by Kendall Ryan
“Goodnight, angel,” I murmur.
I lay awake for a long time after that as a rush of emotions charges through me without invitation. Part of me feels like shit for what I’ve done to Tatianna, yet the relief at knowing our relationship is over is immediate and all-encompassing, but most of all, I feel like I screwed up with Mia yet again.
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
Hand holding seems like the most juvenile thing I could have done after what Collins and I just shared. But I want to touch him—need to feel some part of him—because somehow that makes what I’ve just experienced more real.
My entire body is still singing from it. I’ve never pleasured myself in front of an audience before, and when Collins asked me to, I was so nervous, I wasn’t sure what to do, but his rugged voice instructed me. As he growled out orders, and I did what he wanted, it was like he was doing it to me, and it was so much better than being alone. It was exciting, knowing that he was so turned on by watching me touch myself. The desperate hunger burning in his eyes ensured I would have done anything he’d asked.
And watching him tug his shorts down and free his cock tempted me beyond belief. Our first time, I remembered him being huge. He’d been so big back then, that even after the initial pain subsided, it had been hard to take him all the way in at first. And then he’d filled me so deep, so full. Still, when I thought back on it, I figured I’d only imagined his amazing size. But it really is huge. I figured my memories were only my imagination running wild, like one of my dad’s fishing stories, he added inches to every retelling. But Collins is even bigger than I remembered. Damn, his cock alone is reason enough to fly across the country on my last dime.
Watching him stroke himself, knowing that he was imagining me doing it to him, was so hot. It took every ounce of self-control for me to not touch him myself. I wanted to curl my hand around him and feel his thick length that I was sure would be hot to the touch.
But I knew he didn’t want that. He wanted to do the right thing and wait until he’d finished things with Tatianna. I could see it in his eyes.
Even after. Especially after. He felt so guilty. And I hated seeing the guilt in his eyes. I hated that maybe I’d made him do something he wasn’t ready to do yet. So I told him I was fine, and I was.
Mostly.
***
I don’t remember falling asleep. I wake the next morning to the sun pouring into the hotel suite through its grand windows. My body feels relaxed and refreshed, like I’ve had the first good night’s sleep since I lost my job. I stretch and turn to see Collins’ side of the bed empty. I knew he was going to be in meetings with Pierre all day, but I was hoping I’d get to wish him luck before he left.
There’s a note on the pillow next to me.
Mia,
You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you. I’m in meetings all day and part of the evening. Maybe we’ll be able to get drinks tonight after dinner. Have fun seeing the city, but not too much.
-C
P.S. Text me if you get lost or need rescuing.
The offer of rescue brings a smile to my face. He’s always there to rescue me if I need him.
My hand drifts over to Collins’ empty side of the bed. I wish we could go out and see the city together, but I’ll have to be my own company today.
I’m excited to explore Paris, so I shower and dress in no time.
After devouring a flakey croissant and washing it down with rich coffee, I find myself spending most of the day in the Louvre. I hadn’t planned on taking that much time, but the place is so vast that every time I think I’ve seen it all, there is another hallway, floor or building I have yet to explore. It’s amazing, the number of master works in one place, the beauty of which nearly brings me to tears.
I save the Mona Lisa for last, and by the time I get there it’s early evening. I have to wait in line for a bit, which gives me time to think. It really sinks in that I’m in Paris. Two weeks ago I was fired from a job for something I hadn’t even done. A job where I was barely making my college loan payments, and struggling to make rent. I would never have dreamed I’d be here now, in Paris, and yet here I am in this beautiful city with my favorite person. I smile to myself, feeling a bit silly but also like the luckiest woman alive.
The line moves forward. I take a few steps closer. I’m almost to the front.
Collins is such an amazing man. And after last night, I’m pretty sure the only thing keeping us apart is his need to break it off with Tatianna. I hope so anyway. But what if last night was just a slip up for him? We never talked about it after. He never actually said he was going to end it with her. And I don’t want to push him to break it off with her if that’s not what he wants. Maybe I shouldn’t have let last night happen. An uneasy feeling churns inside me.
The people in front of me move aside and I find myself in front of the Mona Lisa. I’ve seen prints of it so many times, still, when I step in front of the real painting, it takes my breath away. I can definitely see what all the hype is about. It’s the subtlety of her expression that really gives me goosebumps. She’s smiling as if she knows something I don’t. I’m half tempted to ask her if she knows what I’m doing with Collins. Does she know if he wants to stay with Tatianna?
But Mona Lisa isn’t talking, and a long line waits behind me to see her. So as my shoulders slump with these unanswered questions, I head to the exit and come out on the dimly lit streets. Collins said he wouldn’t be back for dinner, so I decide to walk along the River Seine, hoping I’ll find a good place to eat.
The city is bustling with tourists and Parisians alike, out enjoying the beautiful night. As I slowly make my way down the river, I notice everyone is in pairs. The couple in front of me is holding hands. On the boulevard, a man and woman sit on a park bench and look longingly into each other’s eyes. I pass another couple leaning against the railing, gazing down on the river, arms around each other, huddling close.
