by Paula Mabbel
Ellie blushed as she scooped a big spoonful of her creamed corn over the potatoes. It certainly wasn’t the same as they used to eat, but given their circumstance and the occasion, she felt like she had done a good job making a special dinner.
It wasn’t much, but Ellie felt satisfied. She knew that her husband was happy, and she hoped that his new job would work out for him. At long last, perhaps things were going to work out for them again.
Perhaps they could finally settle into a new life and a real home of their own.
*****
The days passed and William settled into his new job wonderfully. Each morning, Ellie got up before he did and made breakfast. She wanted it to be on the table for him when he came out to get his morning coffee.
William was right about the stress. Now that there was a source of income for them, she was feeling a lot better, but there was still that feeling in the bottom of her heart. No matter what she did, she just couldn’t shake that heavy, dark feeling.
Ellie didn’t know what it was. She had wanted children for a long time, and had been depressed off and on about not being able to have any. She accepted the fact that she was barren, but she was having a hard time coping with it.
William seemed to be in much higher spirits now. He got up with a whistle most days. Ellie could hear him putting on his shoes and his shirt before he came out for breakfast, and he was always cheerful.
Ellie hoped that her smile looked genuine to him. She was always happy to see her husband, and his warm smile often brought a smile to her own lips, but she felt that she may not be able to cover that involuntary sadness that was in her heart.
There was just a feeling she had… like something was about to go horribly wrong. It didn’t make any sense to her. She did her best to ignore it.
“Ellie my love, I think it is high time you and I had ourselves a picnic!” William was saying as he came out of the bedroom. Ellie smiled, she always did love a picnic, and it had been a long time since they had gone on one.
“Don’t you have to go to work today?” She asked.
“I told Gregory I thought my bride could use a day out in the sunshine. You have been so busy lately, what with keeping this house spotless and all… I would love to take you up on Pete’s hill and spend the day flying the kite and on a picnic… just like the old days! What do you say?”
Ellie couldn’t help but smile at her husband. He was so enthusiastic about it, and she did feel like she could use a break. It was true, she had been working really hard lately, they both had. A day off would be nice.
She packed up a basket with sandwiches and some potato salad that she had left over from the other night. Ellie wished that they had fried chicken to take, but her hens were so few these days, she couldn’t spare one for a splurge like this.
They road double back on Old Blue, William’s trusty little steed. Will loved that horse. He had him when he was fighting in the war, and had kept him ever since. Ellie liked the horse, too, but what she really wanted was a dog.
William promised her that she should have a dog when they were good and settled, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen any time soon.
Ellie sat on the picnic blanket and watched William fly the kite. They had flown kites together a lot when they were kids, and it was something that they still loved to do whenever they could.
“Look at ‘er soar, El! Do you want to try?” William was laughing and pulling the string, and Ellie got up and ran over.
“Let me try Will, give me the string!” Ellie tugged at the string, but as she did, the wind came up and blew the kite right into a high tree towards the edge of the field.
“Great job you goose!” William teased as he ran over to the tree.
“Sorry! The wind, it-“ Ellie began and ran after him.
William was panting when he reached the bottom of the tree, and they both looked up towards the top. William had beads of sweat on his brow, and Ellie held her hand up to shade the sun from her eyes.
“Will, you can’t go up there! You’ll fall!” She grabbed his arm as he started to climb the tree.
“Well, it isn’t going to get itself down now, is it? You worry too much, I’ll be fine.” William kissed his wife on her forehead and started up the tree again.
Ellie backed up so she could see her husband as he reached where the kite was. She couldn’t see well, as he was close to the top of the tree, but it looked to her like he was struggling.
“Will? Are you ok?” She called up. He didn’t answer her, and she figured he didn’t hear what she had said. “Will!” She cried out, louder this time.
William looked down at her. She wasn’t close enough to hear if he answered, but she could see from where she was on the ground that he was very pale, and he seemed to be having a hard time hanging on to the tree branch.
He reached out towards the kite, but pulled his hand back.
“Will, I really think you should come back down here… Will?” Ellie called out.
Will reached out again, but this time, it seemed as though he had a sharp pain in his chest. He cried out, and pulled his hand back to his heart.
“Will!” Ellie screamed.
Will lurched forward, and smacked his head on the branch that was right beneath him.
“Will!” Ellie screamed again, watching in horror as her husband collapsed, falling out of the tree, and hitting several branches on the way down.
William hit the ground hard. Ellie was crying as she ran over to him. She couldn’t’ see how badly he was hurt… there was too much blood.
“William! Oh William! I’m going to go get help! Hang on, Sweetheart! I’m going to go get help!” Ellie was screaming and crying as she spoke. She ran over and grabbed the reigns of Old Blue, who was grazing in the field close to the picnic blanket.
She dug her heels into his side, and headed off towards town as quickly as she could.
