“The Silent Child.”
His face flushed red as a sugar beet. Ah, he wasn’t as withdrawn from his son’s problem as he made it appear. In fact, it looked as though he was actually trying to do something to help Sam. And right then and there, Becca’s opinion of Jesse King improved just a tad. Up to now, she’d had little respect for the man but realized he wasn’t the uncaring, brutish father he appeared to be. But why did he have to be so difficult about it? Why did he have to hide his concern? It seemed as though he were fighting against himself. As though he didn’t want to care about Sam, yet he did. Very much.
She met his gaze, noticing the irritated glint in his eyes. She could tell that he didn’t like meeting her here. She held the book out to him and he took it reluctantly.
“It looks like you’re reading up on Sam’s problem.” She spoke the obvious.
“Ja, I thought maybe...” He didn’t finish the sentence. “What are you doing here?” he asked instead.
She held up several books on the same topic. “The same as you. Looking for ways to help Sam.”
He snorted. “I doubt it’ll do any gut. I’ve already tried everything I can think of and Sam still won’t talk. He hasn’t said a single word in almost a year.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged and looked away but not before she saw the pain written in his eyes. Her heart gave a painful squeeze. The poor little boy. And the poor man too! This couldn’t be easy on Jesse either.
“But we have to try, don’t we?” she asked.
He glanced at his son, who sat a short distance away at another table, poring over several children’s books. The boy’s lips were moving and Becca got the impression he was reading to himself. She’d seen him do this in school before but what it meant, she had no idea.
“It appears that he can read,” she observed.
“Ja, his mudder taught him. She...she used to read to all our kinder all the time. Sam can definitely read.”
Hmm. Was that why Jesse seemed so against reading to Sam each night? Because it was something his wife had done before she died? Or was it simply because he was busy and thought reading to his son was a woman’s job? Well, it was time to teach him differently. Fathers could read to their kids just as well as mothers.
“Are you planning to read to Sam each night, as we discussed?” she asked.
“I... I don’t have a lot of extra time. By the time I finish my barn chores, Sam’s usually half-asleep. And I’ve been trying to make us some furniture in the evenings,” he hedged.
Becca didn’t argue. She sensed that she couldn’t push Jesse King any more than she could little Sam. But still, Jesse had come to the library to check out some books. That was a good start.
“Any idea how well Sam can read?” Becca asked.
He shrugged those unbelievably wide shoulders of his. “Ne, I have no idea. I just know he can read. He was always a bright little fellow before...”
Before his momma died. That was good. If they could just get Sam to speak again, it could open up a whole new world for the boy. And possibly open the world again to Jesse King too.
He sidestepped her, edging toward his son. “Um, we were just leaving. We have to get home soon.”
“But I was hoping to meet with you at length. Is there a time when you and I can sit down and develop a plan of action for Sam?”
He shook his head. “Not today.”
“But, Mr. King!” She took a step after him.
“Shh!” The librarian appeared out of nowhere, pressing a finger to her lips. From the stern lift of the woman’s eyebrows, Becca realized she must have spoken too loudly.
Without another word, Jesse turned and hurried over to Sam. The man’s black felt hat sat on the table top and he picked it up and placed it on his head. Becca watched in frustration, longing to go after him. Wanting to make him listen to her. But she knew she couldn’t force him to do what he didn’t want to do. And that’s when something else occurred to her.
Sam didn’t speak because he was traumatized by the deaths of his mother and sister. But Jesse King was just as traumatized in his own way. And he obviously didn’t want to talk about it. She could empathize with the man. Losing his wife and daughters must have scarred his heart as much as it had Sam’s. And that’s when she decided to give Jesse some space. He’d been reluctant to help, yet he’d come to the library on his own. With a little more time, maybe he would seek out her assistance as well. But for Sam’s sake, she hoped Jesse didn’t wait too long.
“Come on, Sam.” Jesse spoke low as he took the boy’s arm and tugged gently.