Together.
As I take note of all the couples, my heart fills with sadness. I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling cold, and alone. I’ve been wandering around this romantic city like a lovesick fool all day, but the man I’ve fallen for isn’t even mine, and I’m not sure he ever will be.
The emptiness I feel is so sudden and so overwhelming it hurts, my eyes pool with tears.
At least two weeks ago I had a job and an apartment. Now, I have nothing. I want to believe Collins will leave Tatianna, but the cold truth is, I have no assurances.
I have no idea what comes next.
Chapter Seventeen
Collins
Another room opened up at the hotel, and I left Mia in the suite, in favor of a room to myself where I wouldn’t have to share a bed with a woman who tempted me to my very core. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of the week fighting the urge to jump her each night. Especially since I knew she’d give in to me. She’d give me everything, if I only asked. It’d always been that way.
My meetings with Pierre and his associates went better than expected, so I should be returning on a high, but as Mia and I arrive home, feelings of sadness stir inside me.
Tatianna is in the kitchen when we arrive. She squeals and runs to me, throwing her arms around my neck dramatically, and I can’t help but feel it’s all for show, rather than a genuine display of affection.
“Missed you,” she says, air kissing my cheek.
I can’t even muster the words back to her. My eyes follow Mia’s movements. She turns away from us, but not before I catch a hint of sadness in her eyes. She heads to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water.
“Well, how was it? Paris, right?” she asks.
“How was New York?” I ask, my tone guarded.
She waves a dismissive hand, and I wonder if she’s going to lie. “Flaky photographer canceled. I stayed home.”
“You should have told me. You could have come with.” The words taste false in my mouth, and I know they’re all wrong. Mia
was the perfect companion. I just want to hear Tatianna admit that she wasn’t the least bit concerned with me – she was out clubbing with God knows who.
She waves me off again. “I’m sure Mia filled my role nicely.” She turns to Mia. “Did you take care of my man?”
Mia’s eyes widen and she nods. “I did.” Her eyes find mine briefly, and then stray down to the floor.
Fuck. Mia isn’t good at lying. She’s just not that type of person. And now I feel like even more of an asshole because not only did I use her in Paris to fulfill my own needs, but now I’ve put her in a situation where she feels she has to lie.
“The trip went well,” I say, trying to smooth the awkward moment over.
Mia glances up again, her gaze finding Tatianna’s. “Collins was brilliant. He won over Pierre and Adele almost immediately.”
“You were amazing,” I correct her.
“Wait, who are Pierre and Adele?” Tatianna asks.
Mia’s brows pinch together. “Pierre Ducharme, the CEO of Ducharme Industries…the entire reason for the trip.” She seems shocked that Tatianna wouldn’t know this information, since it was so important to me.
Tatianna nods. “Oh. Right. So, was it all work or did you guys have some fun?”
Mia laughs nervously. “We had fun. Collins made sure it was perfect for me.”
I bite down, my jaw clenching as memories of Mia’s naked, curvy body dance through my brain, her moan of satisfaction when she tasted a real croque-monsieur for the first time, the mischievous twinkle in her eyes when she’d had too much wine, her hearty laugh when I took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
I exchange a meaningful look with Mia, as if to communicate my pleasure that she was the one with me. Tatianna’s gaze moves between me and Mia and her brow furrows as if she’s just solved a challenging equation. I see the exact moment something snaps in her. Her hands fly to her hips and her gaze narrows on Mia.
“What exactly has been going on here?” Tatianna questions Mia, her tone filled with icy venom.
Mia’s mouth snaps shut, and she looks to me, desperate, her eyes wide and wild.
Not getting anything out of Mia, Tatianna turns to me. “Have you been fucking her?” she shrieks.
I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I don’t answer right away. I just look at the woman I’ve spent the last three years with and wonder where all the time went. I feel like I’ve built more memories, shared more laughs, had more fun with Mia in one week than I have with Tatianna in three years.
Tatianna drops her head to look at the floor, and makes a sound of annoyed frustration. When she lifts her head, she’s laughing. “You’re fucking crazy to choose that over this.” She motions between her and Mia—noting the obvious differences in their physiques. Tatianna is tall and willowy, while Mia is curvy and built for a man’s pleasure.
“I haven’t been fucking her, as you so delicately put it. But Mia and I…” I pause and draw a breath, searching for the right words. “We need to talk, Tatianna.”
“Oh, hell no,” Tatianna roars. “How dare you choose this chubby, plain loser over me?” She spits the words like an accusation.
Mia shrinks back toward the wall, hugging her arms around herself and her eyes fill with tears. I step between the two women. “Stop,” I say, my voice cutting off Tatianna’s. I place my hand on Mia’s cheek and she leans into my touch. I want to tell her it will all be okay, but I let my hand fall away, then I face Tatianna. “No one speaks to Mia that way.” I can’t help but draw a parallel between this moment and the first day I met Mia. I stood up for her then too. It turns out, it’s instinctual for me. I won’t let anyone hurt her.
“It’s over, Tatianna. We’re done. I want you gone by tonight.”