*****
Ellie paced back and forth in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. There was just a thin curtain that separated her from William, but she knew that she was better off staying out there where she didn’t have to see them struggling.
Ellie had ridden the horse into town as quickly as she could, but it had taken her a little while to find the doctor. He had been out at a neighboring farm having lunch and checking on the family out that way, and by the time they had made it back to Will, he was beginning to regain consciousness.
Doctor Benjamin had told him to lie still, and between him and Ellie they were able to get Will into the back of his buggy. They raced to town, and Ellie had been waiting in the room of his office ever since.
She replayed what had happened over and over in her mind. It had looked like he was in pain, and that was why he fell, but he had said that he was ok. Oh the blood. Why had there been so much blood?
Ellie buried her face in her hands and sat down. She didn’t know what she would do without William. Not only was he her best friend and the love of her life, he was also her life. All of the decisions she made were with him. The money came from him.
Anything that she didn’t think that she could handle he did. They were a team, and she needed him.
“Ellie?” A voice broke into her thoughts. Ellie looked up, startled. It was a man’s voice, but it wasn’t William’s.
“Ellie…” the Doctor began again, this time gentle. Ellie’s eyes filled with tears. He didn’t have to say a word for her to know what he was going to say.
“We did everything that we could, but the tissue around his heart was damaged, and in the fall-“ Doctor Benjamin’s words were interrupted with Ellie’s wails.
“William! My William! Why?” She shrieked and cried. She tried to stand up, but fell to her knees. She couldn’t believe that she had just lost her husband. She felt so alone and scared.
Ellie didn’t know what to do. The hours to follow seemed like a nightmare. When she got home, she was so numb, it felt like she was watching herself as in a dream. E
llie walked back into their bedroom and buried her face into William’s pillow, and she wept.
*****
Ellie was startled by a rap on the door. The past few days had seemed like such a blur. She had scraped together a handful of people and they had buried her husband on the north hill. Ellie stood there at his funeral, not crying, not making a sound… everything felt like a dream, and she felt numb.
Now, she realized that she was sitting at her table. She vaguely remembered getting up that morning, but she hadn’t put on her dress. She was still in her night clothes. The knock wasn’t repeated, but Ellie went to the door anyway.
When she opened it, she found that there was a piece of paper on the door.
“Past Due” it read.
Ellie scoffed quietly to herself and scanned what the paper said. She was out of money, and had no way to get more. The paper informed her that she needed to get the money to the owner of the home, or she would be out on the streets by the end of the week.
Ellie took a sip of the coffee that she had made. Her mind was in a whirl.
Nevermind that my husband just died, she thought. She hated to face it, but she knew that she had to think of something. She needed money, and she had no one. Her eyes scanned the table.
There were dishes and papers and other things strewn about, but nothing that could help her… until her eyes rested on an ad in the paper.
~Mail Order Brides Wanted~
Ellie grimaced at the thought. She had heard stories of those that had been mail order brides. Some of them turned out romantic. Others didn’t end so well. She sighed and looked back at the notice that was on the table in front of her.
It isn’t as though you have a lot of choice, and who knows, you might end up getting away from here…
Ellie picked up a pen and sat down with a piece of paper. Then she set the pen down and got up and walked around the house. It felt so weird. Her husband had just passed, and here she was, putting up and ad looking for a new one.
It felt like a betrayal in a sense, but at the same time, she didn’t feel like she had much choice.
He would tell you to do it if he were here. Shoot, he would probably write one down for you.
Ellie chuckled to herself when she thought of will writing a mail order bride ad for her, then her eyes filled with tears. She slapped both of her hands up to her face, and sniffed in deeply.
She stifled a sob, and put her hands back down. Ellie knew what she had to do. William had often told her the reason he made it through the war was because he was a survivor, and he told her he believed that she could have done it, too.
“I’m a survivor, Will,” she whispered.
She strode back out into the kitchen, picked up her pen, and began to write.
*****
If she were to be completely honest with herself, Ellie didn’t know what to expect when she put that ad in the paper. She didn’t know if there were going to be any replies at all, or if she was going to be swarmed with replies.
It was an ad that ran all over the country, and that alone scared her. She didn’t know what to do, but she didn’t want to end up with just anyone, either. Ellie missed Will, it seemed like everything she did reminded her of him, and it hurt.
The days turned into a couple of weeks, and Ellie was growing desperate. When she had first put up that ad, she had told herself that she was going to be careful with the man that answered her. She didn’t want to end up a slave somewhere, and she certainly had standards.
But as the days passed, she grew more and more desperate for money, and she felt that she had fewer options when it came to who she could go with. After all, there weren’t any replies, and she didn’t know if that was going to change.
What if it didn’t? What if she ended up begging on the streets, with no one to help her, and no one to turn to? Ellie couldn’t bear the thought of that, but it was starting to look like that was what was going to happen to her.
