“Halley? Halleyyyyyyy,” I cooed. “Where are you?” It was nice outside. I mean of course it was, it was summer in Florida. “I could get used to this,” I said to myself, forgetting for a second why I was outside in the first place.
I walked around the bushes in the driveway. “Halley, where are you?”
I heard a sniffle behind me and turned to see her standing there with the saddest look on her face that I’d seen in a while.
“Boys are dumb,” she stated.
I laughed out loud. One of those short, snarky laughs. I didn’t mean to, it just came out.
“I know, honey.” I pulled her close, putting my arms around her. “What happened?”
Chapter Four
I found myself sitting out by the pool again. This time I opted for one of the reclining chairs so that I could lay back and relax. Halley and Spencer had gone off to talk and the weather just seemed too nice to go back inside. The sun was no longer shining, so my eyes were getting a much-needed break.
Everyone else was either inside drinking casually or playing beer pong and drinking competitively. I just wanted to feel the warm breeze on my face and watch the little ripples in the pool. I didn’t mind being alone. A lot of people did, but it gave me time to think. And right now I was thinking about Phoenix. I wondered where she came from, what she was like. Had she dated a lot of people? Everyone seemed to really like her company, so she must be a charmer.
I was smiling to myself as she walked out. The sight of her caused me to grin even harder. Here we go.
“Hey.” She smiled back at me. “Whatcha doing out here?”
I watched as she took the seat beside me and assumed the same position I had. She was wearing a backward flat bill hat and her bangs stuck out haphazardly. Somehow her brown eyes still managed to shine through. Damn. “Just checking out the pool. And enjoying the quiet.”
She laughed and turned to look at me. “An introvert eh?”
I blushed. Yeah, I was an introvert but it was always awkward when someone called me out on it. I answered with the only thing I could think of. “Halley and Spencer are having a ‘discussion’ so I’m just waiting out the storm.”
She laughed again. “Yeah, I heard about that. Something about wanting a threesome?” She was watching my face now, waiting for my reply.
My face softened a little. “Yeah, you know. Boys.” She laughed again, and I didn’t mind being the cause of that laughter. “I think they will be fine though.” I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. “I think they like each other, so it will all work out in the end.”
“Hmm, maybe,” was all she said.
I opened my eyes when I heard the glass door sliding open.
“Hi, so we’re going back to the beach, wanna come?” It was Halley, and though the streaks down her cheeks said one thing, the smile on her face said another. She looked back and forth between the two of us, a slow smile creeping in.
Oh brother. “What about the boy?” I asked, studying her face now.
“Oh he’s coming. We’re fine,” she said.
“I see,” was all I could manage.
My frown quickly changed to a grin, and I turned toward Phoenix. “Guess I was right huh?” I shot her an extra wink, just to drive the point in as I stood up.
Phoenix only scowled back.
She’s cute when she’s mad.
I could almost feel my pupils dilate. Aurora what are you doing?
“Meet you out front in two!” I called as I slid the door open and walked inside.
I went straight to the communal bedroom, and scooped my jeans up off the floor, and pulled them on over my swimsuit. I reached into my pocket, feeling for the coin, making sure it was still there. I couldn’t say what made me do it, only that I felt like I needed the coin with me at all times. The problem with being yourself is that you know yourself. You know what you’re capable of. And it’s kind of scary to think of it that way.
Once back outside, I walked a few steps behind Halley and Spencer and in step with Phoenix. I didn’t want to say anything to her because I knew if we spoke it would turn into something more. So I rolled the coin between my fingers in silence. I smiled. I’d never had so much self-control in my life. Old Aurora would have laid on the charm and would be holding her hand already.
I didn’t want to be the old Aurora. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who went for it and thought about it later. There was just something about this girl that told me that wasn’t what I wanted. Sure it would have been fun, for the night. But I was getting older. Was that really what I wanted?
Phoenix spoke, jarring me out of my thoughts. I flinched.
