by Force, Marie
I want to find the bastard who did this to her and fucking kill him with my own hands, but not until I make him suffer. I’m so full of rage, I don’t know what to do with it. And with Natalie sleeping in my arms and her wildebeest of a dog snoring on the other side of her, there’s nothing I can do but fume.
I’m awake most of the night thinking about what needs to be done. When my tired brain can’t take another second of thinking about the hell I’ve brought down on the woman I love, I let my mind wander and revisit the time I’ve spent with her. From that first fateful meeting in the park in Greenwich Village to this past weekend in Los Angeles, it’s been a whirlwind of romance and passion and desire.
I never expected to fall in love like this. After my marriage ended, I was happy to be a jaded, cynical playboy who went through women the way other men go through beer. I worked hard, and I fucked harder—as much and as often as I could. Weekends at Club Quantum were my reward for hard work. The BDSM club I started with four of my closest friends and colleagues was at the center of my life until I met Natalie and decided I need her more than I need the lifestyle.
Last weekend, she told me she’d been raped. Hearing that, I knew there was no chance of ever introducing my dominant side to her. So it had come down to a choice—her or the lifestyle. I’d chosen her. I’d choose her every time. I need her more. It’s that simple.
She’s everything I didn’t know I needed until she literally slammed into me and turned my life upside down. And now I’ve returned the favor by ruining the life she’s worked so hard to build for herself.
By the time the sun comes up, I’m no closer to knowing what to do to fix this than I was before. Natalie is still sound asleep, but I need to do something—anything—so I get up, take a shower and pull on sweats and a long-sleeve T-shirt.
Addie, who spent the night on the sofa in my office, is already up and has coffee ready. She hands me a mug with cream and a touch of sugar, just the way I like it. “You need to see this.” She hands me her phone.
I’m scared to look. “Tell me it didn’t get worse overnight.”
“Just read it.”
It’s a tweet from my best friend and business partner, Hayden Roth. Some things are none of our goddamned business. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness
I’m incredibly moved by my friend’s gesture. He hasn’t been Natalie’s biggest fan because he’s afraid for me getting involved with a woman whose lifestyle is so different from mine. He lived through the demise of my marriage after my wife discovered my sexual preferences and then got even with her “depraved” husband by having an affair with our director at the time. The fallout was hideous, and I’ve avoided commitment ever since.
Until now. Until Natalie.
“Click on the hashtag,” Addie says. “There’s more.”
From my close friend Marlowe Sloane: Sending love and hugs to my dear friends @FlynnGodfrey and Natalie. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness
From my sister Ellie: Much love to @FlynnGodfrey and his love, Natalie. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness
From one of my partners in Quantum, Jasper Autry: Fucking paparazzi has crossed a line. Butt the fuck OUT! #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness
Another Quantum partner, Kristian Bowen, tweeted: Total bullshit to do this to someone who’s already been victimized once. Enough! #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness
I’m overwhelmed by the show of support from my family and friends. A lot of other people I don’t know have weighed in as well, accusing the media of going too far by publishing Natalie’s story.
“People are pissed,” Addie says bluntly. “TeamNatalie is trending.”
“Good. People should be pissed. This whole thing is outrageous.”
“Emmett called late last night. He’s been in touch with the attorney for Natalie’s school. I’m afraid the news there isn’t good. Her contract stipulates that she can be released ‘for cause’ at any time, and there’s no appeal process.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I wish I was. I didn’t think either of you needed to hear that last night.”
“So what are they citing as the so-called cause?”
“Technically, she did lie on her background check when she said she’d never been known by any other name.”
“She did that for a good reason!”
“You and I know that, and Emmett said the lawyer acknowledged she had a good reason, but the principal isn’t willing to budge.”
“I can’t fucking believe this. Natalie will never forgive me.”
“Flynn… Come on. She knows this isn’t your doing.”
“How is it not my doing? If I hadn’t taken her to the Globes, none of this would be happening.”
“Did you know about what happened to her? Before last weekend?”
I shake my head. “I knew she’d been assaulted when she was a teenager, but not the rest.”
“Then how could you have protected her from something you didn’t even know about?” Before I can form an answer, she says, “You couldn’t have. It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the man who attacked her. It’s the fault of the person who sold her out to make a quick buck for himself. It is not your fault.”
“You should listen to her, Flynn,” Natalie says from behind me.
I spin around, and there she is, wearing my robe and holding Fluff to her chest. Her face is unusually pale, and dark circles under her eyes mar her otherwise flawless complexion. “Hey, sweetheart.” I hold out my hand to her.
She comes to me. “Addie’s right. None of this is your fault. I went with you last weekend knowing what was at stake. I trusted someone who didn’t deserve that trust. If he’d done his job and kept his mouth shut, none of this would be happening.”
“How about I take Fluff out for a walk?” Addie says.
“Thanks, Addie.” Natalie spots the leash on the counter with some of Fluff’s toys and clips it on the dog.
