by Force, Marie
I have so many emotions swirling around inside me—and so many questions. “Could I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You told me not to believe everything I read, and I’m trying to do that.”
“But?”
“You’ve had a lot of girlfriends, women…”
“I like women. I’d never deny that either.”
“You like to have sex with women.”
“Yes.”
“A lot of sex.”
“Sometimes.”
“But not with me?”
He leans his forehead against mine, his chest hair tickling my breasts. “I hope someday you and I will have a lot of sex. I hope someday you and I will start and end each day wrapped in each other’s arms. I hope maybe someday, you’ll be able to do whatever you want with me any time you want to do it and know that you’ll always be welcome and safe in my arms, in my bed, in my life. And because I know when all that happens it’ll be extraordinary, to say the least, I’m willing to wait. For as long as it takes, I’ll wait.” He kisses me. “I’ll wait for you.”
“Flynn… How can you say that? You have no idea what a mess I am.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful, and I adore you. Something terrible happened to you, but that doesn’t define you.”
“It has. For the last eight years, it’s defined me.”
“That doesn’t mean it has to forever. There’s so much more to you than that one incident, and I’m going to help you see that. If it takes the rest of my life, you’re going to see what I see when I look at you.”
I reach up to caress his clean-shaven face. “Does it scare you to feel that way about someone?”
“It scares the hell out of me, but not for the reasons you think.” He pauses before he continues. “It scares me that you don’t feel the same way, that you’ll try to leave me rather than trusting that I’m sincere when I tell you I truly care about you and I can see my life unfolding with you by my side. I can see it.”
“I do feel the same way, and it scares me, too. How is that possible when we just met six days ago? If you had told me last Friday, I’d be on a private plane, half-naked with a guy—any guy—I would’ve said you were crazy. But now… Now it doesn’t seem so crazy.”
“No, it doesn’t. Sometimes these things just happen, Natalie. Does it make sense? Not really, but does it matter if it makes sense when it feels so good?”
“Has this happened to you before?”
“Never. Not like this.”
My heart beats faster in light of his confession.
“What else do you want to know?” he asks with a hint of amusement lighting his eyes.
“When was the last time a woman made you wait to have sex with her?”
“Other than tonight?”
I poke him in the belly, making him grunt with laughter. “Seriously.”
“It’s been a while, but a little dose of humility might be good for me.”
“No one makes you wait for anything.”
“No, they don’t, but can’t you see how refreshing it is for me to have to work for what I want with you? To have to put in the time and the effort and the care to make sure that when we get there, we’re both in the right place at the right time?” He gathers me in close to him. “Stop thinking so much. Holding you this way is better than sex with other women who meant nothing to me. Try to relax and go with it. When the time is right to move forward, we’ll know.”
His words and the sincerity behind them bring me the kind of peace that’s been largely elusive in my life since I left home. Running from the past is exhausting, especially when you can never run fast enough or far enough to truly escape the demons. But here in his arms, with the low hum of the plane’s engines lulling me, I’m able to close my eyes with the comfort of knowing he’s there, and he’s not going anywhere. Not now, anyway.
Chapter 12
If a man could die from unspent desire, I’d be on my deathbed. Watching her come apart in my arms was the single most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced, particularly because I suspect I just gave her the first orgasm of her life. What an honor and a thrill it is to hold her and to feel her beginning to trust me.
I caress her soft skin in small circles as she drops off into a light sleep.
I truly meant every word I said to her, but she’s right about one thing—I’m not accustomed to denying my stronger-than-average sex drive. With my need for her still pulsing through my body, my cock hard and throbbing, I have to get myself together.
Moving slowly so I don’t disturb her, I get up from the sofa and cover her with the blanket. Her lips move as she settles into her nap, and she’s completely adorable.
In the small bathroom, I splash cold water on my face, trying to summon the control I need for her. Thinking about what she told me earlier, that she’d been attacked and raped as a fifteen-year-old, makes me crazy with rage and thirsty for revenge on her behalf. I want to find the guy and cause him twice the pain he caused her. I want to know if he ever paid for what he did. Is he rotting in jail where he belongs or living his life like nothing ever happened?
The latter possibility makes me seethe. I have so many questions but can’t ask them without venturing into territory she’s marked off-limits. I could hire someone and have the answers I crave within days, but I won’t do that either. I’d never violate her privacy that way.
The thought of her turning on me is worse than not knowing. But it pains me not to know the full story. How can I protect her if I don’t know my enemy? This is all new territory for me—these intense feelings for a woman and the knowledge that I’d kill to protect her.
I’ve always been a live-and-let-live kind of guy. I’ve created a monster career without leaving a trail of enemies behind me. My father taught me early on that ours is a small community with a long memory. “Be a gentleman in all your dealings,” he advised, “and never forget the director you disdain today could be the producer you’re wooing tomorrow.”