“Sorry.” She smirked. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I only offered her a smile in return. I could see the confusion on her face. Confusion that I understood, but I wasn’t ready to explain yet.
“Where were you just now?” She asked it innocently enough, but a shiver went up my spine nonetheless.
“Nowhere important.” I smiled.
She gave me a sad look in return, making me feel a little bad. In an effort to ease the tension, I nodded up ahead. “So now what do you think of those two? Are they in it forever, or just a ‘right now’ kind of thing?”
“Well, I’m not really sure. I could see it going either way. They really like each other, but it kind of seems like they want different things.”
I nodded in agreement. We had finally reached the beach, and I slid off my flip-flops. I loved the feeling of sand under my bare feet.
“I think they will stay together until he messes up. That seems to be the way it usually goes.”
She laughed. “Is it?”
Ahead of us Halley and Spencer had taken a seat near the edge of the water. She already had her head resting on his shoulder, and I felt a pang of sadness rush over me. I shook my head in a quick attempt to make the feeling go away.
I had been single for three months now and I was still trying to get used to it. I liked the alone time and the freedom, but it could get lonely at times.
“Should we sit with them or give them some space?” I asked.
“Let’s give them some space. We can sit right behind them though, like creepers.”
I laughed. She was kind of funny. “Okay, let’s,” I agreed as I sat down in the sand. She sat down beside me, giving me enough room to breathe, but close enough to remind me that she was still there, within touching range.
I rolled the coin between my fingers as I tried to breathe. I liked Phoenix, but I was scared. I was scared of seeing someone new again. I was scared of losing more years of my life. I was scared of the heartache. But there was also something more. I was scared of the possibility. The possibility that she might be different. And I couldn’t decide which was worse.
“I’ve lost you again,” she said out of the blue.
“Hmm?” I said, turning to her. “No, no, I’m just quiet.”
She shook her head this time. “I believe that, but I also think there’s something else. I’ll let it go for now.”
My brows furrowed. Why does she care?
I leaned back so that I was holding myself up by my elbows. “So tell me about yourself. Where are you from, why are you here? You know, the usual.”
She leaned back beside me, and I felt the air sizzle. “I’m from California and part o
f my family still lives there. I went to Auburn for my undergrad and I stayed there for a few years after, just trying to decide what I should do. I had a job that I liked but it wasn’t my everything. Though I did enjoy the money.” She winked. “But I decided to go back to school. I wanted to do something more, you know?”
I knew.
“Do you like it here?” I asked.
“You know, I do. But it does get lonely sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I like Halley and all of my friends here. I have a lot of friends. But friends don’t hold you at night. Well, unless you’re drunk. And friends don’t write you sweet notes in the morning. And friends don’t kiss you before bed. Well, again, unless they’re drunk.”
I nodded. I felt that too.
She turned to me and I blushed before turning to look out at the water.
“What about you?” she asked. “What are you up to?”
I fiddled with the coin again some more. I didn’t really like personal questions. I didn’t really like it when people knew what was going on inside my head. “I have a job for now. I work at a small record shop. It’s really cute and hipstery. And I don’t make a lot of money, but I like it. I have some really good friends there. And I get access to as much music as I want, which is pretty much a good selling point for me.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I mean it’s the same thing every day, but you know.”
“That sounds pretty fun though.”
“It is. I just want to be doing other things.”
“Go on,” she laughed.
I squinted into the dark, debating how much to tell her. I could feel the wrinkles forming on my forehead. Jump Aurora. You can’t be scared forever.
“Well I’m totally into photography,” I said, giving in to my own thoughts. “I know it seems cliché. I just like seeing what a lot of people don’t.” I turned to look at Phoenix to see if she was even paying attention. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes found hers. She had been listening. And watching. Her face was soft, and it was comforting, but scary too.
When she smiled I continued. “I have a small collection of three cameras.” I nodded my head up and down in silent acknowledgment. “Yes, I know it seems excessive. But they all have their own purposes.”