Sam had no choice but to follow and he reluctantly left his books behind. As they headed toward the front door, he looked back at the texts with such longing that Becca knew he wasn’t finished with them yet. She couldn’t help wondering why Jesse seemed so antisocial. Every time she tried to talk to him, he acted skittish, like he wanted to get away. Or was it just her he didn’t like? She wasn’t sure but it seemed to her that Jesse fought against himself. Some inner strife seemed to wage a battle inside of him. She figured it all must relate to his deceased wife and daughters.
She watched as they hurried out of the library without a single book in tow. Even Jesse had abandoned the text he’d been holding. It was such a shame. Both the father and son could benefit greatly from those texts. Becca decided to do something about it. Stepping over to Sam’s table, she scooped up most of the plethora of books the child had been reading and carried them over to the checkout counter with her own selections. She added Jesse’s book to the pile. No matter how hard he tried, Jesse King was not getting rid of her.
* * *
Jesse flicked the leather lead lines at his horse’s rump and settled into his seat. After leaving the library, he’d taken Sam over to the grocery store and stocked up on numerous cases of canned and boxed goods. Soup, chili, corn, string beans, peaches, pears and oatmeal. Now, even if he did burn their supper, he’d have something in the house to feed his son. It wasn’t that he didn’t have money to buy food but rather he had too many chores to carry alone. He needed his wife and daughters back. He needed Alice more than ever.
The buggy-wagon swayed gently as he turned the horse off Main Street and headed along the county road. The clop of the horse’s hooves hitting the black asphalt soothed his jangled nerves. He didn’t know why he’d gone to the library in town. Sam had been delighted. Though the boy didn’t speak, Jesse could see his pleasure written across his face and in the little skip in his stride. It had been a lapse in judgment and Jesse had been mortified to be caught there by Becca Graber. Having been raised by a strong, domineering father, Jesse didn’t like feeling out of control. And that’s how Sam’s problem made him feel. Out of control.
Sam sat silently beside him on the front seat. Jesse knew his son wasn’t happy to leave his books behind. Maybe he should have checked them out for the boy. Even if he didn’t read to Sam, there was no reason to keep the child from reading on his own. They both already lived such a lonely, isolated life. The books might open up the world to Sam. They might help him speak again.
Maybe on Monday, Jesse could make another quick trip into town and check out the books for Sam. Wouldn’t the boy be excited when he came home from school and found a pile of texts waiting for him?
The thought made Jesse go very still. He’d been so angry at Sam for so long now that it was a novelty for him to want to make the boy happy. But he did. In fact, Jesse longed to hear his son’s laughter again. How he wished his son would speak.
At that moment, Sam lifted an arm and pointed. Jesse could just make out a lone figure, walking ahead of them on the side of the road. From her plain dress, black tights, heavy shawl and bonnet, he could tell she was Amish. She carried a heavy bag in each hand. Probably walking home after shopping in town. But then he saw a flash of purple skirts and knew exactly who she was.<
br />
Becca Graber.
His shoulders tensed and he thought of driving on by without acknowledging her. But that would be too rude, even for him.
As his buggy-wagon neared, she glanced over her shoulder and moved a safe distance off the road so she wouldn’t be trampled. He instantly regretted making her move as he watched her sidestep the muddy ground.
When he pulled up beside her, she stopped and nodded, her hands too encumbered by the heavy bags to wave.
“Hallo! Fancy meeting you out here on the road,” she said.
Her voice held a happy lilt and he wondered vaguely if anything ever got her down.
“Ja, fancy that. You look as though your arms are quite full. Can we offer you a ride home?” Though his voice held little enthusiasm, Jesse forced himself to say the words, knowing it was the right thing to do.
She hesitated, glancing at the long road ahead. “Are you sure it’s no trouble?”
