When she pulled away she looked blissful and he wished he could spend every day and all night exploring all the different kinds of kisses they could have. Then he remembered her phone call from earlier. ‘Hey, you wanted to talk and I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance before.’
She snuggled into his arms and breathed out on a smile he felt against his chest. ‘It was nothing. I’m fine, just a wobble.’
‘What brought that on?’
Her voice was low. ‘Your mother and your cousin decided to pay me a visit today.’
‘What? Together?’
‘No.’ She craned her neck from side to side so he started to massage the knots on one side of her neck. ‘They both had their own agendas.’
‘Which were what?’
‘Andrew thinks everything’s fake. The engagement, the ring, us. And conversely, your mother is far too invested in us as a couple. After they’d gone I had a horrible feeling this plan is going to completely backfire. I got spooked.’
If this blew up because of Andrew, Oliver was going to make him pay. ‘He had no right coming to see you.’
‘He said he was looking for someone. I think he’s getting friendly with Peter.’
‘Let him. Maybe it’ll distract him from us.’ But Oliver put two and two together. ‘So after their visits you wanted to back out?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ah.’ His gut knotted. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d got used to her being around. The thought of her disappearing right now made his heart lurch. Was she still here because she felt sorry for him? Because she hadn’t the heart to kick him when he was down? ‘The Paris trip would have been awkward for you, then.’
He felt deflated that the surprise had been on false pretences. She’d spent the time there trying to find the opportunity to finish this. She had never actually answered his question about staying the night, after all.
‘It was lovely. Really.’ Her hand rested on the top of his thigh. ‘It was a lovely idea.’
He closed his eyes as an inappropriate lust ricocheted through him. This was not the time, the place or the conversation for that. ‘Do you still want to back out?’
She glanced over to his father and shrugged her shoulders minutely, as if it was all beyond her control. ‘I want to help, Ollie.’
Which wasn’t exactly the answer he’d been hoping for. But she wanted to stay and that was something.
Had the kisses meant nothing?
He knew they hadn’t. She was scared of something – was it commitment? The possibility of being rejected again, like her ex had rejected her? Hell, Ollie controlled a feral urge to go around to that damned tailor shop and take the man outside. But then what? She’d still have those emotional scars. He just needed to keep building her trust.
His useless cousin and his mother weren’t helping.
A whirring noise made her sit up quickly, jolting him backwards as she turned her head this way and that.
‘What’s that?’ She shuddered, eyes darting from machine to machine.
‘Sorry!’ A nurse burst in, fiddled with his father’s heart monitor pads. ‘Happens sometimes if they get unstuck. No drama.’
Then she rushed out again.
Seemingly satisfied there was no emergency, Victoria settled back down. He felt the hard hammer of her heart against his chest as she shivered and said, ‘God, I hate hospitals. I hate the smell. I hate the perpetual semi-darkness. The electronic sounds.’
It was a strange and strong reaction to something that was potentially life-saving. But then he remembered. ‘The accident. I never thought.’ It must have taken a lot for her to come here tonight and have those memories stirred up. ‘How long were you in for?’
‘Ten days.’
‘Long time.’
‘There were some internal injuries they had to deal with. And I was… recalcitrant, shall we say, about recovering.’
What was she saying? He read between the lines. ‘You didn’t want to get better?’
She shook her head. He tried to encourage her to say more, but she looked away.
He touched her chin and turned her to look at him again. He could see fear there as the memories bubbled up to the surface. ‘Hey, I want to know. I want to know you, V.’
‘Here? Now?’ Her arms snaked round her chest. She was closing in on herself and she didn’t have to.
He took hold of one hand and clasped it. ‘You said earlier that I wasn’t alone. Neither are you. I want to help and I think you need to vent it. Tell me.’
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Grasping control. She spoke quietly to the dark, keeping her eyes fixed on a spot somewhere in the distance. In the past. Her heart thudded and her limbs tensed. And, for a woman who constantly moved, she was eerily still.
‘It took me a long time to get over it. I was in the emergency department and they were working on Zoe right next to me. I don’t know where Lily and Malie were. I can’t remember… there are a lot of gaps.’ Her hand went to her head as if she was trying to force out a memory. ‘I remember bright lights, a lot of panic, people rushing and machines blaring. I heard the doctors say they couldn’t save her. And in that moment, I knew I’d killed one of my friends. Can you imagine?’
He couldn’t think of anything worse. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I think I might have blacked out then, or maybe they’d put me under for surgery. But I woke up later in so much pain and not knowing who had survived and who hadn’t. I was eighteen and didn’t think my heart would ever recover, never mind my body.’
‘What kind of surgery?’
‘Some internal stuff. Bleeding, you know.’ She shook her head as if her injuries weren’t important. ‘Zoe was thrown into the back of my seat and I was pushed forward into the steering wheel. They had to cut us out.’
Whoa. He sat up, his palms moving to gently cup her face. He wanted to rewind time and somehow be there, to stop her getting into that car, to stop the accident, to stop her pain. ‘God, V. I can’t even… Where did you get hurt?’
