by Force, Marie
“Take me to bed, Emmett.”
“It’s too soon.”
“No, it’s not. I’m fine. I swear.”
He studies my face in that intense way of his before wrapping his arms around me and lifting me off my feet to carry me to the bedroom, putting me down on the bed. God, I love when he does that.
I untie the belt of my robe and let it fall open, revealing every part of me to him.
His gaze is hungry and fierce.
I ache for him. It’s funny how I thought I was too young for forever with anyone until I spent a couple of weeks with Emmett. Now I can’t imagine my life without him for one hour, let alone one day.
He is achingly tender, his lips skimming over my skin with a reverence that sets me on fire.
Every part of me is engaged, enthralled, enraptured as he draws my nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. This isn’t about domination. It’s about love so pure and so real it steals the breath from my lungs and every thought from my mind that isn’t about him. He gives my other breast the same sweet treatment before kissing his way down the front of me, propping my legs on his shoulders and destroying my composure with his tongue and fingers.
I come so hard that I scream.
And then he’s pushing into me, slowly, carefully, giving me time to adjust to his length and width, making sure that nothing he does hurts me—ever. This is bliss. This is perfection. He is everything.
I wrap my arms around him, wishing I could rip the bulky brace from my wrist because I can’t hold him the way I want to.
“Does anything hurt?”
“No, but something aches.”
That smile… It ruins me. I would literally do anything to make him smile like that as much and as often as I can for the rest of my life.
He takes his time entering me fully, and by the time he’s fully seated in me, I’m having one orgasm after another, an uncontrollable wave of pleasure that makes my head spin.
“You’re making me crazy,” he mutters, his lips brushing against my ear and setting off fireworks throughout my body. Groaning, he begins to move faster, his fingers digging into my shoulder and hip as he holds me in place for his fierce possession.
All I can do is lie there and take it, surrendering to him. Another huge orgasm washes over me like a tidal wave of pleasure so sharp and so intense that my mind goes blank as my body seizes.
Emmett tightens his grip on me when he comes, and when he collapses on top of me, I hold him as close as I can.
“Leah…”
“I know. Me, too. Me, too.”
“You can’t ever leave me. I’d never survive it.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
I’ve got the man of my dreams in my arms and in my bed. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with him.
Forever.
Epilogue
The following Sunday, I take Leah to meet Elena. When Leah first asked me if she could meet Elena, I wanted to say no, thinking it would be best to keep my two worlds separate, but I knew my little pit bull would never stand for that. So I said yes, and now we’re driving to Pacific Palisades in my car with the windows open. The sun beats down upon us, and a warm breeze billows through the car on another perfect Southern California day. We’re listening to Metallica on blast, just the way she likes it. I’m more of a classic rock kind of guy and could take or leave heavy metal, but she loves it, so I put up with it.
Leah holds my hand as I drive. If she’s near me, she’s touching me, which is something I wouldn’t have thought I’d like before she showed me otherwise. I crave her touch, her attention, her smiles, her cheeky commentary, her laughter, her sweet, sexy body. I crave everything about her.
For the first time in my professional life, work is a chore to be endured so I can get back to her. Our friends have been relentless in their ball-busting about my new shorter work hours, but I couldn’t care less. I leave at the stroke of five thirty every day, insisting she do the same, so we can spend every possible minute together. She’s recovered well from the accident, her biggest complaint now being that the cut on her forehead is itchy as it heals.
We bought a waterproof wrist brace and a wet suit for her, and I’ve been teaching her to surf. It’s no surprise to me that she’s taken to it like the proverbial fish to water. She has the perfect build for surfing, and an athletic streak that’s never been fully explored before now. She’s also taken to joining me in the gym at five a.m., bitching and grumbling about the ridiculous hour the entire time we’re there.
I love every second of her bitchy morning grumpiness that only I ever get to see, as much as I love the nonsense she mutters in her sleep.
I love everything about her.
I just wish I could tell her that. The words are right there, burning the tip of my tongue with their presence, but every time I start to say them, I freeze, as if something horrible will happen if I go there. So I don’t go there. I can only hope she knows how I feel. I do everything I can think of to show her how much I love her every chance I get, but what if actions aren’t enough for her? What if she needs the words I can’t seem to give her? That fear is the only dark cloud hanging over my blissful existence with her.
She doesn’t seem discontented in any way. In fact, she seems exceptionally happy to have totally gotten her way and made me her bitch. I love being her bitch.
Leah turns down the radio. “You’re tense,” she says, squeezing my hand.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Are you nervous about me meeting Elena?”
“No.”
“A little maybe?”
I shrug and glance over to find her watching me closely. “You know what to expect, right? She looks like a grown adult, but she’s very childlike.”
“I know.”