“You’re a fucking asshole,” she says.
“That may be, but we both know this relationship isn’t going anywhere. It isn’t leading toward anything. It’s time for us to move on.”
“Sorry, but I’ll never be a soccer mom if that’s what you’re looking for. I thought we were on the same page,” she barks.
I shake my head, unwilling to answer. I don’t want to argue the finer points of our differences in front of Mia. It won’t accomplish anything, and I won’t change my mind. “I’ll have my assistant arrange for a moving company.”
“And where exactly am I supposed to go?” she asks.
Ah, there it is, the real reason she’s stayed with me all this time. I’ve provided her with a beautiful home, and extravagant lifestyle she could never afford on her own.
I want to tell her maybe the man she was with last Friday night will take care of her, but I know that tossing out that accusation won’t make any of this better. “I guess you have some things to figure out in the next few hours,” I say, instead.
She grabs her purse from the counter and storms past us, causing Mia to squeak in surprise.
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
My jetlagged brain struggles to comprehend what just happened.
I can’t seem to wrap my tired brain around it.
Tatianna’s words were sharp and hateful, her venom directed at me. Maybe I deserved it. Hadn’t I just stormed into their life and pulled them apart? But I don’t have that kind of power. I can’t make people do anything they don’t want to do.
Certainly no one can make Collins do anything he doesn’t want to do.
Still, I’m having a hard time understanding what just happened. Did he really just break up with Tatianna? Right in front of me?
Tatianna storms past me, her face filled with so much anger a small shriek escapes me¸ and I flinch.
Her heels click down the hall and rush up the steps. Somewhere above a door slams.
My eyes are fixed to the floor. I want to look at Collins. I want to know if he’s okay, but I’m scared to look up. I’m scared he’ll be mad at me for coming in here and ruining his perfect life with his supermodel girlfriend.
I’m such a jerk. Why did I come?
I expect Collins to storm out after her, or to curse me out, or something. Instead he remains a few feet away, leaning against the counter. When I finally find the courage to look up at his face he has his phone out. His features are relaxed and don’t give anything away. He taps out a message on his phone. He must be arranging for the movers or something.
I silently watch him, hoping I haven’t completely ruined our friendship by showing up here and messing with his life. Finally, he looks up and sees that I’m still huddled against the wall. Stuffing his phone into his pocket, Collins stalks over to me.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he grumbles. His low voice makes me feel even worse.
“It’s okay.” My own voice comes out shaky and quiet. “Are you all right?”
Dark eyes, deep with emotion latch onto mine, and he nods. “Yes.”
He sounds confident, but his eyes and the expression on his face leave me feeling unsure. He’s so guarded and serious. I hate it.
When have I ever felt so unsure around Collins?
Never.
He places his palm against my cheek. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” he says softly.
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind.” I didn’t like what Tatianna said, but to know that he’s finally free of that controlling woman who is all wrong for him? I’d go through that again in a heartbeat.
I have no idea what happens next, and I’m afraid to ask. I chew on my lip, listening to the sound of heels click around upstairs and doors slam. Collins drops his hand away, but he continues hovering over me, watching me like he’s waiting to see if I really am okay.
“Do you think it’s okay if I go upstairs and shower?” I ask. I’m jetlagged and grubby from the long flight. Plus I can’t help but think Collins must need to be alone right now to process what just went down.
“Of course.” He nods.
I head toward the stairs, feeling Collins’ eyes on me the entire time.
Th
e shower is hot and the water soothing as I wash away the grime from the long flight. But it can’t wash away the guilt I have over coming here in the first place. Collins was always so good at saving me. It’s no wonder that, when I lost my job and had nowhere else to turn, I ran to him. Because if anyone could fix my failing life it was him. But is it fair of me to burden him with my issues? Is it fair of me to expect him to stop everything and rescue me from my pathetic fate? Is it fair of me to hope he’ll drop everything he’s been working for his whole life to build, just to save me?
The answer is so obvious. Hell no. As the hot water pelts my back I search for a way I can make this right, but I can’t. I’ve come in here, messed things up, and now the only thing to do is to leave him alone so that he has time to heal.
I get out of the shower and dry myself off, dressing in a T-shirt. I climb in bed and am just about to turn the light out when my phone rings. It’s Leila.
“Hey,” I answer flatly.
“Mia,” her voice is concerned. “What’s wrong?” She can read me like a book.
“I think it might be time for me to go home. Is that offer for your couch still open?” I ask.
“Of course it is, but what happened?”
“Collins just broke up with her,” I say.
Leila is quiet for a second as if she is trying to understand what I just said. Finally she says, “I don’t get it. If he’s single now, isn’t that what you wanted?”
She’s right. It was what I wanted, but now that it’s happened, I’m not sure it’s right. I don’t think it’s what I want now. “He’s upset. I feel like I’ve screwed up his life by coming here.”
“No,” she says. “You’re over thinking this. You always over think things. You care about him. He cares about you. Just give him some time and space. Breakups are hard.”
I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do, and I tell her this, but Leila is insistent. In the end she talks me into staying a little longer.