It was good advice and words I live by. Sure, I’ve had my detractors and people who looked on with envy as my career took off while theirs stalled. I’ve had fellow actors and others in the business snidely imply that I am where I am because of who my parents are. I’ve always shrugged off that shit. Did my parents give me a leg up when I first ventured into the business? Without a doubt. But I’ve done the rest, and I know how hard I’ve worked for everything that has come my way.
I already know I’ll never work harder for anything than I will for the future I want with the gorgeous young woman currently sleeping on the sofa. I grip the edge of the countertop as I summon the innate control I need to manage this situation. I stare into the mirror at my reflection, surprised to realize the man looking back at me seems unfamiliar in many ways.
He wears a hint of fear in his eyes, and an unusual amount of tension tightens his jaw. It’s not lost on me that I’m the last guy in the universe Natalie should be with. When you’re into the kind of sex I want and need, there’s no place for a woman traumatized by sex in the past. It’s a testament to how strongly I already feel for her that I’m willing to put aside my own needs to tend to hers. But will I be able to do that forever? I can’t answer that question, which is why I fear I’m setting up both of us for disaster.
My ringing cell phone tears me out of my uneasy contemplation. Surprised to have reception at altitude, I withdraw the phone from my back pocket and take the call from Hayden. “What’s up?”
“Where are you?”
“In the air. You?”
“Just landed. We’re hanging at the club tonight. Will we see you?”
“Not tonight. I’ve got some stuff to do when I land.”
“Not tonight, not last night, not all last week. What’s the deal, Flynn? Was it something we said?”
Well, sort of… I think it, but I’d never say it. For all his pain-in-the-ass qualities, Hayden is my oldest and closest friend. “Don’t be stupid. N
othing to do with you. But listen, while I have you, I’ve been thinking I’d like to do postproduction in New York rather than LA.” A long pause follows my statement. “Hayden?”
“I’m here. I’m just wondering where the hell you are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You hate the cold, Flynn, almost as much as I do. You hightail it back to LA the second you wrap a film—every single time. And now you’re telling me you want to spend the next few months freezing our asses off in New York when we could be surfing in LA? And you wonder what’s wrong with me?”
I pinch the top of my nose, which I hope will keep my head from blowing off my neck. “You know damned well why I want to be in New York right now.”
“And you know damned well why I don’t.”
“Fine, then I’ll commute. Forget I said anything.”
“Come on, man. Let’s at least talk about it.”
“What’s there to talk about? I want to be in New York. You don’t. Neither of us is about to budge, so I’ll figure something out.”
“You’re really that into this girl?”
“She’s not a girl. She’s a woman—an amazingly strong, resilient, smart woman.”
“Who also happens to be hot as fuck.”
“Shut the fuck up, Hayden. Don’t talk about her that way.”
“We always talk about women that way.”
I’m ashamed to admit he’s right. “Not this one.”
“Dude, I don’t even know what to say to you these days. Everything I do is wrong, and you’re all edgy and shit. What’s up with that?”
He’s right. I can’t deny it. I changed after I met Natalie and recognized she could be someone special. It’s not Hayden’s fault that our usual rules of engagement are no longer in effect, and I failed to tell him that. “I just need a little time to deal with a few things that are going on right now. It’s nothing to do with you. We’re cool.”
“Are you sure? Because I haven’t been getting the ‘we’re cool’ vibe from you at all in the last week. I’ve been getting the ‘Flynn’s pissed at me and won’t tell me why’ vibe. And part of me doesn’t give a shit, because if you’re pissed, you’ll get over it. You always do. But this feels different somehow.”
“It is different. She’s different. I need you to respect that and give me a little space.”
“How much space and how long do you need?”
“I don’t know. I’ll let you know. But I won’t be around much next week.”
“I thought you were sticking around LA until the SAGs,” he says of the Screen Actors Guild Awards that are two weeks after the Globes.
“I’m going back to New York in between.”
“You’re crazy, man, but whatever. Do what you gotta do. Just remember we’ve got a film to finish and not a lot of time to do it.”
“I’m well aware of the timing.”
“Could I ask you one other thing?”
“Sure.”
“Have you prepared her for what’ll happen after she appears in public with you? Arranged security and all that?”
“Addie’s on it, but thanks for asking.”
“No problem. Well, I guess I’ll see you Sunday.”
“See you then.”
The click on the other end indicates that Hayden is gone.
I’m playing with fire in every aspect of my life, risking my reputation for having my priorities straight when it comes to my career and the people I work with, but Natalie is worth the risk.
Hayden’s question about security puts me right back on edge. Because of what she’s endured in the past, I have to warn her again about the media blitz that will follow our coming-out party. I have to be sure it won’t cause a setback for her after she’s worked so hard to build a new life for herself. In light of what she shared with me earlier, I shouldn’t take her with me on Sunday. I have to give her the chance to beg off and spare her the insanity.
