by Force, Marie
“I’ll feel you for days.”
“Then my work here is finished.”
She raises her head to give me a defiant look. “And here I thought your work was just getting started.”
“You’re right. It is. I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of my Marlowe-related fantasies.”
Her head returns to my chest, and the silk of her hair against my skin fires me up all over again, as if I didn’t just come so hard, I nearly blacked out.
“I’m sorry.” Her softly spoken words put me on alert.
“For what?”
“That I never once allowed myself to consider this possibility because we were such good friends, which I now realize was seriously stupid on my part. Friendship is a great place to start.”
“No need to apologize, babe. I thought of you this way many times but never said anything. We were both a little stupid.”
“Will you promise me something?”
“Right about now, you could ask me for anything, and I’d give it to you if I could.”
“I only want one thing.”
“Name it.”
“No matter what happens between us, promise we’ll still be friends.”
“Always.”
“You promise?”
“I will if you will.”
“I promise.”
We exist in peaceful silence for a long while until she speaks up again. “There’s something else I want.”
“Tell me.”
“If you’re doing this with me, you’re not doing it with anyone else. That’s nonnegotiable for me. I don’t share.”
I can’t help the laughter that spills out of me, even though I know she’s dead serious.
Her head comes up off my chest, her brows narrowed and her fabulous green eyes shooting daggers at me. “Why’re you laughing?”
“Because if I have the gorgeous, sexy, brilliant, incredible Marlowe Sloane in my bed, I have absolutely no need for anyone else. You don’t have to worry about me looking for side jobs.”
“Even when you want someone who’s completely submissive to you?”
“Even then.”
“Even when you’re surrounded by sexy, willing women every night at work?”
“Especially then. You know how rarely I partake of the offers I receive at work.” I give her hair a gentle tug, compelling her to look at me. “I’ve had a lot of fun with a lot of different women—and a few men.”
“Is that right?”
“Uh-huh. Does that shock you?”
“Not really. I knew you were adventuresome, even if you kept most of your adventures private.”
“I never have gotten into the public aspects of our lifestyle. Once in a while, but not as a rule.”
“I don’t mind being public when I’m in charge, but I’m not into being the vulnerable one on public display. People would enjoy that too much.”
“Because of who you are.”
She nods. “I don’t really have the luxury of letting it all hang out in public, even if I have faith in the NDAs. It’s too easy, especially these days, for people to post something online in a matter of seconds. I’ve walked a fine line between participating in the lifestyle and doing it in a way that would never leave me open to exploitation. If the public were to see me tricked out like a Domme, I could say it was research for a role. If they saw some guy dominating me, I’d be hard-pressed to explain that, you know?”
“I get it.” I’ve never thought about that from her perspective, but it does make sense when she explains it to me. “If you were outed as a Domme, it would only add to your badass reputation.”
She laughs. “That’s true.”
Something else occurs to me, something so big and wild that I’m not sure if I should go there with her, even in this moment of intimate honesty.
“Why did your whole body just go tense?”
“I… I’m not sure if I should say it.”
“Why would you hold back now?”
Why indeed? “It’s just that I wondered…”
“About?”
“Are you really a Domme, or have you been hiding behind the whip?”
The question makes her uncomfortable. I can see that in the way her brows furrow and her lips pucker into a thoughtful expression. “I’m really a Domme. I like to be in charge.”
“But do you like to be in charge because you truly get off on it, or is it because no one has ever gotten you off properly?”
“I don’t actually get off on being in charge.”
I hold her chin so she has to look at me. “Wait. What?”
She licks her lips and then rolls her bottom lip between her teeth.
I stare into her eyes. “Spill it.”
She shakes her head and closes her eyes.
“Marlowe… It’s me. You can tell me anything, and it’ll never be repeated. Tell me you know that.”
“I do. It’s just that I’ve never told anyone…”
I’m desperate to know what she’s never told anyone. I run a hand from her shoulder down her arm and link our fingers, waiting her out even as my heartbeat slows and I barely breathe as I hope she’ll confide in me. I need her to confide in me.
After a long pause, she speaks softly. “Being a Domme has never been about satisfaction for me. I don’t… It doesn’t… It doesn’t do anything for me.”
“Marlowe.” I exhale the deep breath I was holding as I drop to the mattress, shocked and dismayed by her confession. “What does do it for you?”
“You did just now.”
“Before me, before this?”
“Rafe and I had pretty good sex. It was fun, and he tried really hard, but…”
“He never made you come?”
“No, but he doesn’t know that. I…”
“Oh my God! You faked it with him?”
“I didn’t want to! I wanted him to be different. You have no idea how much I wanted that, but I can never really let go with guys because…” Her voice catches, and a sob comes from deep inside her.
I move quickly to embrace her, to offer comfort—whatever she needs. I can’t bear to see her cry. “Shhh. It’s okay, baby.”
“It’s not okay. I’m a fucking fraud. I dominate guys so I won’t have to deal with my inadequacies.”
