That afternoon, she set aside Sam’s work and waited until all the other children had left for the day. Then, she loaded her books into her buggy and drove over to Jesse’s farm to tutor Sam as usual. The day was cool but the sky was clear and the sun was shining. That was a good sign that spring was on its way.
She parked beside Jesse’s house and knocked on the front door. Glancing at the flowerbeds, she noticed the tulips and daffodils had poked their heads out of the soil. The last church service had focused on Easter and the Savior’s resurrection, reminding her to carry hope within her heart. Another month and school would be out for the summer. But that thought caused a brief surge of panic to rise in Becca’s throat. The last day of school was on May first. One more month and she would have to leave or find work elsewhere. But where would she go? She’d been sending job inquiries to numerous Amish communities across the nation and received not one positive response. Her common sense told her to doubt the future but then she reminded herself to have faith.
The door creaked open and Sam peered out at her with his big, dark eyes. When he saw her, he thrust open the door and threw himself at her in a tight hug.
“Ach, hallo, Sam! I missed you at school today. Are you ill?” she asked, determined to be positive and act like he’d never run away. It must be a bit embarrassing to him and his father and it would serve no purpose in bringing it up again. After all, it really wasn’t her business.
He released her and stood in the living room, looking down at his stockinged feet as he shook his head. Except for shoes, he was fully dressed but his hair was rumpled and he had holes in his woolen socks where his little toes poked through. No doubt Jesse didn’t have time to mend the socks for him. And once again, she was reminded with glaring clarity that this little boy badly needed a mother.
“Then why didn’t you komm to school today?” she asked in a light tone.
He just shrugged and stepped back so she had room to come inside.
Becca set her bag on the floor, noticing a new sofa and coffee table perched in front of the wide window. They were drab brown and plain but appeared comfortable enough.
“These are nice,” she said.
Sam didn’t respond but she really didn’t expect him to.
A Bible and some of Sam’s books sat on top of the table. Gas lights had been installed in each corner of the room. The added illumination brightened the room and even seemed more cheerful inside. Gradually, Jesse was creating a pleasant home to live in. He was trying to pick up the pieces of his life.
So was she. But it wasn’t easy. For any of them. And that’s when she realized Jesse wasn’t the only one who had trust issues. So did she. Vernon’s betrayal had made her feel unacceptable, like she didn’t belong anywhere. As if she wasn’t worthy of love.
Her hands trembled slightly as she reached inside her bag and pulled out the assignments Sam had missed that day. She would catch him up on that first, then proceed to his reading and coax him to answer her questions out loud. If he got it all done this afternoon, she would mark him down as attending school today and his attendance wouldn’t be marred by any absences. She wanted that for him so she could give him a special certificate at the end of the year, to help build his self-confidence.
“Let’s start with our English, shall we?” she suggested.
She set a McGuffey reader on the coffee table and scooted over on the new sofa to give Sam room to join her. She was pleased when he read several sentences out loud to her, though he still spoke in a soft whisper she could barely hear. But it was great progress when she considered where they’d started a couple of months earlier.
They had just finished their phonics and were starting on penmanship when she heard the back door open and close.
“What are you doing here?”
She looked up. Jesse stood in the kitchen doorway. His hair was slightly damp around his face and neck and she thought he must have washed up in the barn. The dust on his broadfall pants and shirt attested that he’d worked hard that day. He lifted a hand to brace against the doorjamb, looking genuinely surprised to see her here. Did he think she was so shallow that she’d stay away simply because they’d disagreed on the best way to handle Sam’s running away? If so, Jesse didn’t know her very well.
“I came to tutor Sam, of course,” she said, feeling a bit offended by his question.
He glanced at the books, his eyes crinkled in confusion. “I... I didn’t think you’d komm back after the argument we had.”
He certainly was blunt, she’d give him that. He never seemed to hold anything back.
She snorted. “Of course I would. Sam needs help. I would never punish him because you’re being so bull-headed.”
She turned her attention back to Sam, thinking she shouldn’t have said that. But maybe it was something Jesse needed to hear. Handing Sam a pencil, she kept her head bowed and focused on the child’s work. He wrote several words on his big, ruled paper and she took every opportunity to praise him.
“Very gut. Your letters are so legible. You’re getting better at writing every day,” she said.
Sam showed a shy smile and wrote some more words. When she looked up again, Jesse was gone. She could hear him inside the kitchen, rattling pots around. No doubt he was scrounging up something for his and Sam’s supper.
She thought of going to help. She knew Jesse wasn’t much of a cook. But no. He was Sam’s father. He needed to serve his son. It was his job to provide for the boy. And besides, he needed to learn that he couldn’t treat people rudely. Not if he expected to have any friends. It was better to leave him alone and let him come to these realizations on his own. But a part of her dearly wished she could be his friend too.
* * *
“Ach, it looks like you’ve got everything under control here. Whatever you’re cooking smells gut.”