Thankfully, Fluff doesn’t seem to care that she’s leaving with someone other than her beloved Natalie. I send Addie a grateful smile. Walking my girlfriend’s dog is definitely not in her job description.
“If you hadn’t been seen with me,” I tell Natalie when we’re alone, “his story wouldn’t have been worth anything.”
“Again, not your fault. Last week, I did a search online for my name, and there was nothing to be found other than where I went to college and my job here. Because of that, I felt confident about going public with you.” She comes to me and lays her hands on my chest. “It’s not your fault. I want you to say that.”
I force a smile for her benefit. “It’s not your fault.”
“Flynn…”
Sighing, I give her what she needs. “It’s not my fault.”
“Keep saying it to yourself until you believe it.” Natalie goes up on tiptoes to kiss me. “I wouldn’t trade one minute of our magical weekend. It was the best time of my life.”
I put my arms around her to keep her close. “Mine, too, sweetheart, and winning the Globe was the least of it.” The night I won the biggest award of my career and made love to Natalie for the first time seems like months ago rather than only a few days. After enjoying the pleasure of holding her for a moment, I draw back so I can see her gorgeous face. “You seem a little better.”
She shrugs. “I guess.”
“Hayden started a TeamNatalie hashtag on Twitter that’s trending.”
“He did? Really?”
“Uh-huh. The outpouring of support has been amazing. Everyone is furious about what was done to you.”
“It’s nice of him, especially since he doesn’t even like me.”
“That’s not true. He doesn’t know you. You guys got off to a rough start the day we met. It’ll be fine when you get to know each other.” Because she seems so much better than she was last night, I hate that I have to tell her what Emmett found out about her job.
As always she’s tuned in to me in a way that no one else has ever been. “
Whatever it is, just say it.”
“My lawyer looked into your situation at school.”
“And…”
“The contract is pretty solid. They can fire you ‘for cause.’ It doesn’t define what constitutes cause. Apparently, it’s at the principal’s discretion.”
“So Stone-face Mrs. Heffernan can get rid of me, and there’s nothing I can do.”
“Essentially.” I’m careful here, because I don’t want to upset her again. “Did you know that when you signed the contract?”
She bites her bottom lip and nods. “I never imagined I’d give her cause to fire me.” Her eyes fill with tears. “I’m going to miss those kids.”
As I brush away her tears, an idea occurs to me. I’ll need her phone to make it happen, though. “How about some coffee?”
“Yes, please.” I fix her coffee exactly the way I like mine. It’s one of many things we have in common when it comes to food and drinks. “So what do I do now? Everyone knows about me, my job is gone, and I can’t go to my apartment because it’s overrun with media.”
“I have an idea of what we can do.”
“I’m listening.”
“Let’s go back to LA and hang at the beach until this shit dies down.”
“You’re serious.”
“Dead serious. Hayden has a place down the road from Marlowe’s in Malibu. I know he’d let us have it for as long as we need it. No one would think to look for us there.”
“So we just get on a plane and go to California?”
“Why not? If we stay here, we’re going to be stuck inside. If we go there, at least we can enjoy the warm sunshine and the beach.”
“It’s weird not to have anywhere to be.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’ll do whatever you want. It’s totally up to you.”
She glances up at me, those brown eyes slaying me the way they always do. “Could I bring Fluff?”
“Of course you can.”
“That’s very nice of you, especially after she bit you in your own bed.”
“She doesn’t scare me.” With my hands on her shoulders, I look into her eyes. “The only thing that truly scares me is losing you now that I’ve found you.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Flynn. Remember, you’re blaming yourself for all this. I’m not.”
Filled with gratitude for her, I rest my forehead against hers. “So LA. Yes?”
“Yes, let’s do it.”
Chapter 3
I’m deeply saddened to be leaving the city I’ve come to love, but Flynn has convinced me it’s for the best. He asks if he can borrow my phone so he can consult with Leah about the apartment. I hand it over to him.
“Do you want me to check the voice mails and texts for you?”
“You don’t have to. I’ll do it when I feel up to it.”
“Nat… It’s probably best if you don’t go online.”
“Trust me, I have no desire to read about my private hell online. Been there, done that eight years ago. Once was more than enough.”
“I hate that this is happening to you again. I hate it so much.”
“I know you do, but in some ways… It’s a relief. Everyone knows now. No more secrets to be guarded.”
“They were your secrets to release or not on your own timetable. It shouldn’t have happened this way.”
“Maybe not, but I refuse to give that monster any more of my life than he already stole from me. If I curl up into a ball in defeat, then he wins. That can’t happen.”
“I’m so fucking in awe of you.” He cradles my face in his hands. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. This awful thing happened to you when you were too young to understand, and then to have to cope with it entirely on your own…”
“I wasn’t completely alone. I was lucky that by the time he attacked me, Stone had made a lot of enemies. They were happy to support me if it helped to bring him down.”
“Your parents really turned their backs on you?”