He’d heard that she lived with the Fishers, who were her relatives. Dawdi Zeke, the eldest member of the Gmay at ninety-six years, was her grandfather. They lived nine miles outside of town and Jesse would pass right by their farm on his way home. Ironically, the Fishers were his neighbors. A fact that made it much too easy for Becca to drive over to their place whenever she wanted. He just hoped she didn’t make a habit of popping in during the supper hour.
“Ne, of course not. We pass by your place on our way home. Climb in.” The moment he made the invitation, he regretted it. He didn’t want to give Sam’s schoolteacher a ride home. He wanted to be left alone.
“Ach, danke so much. I didn’t realize how heavy these books would be when I was sitting in the library.” She handed the bags to him and he set them on the floor of the back seat.
As she climbed up to sit with Sam in between them, Jesse saw her glance back at the wagon. It was filled with boxes and bags of groceries, shingles and other roofing supplies, as well as a large crate of live chickens. The hens had fluffed their feathers and huddled together for warmth as they clucked with impatience. He didn’t get into town often and had made the best of this trip.
“I see you’ve been to the grocery store and got some hens too,” she said as she settled herself.
“Ja.” He flicked the leads at the horse’s rump and they lurched forward.
“That’s gut. At least you’ll have fresh eggs to eat if you burn the pork chops again.” She laughed, the sound high and sweet. There was no guile in her voice but simply a gentle sense of humor.
Jesse would have smiled but he still couldn’t decide if he liked this woman. She was definitely likeable, if he weren’t still missing Alice so much.
“Sam, I have something special for you.” She reached around and rummaged inside one of her burlap bags before pulling out the pile of books the boy had abandoned at the library.
Sam made a happy sound in the back of his throat and took the books onto his lap.
“And this is for you.” She pulled out the book Jesse had been perusing and held it up for his inspection.
Jesse went very still. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy or sad. He’d wanted to check out the book but he didn’t want it forced down his throat by the pretty schoolteacher.
“I know you were in a big hurry to get home, so I thought I could check them out for you,” she said.
Hmm. Interesting how she was making this easy for him, as if he’d been indisposed so she’d done him a favor.
“I had planned to bring them to you at church tomorrow. Now you can read this evening. But you’ll only be able to keep them for two weeks before they’re due back at the library,” she warned.
She smiled and spoke so happily that Jesse didn’t have the heart to scold her for being presumptuous. Her gesture was kind and he realized she only had their best interests at heart.
“Danke.” He spoke low, forcing himself to say the word.
“You’re willkomm.”
Turning in her seat, she perused the clear but chilly day. The afternoon sun had done its best to melt off the snow but slushy spots on the road would soon ice up as evening came on and he was eager to get home. Driving a horse and buggy at night was not safe. Cars and trucks traveled way too fast and might come upon them without seeing their reflective lights. He’d heard that Caroline Schwartz, the regular schoolteacher, had been driving a buggy at night when she was hit from behind. The accident had nearly killed the poor girl and they’d had to put her horse down.
“Isn’t it a nice day?” Becca asked, then gave an exaggerated shiver. “But brrr, it’s so cold. Still, it could always be worse. At least it isn’t snowing again.”
Jesse agreed but didn’t answer. He just listened as Becca talked on and on about inconsequential things. The weather. Their church meetings tomorrow. The end-of-year program she was planning for the school. The box social fund-raiser she’d been asked to coordinate so they could purchase playground equipment for the school. He glanced at her pretty profile, thinking once again that she was like a whirl of wind. And he wasn’t sure he liked that.
“Did you walk into town this morning?” he asked.
“Ne, my cousin, Jakob, gave me a ride. He needed to buy supplies too. But I wanted to stay longer and told him I’d walk home this afternoon. Since the weather was clear, he agreed.” She gazed out at the damp countryside. “I think at that time, I underestimated how cold it is outside. I walked everywhere when I lived in Ohio but I’m still not used to the colder weather in Colorado. And everything is so spread out here. My cousin’s farm is much too far from town to walk in the cold and I won’t make that mistake again.”
