“Yes, we’re going back to his place,” Megan said, so quietly only I could hear.
Her tone made me want to tell her that, if I’d had any interest in Tyler, we would have slept together months ago. That wouldn’t make this encounter less weird, though. Or work tomorrow, now that I thought about it. The only thing I’d accomplish would be making Tyler even more uncomfortable and looking like a total jerk.
I forced a smile. “Have fun!”
“Oh, we will,” she said.
Tyler shifted from one foot to the other, looking back and forth as if he wasn’t quite sure what was happening. “Uh, I’ll see you soon, Shannon.”
Despite my better judgment, I couldn’t resist having the smallest bit of fun with the two of them. “Yeah. Call me tomorrow so we can talk about move-in logistics. It’s going to be great, us living together.”
Megan’s spine stiffened. She opened her mouth, but the loudspeaker cut her off.
“Attention, customers. The store will be closing in one minute. If you would like to make a purchase, please proceed to the registers immediately.”
Thank goodness. An excuse to end the pain of this conversation. I held up the book still in my hand. “Gotta go. See you at work, Megan.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply. By the time I paid and left the store, they’d thankfully vanished. Still, something about the encounter stuck with me all the way down the stairs to the platform where I waited for my train.
Cody had said Tyler seemed to like this new girl. At the time I’d been excited for him, but upon seeing who he’d met, I found myself full of doubt. Maybe she felt as weird running into me as I did seeing her outside the office. In private, she could be completely different. For Tyler’s sake, I hoped so.
Then a thought struck me. What had I done? I’d been so concerned it would be awkward for Tyler to move in with me given our history, but him dating my coworker made it ten times worse. Things would only get weirder if Megan or I got the executive designer’s job. It didn’t even matter who. She’d be condescending if she got the promotion, and insufferably insubordinate if I took it. For a heartbeat, the situation almost made me hope Jameson gave the job to Dennis. Not quite, though.
Tyler and I had already agreed to live together, and he’d texted me back a signed basic agreement earlier that day. I couldn’t tell him I changed my mind. But I couldn’t let him move in without saying anything. Especially not if he thought Megan and I were friends.
After tossing and turning on the issue all night, I finally picked up the phone and texted Tyler. Can you come over to the apartment tonight after work?
Tyler: No problem. Is 7 OK?
Me: Sure.
* * * *
Once again, he showed up exactly on time. To show my appreciation, I didn’t mince words. After making him a drink, I offered Tyler a seat on the couch, then said, “There’s something we need to talk about.”
“Yeah?” He met my eyes, then sighed. “Megan.”
“Right. I’m sorry. Cody told me you were seeing someone, and that’s great. Honestly, I’m happy for you.”
“You have a problem with Megan?”
“Look, I don’t want to tell you who to date, but…” But she’s absolutely horrible and you can do way better. “When I leave work, I leave work. I don’t want to come home and have my coworkers hanging around. At the same time, I hate the idea of telling you that you can’t have guests.”
“It’s no big deal,” Tyler said. “I can only imagine how awkward I’d feel getting out of the shower and running into one of the guys from work. Especially the boss’s son or daughter.”
“Exactly.”
“Look, we’ve only been out a handful of times,” Tyler said. “If things get serious, we’ll go to her place. At least until you’re more comfortable with the situation.”
Honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever get comfortable with the two of them as a couple. But if they weren’t serious, they might not make it until Tyler’s lease ran out at the end of the month. Maybe he would see how shallow and superficial Megan could be. Maybe she’d dump him for someone else. To listen to her talk, men lined up around the block to ask her out. A lot could happen in a couple of weeks.
The silence between us stretched, becoming thick. Finally, Tyler said, “Megan told me she’s your superior at work. Does the idea of me dating your boss bother you?”
I wasn’t even surprised she’d claimed to outrank me. Briefly, I considered asking Tyler if she’d mentioned what her job was. Instead, I said, “My boss is a sixty-seven-year-old man named Jameson. Also, he’s married.”
He chuckled. “Okay, the boss’s daughter, then.”
Under the surface, I sensed what he was really asking. He wanted to know if I was jealous. I didn’t care whether Tyler dated; I cared that he find someone good enough for him, which Megan was absolutely not. But telling him that would make things even more uncomfortable if they fell in love. Especially when I couldn’t quite articulate what bugged me about her. I offered a partial truth. “I want you to be happy.”
“Thanks,” he said. “You, too. How about this? Let’s make a pact.”
“A pact? Like, sealed in blood?”
“I think a handshake will do it.”
“Okay… What kind of pact?” I asked.
“A lot of roommates don’t share their personal lives. As long as I live here, we don’t talk about Megan. I don’t bring her over, don’t tell you when I’m going out with her. You don’t mention what it’s like working with her. No complaints about her at the office, nothing. In this building, she doesn’t exist.”
That might help. “So the apartment would be a Megan-free zone?”
“Yes, but also, our entire friendship. No Megan talk, here or elsewhere.”
I wasn’t entirely convinced that would solve the underlying problem, but since I couldn’t solidify why I felt like he shouldn’t be with her, I didn’t have any better ideas. It wasn’t like I could complain that she disliked me for no reason. After a moment’s thought, I held out one hand. “Deal.”