Shrugging, I look up at him as it becomes obvious that he knows the details of what happened to me. “Stone was their bread and butter. My father worked for him. They told me I needed to be more concerned about my family than I was about myself.”
“Fucking unreal.”
“What they never understood is that I did it for my sisters. Candace is four years younger than me. If I kept my mouth shut, he might’ve gone after her next.”
“So brave.”
“I was so scared. He told me he’d kill me if I told anyone.”
When Flynn wraps me up in his strong arms, I can feel him trembling.
“Since everything happened, I haven’t felt safe, truly safe, until I found you.”
“Natalie…” He buries his face in my hair. “No one will ever hurt you again. I swear to God.”
I hold on to him and his assurances even as my heart breaks over the loss of my happy new life in New York.
* * *
On the way to the airport in Teterboro, New Jersey, later that day, Flynn tells me we have a stop to make before we leave the city. We’re in one of two SUVs full of the security personnel he hired to keep me safe. I’m surprised to hear we’re stopping anywhere when he’s so anxious to get me out of New York, where rabid reporters have staked out his place and mine.
Addie is riding with us and will be flying back to LA on the plane Flynn chartered to make the trip. She’s been quietly supportive all day, working the phones and taking care of details like arranging to have the bags Leah packed for me picked up at our apartment.
It’s a relief not to have to consider logistics at a time like this. “Thanks for everything you did today, Addie.” Fluff squirms in my arms, but I keep a tight grip on her so she can’t cause any trouble.
“I was happy to help.”
Flynn’s publicist, Liza, wanted to come by to talk to us, but he put her off for now. He spent an hour on the phone with her earlier, during which he did a lot of yelling. I hate how upset he is and that he’s still blaming himself.
We pull up to a curb on a street I don’t recognize. Flynn takes me by the hand and leads me from the car. The security guys are all over us as we enter what looks like a family-style restaurant that’s largely deserted before the dinner rush. We follow Addie through the restaurant’s dining area to a room in the back.
I’m about to ask Flynn what’s going on when I’m rushed by third-graders. The kids all talk at once as they hug me. Leah is there, as are several of the other teachers from our school. I also see Sue from the office and the children’s parents, including my good friend Aileen. Her son, Logan, is one of my favorite students.
Aileen hugs me the minute she can get close enough. We’re both in tears as we cling to each other. “This is such bullshit,” she whispers. Her body is thin and bony from the battle she’s waging with breast cancer, but her voice is fierce.
“I can’t believe you’re all here,” I somehow manage to say. I’m so completely overwhelmed that I can barely breathe.
“It was Flynn’s idea. His assistant, Addie, and Leah put this together so you could see the kids before you leave.”
I glance at Flynn, so filled with love and gratitude I don’t know how I’ll ever express it to him properly.
He smiles at me, but I can see the disquiet that remains within him because this gathering is necessary in the first place. Then my kids want my full attention, and I give it to them, not knowing how long it will be before I see them again. They have a lot of questions, for which there are no easy answers.
“Why can’t you be our teacher anymore?” Clarissa asks.
Tears fill my eyes, but I’m determined to leave them with happy memories of me, not tearful ones. “It’s really complicated, honey, but it’s not because I don’t want to be your teacher. I want that more than anything, but sometimes you can’t have what you want.”
“Like at Christmas,” Micha say
s, “when Santa brings you some of the toys on your list but not all of them.”
“That’s exactly right. But I want you all to do me a favor and work really hard for your new teacher and show her how much we’ve already learned this year. I know you’ll be super well behaved because you always are.”
“I’m sad that I won’t see you every day,” Logan says.
My heart breaks over the thought of not seeing him either. The poor kid already has more than enough to contend with worrying about his mom. I hug him tightly, knowing I’m likely to see him again because I intend to remain in touch with his mother.
Flynn has provided a spaghetti dinner for the kids and their parents, and as we all sit down to eat, it feels like a big family gathering. If only I wasn’t trying not to cry the whole time, I might be able to believe that this is just another night and tomorrow I’ll be right back in the classroom where I belong. Instead, I’ll be holed up in a Malibu beach house waiting for the media to lose interest in me.
Flynn’s hand on my back calms and steadies me. He is right by my side through it all, reminding me I’m not alone and I’m loved. I feel his love in every look, every touch, every word he says to and about me. I’ve known him for twelve days, and my life has changed in every possible way since then—mostly for the better.
I could live without the feeding frenzy currently unfolding online and in the tabloids, but Liza has assured him—and me through him—that the story doesn’t have “legs.” Most people, she said, are horrified by the violation of my privacy.
Hayden’s hashtag has apparently gone viral, with everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood jumping on board to denounce the media. I look forward to the opportunity to thank Flynn’s best friend and business partner for his support while we’re in LA.
“So what’re you going to do now?” Aileen asks me quietly.
“We’re going to LA tonight. Flynn’s friend has a house at the beach. The plan is to hide out for a while. And then I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“I know this is a nightmare for you, but I hope you’ll try to enjoy the time off and the getaway with that amazing man of yours.”