The Plays of Anton Chekhov

by Anton Chekhov

  VERSHININ: Well, well, well! [Laughs.] You have a lot of superfluous knowledge. I don’t think there can be a town so boring and depressed that it has no need for an intelligent, educated person. Let us suppose that among the hundred thousand inhabitants of this town — which of course is backward and crude — there are only three like you. It goes without saying that you are not going to overcome the mass of ignorance surrounding you; in the course of your life, little by little, you are going to have to give ground and get lost in the crowd of the hundred thousand, life will stifle you, but you still won’t disappear, you won’t remain without influence; after you will come maybe six people like you, then twelve, and so on, until people like you become the majority. In two or three hundred years life on earth will be inexpressibly beautiful and amazing ... Man needs that kind of life, and if he doesn’t have it yet, then he must have some presentiment of it, must wait, dream, get ready for it, for this he must see and know more than his grandfather and father saw and knew. [Laughs.] And you complain that you have too much superfluous knowledge.

  MASHA [taking off her hat]: I’m staying for lunch.

  IRINA [with asigh] : Someone really ought to write all this down ...

  [ANDREY has left, unnoticed.]

  TUZENBAKH: In many years’ time, you say, life on earth will be beautiful and amazing. That’s true. But in order to take part in that life now, even if at a remove, one must prepare for it, one must work ...

  VERSHININ [getting up]: Yes. But what a lot of flowers you’ve got. [Looking around.] And a wonderful house. I envy you. My whole life I’ve been in quarters with two chairs and a sofa, and with stoves which always smoke. What I’ve lacked in my life is precisely flowers like these ... [Rubbing hishands.] Aah! Never mind!

  TUZENBAKH: Yes, one must work. You must be thinking the German is becoming sentimental. But I assure you I am Russian and don’t even speak German. My father is Orthodox ...

  [A pause.]

  VERSHININ [walking about the stage]: I often think, what if one were to begin life afresh but consciously? If one life, the life already lived, were so to speak a rough draft and the other one a fair copy? Then all of us, I think, would especially try not to repeat ourselves, we would at least create a different setting for our lives, would make a home like this for ourselves with flowers and a mass of light ... I have a wife and two little girls, but my wife is a sick lady and so on and so forth, well, but if I were to begin life afresh, I wouldn’t marry ... No, no!

  [Enter KULYGIN wearing a uniform frock-coat.7]

  KULYGIN [going up to Irina]: Dear sister, let me congratulate you on your saint’s day and wish you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, good health and everything else one could wish a girl of your age. And then let me offer you this little book as a present. [Gives her a book.] The history of fifty years of our Gymnasium, written by me. A worthless little book, written out of idleness, but read it all the same. Good day, gentlemen. [To Vershinin] Kulygin, a master in the local Gymnasium. Court Councillor8 Kulygin. [To Irina] In this little book you’ll find a list of all those who have matriculated from our Gymnasium in the last fifty years. Feci quod potui, faciant meliora potentes.9 [Kisses Masha.]

  IRINA: But you’ve already given me this book for Easter.

  KULYGIN [laughing]: I can’t have! In that case give it back or, better, give it to the Colonel. Take it, Colonel. You’ll read it one day out of boredom.

  VERSHININ: Thank you. [Gets ready to leave.] I’m very glad indeed to have met you ...

  OLGA: Are you leaving? You can’t!

  IRINA: You’ll stay and have lunch with us. Please.

  OLGA: Let me press you.

  VERSHININ [bowing]: I think I’ve intruded on a name-day. I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I didn’t congratulate you ... [Goes out into the hall with Olga.]

  KULYGIN: Today, my friends, is Sunday, the day of rest, and we will rest, we will make merry, each according to his or her age and position. We must take up the carpets for the summer and put them away till winter ... With insect powder or mothballs ... The Romans were healthy because they knew how to work and knew how to rest, they had mens sana in corpore sano.10Their life went on within definite forms. Our Principal says the important thing in every life is its form ... What loses its form comes to an end — and the same in our everyday life. [Takes Masha by the waist, laughing.] Masha loves me. My wife loves me. And the window curtains too need to be put away with the carpets ... Today I am happy, in an excellent mood. Masha, today at four we’re going to the Principal’s. They’ve arranged an excursion for the teachers and their families.

  MASHA: I won’t come.

