‘For me? You’re a mind-reader. Thanks! It’s cold, huh?’
Brian had psyched himself up to take charge of the conversation and avoid this kind of small talk, but before he knows it, they’re discussing the weather and laughing about wearing the wrong thing. They enter the park and Brian suggests walking up the steep path to the view at the top. There are joggers, dog-walkers and tourists around, but plenty of opportunities for Brian to ask what he came to ask without anyone hearing. Still, it takes him a while to pluck up the courage, and it isn’t until they are at the top of the hill, and looking out at the view of the grey city in the distance, that he finds a lull in the chit-chat to say what he needs to. He turns to Barbara and tells her that he loves her. She looks back into his eyes, and tells him she loves him too. She seems open today and it spurs Brian on.
‘Darling, I need to ask you something, okay?’
Barbara is still looking at him and smiles gently, almost meekly, as she nods her head. She lowers her gaze as one would when they are waiting for some bad news, and it’s almost as if she knows what he’s going to say next.
‘When you lived in the States when you were younger, were you part of any sort of group... like a commune, or a cult?’
Barbara is still looking at her husband, and her eyes fill with tears. She doesn’t respond right away, but when she does, her voice is a trembling whisper.
‘What is it that you think I am? Or what do you think I know that you so desperately need to know too, huh?’
She’s shaking now, but the smile is still in on her face. It’s disconcerting to watch, as her composure melts away.
‘Lydia has been to see that psychic again, and she believes that Kate is alive. I know you do too, Barbara. We don’t know how legitimate this psychic is, but she seems really sure that Kate’s disappearance has something to do with your past and is connected to it, somehow. She’s having visions Barbara, this lady, and she said she can see you in the past, as part of a group; like an evil sort of cult...’
Barbara is still shaking her head, and takes a few steps back from Brian. She’s no longer smiling, and there is a sort of distant coldness in her eyes.
‘You blame me for Kate’s disappearance! You think that if I was a better mother, and a better person with a perfect upbringing, she would somehow still be here!’
Brian takes a step towards her, but she puts her hands out to tell him to stop. When she speaks again, her voice is shrill, and filled with panic. People are starting to stare at them, and Brian is suddenly aware of a group of teenage boys nearby, laughing at them. Barbara carries on regardless. She’s almost shouting now:
‘You never loved me! You used me, and now that your perfect life is failing, and breaking, you’re blaming me! And it’s killing me, Brian. It’s killing me!’
Brian stares in shock at the woman before him. She doesn’t even look like his wife anymore. How can she change from calm to manic so quickly? Barbara backs away further, then turns and walks down the steep path towards the park entrance. Brian slumps on to a nearby bench, utterly unsure about what to do next, and watches as she disappears down the path and into the distance.
Barbara hails a taxi from the high street, and is at her rented apartment in Hampstead village in less than ten minutes. Once inside, she walks to the freezer and pulls out a bottle of vodka, pours herself a generous glass, adds some ice and downs it in one, then pours another. She walks slowly and calmly around the flat, swirling the ice around in the glass as she walks. In the weeks that she’s been away from Lydia and Brian she’s been decorating this new place with them in mind. She runs her hands across the blue cashmere blanket on the back of the sofa and remembers shopping for it, thinking that Lydia would approve. She had even filled the fridge and cupboards with things Lydia liked and had envisaged nights in here watching movies, and finding a way to get close to her again. Barbara tells herself she’s a fool for even thinking her family would come back to her. They have already jumped to the conclusion that the sins of her past are somehow responsible for Kate’s disappearance. She knew they would turn against her someday. She goes to the bathroom and opens a large black toiletry bag. Inside are four bottles of prescription medication. She picks them up and carries them back into the living area, opens each container, and spills the contents on to