‘Easy,’ Amy said. ‘I’m sure there are a few guys to your order right here in this town. Oh, speak of the devil …’
Matilda turned to see behind her shoulder where Amy had focused her attention. Coming through the back door of the pub were Tom, Sam and Mitch.
Her eyes widened as she peered back at Amy and Ellie. ‘You didn’t tell me they were coming tonight.’
Ellie shrugged. ‘I didn’t know. Did you?’ she asked Amy.
Amy shook her head. ‘Not at all. They must have decided once we’d left.’
Only when the shock dissipated over her three employers walking through the door, combined with the sheer sexiness of them when they were in their trio of mind-dizzying deliciousness, did she wonder why Amy had said, ‘speak of the devil’ when they walked in.
Did she think Mitch was a potential candidate? She glanced at Amy again only to be met with a cheeky grin.
She did think that. But why?
Mitch and Matilda were old news. That part of their lives was well and truly behind them. Wasn’t it?
Chapter 6
Mitch hadn’t realised the girls had invited Matilda tonight. When his brothers asked him if he wanted to join them at the pub for a couple of beers, he thought it was going to be the five of them—him the inevitable third wheel.
When he walked through the door and scouted the room for Amy and Ellie, he hadn’t at first realised who Matilda was sitting there with them, he just knew that when he saw her, his biology spoke first with a deep pleasurable pang, then his brain caught up.
And when his brain caught up, so too did his resistance.
‘Matilda?’ he asked Tom and Sam as they strode to the table.
‘Pleasant surprise. Good evening, ladies,’ Sam said, both hands on the tabletop as he leant over. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful table of women.’ He kissed Ellie’s cheek. ‘Particularly one. How are you, sweetheart?’
It was Sam’s first night out in a long time. Since being diagnosed with anxiety a few months back, he had been undergoing treatment, including medication that he wasn’t able to mix with alcohol. So tonight, he was the designated driver.
‘I didn’t realise you guys were going to join us?’ Ellie asked, meeting the eye of all three.
‘We thought we’d get out of the house,’ Mitch said. ‘Have a night away from the children. Georgia offered to look after Sophie and Livvy, so we had no excuses.’ He was doing his best to act and sound natural, normal, like he once was before the trauma of losing Rachel.
He was certain he wasn’t doing too well. Many months had passed since he’d been normal. He met the gaze of Matilda. ‘How are you?’
Matilda smiled. ‘Really good. Still trying to work out if these girls are a bad influence on me.’
‘I can’t believe it,’ Tom said with mock aghast and kissed Amy on the mouth.
Mitch scanned the room for a spare table. ‘We’re going to need more room.’
Tom stood taller, pointed to the only empty table in the room, which was also a four seater. ‘Let’s drag that table over here.’
They shuffled chairs and the table over and reset their positions. Invariably, once his brothers found seats next to their partners, Mitch had no choice but to sit beside Matilda.
She smelled incredible—like sophistication and sensuality combined. Or perhaps that was how she looked, the way her hair was styled, the makeup.
Despite the cowboy boots, she had a different style to the other women in this town—a level of courage and urbanity that could only come from affluence and not living here her entire life.
‘What are you drinking there, Matilda, it looks … bright?’ he asked.
She lowered her gaze to the glass and softened her voice. ‘A cocktail.’
He chuckled. ‘I can see that. I mean what kind of cocktail?’
Amy leant over the table. ‘Sex on the beach.’
He flinched, then nodded. Yes, he supposed that might have been difficult for Matilda to come out and say to the man she once had sex on the beach with. Does she remember that? He cleared his throat and repositioned himself on his seat.
‘I should make a cocktail series of cupcakes,’ Amy said, slicing through the awkwardness he was feeling.
‘You definitely should,’ Ellie agreed.
Sam’s hand shot up into the air. ‘I’ll gratefully taste test for you.’