Although, he didn’t have to ask. Every time they talked about the accident she subconsciously rubbed her stomach. He placed his palm on her belly and she pressed her hand over it, squeezing so hard he knew she was reliving that night again.
He scooped her into his arms and kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her mouth. ‘You’re so brave.’
‘Not brave at all.’ Her eyes welled with tears and she smudged them away. ‘I wanted to hide away for so long, I couldn’t bring myself to look my friends in the eye. But they came to see me, refused to give up on me. Cajoled me along.’
‘I would hope so. Friends don’t give up on each other. I would never—’ He kissed her then, unable to stop himself. She looked so dejected and hurt and yet so vibrant and loveable.
She pulled away. ‘You don’t really know me.’
‘I know enough. I know you would never willingly hurt anyone. That you still blame yourself for everything. That you put distance between yourself and others because you’re scared you might get hurt.’
She thought about it for a moment. ‘I – yes, I do.’
‘You don’t have to worry about that with me.’
‘I know—’ She stopped abruptly and swung round quickly as his dad turned over in bed then started snoring again. She gave Oliver a soft, sad smile. ‘I just don’t want to hurt you, or your parents.’
‘You would never. Besides, I’m doing a fine job of that on my own. My mother tries too hard and I push her away, and my father wants me to live at the office. There’s not a lot of affection going on.’
‘I don’t agree. You came back here with no hesitation, because you love them. Took control. Refused to crack.’ Her eyebrows rose. ‘You know, it is OK to crack.’
‘No, it isn’t. Not when people rely on you.’ He kept his voice as low as he could and knew his words came out fast, but he couldn’t stop them. There was something about Victoria that made him want to talk about the things
that mattered. He knew she listened without judgement. ‘You think my mother wanted to see me in tears? You think she isn’t burdened enough without having to console her son?’
‘I think you can all admit to being frightened right now.’
‘That is not the Russell way, at least not for the men. That is not how I was brought up. We have to brush our emotions under the carpet, pretend everything is fine even though things are falling apart. Russells take control, not lose it. So, no, V, I cannot crack.’
Victoria sighed sadly. ‘Your mum is aching for closeness, Ollie. She just wants to love you and I think she feels as if she’s lost you and that’s why she came to see me… to try to connect with you, through me. She told me she never wanted to send you away to school. She just wants to spend time with you. Before it’s too late.’
‘She didn’t want to send me away? But she just patted me on the head and told me not to cry.’ So why would she tell Victoria something different? Had his mother just gone along with what she thought was the right thing to do? Being a loyal Russell wife? Had she cried later? It explained a lot about his mother’s more recent smothering; she wanted to make up for the days she’d lost when he was away at school.
Just being here, seeing his father so frail and his mother so anxious was a wake-up call. They needed to fix things before it was too late. ‘They’re not going to be around for ever. We need to work on our communication, right?’
‘That will make her very happy. And you too, I think.’ Victoria sighed, exhaustion nipping her features. ‘You all know you love each other, you just have to show it.’
‘I’ll try. Hugging isn’t the kind of thing we do freely in our house.’
‘Then you should definitely do more of it. Did you know that it’s scientifically proven that a twenty-second hug can reduce stress, lower blood pressure and increase happy hormones?’
He squeezed her against his side and kissed the top of her head. ‘Now, that is sounding very attractive.’
She held him tightly and was quiet for a moment then said, very quietly, ‘And you have to tell them you want out of Russell & Co.’
Dread wound through his gut immediately cancelling out the hug benefits. ‘What?’
‘For your own sake. You have to tell them how you feel about taking over the company.’
‘And then what? I don’t even know what I want to do.’
She smiled secretively. ‘Your mum told me that your dad wanted to be an engineer.’
‘No? That’s a surprise. I did not know that.’
‘But he followed the family line. Don’t live your life with regret. Don’t get caught up in duty without living your dreams too. And don’t leave it until you have your family and babies because you’ll feel like you have to give them security. If you’re going to jump, Ollie, it has to be soon.’
Usually he thrived on time pressure but not this. ‘I’ll think about it. After the opening. Once things are settled down.’
‘Don’t leave it until it’s too late.’
‘My father’s too sick for me to make any hasty decisions.’ Even though the work gave him little satisfaction he couldn’t walk away now. Things were too complicated. ‘After New Year, maybe. It’s always so busy until then.’
‘Stop making excuses.’ She twisted to look him straight in the eye. ‘What are you scared of, Oliver Russell?’
‘Scared?’ His hackles rose. He wasn’t scared of any damn thing. But he was blocked. He couldn’t see past the looming pressure of taking the helm at Russell & Co. It felt like a heavy weight on his chest and sometimes he couldn’t breathe when he thought about being stuck in that role for the rest of his working life. ‘Making the wrong choice.’
She frowned. ‘There is no wrong choice, apart from staying in a job you don’t like just because of expectation. You can do this, Ollie. If you want. You have to live your best life, not the life they’ve groomed you for.’