the glass top of the coffee table. Suddenly, she’s aware that she’s sitting close to the window, and anyone could be watching from across the street, so she gets up, pulls the blind down, and switches the Tiffany lamp on in the corner. As Barbara sits back down and continues to pour the pills on to the table, she realises that she feels entirely numb. She has dissociated from her own body; from this room, and can barely remember what it feels like to know sadness, fear or guilt. This is the state she needs to be in to end it all, she decides. When she’s sad, missing her family, or feeling shame about the past, she’s too connected to life, but this state of numbness allows her to get what she needs done. She takes a handful of pills, swallows them with some of the vodka, then reaches across the sofa, drags her handbag to her, and pulls out her organiser. Inside, are four envelopes; one each for Brian, Lydia, Kate, and Jane. She wrote the letters weeks ago, and inside are pages and pages to each of them trying to explain why she wants to die and how much they mean to her. Barbara has been suicidal for years but it wasn’t until Kate went missing that she knew she had to die. It was no longer a longing, but a certainty. In her opinion, the family can’t survive or be safe if she is alive. She is poison, and they are all better off without her. She takes another handful of pills and swallows them with the rest of the vodka. She is ready to go. She’s already feeling drowsy, lies down, and pulls the blue rug over her. As she feels herself dropping into heavy unconsciousness, Barbara smiles and thinks of her family. She imagines they are all around her, holding her as she leaves this world.
15
Lydia pretends to be asleep when her dad comes home. She doesn’t have the energy to talk tonight; she’s been watching a DVD box set of Sex and the City in her room for the past hour, and is more than halfway through a bottle of red wine. She’s switched on the fairy lights above the bed and drawn the curtains too. She and Kate used to have afternoons like this, where they came home from school, grabbed loads of junk food from the kitchen, and lay on one of their beds watching television, and gossiping, until their parents forced them to come down for dinner or started nagging them about homework. She turns the volume down on the television and hopes that her dad will think she’s asleep. A text comes through from him asking if she’s eaten, and she quickly replies that she’s had some food and is just resting. Lydia has the sudden urge to see Jared. He hasn’t texted her back for a couple of hours, so she sends another message asking what he’s doing tonight. She can see that he’s online and decides to call instead of waiting for him to respond. He doesn’t pick up, and Lydia tries again. Still no answer. She sends a message that’s just a question mark, then Jared goes offline without responding to that either. Lydia is getting frustrated; it’s difficult enough that they hardly ever get to see each other, but it’s just plain rude to ignore her for hours like this! She tries to concentrate on the episode she’s watching, it’s the one where Phoebe introduces everyone to her twin sister and it’s one of Kate’s favourites, but Lydia has an uneasy feeling in her stomach and can’t focus on the show right now. What if Jared has changed his mind about her? Maybe he isn’t in love with her after all, or now that he’s got to know her better, he doesn’t like her… She starts to feel paranoid and insecure, and before she knows it, she’s sending message after message to Jared demanding an explanation and telling him how she feels. He ignores every single one. Panic builds in her chest; Lydia longs to get out of the house, but doesn’t know what to do with herself, or where to go. This is the kind of thing that would usually make her cry, but she feels frustrated and angry, instead. She picks up her phone and messages Yukio, one of the performers from Haven she met when trying to figure out what happened to her sis
ter. Yukio was always up for going out; and Lydia thinks she might be the perfect distraction from Jared tonight. She responds to her message within minutes, and invites her to a bar in Camden for a gig and drinks. Lydia says she’ll see her there and starts to get ready. She feels like dressing up properly tonight and without thinking about it, she swings open the bedroom door and runs down the hall to Kate’s room to find something fun to wear.