Why did Mitch find this all so difficult now? After nearly five years of marriage to Rachel, then trying to negotiate his way since she died, he had forgotten how to be himself—relaxed, carefree, capable of a conversation with beautiful women over drinks.
He detested the constant edginess, uneasiness, and the unceasing tightness he always felt in his chest.
Maybe he shouldn’t have come.
‘I’m so glad you guys are here,’ Ellie said.
Amy leant across the table and winked at Mitch. ‘We were just talking about you.’
He swallowed hard, his brow furrowing. ‘Why don’t I like the sound of that?’
All three women laughed.
‘Matilda was telling us about you as a teenager,’ Amy said. ‘You were such a sweetie.’ They’d obviously had a few cocktails already because Amy had a gentle lisp to her words.
A beer slid across the table from Tom who had arrived back from the bar. Mitch gripped the bottle and had a long drink.
‘All good stories,’ Matilda said.
Tom offered a disbelieving grin. ‘Mitch a sweetie?’
Matilda shrugged a shoulder. ‘He was.’
He didn’t have to hear what was unspoken at the end of her confirmation—’he was, even when I broke his heart’. Mitch had another long drink of his beer.
That was one thing he’d regretted—not fighting hard enough for her when she had told him she was leaving. Matilda might have seen that as sweet, but for years afterwards, he saw it as stupid and weak.
Yes, she had a right to pursue her dreams, but he also had the right to pursue his, which had her in them. She had reached into his chest, ripped out his heart, and he hadn’t protested enough.
Maybe if he had have, she would have stayed.
God, what was he thinking? If she had have stayed, he would never have met Rachel. And Rachel was everything to him. And he would never have had Sophie.
Why the hell am I thinking like this?
Because with Matilda right here beside him, the time of his life he had shared with her had been ignited. Memories emblazoned in his brain.
‘She told us how you asked her out at the local dance,’ Amy said.
Matilda smiled when she peered at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back. He had been so damn nervous that night and when she said yes to be his girlfriend; he grew ten feet tall. ‘That was a good night.’
‘It was. We had a lot of good times.’
He nodded, lowered his gaze as echoes of her laughter filled his memories. He saw her in her school uniform standing on the netball court and when she heard his arrival, she turned and smiled. He saw himself holding her hand and both of them jumping into freezing cold water. He saw them lying on the beach and kissing each other until their lips hurt. He saw so many smiles. ‘Yeah, we did.’
He missed those years—they were so easy. He didn’t yet know how difficult the next decade would be. He hadn’t yet learned what it was like to feel the true pain of grief, the overwhelming pressure of responsibility, the real nature of being an adult.
Maybe that’s all these reignited feelings were—the bliss of a relationship within the confines of a life with no stress. Shit hadn’t gotten real yet.
This eased the discord within him somewhat. He had another swallow of beer.
‘Remember when we caught the two of you skinny dipping and Sam and I stole your clothes?’ Tom asked, eyes bright with excitement.
Matilda laughed. ‘I had forgotten about that. Mitch had to walk back up to the house with his hands covering his naughty bits.’
�
�And the water was freezing,’ Sam said.
Tom rolled his head back and laughed. ‘That’ll teach you for being cocky enough to swim naked in freezing water.’
Mitch shrugged, grinned. ‘Hey, I’m not going to let a little cold water get to me.’
‘Don’t worry. Mitch got us back,’ Tom said. ‘He’d constantly steal our clothes and towel while we were in the shower—our bathroom door didn’t have a bloody lock—and the number of times we had to trek through the house naked …’
Mitch laughed.
‘And he happened to do it one day to Sam when I was visiting,’ Matilda said. ‘You had no idea I was there, Sam, remember?’
Sam nodded, rubbed a hand down his face. ‘I really hoped you’d forgotten this.’
Matilda giggled. ‘Never. Sam came bursting out into the lounge room, completely starkers, ready to throttle Mitch and when he saw me, oh my god, it was the funniest reaction I’ve ever seen. I don’t know whose face was redder, mine or his.’