  KULYGIN [upset]: Masha dear, why not?

  MASHA : I’ll tell you afterwards ... [Angrily] Very well, I’ll go, only please leave me alone ... [Moves away.]

  KULYGIN: And afterwards we’ll spend the evening at the Principal’s. In spite of his poor state of health that man tries to be sociable above all else. An exceptional, luminous personality. Yesterday, after the meeting, he said to me, ‘I’m tired, Fyodor Ilyich! I’m tired!’ [Looks at the wall clock, then at his own pocket watch.] Your clock is seven minutes fast. Yes, he was tired, he said.

  [Offstage the sounds of a violin.]

  OLGA: Gentlemen, please, lunch is served. We’re having a pie.

  KULYGIN: Oh, my dear, dear Olga! Yesterday I worked from morning until eleven at night, I was tired, and today I feel happy. [Goes out into the hall to the table.] My dear ...

  CHEBUTYKIN [putting his newspaper into his pocket and combing his beard]: Are we having pie? Splendid!

  MASHA [sternly, to Chebutykin]: Only see you don’t drink anything today. Do you hear? It’s bad for you to drink.

  CHEBUTYKIN: Nonsense! All that’s over for me. It’s two years since I drank too much. [Impatiently] Besides, my dear girl, what does it matter!

  MASHA : Still, don’t you dare drink. Don’t you dare. [Angrily, but so her husband doesn’t hear] Again, damn it, a whole boring evening at the Principal’s!

  TUZENBAKH : In your place I wouldn’t go. Very simply.

  CHEBUTYKIN : Don’t go, my darling.

  MASHA: Oh, don’t go ... What a cursed, intolerable life ... [Goes into the hall.]

  CHEBUTYKIN [going after her]: There, there!

  SOLYONY [passing into the hall]: Cluck, cluck, cluck ...

  TUZENBAKH: That’s enough, Vasily Vasilyich. Stop it!

  SOLYONY: Cluck, cluck, cluck ...

  KULYGIN [cheerily]: Your health, Colonel! I’m a schoolmaster and as Masha’s husband I’m quite at home in this house ... She is kind, very kind ...

  VERSHININ: I’ll have some of that dark vodka. [Drinks.] Your health! [To Olga] I feel so at ease here! ...

  [Only IRINA and TUZENBAKH areleft in the drawing-room.]

  IRINA: Masha is out of sorts today. She got married at eighteen when he seemed to her a very intelligent man. And now it’s different. He’s the kindest of men but not the most intelligent.

  OLGA [impatiently]: Andrey, come on now!

  ANDREY [offstage]: I’m coming. [Enters and goes to the table.]

  TUZENBAKH: What are you thinking about?

  IRINA: Nothing. I don’t like Solyony, he frightens me. He only talks nonsense ...

  TUZENBAKH: He’s an odd man. I’m both sorry for him and annoyed by him, but more sorry. I think he’s shy ... When we’re alone together, he’s very clever and friendly, but in company he’s a crude fellow, always picking quarrels. Don’t go, let them sit at the table a moment. Let me be near you a bit. What are you thinking about?

  [A pause.]

  You’re twenty, I’m not yet thirty. We’ve got so many years ahead of us, a long, long line of days, full of my love for you ...

  IRINA: Nikolay Lvovich, don’t talk to me about love.

  TUZENBAKH [not listening]: I have a passionate thirst for life, for the struggle, for work, and that thirst has merged in my soul with my love for you, Irina, and as if it were all planned, you a
re beautiful and life seems to me so beautiful. What are you thinking about?

  IRINA: You say life is beautiful. Yes, but what if it only seems so! For us three sisters life has not yet been beautiful, it has choked us like a weed ... My tears are streaming. We don’t need that. [Quickly wipes her face and smiles.] We must work, work. We’re gloomy and look at life so darkly because we don’t know work. We were born to people who despised work ...

  [Enter NATALYA IVANOVNA; she is wearing a pink dress with a green belt.]

  NATASHA: They’re already sitting down to lunch in there ... I’m late ... [Gives a passing glance at the mirror and arranges herself.] think my hair’s all right ... [Seeing Irina.] Dear Irina Sergeyevna, congratulations! [Gives her a heavy and prolonged kiss.] You have a lot of guests, I feel really guilty ... Good afternoon, Baron.