The room has been kept exactly the same as it was the night Kate disappeared and it still feels like she’s still here in so many ways. Kate’s energy emanates from every inch of the place; from the furniture, photographs on the walls, the rows of designer shoes and handbags. Lydia already knows what she’s looking for; a short black sleeveless dress with peacock feathers adorning the neckline. Kate bought it for a red-carpet event a couple of years ago and Lydia remembers thinking that she would never have the guts to go out in something like that. But these days Lydia cared a lot less about what people thought of her. She finds the dress and admires it for a moment before laying it out on the bed. Then, she opens the closet where Kate keeps her shoes, and chooses a pair of silver ankle boots. They look unworn. Lydia turns them over, and spots a price tag for three hundred and twenty pounds. She always thought that Kate was disrespectful with money, and wasted it on things that she didn’t really want. But today, Lydia is happy and excited to have the chance to wear these gorgeous clothes, and she hurries back to her own room to try them on.
16
Ida sits in the conservatory at the back of her house on Pond Street. Angel is sitting on the chair across from her, watching the birds in the trees outside, and sporadically meowing gently at them. It makes Ida smile. She’s finding it difficult to think of anything besides the Stone family lately, and the cat’s antics are a welcome distraction. She’s never felt so involved with the energy of a missing person before. In the thirty years that she’s been practising, she’s only had visions as flashes; like brief glimpses at something, or the sense of a place. But the visions about Barbara Stone, or Margaret as she believes her real name to be, are intense and all-consuming. There is a fine balance between channelling psychic energy, and letting it take you over, and Ida has to admit that she’s struggling with that balance this time. She’s exhausted, but knows this family needs help, and she can guide them in the direction of the information they need to figure out where Kate is, and who took her. It’s taking some time, though, and the messages she’s receiving are often confusing and unclear. Ida takes a large gulp of tea, and then another, closes her eyes, leans back in her chair, and attempts to tap into Kate’s energy. She allows her breath to slow down, and concentrates on the stillness within. She asks her higher self to guide her to Kate, and she waits. After a few minutes, Ida starts to sense that Kate is outside somewhere with trees and grass. It’s a peaceful place, and she cannot hear anything except birdsong. Again, she asks her higher self to guide her to Kate. She hears something else; a whimpering, then sees a girl with a gag in her mouth. The girl is beaten and bloody. Ida’s face crumples with sadness and empathy for this poor soul. Again, she asks her higher power to lead her to Kate, and the girl’s face becomes visible. It looks like Kate, but it’s not her. Ida struggles to see more detail, but the vision is blurry. She sees the girl wince as she’s struck with something over the head and collapses. Ida’s eyes open in shock, and she is momentarily back in the room. She forces herself to close them again and sees the girl lying on the ground, her head covered in the blood seeping from her skull. She can’t take any more, and opens her eyes, jumps from her chair, and walks to the downstairs toilet. She splashes water on her hot face and tries to breathe evenly, but adrenaline is pumping through her veins. The girl she saw was murdered. It wasn’t Kate, and it wasn’t Margaret, but she was somehow connected to all of this.
17
Lydia is drunk. It’s not even ten thirty, but she’s already asking Yukio where they can go dancing after the bar they’re at stops serving. The band they had come to see, has finished their set, and there’s a lull before the DJ starts.
‘Hold your horses, wild girl! There’s plenty of fun people here, and nothing is stopping you from dancing, either.’
Yukio has been at a fashion show at Cyberdog in Camden Stables, and is wearing a tiny cropped t-shirt with LED lips on it. Lydia points and laughs at the t-shirt, then twirls with her eyes closed, and raises her glass in the air. She feels high, like she’s taken something, and sways to a rhythm only she seems to be aware of. She knows a few of the others in the group from the night she went to Haven in May: Dee, Ian, and Naomi, and she feels at home in the group. After her fifth drink, Lydia starts dancing wildly next to the bar. She shouts across at the DJ who has only just started, to turn the volume up, and the group laugh at her behaviour. The first night they all went out together Lydia was sweet and shy for the most part. This all seems very out of character for her. She spots a cute guy across the bar, with curly hair and a leather jacket, and without thinking twice, goes over to him, puts her arm around his neck and shouts in his ear that she wants to kiss him. The young man, seeing how drunk she is, politely thanks her for the compliment, then points out his girlfriend who’s glaring at Lydia in a not-so-friendly way. She mumbles something at them and finds herself laughing hysterically as she stumbles to the toilets. She almost falls into a cubicle, and once she’s inside, she sits on the toilet seat, drops her purse on the floor and rests her head in her hands. Dizziness and nausea are soon to follow… After about ten minutes Yukio comes to find her and knocks on the door. Lydia emerges, staggers to the basin to splash some water on her face, and apologises.