‘If I remember rightly, it was freezing cold that day too,’ Mitch teased.
Sam rolled his eyes, grinned at Ellie, then gazed back at Matilda and Mitch. ‘All right, enough of the embarrassing moments from our history.’
‘You started it,’ Matilda said.
‘I wish I knew you all back then,’ Amy said. ‘Sounds like heaps of fun.’
Mitch nodded. ‘It really was.’
‘Remember how Mum and Dad would not let you two sleep in the same room, let alone the same side of the house?’ Tom said.
Amy giggled. ‘My parents were the same. I wouldn’t have even dared had a boy stay at my house.’
Mitch looked at Matilda. ‘Remember when Dad caught me sneaking out of your room?’
Matilda groaned. ‘I thought I was going to die from embarrassment because he knew what we’d been up to. I couldn’t even look him in the eye the next morning.’
‘And then your parents were the complete opposite. They were so rational when it came to our relationship,’ Mitch said.
Matilda turned to the others. ‘Mum always believed that it was better it be happening under their roof with all the right precautions than in the back of the car somewhere.’
‘Mum and Dad were definitely not as strict on Sam and me,’ Tom said.
‘The eldest child always cops the worst punishment,’ Ellie said. ‘My brother couldn’t get away with anything. Meanwhile, by the time I became a teenager, they’d well and truly loosened the reins.’
‘Not that Sam ever managed to get a girl stay over during high school,’ Tom teased.
‘All right. Ease up,’ Sam said.
Amy leant forward, elbows on the table. ‘So, personal question, did you two lose your virginity to each other?’
Mitch looked at Matilda, eyes slightly widened, the smallest of bashful smirks on his lips. She smiled then dropped her gaze for a moment before peering into his eyes again.
Mitch cleared his throat. ‘That is a personal question. And not entirely appropriate.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Tom said. ‘It’s no secret.’
Matilda’s top teeth grazed her bottom lip. ‘Yes, I did—we did,’ she said, then drained the contents of her drink.
‘That’s so sweet,’ Amy said.
‘How’s that sweet?’ Tom asked.
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It just is. I hate the memory of the night I lost my virginity. It was … awkward.’
Tom laughed. ‘Mine was quick.’
Sam leant back in his chair and chuckled. ‘Tell me one guy who said it wasn’t?’
Again Mitch exchanged a glance with Matilda. They had waited eighteen months before they took that step with each other. And when they did, it was as good as a first time could get.
They knew each other so well, were comfortable with each other’s body. To progress to sex when they did wasn’t nerve-wracking or forced, but exactly what the both of them wanted. Yeah, the actual act was quick, but the lead-up wasn’t.
‘I don’t regret my first time,’ Ellie said. ‘It was always going to happen with someone. No big deal in the end. I was glad to be done with it.’
‘Move on to bigger and better,’ Sam said with a teasing smirk.
‘Yes, and yes,’ Ellie agreed with a laugh.
Matilda leant in to Mitch, lowered her voice so the others couldn’t hear. Her scent wrapped around him, her warmth penetrated his senses. ‘I’ve always been grateful it was you. It’s one memory I’ve always held with me.’ She didn’t say this in a flirtatious or sexual way, but with a sense of seriousness.
‘Me too,’ he whispered, and it was the truth. He had heard some mates talk about their first times: in a park with a girl they had met hours earlier or against the wall out the back of the pub. Those who did lose their virginity to girlfriends had rushed in, and it had been a fumbling, blustery moment.
It felt like an age since he’d allowed himself this train of thought, let alone conversation. He still wasn’t sure he was ready.
He finished the contents of his beer and stood. ‘My shout. Who’s up?’
Tom and Sam nodded.
‘You ladies need another cocktail?’
‘Yes, please,’ Ellie said. ‘Something adventurous.’
Amy arched a brow. ‘More adventurous than sex on the beach?’
Ellie nodded. ‘I’m game.’
Sam whispered something in her ear and Ellie blushed and giggled.
