Using a brush and liquid chocolate, I begin to paint his body. The video camera is still recording, and Eric smiles when I paint chocolate circles around his nipples. After that, I make a path surrounding his abs, through his navel, and finish off in his obliques. I dip the brush in the chocolate and come to his steely cock. He squirms. I paint him very gently and take note of his restlessness. His impatience. Once I put the brush down, my mouth goes to his nipples, and I suck them. I savor the chocolate mixed with his own delicious flavor. I’m delighted. I follow the path I’ve staked out, bringing my tongue down to his abs, and Eric tries to touch me. I grab his hands and pull them off me. “No . . . no . . . no . . . you can’t touch me. Don’t forget that!”
“I need you.”
Ignoring him, I cover his navel with my tongue, and then I eagerly suck his obliques. When my tongue touches his penis and I engulf it with my mouth, he finally gasps. My tongue relishes all the parts I know drive him crazy over and over. His muscles contract. I sweetly surround his penis and cautiously nibble him the way I like. I stay there a little longer until he clearly can’t take it anymore.
“End of the line, sweetheart. Now fuck me.”
Delighted, I do as he says. I straddle him, and, as I slide down onto his firm length, I sigh; we’re enveloped in a cloud of chocolate and sex. I slowly open up to receive him and start to move. But my Iceman is too impatient. He throws off the mask, and, before I even realize it, he has me on my back on the bed.
“Now it’s my turn to take control. Let’s move on to the third game,” he whispers as he looks me right in the eye. “You know the rules, love. Be still, or I’ll have to tie you.”
I smile as he kisses me. He opens my legs with his own and penetrates me without mercy. I gasp and try to move, but he’s pinned me with his weight as he presses hard inside me.
“That must be quite a recording,” he says when he spies the video camera.
I can’t talk. He kisses me again and makes me his as he thrusts his hips over and over and euphoria overtakes me. The game has clearly overstimulated him, and he seems to have forgotten all about the operation. He lifts my legs to his shoulders and begins to torpedo into me. It’s electrifying.
That night, we watch the video and enjoy reliving every minute. I surprised him with my games.
“I want a rematch,” he whispers into my ear just as I’m falling asleep.
Two days later, they perform the surgery.
Marta and her team do the trabecular microbypass. Just saying the name of the procedure scares me. I sit in the waiting room with his mother. My love, my guy, my German, is on a table in the operating room, and I know he must be frightened.
Sonia takes my hand to offer me support, and I offer my support back to her.
We wait. Time goes by so slowly, and we keep on waiting.
Just as it begins to feel like an eternity, Marta exits the OR. Everything has gone stupendously well.
I insist on spending the night with Eric in the hospital. I sit and stare at him in the darkness while he sleeps. I can’t imagine life without him. I’m so in love that even thinking one day this could end breaks my heart. I close my eyes; finally, exhausted, I give in to sleep.
When I wake, I find myself directly in my guy’s line of vision. It seems he has been watching me as he lies in bed, and, when he sees my eyes open, he grins. I do the same.
That morning, they release him, and we go back to the house. To our home.
25
As the days go by, Eric makes a miraculous recovery. He is incredibly strong, and after a few adjustments, the doctors determine all is well. We’re both happy and pick up our lives again.
As he’s going to work one morning, I ask him if he’ll drop me off at his mother’s house. I need to see what kind of state Hannah’s motorcycle is in. I don’t say anything to him about it because I know he’s just going to raise holy hell. As soon as Eric leaves, his mother and I run to the garage. We move several boxes and get covered in dust up to our eyebrows, but, then, there’s the motorcycle. It’s a yellow Suzuki RM-Z250.
“My dear, I hope you have as much fun with it as Hannah had,” says Sonia, now very emotional, as she hands me the helmet.
I hug her. When she leaves me alone in the garage, I smile to myself. As might be expected, the motorcycle is dead. After so much time without use, the battery is drained, so, two days later, I come back to the house with a new battery. I install it, and the motorcycle instantly purrs. So happy to be riding a bike, I say goodbye to Sonia and head back to my new house. I’m really enjoying the ride and want to shout with enthusiasm. When I get home, Simona and Norbert stare at me.