Until the letter came.
Ellie looked down at the letter in her hand. It was addressed to her, but it was postmarked from Montana. That was clear on the other side of the country. Ellie didn’t know how she felt right now. It was almost like she was numb.
The handwriting on the letter was rough, as though the man that wrote it struggled with the letters. She knew that there were a lot of uneducated people in the west, but she could also see that the sender had taken their time to make sure the lettering was neat.
With shaking hands, Ellie opened the letter. Inside, there was a different hand that had written the contents, and Ellie scanned quickly what they had said:
Miss Ellie Barnes~
I am writing on behalf of my cousin. He has seen your ad in the paper, and he asks that you will come out here to Montana, to be his bride. He is a kind man, he is a rancher of a small cattle ranch.
He doesn’t have much, but he will treat you right, and you will have everything that you could ever need. You will find that we have enclosed a ticket for you to take the next wagon train out here next month.
There is also $50 so you can live easily until then. If you choose to come out, will you please kindly write us a note that we can expect you? If you do not, keep the money to ease your burden.
With kind regards:
Adam Westfield
The name was written in the same hand that had addressed the envelope, and Ellie was touched. There was something kind about the writing, and even though she only had that to go on, it was enough.
With shaking hands, Ellie wrote a quick note back to them. She had to do it before she had any time to think about it and change her mind. She knew that right now, she needed a place more than anything, and this was the best option she had.
******
The sun shone down hot on her shoulders, and Ellie shaded her eyes. They were supposed to arrive today, and she was nervous. It had been a long and dusty trail, and Ellie was relieved it was finally over.
Before she had left New York, Ellie had received one more letter from Adam. It described him a little more. Tall, with broad shoulders. Dark hair. Brown eyes. She didn’t know fully what to expect, but the letter had closed telling her that he would be meeting her at the post office, and that he would be wearing a white cowboy hat.
A few hours later, Ellie was standing in the post office, holding her bag nervously. She didn’t see anyone there with any hats on, and she was starting to wonder if he had forgotten about her.
Suddenly, there was a light touch on her shoulder.
“’Scuse me, Ma’am, but I believe you are the one I am looking for.” Ellie turned and her eyes met a tall dark stranger. She saw right away that he was wearing the white cowboy hat, and her breath trembled.
“You must be Adam… I’m Ellie,” she said. She hoped that it wasn’t obvious that she was nervous, but then again, it looked like Adam was nervous, too.
“Adam Westfield,” he said. He kissed her hand, and offered to take her bag. Ellie gave it to him, her heart pounding in her chest.
She took his arm, and walked with him outside to the buggy. It seemed odd to her that they were to be married within the hour, but she still pushed it all out of her mind.
The wedding was over quickly, they really just needed the preacher man to make if official, and they were off. Ellie didn’t know what to say on the ride out to the ranch. She just sat silently on the wagon seat beside Adam.
There was something that was attractive about him, but Ellie was still nervous. This land was so different than anything that she had ever known, and she missed Will.
“There it is,” Adam broke into her thoughts. There, down the road a little way, was the house. She could see the mountains rising high in the background, and there was a wide river to the east.
It looked like there were at the top of a valley, and she could see for miles. Ellie’s breath was literally taken away from her. It was the most glorious sight that she had ever seen.
“You like it?” Adam drawled.
*****
Life in Montana was far from anything that Ellie thought it would be. It was as though she had entered an entirely new world. The hardest part of it was, she didn’t know if she wanted to join this world.
She had been happy in New York. She was married to a wonderful man, they had a wonderful life together, and she knew what to expect. Here, she didn’t know what to expect on a day to day basis, let alone what would happen in the weeks to come.
Ellie liked Andrew. He was a gentleman, and he treated her with the utmost respect. Anything that she asked for, he gave to her, and he gave her space to adjust and settle in. Part of her felt bad that she didn’t open up to him right away but she didn’t know how to discuss with her new husband… a man that she hardly knew… how she was dealing with the loss of her former husband, who had been her best friend for years.
Adam left her primarily alone, but they did have dinner together every night. Ellie made a point of making that herself, even though Adam did have a few ranch hands that could cook.
She wanted to make the best impression that she could, even though she didn’t know why. From what she could tell, Adam really did like her, which made her feel insecure. She knew that Will had loved her, too, but Will also knew her.
He knew her cooking, he knew her likes, and he knew her needs. With Adam, all he knew about her was the little that she had said about herself in the ad. She had left a lot out intentionally, but other things, she just didn’t know how to say.
Like the fact that she couldn’t have kids.
Ellie had debated a long time with herself over whether or not she should say anything in her ad about not being able to bear children, but in the end she felt that it was best that she didn’t mention it. If there was a man out there that loved her the way Will had loved her, he wouldn’t care that she couldn’t have children. After all, Will hadn’t.