  OLGA [coming into the drawing-room]: And here is Natalya Ivanovna. How are you, my dear?

  [They kiss.]

  NATASHA: To the name-day girl. There’re so many people, I’m terribly embarrassed ...

  OLGA: That’s enough, they’re all friends here. [In a low voice, with an air of alarm] You’re wearing a green belt. It’s not right, dear.

  NATASHA: Is it bad luck?

  OLGA: No, it simply doesn’t go ... and it’s sort of odd ...

  NATASHA [in a tearful voice]: Really? But it’s not green, more a sort of neutral colour. [Follows Olga into the hall.]

  [Everyone sits down to lunch in the hall; no one is left in the drawing-room.]

  KULYGIN: Irina, I wish you a good husband. It’s time you got married.

  CHEBUTYKIN: Natalya Ivanovna, I wish you too a nice young man.

  KULYGIN: Natalya Ivanovna’s already got a nice young man.

  MASHA [banging her plate with a fork]: I am going to have a little glass of wine. Well, come what may life is still a bowl of cherries!

  KULYGIN: Bad marks to you for behaviour.

  VERSHININ: It’s a delicious liqueur. What’s it made of?

  SOLYONY: Cockroaches.

  IRINA [in a plaintive voice]: Ugh! How disgusting! ...

  OLGA: For supper there’s going to be roast turkey and a sweet apple pie. Thank God, today I’m at home the entire day, at home in the evening ... Gentlemen, come this evening ...

  VERSHININ:Can I come this evening too?

  IRINA: Please do.

  NATASHA: There’s no formality in this house.

  CHEBUTYKIN: ‘For what does Nature bear us? For love, and love alone.’ [Laughs.]

  ANDREY [crossly]: Gentlemen, stop it! Haven’t you had enough?

  [Enter FEDOTIK and RODE with a big basket of flowers.]

  FEDOTIK: But they’re already having lunch.

  RODE [loudly and rolling his rs11]: Are they having lunch? Yes, they’re already having lunch ...

  FEDOTIK: Wait a moment! [Takes a photograph.] One! Wait a bit longer ... [Takes another photograph.] Two! Now it’s done!

  [They pick up the basket and go into the hall where they are greeted noisily.]

  RODE [loudly]: Congratulations and very best wishes! This weather is delicious, a glory. I walked all morning today with my Gymnasium pupils. I teach gymnastics at the Gymnasium ...

  FEDOTIK: You can move, Irina Sergeyevna, you can now! [Taking a photograph.] You’re looking especially pretty today. [Takes a spinning top from his pocket.] By the way, here’s a top ... It makes an amazing sound ...

  IRINA: What a delightful thing.

  MASHA: ‘An oak in leaf beside the seashore, upon that oak a chain of gold ... upon that oak a chain of gold ...’ [In a melancholy voice] Now why am I saying that? I’ve had that phrase on my mind the whole morning ...

  KULYGIN: We’re thirteen at table.

  RODE [loudly]: My friends, do you really attach any importance to superstitions?

  [Laughter.]

  KULYGIN: If there are thirteen at table it means there are lovers here. For all I know it may be you, Ivan Romanych ...

  [Laughter.]

  CHEBUTYKIN: I’m an old sinner, but I really cannot understand why Natalya Ivanovna looks embarrassed.

  [Loud laughter. NATASHA runs out of the hall into the drawing-room, ANDREY follows her.]

  ANDREY: Don’t, pay no attention! Wait ... please stay ...

  NATASHA: I feel ashamed ... I don’t know what’s the matter with me, but they’re laughing at me. It’s bad manners that I left the table just now, but I can’t ... I can’t ... [Covers her face with her hands.]

  ANDREY: My darling, please, I beg you, don’t get upset. I assure you they’re joking, they don’t mean it. My darling, my love, they are all kind, sincere people and they’re fond of me and of you. Come here to the window, they can’t see us here. [Looks around.]

  NATASHA: I’m not used to going out! ...

  ANDREY: Your youth, your wonderful, beautiful youth! My darling, my love, don’t get so upset! ... Trust me, trust me ... I feel so good, my soul is full of love and rapture ... Oh, they can’t see us! They can’t see us! Why, why did I come to love you, when did I come to love you — oh, I don’t understand anything. My darling, my pure love, be my wife! I love you, love you ... as I’ve never loved anyone ...