“Miss, I don’t think Eric is going to like that.”
“I know,” I say as I get off the bike and remove my matching yellow helmet. “I’m expecting it.”
As soon as a grumbling Norbert walks away, Simona comes up to me. “Today, on Emerald Madness, Luis Alfredo Quiñones found out Esmeralda Mendoza’s baby is his and not Carlos Alfonso’s. He saw the same birthmark he has on the baby’s left butt cheek.”
“Oh God, I missed it!” I say, bringing my hand to my heart. Simona shakes her head. “I recorded it for you,” she confesses, which makes me laugh, and together we run to the living room to watch it. After this tacky soap opera that has me hooked, I go back to the garage. I want to check the motorcycle out completely before trying to use it on a regular basis and going with Jurgen and his friends on those dirt paths they love so much. First, I need to change the oil. Norbert doesn’t want to, but he goes to buy me oil when I ask him. Once I have it, I position myself in a hidden corner of the garage that’s not so easy to access, and I begin to do the safety check exactly as my father taught me.
After the Müller visit and Eric’s surgery, I decide I don’t want to work for the time being. I want to enjoy this feeling of fullness without haste, problems, and office gossip. I prefer to walk with Susto, watch Emerald Madness, swim in the wonderful indoor pool, or go with Jurgen, Eric’s cousin, to ride my bike. It’s a thing of beauty, and it rides like a dream. Eric still doesn’t know anything about it. For now, it’s better that way.
One Wednesday morning, I go with Marta and Sonia out to the field where they take their skydiving classes. I watch eagerly how the instructor tells them what to do when they’re in the air. They encourage me to join them, but I prefer to watch. To skydive must be pretty cool, but when I see what’s involved up close, it scares me. Today they’re going to make their first free jump, and they’re nervous. So far, they’ve always done their jumps hooked to an instructor, but this time will be different.
I think of Eric, what he would say if he knew about this. I feel terrible. I don’t even want to consider that something could go wrong. Sonia seems to read my thoughts.
“Easy, dear. Everything will be fine. Promise!”
I try to smile, but my face is frozen from the cold and my tight nerves.
Before getting on the plane, they both kiss me.
“Thanks for keeping our secret,” says Marta.
When they board the aircraft, I wave goodbye. I watch anxiously as the plane lifts and almost disappears from my sight. An instructor who stayed down here with me explains hundreds of things.
“Look . . . they’re already in the air.”
With my heart in my throat, I see little dots fall. Distressed, I see how the dots get closer and closer, and when I’m about to scream, the parachutes open. I applaud at the precise moment I’m about to have a heart attack. Minutes later, they land, and Sonia and Marta are full of energy. They scream, jump, and embrace. They did it!
I applaud again, but honestly, I don’t know if I’m doing it because they’ve achieved something or because nothing happened to them. Just thinking about what Eric would say, I shiver. When they see me, they run to me and hug me.
At night, when Eric asks me where I’ve been with his mother and sister lately, I lie. I concoct a story in which we go to a spa where they give us
chocolate and coconut massages. He’s amused by what I’ve come up with, and I feel bad. Very bad. I don’t like lying, but Sonia and Marta have made me promise. I can’t let them down.
One morning, Frida calls me, and, an hour later, she’s over with little Glen. That little guy is a delight! We chat for hours and she confesses she’s a staunch follower of Emerald Madness. That makes me laugh. It’s amazing who watches it. After several hours of sharing confidences, I show them the motorcycle and introduce them to Susto.
“Judith, do you want to get Eric mad?”
“No,” I answer, amused. “But he has to accept things I like as much as I accept what he likes, don’t you think?”
“Of course.”
“I hate the guns, but I accept that he’s an Olympic shooter,” I say to justify myself.
“Yes, but he won’t be amused by the bike. Besides, it was Hannah’s and . . .”