“There’s nothing inadequate about you.” The idea that she could think that is mind-boggling to me. “When I look at you, I see perfection. A woman in charge of her own life and her own hugely successful career. I see beauty and resilience and fortitude. I see authenticity.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not authentic.”
“Yes, you are.” I brush the hair back from her face, sweeping away tears at the same time. “You’re true to yourself and the people you love. You’re fiercely loyal and steadfast and so heartbreakingly beautiful. And you know what makes you beautiful? The fact that you don’t even know you are.”
It doesn’t matter to me if I sound like a man in love as I go on about her many positive qualities. Whatever it takes to convince her that she’s in no way inadequate. That she could even think such a thing breaks something inside me.
“You’re a very good friend to say such nice things about me.”
“I’m not just saying nice things to make you feel better. Everything I said is true.” I continue to stroke her hair and caress her back. “Tell me how this happened.”
“How what happened?”
“How did you become a Domme who doesn’t really want to be a Domme?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be a Domme. It’s more that it’s never about me. It’s always about the sub of the moment.”
“It should be about both of you.”
She shrugs. “That’s not how it’s been for me.”
“Tell me why. Start at the beginning.”
Chapter 15
It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about how I became involved in the scene that’s been so much a part of my life.
“You know th
at Flynn and I were briefly involved way back when. It didn’t take long for us to realize we were far better as friends than anything romantic. He took me to a BDSM club for the first time, and I was instantly captivated by it, especially the communication. I’d never had a conversation with a lover about what was going to happen before we had sex. I couldn’t believe the way everything was discussed ahead of time, down to the smallest detail.”
“That’s actually one of my favorite aspects, too. That conversation can be the best kind of foreplay.”
“Yes, exactly. I met a guy at that first club, and he trained me. He immediately identified me as a switch, but that was right around the time my career started to take off. I wasn’t comfortable submitting. It made me feel too vulnerable.”
“That’s totally understandable.”
“So I put my focus on the domination side of the equation and never looked back. I had a few relationships here and there, but I never included the lifestyle in them. I would take a break from it when I was involved with someone. Rafe was the first one I tried to bring into it, and we all know how that went.”
“He didn’t deserve the trust you put in him.”
“No, he didn’t, but what does it say about me that I wanted so badly to have what my friends have with their partners that I was willing to risk so much for a guy who’d already shown me who he was?”
“It says that you still want to think the best of people. You shouldn’t let him diminish your optimism.”
“I’m trying not to. I know you hate when I blame myself for what happened with him, but I put myself in that situation, and I have to own that part of it.”
“Fair enough, but you getting assaulted? That’s a hundred percent on him.”
“Yes, it is. Teagan, Veronica and I are going public with what he did to us at a press conference tomorrow.”
“Is that right?”
“Uh-huh.” Now that I’m allowed to touch Sebastian any way I want to, I slide my fingertips over the contours of his arresting face. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”
A beat of tension appears in his cheek. “Definitely.”
“Am I doing the right thing going public while my face is still bruised?”
“Absolutely. People need to see what he did to you. Between you and the others, you’ll ensure that he’ll never again get the opportunity to hurt a woman. He’ll be lucky to get a date after you ladies are done with him.”
“That’s the goal.”
“You know what else?”
“What?”
“All the women out there who’re living in abusive relationships will see that it happened to Marlowe Sloane, and not only did she survive, but she’s out for retribution for herself and all the other women that guy hurt. You might give them the courage to find a way out of their own situations.”
“That’d be pretty cool.”
“You’re an icon, babe. It’ll be huge for you to come out in support of abused women this way.”
“I don’t want anyone to think I’m a victim.”
“No one will ever think that of you. You’re a badass, and the whole freaking world knows it.”
“You’re very good for my ego.”
“This… you and me… It feels good to me, and things like this never feel good to me.”
The comment earns him a big smile. “Really?”
He twirls a length of my hair around his finger. “Really.” His gaze flips up to meet mine. “You want to go steady?”
I laugh. “Maybe.”
“What’ll it take to convince you?”
I wrap my hand around his magnificent cock and give it a gentle tug. “Some more of this?”
“Baby, you can have that any time and any way you want it.”
* * *
The next morning, I’m in the Quantum conference room with Liza, Emmett, Teagan and Veronica. I met with Sgt. Markel, Kristian’s contact with the LAPD, first thing and filed a report detailing the assault. Emmett and Sebastian were right by my side, assuring me it was the right thing to do. The photos Dr. Breslow took will be included with the report. I’m glad now that I let her take them. If Rafe ever makes the mistake of returning to the US, he’ll find a warrant for his arrest waiting for him.
As I listen to the other women share their stories about Rafe, I experience a sinking feeling inside. If only I’d returned their texts months ago, none of this would’ve happened. I no sooner have that thought than I dismiss it. Things happen for a reason. That was one of my mother’s favorite sayings. She used to tell me that sometimes it takes a while to see the reason, but it’s always there. I’ve experienced that truth many times in my own life. If, like Sebastian suggested last night, my going public helps even one other woman escape from a dangerous situation, then it will have been worth it. That’ll be my reason.