‘I’m so drunk, Yukio! I’m going to get a taxi home, okay?’
‘Sure honey, I can call one for you and make sure you get in safe, okay?’
Then Lydia has a thought.
‘Actually... I’ve got a boyfriend now... he can come get me!’
She finds her phone in her bag and calls Jared. As it’s ringing, she hands the phone to Yukio and rushes back into a cubicle to throw up. Lydia doesn’t even hear what Yukio is saying, but twenty minutes later, Jared helps Lydia into the passenger seat of his car and drives her to his flat. He is not happy.
Just a few miles away, Barbara is on her way to A&E. She had woken up when she started vomiting, managed to grab her phone to call 999, and told them she had attempted suicide and what her address was. Brian gets the call from the hospital at around 11.30, and at first, thinks it’s got something to do with Kate, and then he remembers Lydia is out. He’s still half asleep and it takes longer than usual to understand what the nurse is saying down the phone. All he hears is that his wife is unconscious and has taken an overdose.
He’s at the Royal Free Hospital in twenty minutes and sitting by her bed.
‘Mr Stone, has your wife done anything like this before?’
‘No, never.’
‘Any idea if she’s on any medication or has been diagnosed with anything? How long has she been suicidal?’
Brian is flustered; he doesn’t want to give any incorrect information to the nurse, but as far as he knows, Barbara doesn’t even take pain relief for a headache.
‘We are separated for the moment. Temporarily. And... to be honest with you I don’t know if she’s on any medication. We’ve been through some family trauma recently. Our... our daughter Kate is missing, and has been since May, and it’s taken its toll.’
As Brian is talking, the reality of the situation hits him. He could have lost Barbara tonight. The nurse notices how upset he is and tells him that a member of the mental health team is available to chat to him, as well as the hospital chaplain.
‘We are waiting for someone from our psychiatric department to come and see your wife, Mr Stone, but it will probably be tomorrow morning before that happens. They need to assess her when she wakes up. We’ll be in touch as soon as we know anything, but she’s safe and stable right now, and we’ll make sure she is comfortable in the night.’
Brian kisses Barbara on the forehead, and whispers that he loves her and will be back first thing in the morning. By the time he gets home it’s after 1AM. There’s no sign of Lydia, so he sends a text to see if she’s okay. An hour later there is no response, and he decides to give her a call. Her phone vibrates in her handbag, unnoticed.
18
The next morning, Lydia wakes up before Jared, and furiously tries to piece the night together. He’s got his back to her, and even though he’s asleep, she can tell by his body language that he’s not happy with her. Then she remembers her dad, and reaches for her bag and phone. There are sixteen missed calls from him, and numerous text messages asking where she is and if she’s okay. She texts back immediately saying she fell asleep at a friend's place and will be home soon. As she collects her things from the floor, Jared sits up in the bed.
‘This can’t happen again, Lydia.’
‘I know. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I called you!’
‘It can’t happen again, and it won’t, because you and I are over, okay? It’s just not working for me anymore, and I never should have let things go this far.’
Lydia cannot believe what she’s hearing.
‘What about everything you said? What about us, and the future? You told me you loved me! Does that mean nothing now because I made one stupid mistake?’
Her voice rises to a frantic pitch, and she climbs on to the bed, holding her face with her hands as she bursts into tears. As much as she felt hurt that Jared had been distant lately, she had no idea he was capable of dumping her like this.
‘Jared, I’m sorry. Let me fix this? We’re in a bad place, but please don’t turn away from me like this.’
The House In the Woods Page 5