Jesse turned and found Becca standing in the kitchen doorway. She had already put on her heavy shawl, gloves and scarf...ready to leave. She sniffed the air and breathed a little sigh for emphasis. Her voice sounded jolly and she was smiling. He stared at her for several seconds, wishing she wasn’t so cheerful all the time. It made it harder not to like her.
“Are you finished teaching Sam for the night?” he asked, turning back to the stove.
He had just finished frying several ground beef patties without burning them and planned to cover them with hot cream of mushroom soup. It was called poor man’s steak and had been a staple from his childhood. A baked potato, string beans and canned pears would round out the meal. He even had whipped up some chocolate pudding for dessert. Sam would like that.
“Ja, Sam does better every day,” she said. “He’s made a tremendous amount of progress. I’m even hopeful he’ll speak his part out loud for the end-of-year program. He’s told me he wants to. I just hope he isn’t too nervous when the time comes.”
She stepped over to the stove and watched him whisk the mushroom gravy around in the meat drippings. He thought about inviting her to stay for supper but decided against it. For some reason, this woman made him feel nervous. He couldn’t think clearly when she was standing so near. Besides, they were both single and it was getting late. She needed to go home. Right now.
Lifting the pan, he set it on a hot pad in the middle of the table. Alice would have poured it into a bowl with a ladle and made their meal as dignified as possible. But he didn’t have time for such nonsense. After supper, he must return to the barn. His road horse had thrown a shoe so he couldn’t take Sam to school that morning. He needed to use the animal out in the fields tomorrow, which meant the shoe must be replaced tonight. He really needed to buy some draft horses. Then he wouldn’t have to use his road horse in the fields.
He reached for a dish towel to wipe his hands...a nervous gesture to give himself something to do. Again, he glanced at Becca, expecting her to leave. “Was there something else you needed?”
She shook her head, meeting his gaze. “Ne, I just wanted to apologize for the harsh words I said to you a couple of days ago. I fear I’m too bold at times and may have caused offense and that wasn’t my intention.”
“I’m sorry too.” He spoke the words before he could think to stop himself. Their argument had been on his mind since it happened and he wanted to clear the air.
Her expression softened and she smiled. “Danke. I know you’re doing your best with Sam and you were worried about him that day. Fear can cause us to say things we don’t really mean. But you’re doing a really gut job with him.”
Her insight impressed him. It was as if she could see deep inside of him and knew exactly what he was thinking. The only other person to do that had been Alice.
“It’s kind of difficult for me to admit when I’m wrong,” he said. “I was raised by a rather stern vadder. He was always right even when he was wrong. He was a gut man but very stubborn. There was little laughter in my home when I was growing up. I’ve tried not to be that way. My wife taught me that apologies make us stronger. I didn’t mean to come across as unfeeling toward my sohn.”
He spoke the words slowly, surprised at how painful it was for him to make the admission. Although his father had taught him a strong work ethic and how to farm, most of the memories from his youth were not pleasant. And he wasn’t sure why he was telling Becca this. She was way too easy to confide in. Too easy to be with. But he knew in his heart of hearts that he must apologize to her. He was trying so hard to start anew. For some reason, it was highly important to him not to have conflict with Sam’s teacher. Mostly because she’d been good to him and Sam and they owed her a debt of gratitude. But he sensed there was another reason too. Something he didn’t understand.
“Ach, just because the horse bucks you off doesn’t mean you sell the horse,” she said. “The Savior taught us to have a soft heart filled with humility. And when we are filled with His love, we are quick to forgive. But it can still be a hard thing to do. For all of us.”
Hmm. Again, her insight surprised him. Just like Alice, it seemed that Becca was teaching him some rather difficult lessons. Her patient reminder of the Savior helped him realize he could learn a lot from this good woman.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, would you be willing to teach a fire safety class at school next week?” she asked suddenly.
Jesse stared at her, his mouth dropping open in surprise. Because of his past, he wasn’t certain he felt up to the task. He couldn’t do it. Could he?
“I... I’m not sure I’m the right person to do that,” he said, trying not to sound insecure.
“Why not? You’re a certified firefighter. It must have taken a lot of study and effort to master that skill. You must be very gut at it. And it’s an interesting profession we can highlight for the kinder. You’re a gut example of a vadder who has reached out to help his community.”
He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t feel like a good father. How could he explain to this dedicated woman that he hadn’t been able to fight fire ever since he’d lost his wife and daughters? Even now, he hated to add kindling to the stove in his own home. Every time he saw the flames, he thought about losing Alice and their girls.
“Do you feel reluctant because of how your familye died?” she asked, her voice achingly soft and gentle.
Wow! She really did lay it out in the open, no mincing words. And yet, hearing his own thoughts spoken out loud made his fears seem a little less threatening.
He ducked his head, a hard lump forming in his throat. He hated to show any weakness to this woman and fought to regain control. When he felt her hand on his arm, he looked into her eyes. She stood so close, her face creased with compassion.
“I know losing part of your familye must have been so difficult for you, Jesse. But for Sam’s sake and also your own, you have to go on living. From what I’ve heard at church, you were gut at fighting fires. Who better to teach the scholars about fire safety? The people of our Gmay could really benefit from your skill too. I hope you’ll think about it. You can let me know your decision tomorrow morning, when you bring Sam to school.”