And maybe Sebastian will be my reason. Without what happened with Rafe, I wouldn’t be getting into something significant with Sebastian, something that feels better than anything ever has.
“I want you to hire a female attorney to appear with you at the press conference,” Emmett says.
I can tell just by looking at him that he’s been deeply affected by the stories the women shared. As a man who respects women, it’s hard for him to hear what we’ve been through.
I shake my head at his suggestion. “I want it to be you, Em. You’re the one I trust, and getting someone else will take time. If we want to do this while the bruises are still fresh, we have to do it now.”
Emmett thinks about that. “I’m happy to represent you all, but I don’t think I should be up there with you. The three of you are more than capable of handling this on your own, if you’re comfortable with that.”
I look to Teagan and Veronica. “I am if you guys are.” Butterflies swirl in my belly, but I don’t let them get the better of me. Yes, I’m nervous about going public with my story, but I won’t be deterred by nerves or anything else. Rafe is about to get exactly what he deserves.
“I’ve asked the media to be here for a noon press conference,” Liza says. “We’ll meet with them in the screening room.”
“Do they know the reason they’re coming?” I ask.
“Only that Marlowe and two of her friends would like to make a statement.” Liza glances at me and the other women. “Have you prepared what you plan to say?”
I’ve got most of it hammered out. “I need to finish mine.”
“We’re set,” Teagan says for herself and Veronica. “We also have the blessings of six other women to include them in the statement.”
My stomach turns with disgust, directed toward Rafe, and disappointment in myself. Despite what Sebastian believes, I have to take my share of the blame for opening the door that let an abuser into my life. Another of my mother’s favorite sayings was “live and learn.” All we can do, she would say, is learn from our mistakes and try not to make them again. Ignoring the concerns of my friends and allowing him back into my life after the incident in Paris were huge mistakes that I won’t make again.
I stand. “I need to finish my remarks. I’ll meet you in the theater. Help yourself to the refreshments.” I asked Leah to get some food and drinks for my guests, and she came through with sandwiches, salad and cookies, as well as an array of beverages.
In my office, I power up my laptop and read through my statement for the third time, tweaking the draft that poured out of me earlier. I’ve delivered my share of speeches, memorized countless monologues and recited thousands of lines of dialogue. But nothing I ever do will matter as much as the comments I’ve put together for this press conference.
I review them repeatedly, the way I do when memorizing lines, and say the words out loud three times, which is enough to ensure that when the lights are on and people are watching, I’ll remember what I planned to say. I keep the emotion out of it and treat this like any other script I’m required to learn. That’s all this is to me. Another performance. If I keep it in that category, I’ll b
e able to get through it without breaking.
I refuse to break.
I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me.
I won’t give him that.
I’ve already given him everything he’s ever going to get from me.
I’m fierce and determined.
He thought he broke me, but he didn’t.
I will destroy him.
I recite these vows over and over and over again, until I’m as prepared as I can possibly be to perform the role of my lifetime. This time, I’ll play myself, the most important person in my life. Today, I’ll get retribution for Marlowe and, in so doing, get retribution for the other women he hurt.
Thirty minutes later, I leave my office with a printout of my remarks in hand and go straight to the viewing room on the third floor, which is a theater we had built to host screenings of our films for the in-house team.
The room is jammed with people and cameras when I walk in.
A few people I recognize from the Hollywood press call out to me, but I ignore them.
I keep my head down, my hair hiding the bruises on my face until I’m ready to reveal them. I’m wearing tan dress pants, a cream-colored blouse and a brown blazer. I once had my colors done and was told I should wear earth tones exclusively. That’s been my go-to palette ever since. Leah got the clothes I needed from my place and delivered them to the office this morning.
I walk up the three stairs to the stage, where I hug Teagan and Veronica.
Seeming to sense something is happening, the people gathered in the room go quiet. Liza had offered to make introductory remarks for us, but I declined, preferring to handle that myself.
“Are we ready?” I ask the other women.
Both of them nod.
Teagan squeezes my arm in a show of support that I appreciate more than she’ll ever know.
I step up to the dais and push the hair back from my face.
The audience gasps at the sight of my bruises.
“I met Rafael Laurent more than a year ago in Paris. Until recently, he was an executive with Cirque, the company that distributes Quantum films in France. He’s well-known throughout the film community and worked between his offices in Paris and Los Angeles. We began a friendship that consisted at first of texts and drinks whenever he was in Los Angeles or I was in Paris. Over time, our friendship evolved into romance. When our relationship first went public, I received texts from both Teagan and Veronica, women who’d dated him in the past. Both of them urged me to get in touch with them, but I didn’t return those texts. They were his exes—what could they possibly have to say that would interest me?