I tell her I’m not tense, but I am. I’m nervous, and I’m not sure why. Leah will be great with Elena, and Elena will love that I brought a new friend for her to meet. So what’s my problem? I’m not sure exactly. All I know is that I’m on edge about bringing the two of them together, and I’ll be glad when it’s done.
We arrive at the cheerful facility I handpicked for Elena after telling her working-class parents I’d provide for her. I’d never met them before the night Drew beat her up, so they hadn’t known what to make of this wealthy friend of hers who’d decided to step up for them. I’ve never told them about the role I played in what happened to her, because I was afraid they wouldn’t let me participate in her care if they knew I’d thrown gas on Drew’s fire ahead of the beating. I needed to do this for her, so I kept my mouth shut about the details.
What did it matter anyway? What was done was done. My grandmother had left everything she had to me when she died the year before Elena was assaulted. I’d put every dime of that inheritance toward caring for Elena while I was still in school. The money lasted five years, and by then, I was making enough to pick up the tab myself. I wanted only the best for her, and that’s what she’s gotten.
She’s surrounded by love and sunshine and happiness, all the things she’d once been to me.
From the outside, the facility resembles a high-end resort, but that illusion is shattered when we walk inside to encounter patients in wheelchairs and a nursing station where I sign us in.
“Hey, Emmett,” Katie, one of the nurses, says. She’s wearing a yellow T-shirt, white shorts and black Chuck Taylor’s. The staff dresses in regular clothing, which is another thing I liked right away about the place. After touring a dozen facilities, this one stood out as a jewel. Elena’s parents and I had looked no further after coming here.
Katie is young and blonde and pretty. I’ve gotten the feeling in the past that she might’ve been interested in me if we’d met under different circumstances.
“This is my girlfriend, Leah. Leah, this is Katie, one of the nurses.”
The two women shake hands.
“N
ice to meet you,” Leah says.
“Likewise,” Katie replies. “Elena is in the garden if you want to head out there.”
“Thank you.” With my hand on Leah’s lower back, I guide her through the hallways to the door that leads to the vegetable garden the residents tend to.
“You introduced me as your girlfriend,” she says.
“You caught that, huh?”
“Yep. That’s relationship language you’re tossing around there.”
“Is it? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before.”
“Have you slept with her?”
“Who?” I ask, startled by the question. “Katie? No.”
“She looks at you like she knows you that way.”
“I’ve gotten the feeling on a few occasions that she’d like to know me that way, but nothing has ever happened.”
“Is it okay that I asked?”
“Of course.” And it is. Whereas a question like that would’ve infuriated me from any other woman, with Leah I don’t want there to be any secrets. “You can ask me anything you want.”
She smiles at me, pleased by my answer.
If she’s pleased, I am, too. That’s how far gone I am over her.
“Relationship alert.”
I pinch her lightly on the ass, making her laugh. “Shut up, pit bull.”
I spot Elena squatting next to pumpkin plants, the large sun hat I gave her for her birthday leading me to her. I tighten my hold on Leah’s hand, hoping this will go smoothly for all our sakes.
“Elena.”
At the sound of my voice, she lets out a happy squeal, stands and launches herself at me the way she always does when I come to visit. Her hat flies off her head when she collides with me.
I release Leah’s hand so I can catch Elena, who hugs me for at least two minutes.
“I missed you!” she says
“I missed you, too.” I kiss her forehead and smile down at her. The big brown eyes looking up at me are filled with childlike elation. The staff says she’s like a kid on Christmas when I come to visit. I never feel like I deserve that level of glee from her, but I’d never do anything to dampen her joy. “I brought a friend I’d like you to meet. This is Leah. Leah, this is Elena.”
“Hi, Elena. I’m so happy to meet you.”
Elena shakes Leah’s hand because she’s too polite not to, but I sense her uncertainty about this new friend. I’ve never brought anyone to meet her, so she probably gets that me bringing Leah signifies something major.
“Tell me about your garden,” Leah says. “What’re you growing?”
“Corn and pumpkins this time of year,” Elena says, her tone dull and flat.
“The pumpkins are so big.”
Elena nods in agreement. “They’re not ready until they turn orange, though.”
“They’re almost there. Can I help you with the weeding?”
Elena shrugs. “If you want to.”
“I’d love to. I used to weed my mother’s garden every summer.”
“What did she grow?”
“We planted impatiens and geraniums.”
“Geraniums like the sun. Impatiens don’t.”
“Right! My mom taught me that.”
“What happened to your arm?”
“I hurt it in an accident, but it’s better now.”
“I got hurt in an accident, too.”
I wait, breathless to hear what else she will say, but she doesn’t elaborate. She never talks about what happened with Drew, and I’m not sure if she even remembers. I hope she doesn’t.
While I stand back and watch, they finish weeding the section Elena was working on when we arrived, chatting the entire time about flowers and sun and what vegetables they grew at certain times of year in the community garden.