* * * *
Two weeks later, Tyler showed up in the driveway with a moving pod, Cody, Nathan, and Gwen. No sign of Megan, thankfully. She’d avoided me at the office since we ran into each other in the bookstore, sticking to her usual nice-sounding-but-actually-snide comments when interaction became unavoidable. More than once I’d spotted her watching me from her desk across the room. I never engaged. Although I probably could diffuse the tension by telling her that I’d never had any interest in Tyler, I neither wanted to rehash our history nor lie. Knowing Megan, she’d ask a lot of prying questions it was easier to avoid.
I greeted my friends enthusiastically, still wondering if I’d made a mistake. Maybe I should have canceled the lease the second I found out about Megan, but I didn’t see any way out of our agreement. A new girlfriend I could handle. His happiness made me happy. A horrible new girlfriend who I had to see at work every day did not. On top of that, for some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about the day he kissed me.
My brain knew I was being silly. One kiss, before Tyler met Megan, that meant nothing. There was no reason to think he would ever repeat the gesture. It happened six months ago, at Gwen and Cody’s wedding. At the time, I felt terrible.
Well, more to the point, I’d felt literally nothing at all. No reaction. No spark. Nothing. The total lack of emotion made me feel worse than if the kiss had been terrible or extra slobbery or if Tyler had acted rude or ghosted me after. Because I liked him. He was smart, funny, caring, and wicked sharp at strategy games. We enjoyed the same types of games, so we played well together. But our entire relationship was superficial. We barely knew each other.
The trip took place in February, and it had started off so well. Even though I delayed my flight when Nana had a minor medical episode, the doctors had given her a
clean bill of health. I joined my friends in Mexico in plenty of time for the wedding festivities. Gwen, Holly, and I went to this “finding your inner diva” class. At dinner, Holly and I hung out with Cody’s sister Tessa and Tyler. Holly was struggling to reenter the dating world after being royally screwed by her ex, but the two of us were having fun.
After the rehearsal dinner, everyone went to a nearby bar to continue the party. Since I’d arrived in Mexico nearly a full day later than planned and spent most of the flight worrying about Nana’s health, my drinking game needed a serious boost. The mixed drinks at the resort were mostly water, so I wanted to break out of my comfort zone and try something a bit stronger.
Tyler had gone with me to the bar and helped me find the perfect whiskey. “Here, you’ll like this. It’s like drinking a campfire.”
I racked my brain for a diplomatic response. “That’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience?”
“Trust me.”
With a suspicious sniff, I accepted the glass. To my surprise, it wasn’t unpleasant. Strong and smoky. No one would accuse the resort of watering this down. I took a deep breath, then tilted the glass to my lips. Amber liquid flowed over my tongue, carrying not only what Tyler said was peat but a hint of caramel. Suddenly I got what he meant about the campfire. The whiskey went down smooth as glass, leaving a pleasant heat all the way from the tip of my tongue into my belly. I sighed with pleasure.
“This is the best shot I’ve ever had. Probably the first one I’ve enjoyed.” Handing the glass back, I turned to the bartender. “I’ll have a double.”
“Neat,” Tyler said over my shoulder.
“Awesome?” I asked him.
“Neat means no ice,” he explained.
Right. The very reason I didn’t order mixed drinks. “Thanks. Nice lookin’ out.”
“Any time,” he said.
I sat on my stool, sipping from my glass and watching the crowd, thinking about tomorrow’s festivities. People slowly piled into the bar, until the din started to give me a headache. At some point, Tyler left to go to the bathroom, then disappeared into the mass. Probably found someone else to talk to.
It wasn’t terribly late, but I needed to get away. The air pressed in on me from all sides. I decided to walk on the beach instead of going back to our room right away, where Holly would want to chat and the television would likely be going. I loved my friend, but I needed a bit of alone time.
Where the sidewalk met the sand, I paused to pull off my shoes. My four-inch-high, bright red Mary Jane heels went fabulously with my black polka-dotted dress, but would be hell on the sand, especially with a couple of drinks in me. The beach technically didn’t close until ten, but most people had already packed up and gone in. A couple sat on a blanket off to the right. Down by the shoreline, someone I couldn’t quite make out threw a ball for a big black dog. And about fifty feet to my left, Tyler sat on the edge of a hammock, dangling his feet in the sand while swinging back and forth. I wondered what caused him to leave the bar, where he seemed to be enjoying himself, and wind up here.
I hesitated. Probably shouldn’t have, but I did come out here for some solitude. Still, Tyler was a friend, and I couldn’t bring myself to pretend not to see him when he appeared to be upset. If he wanted to be alone, he could tell me, and I’d go on my way.
“Hey.” I spoke softly, not wanting to startle him.
He jerked, but then relaxed when his eyes met mine. “Hey, Shannon.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, you just startled me. Sorry,” he said. “Did you follow me from the bar?”
His tone seemed almost hopeful, as if he wished I might have come looking for him. “No, I’m out for a walk before bed. It’s been a busy couple of days, and tomorrow will be even more so. Thought it would be nice to take some time to relax and decompress.”