“Listen, it could be Hannah’s or Jiminy Cricket’s—he’s still going to get angry. I know, and I take responsibility for it. I’ll find the best time to tell him. I am sure that, with sensitivity and tenderness on my part, he’ll understand.”
Frida smiles and looks over at Susto, who’s watching us.
“The little thing couldn’t be uglier, but he has very nice eyes.”
Distracted, I laugh and kiss the poor animal’s head.
“He’s beautiful. Very beautiful,” I say.
“But, well, Judith, this kind of dog isn’t very cute. If you want a dog, I have a friend who breeds some precious dogs.”
“Frida, I don’t want a dog so I can show him off. I want a dog to love, and Susto is affectionate and very sweet.”
“Susto?” she repeats, laughing. “You’re calling him Susto?”
“The first time I saw him, he gave me a tremendous fright,” I cheerfully clarify.
Frida understands. She repeats his name, and he jumps in the air while little Glen laughs. After a while longer, she leaves; we have promised to call and see each other again soon.
In the afternoon, I phone my sister. I haven’t talked to her in a while, and I need to hear her voice.
“Cuchu, what’s the matter?” she asks, on alert.
“Nothing.”
“Oh yes, something’s wrong. You never call me,” she insists.
That makes me laugh. She’s right, but, ready to enjoy my crazy Raquel’s chatter, I respond, “I know. But now that I’m away, I miss you so much.”
“Oh, my cuchufleta . . . !” she exclaims.
We talk for a long time. She brings me up to date on her pregnancy, the vomiting and nausea, and, oddly enough, she doesn’t say a word about her usual marital problems. That surprises me. I don’t bring up the subject because that’s a good sign.
When I hang up after an hour of conversation, I’m smiling. I put on my coat and go to the garage. Hearing my whistle, Susto comes out of hiding, and, delighted, I go for a walk with him.
Two days later, when Flyn and Eric go to school and work in the morning, I start redecorating Eric’s office. I spend a lot of time on it because I need to give it a different look. I’m in charge of making the changes myself. Norbert is horrified to see me on the ladder. He says if the Lord saw me, he’d scold me. But I’m used to these things, and I pick up and hang curtains and love my life. I replace the dark leather cushions with pistachio-colored ones, and the armchair now looks modern and contemporary, not dull and boring.
On the beautiful round table, I place a green glass vase with wonderful red calla lilies. I remove the dark figures Eric has over the fireplace and replace them with framed photographs. There are as many from my family as from Eric’s, and I feel tender emotions when I see my niece, Luz, smiling.
She is so pretty! I miss her so much.
I replace several paintings, each one uglier than the last, and put up the ones I bought. On one side of the room, I hang a trio of paintings with green tulips. They look so attractive!
When Eric comes home later that afternoon, my changes leave him speechless. His sober and dark office has been transformed into a room full of joy and light. He likes it.
The next day, Eric decides to take Flyn to school. As a rule, Norbert does it, but the boy is happy his uncle is going to take him today. I go along in the car. I don’t know where the school is, but I’m wanting to take a walk on my own in the city.
Eric doesn’t like that I want to walk around Munich alone, but I’m more stubborn than he is and he finally gives in. On the way, we pick up two other kids, Robert and Timothy. They look at me with curiosity. I notice both of them have colored skateboards in their hands, just the toy Eric has forbidden Flyn. When we get to the school, he stops the car, and the kids open the door and fly out. Flyn is last. He closes the door.
“Well, he didn’t give me a kiss,” I say, playing offended.
Eric smiles.
“Give him more time.”
I sigh, roll my eyes, and laugh.
“Will you give me a little kiss?” I ask as I’m about to get out of the car.
Eric draws me to him.
“However many you want, sweetheart.” Then he asks, “Are you sure you know how to get back home by yourself?”
Amused, I nod. I have no idea, but I know the address and I’m sure I won’t get lost. I wink at him.
“Of course. Don’t worry.”
He’s not so sure about leaving me here.
“You have your cell phone, right?”
I take it out of my pocket to show him.
“Fully charged, in case I have to ask for help!” I say, teasing.