Selfish bastard that I am, I hate the thought of her deciding not to come with me. But she’s already been violated once before, and that word aptly describes what will happen to her once the press catches wind of the fact that I have a new woman in my life, and that I’m serious about her.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself to deal with the disappointment that will follow her decision. But this isn’t about what’s best for me. I have to think of what is best for her. I will do the right thing by her no matter what it costs me—emotionally and physically.
With the steady drumbeat of desire thrumming through my veins reminding me of what I can’t have, it’s hard to say what price will exact the greater toll on me—the physical or the emotional.
Flynn wakes me with kisses that begin at my shoulder and end at my fingertips, leaving a tingle of sensation that reawakens the desire. “We land in about an hour, Sleeping Beauty.”
“How long have I been asleep?”
“About three hours.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. You must’ve been bored.”
“Not so bad. I watched a movie when I wasn’t watching you sleep.”
I’m immediately embarrassed at the thought of him watching me sleep.
He runs a finger over my frown. “You were adorable. As always.”
I shift under the blanket, and the rasp of soft wool against my breasts reminds me that I’m half-naked. My nipples tighten under the blanket, and I swear he knows that my body is reacting to his nearness.
As always, he shows restraint, but I can tell it doesn’t come naturally to him. He’s a man who reaches out and takes what he wants, and he clearly wants me. That he can’t have me, at least not the way he’d like to have me, hasn’t driven him away.
“I would give anything to know what goes on in that pretty head of yours when you look at me that way.”
“What way am I looking at you?”
“Like you have a million questions you’re dying to ask me, but can’t bring yourself to do it.” He bends over me to rub his nose against mine. “I wish you’d ask rather than worry about things that are probably no big deal.”
“This whole thing is a big deal to me. A huge big deal. You have no idea how big.”
“I think I have a small idea—and it’s a huge big deal to me, too. Just in case you thought otherwise.”
“I feel like Cinderella at the ball, and any second the clock is going to strike midnight, and the handsome prince will disappear in a wisp of smoke, never to be seen or heard from again.”
“As you well know, the prince showed up the next day with her slipper, and they all lived happily ever after.”
“That’s how it works in fairy tales. Not real life.”
“Not to give myself more credit than I deserve, but if I’m playing the role of the prince in this fairy tale of yours, I can assure you I’m not going anywhere. No wisp of smoke, no team of mules or ten men could drag me away from you. So whatever you’re thinking, just say it. Put it out there and have one less thing on your mind.”
He makes it so easy to lay myself bare before him in more ways than one. Words come to mind that I can’t imagine saying to anyone, let alone him, but because he makes it easy, I find myself saying them. “I see the way you look at me.”
“How do I look at you?”
“Like you’re starving, and I’m the only food for miles around.”
A broad smile unfolds across his sinfully handsome face. “You do make me rather ravenous. Have we moved on from Cinderella to the Big Bad Wolf?”
I laugh at the playful growl that accompanies his question. “I want you to know… I’m aware that you have… needs… and if you wanted to go elsewhere for that—”
“Natalie! Jesus. What do you take me for? A rutting beast with no self-control?” He stands and pushes his hands through his hair, his entire body rigid with impatience and irritation.
“I didn’t mean it that way.” I hate that I’ve upset him.
“You wouldn’t care if I went off and fucked someone else
because you’re not ready to put out? Is that what you’re saying?”
His crude language is shocking to me, but not as much as the flash of jealousy that roars through me at the thought of him having sex with another woman. Clearly, I didn’t think this suggestion all the way through.
His face relaxes into a smile that’s full of male satisfaction. “Thought so.”
“Did you say that to make me jealous?”
He returns to the sofa, bracketing me with his arms on either side of my body. “No, silly girl, I said that to show you how ridiculous you’re being. I want you. Only you. When I said I’d wait, I didn’t mean until a more convenient vagina comes along, tempting me to stray.”
“That’s gross!” I sputter with laughter even though I find him outrageous. “I can’t believe you just said that. Although I’m sure you’ve met many a convenient vagina in your time.”
“Vaginas are rather readily available for big movie stars like me.”
I love that he laughs so easily at himself and his lifestyle. I love that he cares enough to make me jealous. “You were right.”
“About?”
“I was jealous at the thought of you with someone else.”
“Good. You should be. I’m all yours.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “And because you’re all mine and I want to protect you, we need to talk again about Sunday. While you were asleep, Hayden called, and when we talked about the Globes, he asked if I’ve arranged security and properly prepared you for what’ll happen afterward.”
“You arranged security? For me?”
“Hell yes, I did. The media will be relentless when they put two and two together with you and me. Since I can’t be with you every minute of every day, I’m not going to risk you being hurt or overrun by them.”
I swallow hard at the thought of being pursued.
“And,” he says haltingly, “because of what you told me earlier and the possibility of that making headlines, I’m wondering if we should change our plans for Sunday.”