“Me, too. Sometimes it’s tough being an introvert in such a big group.”
I laughed. “Don’t I know it. Anyway, I’ll leave you on your own. Have a good night.”
“Thanks.” He hesitated, so I turned to walk away. Then he said my name, so quiet I almost missed it. I paused before turning back. “Do you mind some company?”
“You wouldn’t prefer to be alone?”
“I can be alone with you.” He smiled sheepishly. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.” I held out a hand to help him out of the hammock. It was warm and smooth, soft.
Once he gained his footing, I dropped his hand. Something flashed across his face, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake allowing him to walk with me. Gwen and Holly both thought Tyler had feelings for me, but I’d never seen a hint of it. Unfortunately, I tended to be oblivious to things that allosexuals easily spotted. But this was Tyler, we were friendly, and it was too late to change my mind about the walk. Taking his hand, then running away would be beyond rude.
Side by side, we walked the beach in the moonlight, each lost in our own thoughts. The poets probably would have called the scene romantic, but I never understood poetry. Still, having a friend walk with me did turn out to be more comforting than walking alone. Especially a friend who appreciated the restorative nature of a good, long silence.
After a while, the bamboo torches set up by the beach resort ended, and a sign informed us that we were about to cross into a restricted area. Without a word, we turned and headed back. It was the most enjoyable walk I’d ever had with another person. I didn’t know how long we’d been out there, and I didn’t care. Sand beneath my feet, moonlight shining on the path, a light sea breeze, the smell of the ocean, and a good friend who could share space with me without feeling the need to talk. All the ingredients for a perfect Shannon evening.
We made it back to the sidewalk and stopped so I could put my shoes back on.
“That was exactly what I needed,” Tyler said. “Thanks.”
“Me, too. You may be the best walking partner I’ve ever found.”
He grinned and ran one hand over his curly black hair. “Let me know if you want to go walking again sometime.”
That sounded suspiciously like a date. For the first time, something awkward entered the silence between us. Not knowing how to respond, I instead put my shoes on the ground so I could step back into them.
“Here.” Tyler offered me a hand, and I leaned into his shoulder for balance.
Left foot, then the right. When I finished, he bent down and buckled each shoe for me. The tenderness of the gesture made me smile. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.” He stood, brushing sand off the knees of his pants.
Then our eyes met, and a sudden stab of dread hit me in the stomach. Uh-oh. Suddenly I knew, absolutely knew, that he was about to ruin our beautiful, friendly moment. And there wasn’t anything I could say or do to stop it. I should have listened to my friends, but ignoring them had been easier than worrying about something I couldn’t control.
On some level, I thought if I pretended Gwen and Holly were wrong, I’d never have to let Tyler down. The last thing I wanted was to hurt a nice guy. But as he stepped closer to me, I realized that it would have been much kinder to nip things in the bud early on, even if that might have made the play-testing sessions awkward. By pretending not to know, I’d made everything worse.
“I really like spending time with you, Shannon,” he said.
One hand reached out to cup my face. Indecision froze me in place. What if I ran? That was a coward’s way out, though, and cruel. I couldn’t do it.
So I stood like a statue, giving him the opportunity to lean forward and place his lips against mine. As a teenager, every time I found myself in this position, some small part of me hoped it would work, that his kiss would unlock something in me. But in college, I’d finally come to terms with the fact that, if I didn’t want someone to kiss me before they did it, their lips wouldn’t s
erve as some magical elixir.
Feeling like the worst kind of asshole, I took a step back.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked. “I thought—”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. Tyler, I’m really sorry…”
“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I misread something. It seemed like maybe you liked me.”
“I do! That’s not it at all.” His brow furrowed in confusion, so I held out one hand. “Come on. Let’s walk back together, and I’ll explain.”
For a gut-wrenching moment, he considered my request. I thought he’d leave me standing there. But he put his hand in mine, and we turned toward the winding path that would eventually lead to our rooms.
As I tried to think of what to say, he broke the silence. “Cody said you weren’t seeing anyone. Is it because I’m black?”
It broke my heart that he thought I rejected him because of his race. “No. My first boyfriend was black. My college boyfriend was Korean. I like you, as a friend. The thing is… I’m demisexual.”
He chewed on his lip for a minute. “That’s like being asexual?”
“It’s on the spectrum,” I said. “I don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone until I get to know them.”
“We’ve known each other for almost two years.”
“I know. But it’s not like a light switch. Sometimes, after a time, I feel attracted to a person. Sometimes I don’t. There’s a big difference between running into someone from time to time and forming a connection on a deeper level.”
He nodded. “That makes sense. So you’re saying, there’s a chance, some day?”
“I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t know. I can’t promise I’ll ever feel anything. And it wouldn’t be fair for you to wait, just in case.” This was the point in the past where some men stormed off never to speak to me again. Still, I offered him the same truth I offered them. “I hope we can be friends.”
“Of course we can. That was never a question,” he said. “I like hanging out with you. If it could be more, cool. But it can’t, and that’s cool, too.”
Make Your Move Page 6