He glanced over to make sure his father couldn’t hear this, but Russell senior was still snoring. ‘You don’t understand what it’s like. I’ve been training for this since the day I could hold a pencil. My father was keen for me to be as involved as possible, just the way he had been with his father. As soon as I was old enough, he had me working in the post room – we don’t even have one of those anymore.’ He’d never bared his soul to anyone like this before but Victoria made it possible to actually say these things. ‘Times change.’
‘People change too, Ollie. You could choose to do something that makes your heart sing. You need to walk away.’
She made it all sound so easy, but she wasn’t the one doing the jumping or disappointing her family. But then again, she’d also been the one who’d stared into bleakness and made a choice to do something positive with her life.
No one had ever talked so intimately to him or about him before. No one had stood by him or hurt with him, either. Especially with a hatred of hospitals and for people she barely knew.
He stroked her hair, his chest full of light for her and worry for his family. He was hot and cold. Stressed to the max being here when he should have been ticking off his to-do list for the opening and yet didn’t want to be anywhere else. The only thing keeping him together was Victoria.
He rested his chin gently on her head. Tucked her close. And closer. His body was alive and restless having her here, tortured by the press of her breasts, feeling her heat around him. Wishing he could feel her heat around him for real. His body prickled. She moved against him and the crackle of electricity between them sparked again.
‘Later,’ he whispered into her hair.
‘Later.’ She nodded and smiled sleepily. He watched her breathing became slow and regular.
I love you.
It hit him out of the blue. A thought and a feeling so intense he didn’t know what to do with it. A hot golden glow in the centre of his chest. Strange and new.
And… he breathed in a difficult, ragged breath. It was too much. Unfamiliar. He didn’t want it. Didn’t want to depend on her, didn’t want to feel this and then lose it in a few days’ time. Didn’t want to fall into the comfort and excitement and the happiness she gave to him and get lost in her.
Didn’t want to walk away from it either. Fifty years? It hadn’t even been fifty days.
Hell. How did you know?
How? He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. What if he got it wrong?
What if she walked away like they’d agreed? It wasn’t as if he could put this feeling into words for her. She had a plan. They had a deal. Until the first of December and no more. She didn’t want the money or the helicopters or the celebrity. She didn’t want marriage or kids, she’d been at pains to underline that.
She was already scared. And hell, so was he, now.
I love you.
The glow didn’t dim. It flickered and shone and filled his chest.
And was the last thing he felt as the pull of sleep became too much to fight.
‘He’s going to be fine. He just needs to rest and build up his strength.’
‘Oh, that’s such good news.’ Victoria exhaled the breath she’d been holding ever since the cardiologist had walked into the room for the morning ward round. It had been a very disrupted night. Not just because of the unfamiliar noises and constant interruptions from the nurses doing their checks, but also because of the closeness she’d shared with Oliver. Every time she prepared herself to let go, the connection between them tightened.
Stella clapped her hands. ‘Did you hear the man, Eric? No more work talk. You have to focus on getting better.’
Oliver’s dad was sitting in bed propped up by pillows. He needed a shave, his skin was sallow and he had huge bruises under his eyes, but he huffed weakly. ‘Work talk makes me feel better.’
‘Well, you’re too old to work so we’re going to start learning how to slow down a bit. I want more time with you, Eric, not less. We need to live to see Oliver’s children. I’m going to pop out and buy some
Sudoku books and I’m investigating tai chi classes for when we go home.’ She picked up a glossy brochure and waved it at him. ‘I found this in the relatives’ room. It sounds like something we can do together. Victoria and Oliver are doing the fashion show and it’s making them both happy, I can see it. It’s time we did something that wasn’t just work.’
Well, recognizing they needed to do more relaxing together was a good thing. But again, the mention of Oliver’s children. Victoria took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. This wasn’t about her, she reminded herself. It was about this family. They seemed to be taking on board the things she’d suggested.
Eric grimaced. ‘Ollie, lad. Save me?’
‘What did you teach me, Dad? Only enter into arguments you’re going to win?’
‘But tai chi? With a load of pensioners?’ Eric grumbled, clearly feeling a little better. ‘I’m going to go mad.’
‘Well, you’re going to go mad with…’ Stella read from the brochure. ‘Lower blood pressure, improved balance and enhanced sleep.’
‘A good handle on my bank balance helps me sleep very well indeed.’ The old man tutted. The thought of having to relax and retire making him seem much more determined to get better.
‘It’s time to let it go, Eric,’ his wife said. ‘Maybe you could do some of that tinkering in the shed like you used to do before we got married.’
‘Tinkering?’ The old man frowned. ‘Don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I know. It’s a long time ago.’ Stella smiled. ‘Remember when you used to make things?’
‘Dad used to make things?’ Ollie jumped in, animated. ‘What kind of things?’
‘He made the cot you slept in when you were born and then…’ Stella looked at her hands. ‘We got too busy with the company.’
‘It happens.’ Ollie shrugged but he looked suddenly smitten with his dad. And also, kind of sad that he’d never met this other father who’d been happy making things. A cot? Victoria sighed… Where had they lost their way? When had they stopped paying attention to each other?
Meet Me in London: The sparkling new and bestselling romance for 2020. Perfect escapism, for fans of Lindsey Kelk and Heidi Swain. Page 22