She turned and walked toward the back door, the heels of her practical black shoes tap-tapping against the wooden floor. He didn’t turn to watch her leave but he heard the door close behind her.
Teach fire safety at school?
He couldn’t do it. And yet, Becca’s gentle encouragement made him feel like he could do anything. But surely not that. Then again, it had been over a year since the house fire. He used to love fighting fires. Used to love helping people save their homes and businesses. Until he’d lost his wife and daughters, he’d felt like he was doing something good for his community. That he was helping his Amish people save their houses and barns too. Maybe it was time to put aside his grief and take it up again. Maybe...
But what if he did something wrong? What if he panicked and made a mistake? He couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else on his watch. Especially someone he cared deeply about.
Becca thought he could do it. She seemed to really believe in him. She was counting on him. And it felt so good to be needed again. So good to have someone in his life that he could talk to about Sam and all that he had lost. Maybe he should think about it a little more.
Chapter Eleven
Becca arrived at school early the following morning. With no snow to shovel, she was able to get the classroom warmed up and set out her lesson plans before the scholars arrived. Then, she went outside to welcome each child. And when Jesse pulled into the schoolyard, she helped Sam hop out of the buggy and leaned in to greet the boy’s father.
“Guder mariye, Jesse!” she called, purposefully trying to be pleasant.
“Hallo,” he said, not returning her smile.
Sam hugged Becca, then ran off to meet Andy Yoder, who had just walked into the schoolyard with his brothers and sisters. Although Andy did most of the talking, Becca had seen Sam speaking a few words to the other boy on rare occasion. Andy was the same age as Sam and the two had become good friends. Just another subtle reminder that Sam was doing better and much happier at school.
Turning back to Jesse, she showed a smile of encouragement. “Have you thought more about teaching a fire safety class to the kinder?”
He gripped the leather lead lines and frowned, seeming a bit pensive. Maybe she shouldn’t push him so hard. But the alternative was that she would have to teach the class and she thought it would be more effective coming from a firefighter.
“Ja, I will do it,” he said.
“Wundervoll!” she exclaimed. “Will next Monday, first thing in the morning, work for you? Then you can leave right afterward and we won’t take up too much of your day.”
He nodded. “That will work but I’ll need at least two hours to teach a proper safety class.”
She blinked. “So much time?”
He nodded. “Ja, to do it correctly.”
Hmm. Being Amish, she took fire for granted. After all, her people used it in their everyday life to heat their homes and cook their food. But she wanted to do this right. Maybe the schoolchildren had learned bad habits in building fires. Learning some safety techniques might make a difference for one of them at some time in their life. It might make a difference for her as well.
“Allrecht. You can have all the time you need,” she said.
“I’ll plan on two hours. But just one other thing. Don’t start a fire in the stove that morning and I’ll show the kinder the proper way to clean up a cold fire and how to prepare it for burning.”
“Ja, I’ll remember. And danke!”
She closed the door and stepped back. He tugged on the brim of his straw hat and gave her a slight smile before he slapped the leads against the horse’s rump. And for some odd reason, his smile meant everything to her.
The buggy pulled awa
y and she watched him go. A sense of exhilaration filled her as she entered the school and taught lessons to the scholars. She felt inordinately happy today and didn’t understand why. Maybe it was because the sun was shining, the tulips were peeking out from the chilled soil and Sam had a friend and was doing better in school. Caleb Yoder had taken the younger boy under his wing and was reading to him several times each day. Jesse had agreed to teach the fire safety class and had even smiled at her that morning. Not even the impending monthly school board meeting later that afternoon could diminish her spirits. The meeting was held on the first Tuesday of every month. Becca had already reminded the scholars and they were prepared for the visit.
The day passed quickly and she felt organized when Bishop Yoder, Mervin Schwartz and Darrin Albrecht came inside, a little bit early. They each removed their black felt hats as they entered the school. Their wives were with them, Mervin’s wife holding their two-year-old daughter in her arms. A couple of other parents filtered in as well. They didn’t interrupt the class as they quietly sat at the back of the room but the students were highly aware that they had guests.
Becca was leaning over Susan Hostetler, helping the girl sound out a particularly difficult word, when the door opened again. Glancing up, she saw Jesse King standing there, his gaze resting on her. And instantly, her face heated up like a road flare. She felt as if everyone in the room was watching her. What was Jesse doing here? Any of their people were invited to attend the school board meetings but he’d never participated before. And they’d just spoken that morning. So, what reason did he have to be here now?
He reached up and removed his straw hat, glancing around the room for a place to sit. Bishop Yoder motioned to him and he sauntered over to sit nearby, his legs overly long in the small desk.
Becca ducked her head further over Susan’s reading book, hoping no one noticed her hot cheeks. She scolded herself, remembering to act professional. She had no idea why Jesse affected her like this. He was just the parent of one of her students. That was all. Nothing more.
The Amish Teacher's Dilemma and Healing Their Amish Hearts Page 30