Mitch had to get out of there, quickly. ‘I’ll get the bar staff to recommend something. Three cocktails and three beers coming up.’
When up at the bar, he attempted to settle himself with a few deep breaths. All his skin was wrapped tightly with abrasive twine and it squeezed his insides as it was pulled tighter and tighter.
To feel this taut dissonance because of a conversation with an old girlfriend was ridiculous. If he were any other man in the room, his brother’s included, he would be sitting back, relaxing and blowing off steam as they reminisced about good times.
But not every man in the room had lost their wife and now had to struggle through the tormented aftermath.
I’m not doing anything wrong here tonight. All these memories happened well before Rachel had even come onto the scene. To talk about them is perfectly fine.
He had half-heartedly convinced himself by the time he got back to his seat that he was allowed to have fun and enjoy himself. He was allowed to relax and reminisce.
By his sixth beer, he no longer needed self-talk, the alcohol had drowned out his lizard brain enough that he couldn’t even hear it.
He watched Matilda inconspicuously as she chatted to the group. She used big hand gestures, always had, and she would get so excited, bouncing on her seat, when she spoke of a topic she was passionate about.
He truly did find her to be as beautiful as he ever did. She was the ‘it’ girl in school. She was the ‘it’ girl of his teenage dreams. Not once did he ever consider what his friends thought or if anyone else approved. All he knew was that she was the girl for him and everyone else be damned.
‘How long were you in San Francisco?’ he asked Matilda as the others chatted boisterously among themselves. The music from the band and conversation was loud, so he had to lean in close for her to hear him.
‘Seven years.’
‘Why the US?’
‘My husband … ex-husband,’ she corrected, ‘got a job there. He was in app development and it was really taking off in San Fran. So we thought it would be a great experience.’
‘Was it?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘Yes and no. But it allowed me to realise I wanted to come home.’
His smile was warm. ‘We’re all glad to have you back.’
‘Thank you.’
He nearly asked why she wanted to come home so strongly that she had left her husband and her life in the US for Alpine Ridge, but he didn’t. Not yet.
‘It’s uncanny being back. It feels like everything is still the same—it sure looks t
he same—yet there are these slight differences and a history I’m not privy to. Mum had kept me up to date, sure, but with superficial things. The life of everyone here has continued on at a much deeper level.’
‘A lot can happen in fifteen years,’ he said feeling the truth of that in his bones.
‘Yeah, to those that leave too.’
He smiled.
‘You’ve hardly changed, Mitch,’ she said. ‘A little older, but still the same.’
‘I thought the same about you,’ he said before taking another drink from his beer bottle. His body was light, and he was swimming through his mind to find words and form them properly with his lips.
She reached for him and stroked a hand over his cheek. ‘Stubble’s thicker.’
His next breath came harder, quicker. He tried not to close his eyes when the sensation from that simple touch turned to bliss in his body. ‘A little,’ he said, voice deeper, even to his own ears.
In nineteen months that was the first intimate touch he had received. He hadn’t realised how much his body yearned for more touches exactly like that.
Her exquisite eyes held his for a long, silent moment, and within those eyes, he saw himself—how he used to be, how he was with her, how he was before his store of love was lowered into the ground and buried.
He liked who he used to be. He missed him.
Her hand slowly roamed down his cheek and held his jaw. ‘I missed you. After I left. For a long time.’
He couldn’t stop his eyes closing for the length of his next breath. How long he had wanted to hear her admit that to him. When he gazed into her eyes again, he whispered, ‘I missed you too.’ He had wanted to hate her for leaving, but he could never find it within himself to do so.
‘And I know I never got a chance to say this, and maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all now these years later, but I’m really sorry to have hurt you … us.’
His entire body sighed with his exhale. That apology gently caressed the part of him that had held onto the heartache he had endured when she left. It surprised him. ‘We were young. We did what we thought was right.’
Her hand moved away from his jaw and he tensed, wanting it back.
‘Yeah, that’s true.’ Her shoulders slumped.
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