He agreed. If she had been his cousin, he would not have let her walk nine miles on such a cold winter’s day. And though he would never admit such a thing, it kind of upset him that Jakob Fisher had been so derelict in her care. Since he’d lived here for a number of years already, the man should have known better.
“I’m sorry. I’m talking too much, aren’t I?” she said suddenly.
Yes, but he didn’t say so. He would never admit that he liked her incessant chatter. It had been so long since he’d listened to a woman talk about everything and nothing and it filled up the lonely void of the ride. With Sam not speaking, Jesse’s life had become overly quiet and he realized he was hungry to talk to someone. Anyone! Even if that someone happened to be Sam’s pushy schoolteacher.
Before he knew it, they had arrived at the turnoff to the Fishers’ farm. Jesse wasn’t about to make Becca walk the muddy road leading to the house and he turned the horse down the lane. The two-story log structure looked just the same as his, except that it was in pristine repair. So was the large, red barn. The tidy property was outlined by long barbed wire fences and fallow fields waiting for spring plowing. Black-and-white milk cows stood in a corral, chewing their cud. Several draft horses stood together near a cluster of barren trees. In the summertime, he had no doubt the place would be burgeoning with green life.
One day soon, Jesse hoped his own farm looked in this good a shape but he knew it would take time and lots of hard work for it to prosper. But he intended to do just that. Bishop Yoder had offered to coordinate a work frolic to help with some of the repairs but Jesse had politely refused. He’d come here for isolation and didn’t want a lot of people around his place asking a lot of questions about Alice and their girls. For now, he wanted to be left alone.
“Danke for the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow at church.” Becca hopped out after he pulled the horse to a stop in front of the house.
She reached up as Jesse handed her the bags. Their fingers brushed together for just a moment and he felt the warmth of her soft skin against his. Sam waved, but Jesse didn’t speak. He didn’t want to see Becca Graber again. And yet, he did. Not because he was interested in her as a woman. But rather, she was so different from Alice. So filled with ideas, so talkative and bright, like a shiny ne
w button. Becca Graber was a novelty to him. A glimpse of normalcy that he hadn’t enjoyed in a long, lonely time. And no matter how hard he tried not to, he liked her.
Chapter Three
Jesse awoke slowly, pulled out of a deep sleep. Opening his eyes, he blinked into the darkness. It was way too early to get up for morning chores. Over the past year, he hadn’t been sleeping well. Tonight was no exception. He’d gone to bed late after working on another chair to go with the kitchen table. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, he’d fallen into a dreamless sleep. So, what had awakened him?
He rolled over, pulling the warm quilt with him. He gazed through the shadows at the empty pillow next to him. How he missed Alice and her warm, gentle touch. Just knowing she was there, lying beside him, had brought him joy. But now, the house felt cold and empty. He must have forgotten to stoke the fire in the stove before he went to bed. But honestly, he’d become skittish about adding kindling at night for fear it might start another house fire. Although he’d lost his previous home because Sam was playing with matches, he’d become overly cautious when it came to fire.
There! The sound came again. A low cry from the outer hallway followed by muffled crying. Sam must be having another nightmare.
Throwing back the covers, Jesse sat up and placed his bare feet against the chilly floor. Alice wasn’t here to make one of her large rag rugs to cover the bare, scarred wood. He’d resisted buying one, trying to conserve his funds until the priority expenses had been met, such as repairing the leaky roof and buying more livestock. His future livelihood depended on him making this farm prosper and he intended to do just that.
Standing, he reached for his discarded shirt and pulled it over top of his undershirt. Raking a hand through his disheveled hair, he walked out onto the landing at the top of the stairs. He paused beside the door to Sam’s bedroom and listened. Another scream and then pitiful weeping came from the room and he raced inside. Sam lay upon the mattress, his arms and legs tangled in the bedding. His eyes were closed in sleep but he thrashed around, as if he were trying to escape some unknown predator.
The Amish Teacher's Dilemma and Healing Their Amish Hearts Page 21