  [They kiss. Two officers come in and, seeing the couple embrace, stop dumbfounded.]

  [Curtain.]

  Act Two

  The set of Act One.1Eight in the evening. Offstage the barely audible sound of an accordion in the street. There is no light. Enter NATALYA IVANOVNA wearing a housecoat, with a candle; she walks about and stops by the door which leads to Andrey’s room.

  NATASHA: Andryusha, what are you doing? Are you reading? It isn’t anything, I’m just ... [Goes to open another door, looks inside and shuts it.] If anyone’s left a light ...

  ANDREY [entering with a book in his hand]: Yes, Natasha?

  NATASHA: I’m looking to see if there are any lights ... It’s Carnival now and the servants aren’t themselves, one just has to keep one’s eyes open for anything. Yesterday at midnight I was walking through the dining-room and a candle was burning there. I couldn’t get to the bottom of who’d lit it. [Puts down the candle.] What time is it?

  ANDREY [looking at his pocket watch]: A quarter past eight.

  NATASHA: And Olga and Irina still aren’t back. They haven’t come in. They’re still working, poor things. Olga at a teachers’ meeting and Irina at the Telegraph Office ... [Sighs.] This morning I was saying to your sister, ‘Look after yourself a little, Irina love.’ And she doesn’t listen. Did you say it’s quarter past eight? I’m afraid our Bobik isn’t at all well. Why is he so cold? Yesterday he had a temperature and today he’s cold all over ... I’m so worried.

  ANDREY: It’s nothing, Natasha. The boy’s healthy.

  NATASHA: But still, we’d better put him on a diet. I’m scared. And they said today the mummers will be here after nine. It would be better if they didn’t come, Andryusha.

  ANDREY: I really don’t know. They were asked to come.

  NATASHA : This morning the little boy woke and looked at me and smiled suddenly; it means he recognized me. ‘Bobik,’ I said, ‘Hello! Hello, darling!’ And he laughed. Children understand, they understand very well. So, Andryusha, I’ll tell them not to let the mummers in.

  ANDREY [indecisively]: It really depends on whether my sisters agree. It’s their house.

  NATASHA: It is their house too. I’ll tell them. They’re kind ... [Walks about.] I’ve ordered yoghurt for supper. The doctor says you should only eat yoghurt, otherwise you won’t lose weight. [Stops.] Bobik is cold. I’m afraid he’s probably cold in his room. We should put him in another room at least until the warm weather comes. Irina’s room, for example, is just right for a child: it’s dry and there’s sun the whole day. We must tell her, for the time being she can share a room with Olga ... In any case during the day she isn’t at home, she just spends the night ...

  [A pause.]

  Andryushanchik, why don’t you say anything?

  ANDREY: I was thinkin
g ... And there’s nothing to say ...

  NATASHA: Yes ... I wanted to tell you something ... Oh yes, Ferapont has come from the Council, he’s asking for you.

  ANDREY [yawning]: Tell him to come in.

  [NATASHA goes out; ANDREY reads a book, bending over the candle she has forgotten. Enter FERAPONT; he is wearing a shabby overcoat with the collar turned up and a scarf round his ears.]

  Good evening, old boy. What have you got to tell me?

  FERAPONT: The Chairman has sent you a book and some sort of papers. Here they are ... [Gives him a book and a package.]

  ANDREY: Thank you. Good. Why have you come so late? It’s already after eight.

  FERAPONT: What?

  ANDREY [louder]: I said you’ve come late, it’s already after eight.

  FERAPONT: Yes, sir. When I came to your house it was still light, but they didn’t let me in. They said the master’s busy. Well, it doesn’t matter. If he’s busy he’s busy, I’m in no hurry to go anywhere. [Thinking that Andrey is asking him about something.] What?

  ANDREY: Nothing. [Looking at the book.] Tomorrow’s Friday, there’s no business but I’ll go in all the same ... I’ll find something to do. It’s boring at home ...

  [A pause.]

  Dear old Ferapont, how strangely life changes, how it deceives us! Today out of boredom and having nothing to do I picked up this book - my old university lectures, and I began to laugh ... My God, I’m the secretary of the District Council - and Protopopov’s the chairman - and the most I can hope for is to be a member of that Council! To be a member of the local District Council, when every night I dream that I am a professor at Moscow University, a famous scholar who is Russia’s pride!