I can see that Elena is getting tired, so I ask if they want to go inside and get something to drink.
Elena leads us to the cafeteria, where she takes great pleasure in giving Leah a tour of the place and detailing the beverage options.
“Lemonade sounds good to me,” Leah says.
“Emmett likes unsweetened tea,” Elena says, making a face.
“So gross,” Leah says. “How can he drink it without sugar?”
“I know!”
They continue to talk about me like I’m not there, and I let them. I’m so blown away by how amazing Leah is with her, how she’s put Elena right at ease and won her over just by being herself. My heart feels too big for my chest as I watch them talk and laugh together about movies and TV shows and celebrity gossip that includes Flynn and Marlowe and talk of Hayden’s wedding.
Elena knows they’re my friends, but she’s never asked to meet them. Maybe I should make her day sometime and bring them here. I’m not sure why I haven’t done that before now, probably because I was always ashamed of how Elena had ended up here. But Leah has helped me to make peace with the fact that it wasn’t my fault, that I did the best I could for her, and even though it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t the one who put her here.
There’s comfort in accepting that, even if a part of me will always blame myself for the role I played. I couldn’t have known what would happen next, and I was only looking out for my friend by confronting her abusive boyfriend. I wish that I’d beaten the shit out of him rather than trying to reason with him.
By the time we leave two hours after we arrive, Leah and Elena are best friends.
“When can you come back?” she asks Leah.
“We’ll come back next Sunday.”
I start to tell her I only come once a month because that’s all I can handle, but having her here made it easier. If she wants to come back next week, we’ll come back next week.
“I’ll bring you the magazine with the pictures from Hayden and Addie’s wedding,” Leah says.
“I can’t wait!”
They hug, and then Elena hugs me. “Thank you for bringing me a new friend.”
“You’re welcome.” I’m humbled by her pleasure in the simplest of things.
“I love you, Emmett.”
“Me too, sweet girl.” I kiss her forehead. “Behave yourself.”
She scoffs. “I always do.” She walks us to the main doors and waves as we walk away.
“She’s delightful,” Leah says. “Thank you so much for bringing me to see her.”
“Thank you for coming.”
“I hope it’s okay that I told her we’d come back next week.”
I hold the passenger door to my car for her and wait for her to get settled. “It’s fine.”
“We can come every week.”
“We don’t have to.”
“I know we don’t have to. I want to.
I go around the car to get into the driver’s seat.
She looks over at me. “Can I ask…”
“Whatever you want.”
“She seems very… normal, despite the obvious challenges. I just wonder why she has to be in a facility.”
Sighing, I rest my hand on the wheel. “She has violent rages at times, that are apparently quite something to behold and can last for hours at a time. I’ve never seen it happen, because she doesn’t do it in front of me, but her parents couldn’t handle that, especially after they began to have health problems. The theory is that’s she aware enough to know what was taken from her, and that’s how she deals with it.”
“I see,” she says, nodding with understanding. “Thank you for bringing me into your relationship with her. I know what a big deal that was for you, and I don’t take it lightly.”
I study her adorable face as I try to collect my thoughts.
“What is it?” Leah asks after a long silence.
“You were incredible with her.”
“She’s wonderful. I can see why you love her so much.”
I think about how I used to believe Leah was too young for me, and yet being with her has made me a better man. It’s impossible to spend time with her and not be better for it.
I look over at her, taking in the exquisite perfection of her face, the freckles that slay me, the blue eyes that see right through me, the lips that kiss me with such tenderness and love.
“Can you also see why I love you so much?”
She gasps, her mouth opens and then closes just as quickly.
I laugh because nothing amuses me more than speechless Leah.
“You… You said…”
“I said I love you, my adorable, fearless, sexy little pit bull. I love you.”
“I thought you didn’t say those words.”
“I don’t. I never have before, not to anyone, except my grandmother when I was little.”
“Does it… Are you… Does it make you happy to say them to me?”
I nod. “Everything about you makes me happy. Every single thing.”
She takes off her seat belt and hurls herself at me, coming across the center console until she’s half in my lap and still half in her seat. “You love me.”
“I have for a long time.”
“I know,” she says, her eyes gleaming, her smile brighter than the sun. “I could feel it even when you couldn’t say it.
“I’m sorry I took so long to tell you.” I kiss her. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. You’ve shown me how you feel in a hundred different ways. I knew, Emmett. I had no doubt.”
“You believed enough for both of us.”
“Tell me again.”
I gather her into my embrace, holding on tight to the woman who changed my life in every possible way. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Let’s go home.”
* * *
Odious
A Quantum Short Story
I’ve dreaded this day for months, all that time hoping I wouldn’t have to be involved in my father’s trial. But here I am, back in Nebraska for the first time since I graduated from college and left for New York, intending to stay gone forever. But that was before my father committed murder, forcing me to come back and tell my story again in yet another courtroom.