My crazy love finally smiles. I give him another kiss and get out of the car. As I walk away, I know he’s looking at me in the rearview mirror. I wave goodbye like a fool. I’m so in love!
I lose sight of the car when it turns left; then I look over at the school. There are groups of children at the front door, and I can see Flyn standing to the side. He’s alone. Where are Robert and Timothy? I stand behind a tree and watch as he pretends he’s not checking out a beautiful blonde girl.
Oh, my grumpy little shorty has a crush!
He leans on the school fence and doesn’t take his eyes off her while she plays and talks with other kids.
A bell rings, and the children gather to go inside. Flyn doesn’t move. He waits until the girl and her friends go in, and then he follows. Curious, I keep an eye on him and suddenly see Robert, Timothy, and two other boys approaching Flyn, skateboards in hand. They talk. One of the boys grabs Flyn’s cap and throws it on the ground. When Flyn reaches down to pick it up, Robert kicks him in the ass, and Flyn falls flat on the ground. My blood is boiling. What are they doing?
Dying of laughter, the kids abandon him, and I watch Flyn get up and look at his hand. There’s blood on it. He cleans it with a tissue he pulls from his coat, picks up the cap and, without looking up from the ground, goes inside.
Feeling terrible for him, I think about what just happened and how I might talk about it with Flyn.
Once he vanishes from sight, I begin to walk, and soon I’m in the vortex of Munich’s streets. Eric calls. I tell him I’m fine and hang up. Shops . . . many stores. I stop to look at all the windows. I find a motocross store and buy everything I need. I’m happy as a lark as I leave and watch the passersby. Everyone has such a serious face.
I walk by a bridge, the Kabelsteg. I’m surprised to see the number of colorful locks attached to it. I touch those small tokens of love and read the names at random: Iona and Peter, Benni and Marie. There are even padlocks that have added smaller padlocks with other names that I imagine must be their children. It’s super-romantic, and I’d love to do that with Eric. I’ll have to propose it. Then I laugh. He’ll surely think I’ve lost my mind this time.
After visiting another beautiful part of the city, I stop at an erotic shop. My cell rings. Eric, my crazy love, is worried about me. I assure him no bandits have kidnapped me, and after making him laugh, I say goodbye again. Amused, I go int
o the erotic shop.
I look around with curiosity. It’s a place where they sell all kinds of toys and sexy lingerie. The shop is decorated quite tastefully. The walls are red, and everything catches my attention. Hundreds of colorful vibrators and toys in incredible shapes are on display. I see some black feathers, and I grab them. They’ll help me play with Eric. I also choose some black-sequined pasties; they have tassels hanging from them. The salesperson says they’re reusable and that they stick with adhesive pads on the nipple. The thought of wearing this in front of Eric makes me laugh. But knowing him, he’d like it! When I go to pay, I see there are costumes to the side of the store, and I can’t resist. I choose a naughty-policewoman costume and buy it as well. I’ll surprise my Iceman tonight. I leave the store with bags in hand and a smile from ear to ear. As I pass a hardware store, I remember something. I go in and buy a latch for the bedroom door. I want sex at home without uninvited guests.
Three hours later, after roaming all over the streets of Munich, I take a taxi home. Simona and Norbert greet me. I ask Norbert for some tools. Evidently surprised, he agrees but doesn’t question me.
Delighted with what Norbert has brought me, I go up to the room I share with Eric and install the latch on the door. I hope it doesn’t bother him, but I don’t want Flyn to catch us when I’m dressed as a bad cop or we’re making savage love. What would the child think of us?
When Flyn comes home from school in the afternoon, he’s always taciturn. He locks himself in his room to do homework. Simona is going to take him a snack, and I ask her to let me do it. He’s sitting at his desk, absorbed in his duties. I leave the plate with the sandwich and look at his hand. The wound is visible.
“What happened to your hand?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he says, not looking at me.
“Considering nothing happened, that’s a pretty good scratch,” I say.
The kid looks up and scrutinizes me.
“Get out of my room. I’m doing my homework.”
“Flyn . . . why are you always angry?”
Now and Forever Page 17