Sweet From the Vine

by Jacquie Underdown

  A pram was parked in front of him. He had one hand on the handle. Holding his other hand was a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes who was staring right up at Matilda.

  Her breath hitched to see Mitch’s daughter for the first time. To see his big protective hand holding her little toddler hand.

  Seeing him, exactly as he was now, a strong, capable, doting father, he encapsulated everything she was dreaming of.

  And at the same time, it was like she was standing on a long ramp out over water. And in the distance was a small boat rocking amidst a stormy ocean, sprays of salt and wind lashing at Mitch and Sophie who huddled inside. Mitch sheltered his daughter by wrapping his arms around her and buffeting her from the onslaught.

  This tumultuous life was theirs.

  Only now did she recognise how utterly monumental and devastating it was for Mitch to have lost his wife and for his daughter to have lost her mother. A deep sorrow sank into her skin, down to her bones.

  She should have known the immensity of this loss earlier. If she were more observant, more in tune with others’ emotions like her mother was, she might have.

  But, then again, she hadn’t been given many glimpses of his life outside of the vineyard. She only saw the businessman he was and remembered the teenage boy he used to be. So how could she have known completely his circumstances without being witness to it until now?

  ‘This is my daughter Sophie,’ he said.

  Matilda crouched down in front of Sophie and looked into those big brown eyes that were mirrors of Mitch’s. She was so young—still possessed that infantile chubbiness and pixy features.

  Without her consent, her heart ached. Her eyes glossed when she realised how this gorgeous little girl would live her entire life without her mother. ‘Hello, Sophie. My name is Matilda. I’m a friend of Daddy’s.’

  Sophie grinned but didn’t say anything. Matilda stood, not sure if kids this age spoke more than basic one or two word sentences.

  ‘She’s absolutely adorable, Mitch. You should be incredibly proud.’ She hated that her voice cracked a little as much as she tried to control it.

  Hopefully, she had managed to blink away the slight gloss of tears. But the scale of this moment, to finally recognise what Mitch had gone through, impinged deeply.

  He smiled. ‘I am proud.’

  Sophie withdrew her hand from Mitch’s and held it up for Matilda. Matilda’s eyes widened as she glanced at Mitch then down to Sophie. She reached for Sophie and took her hand in hers. Soft skin. Tiny little fingers. But some good strength for a little body.

  ‘Peppa,’ Sophie said and yanked on Matilda’s hand. ‘Peppa Pig,’ she said again, leading Matilda out of the tent.

  Matilda glanced back at Mitch. Mitch laughed and shrugged. ‘You’re in trouble now.’

  Sophie waddled across the path, single-mindedly, towards a tent across the way. Her brown hair was thin and short but had big curls bouncing on her neck. She wore black tights and a blue and white polka dot dress with three-quarter sleeves. Navy blue matching ballerina shoes were on her feet.

  When they were at the next tent, Sophie jogged right up to the counter, which had a myriad of toys including one big Peppa Pig stuffed toy. Matilda understood then what this was all about.

  Sophie pointed to the Peppa Pig toy, but it was just out of reach. ‘Peppa.’

  Matilda glanced back at Mitch who was close on their tail pushing the pram in front of him.

  ‘I’m happy to get it for her,’ she said.

  ‘Peppa,’ Sophie said again, reaching high onto tiptoes before balance prevented her from doing so anymore. Her hand was still holding Matilda’s.

  ‘It’s up to you. You can be her Peppa Pig enabler and from this day forth she will never forget that. Sophie will know that all she has to do is take your hand and lead you to her sugar, and you’ll get it for her.’

  Matilda glanced down at Sophie, her big brown eyes and pleading face. ‘I can’t say no to her.’

  Mitch nodded as though he completely understood. ‘She has magical powers. You should see Sam, he’s utterly defenceless.’

  Matilda laughed. ‘I still can’t say no.’

  Mitch just nodded, the expression on his face said that he didn’t expect anything else. She turned to the stall owner, handed over twenty dollars and lowered the toy into Sophie’s eager grasp.

  Sophie’s eyes widened and shone with happiness and Matilda felt a similar emotion within herself.

  Lord help her when she had her own children.

  She looked at Mitch and shrugged. ‘Sorry.’

  He shook his head. ‘Thank you. It will make this next hour or so easier for me as long as I don’t attempt to pry Peppa from her hands.’

  ‘You wouldn’t dare.’

  He laughed. ‘I really wouldn’t. Her magical powers extend far and deep. Believe me, it’s better for everyone here that Peppa remains with her.’

  Sophie bolted away from them, as fast as tiny legs could go, and headed for the next stall. But Mitch threw out a hand and caught her wrist.

  ‘Hold up, Soph.’ He pulled her gently back beside him and held her hand. ‘What have you got there? Peppa?’

  Sophie grinned. ‘Yep.’ Matilda could see the strong resemblance to Mitch and from the photos she had seen of Rachel, she held many similarities to her mother too.

  He turned to face Matilda. ‘Soph’s probably getting hungry—’

  She nodded. ‘Right, of course. I’ll get out of your hair …’

  ‘—I was wondering if you wanted to join us. I’m going to throw a blanket down under the trees in the park and give her a snack, then let her blow off some energy in the playground.’

  ‘Oh, okay.’

  He moved from one foot to the next. ‘Unless you have other plans, you know, it’s totally up to you.’

  She shook her head, glanced down at Sophie beside him and up into Mitch’s brown eyes. ‘No, I’d love to.’

  He grinned, and her heart skipped a beat when his deep dimples flashed.

  They strolled side by side, the three of them, through the crowds to the park situated at the back of the markets. They found a shady spot and Mitch pulled a blanket out of the backpack he had swinging from the pram’s handles and laid it out on the grass.

  He took a seat and Sophie ran to him, jumping on him. He rolled back and lifted her above him, laughing as she pretended her stuffed Peppa toy was eating him.

  Sophie bellowed with laughter and giggles as he took Peppa from her and acted as though the stuffed toy was eating her neck and then her stomach.

  He rolled back up and rested her feet on the ground.

  Matilda barely caught Sophie in time as she launched at her, repeating the same game. Matilda broke into giggles as Sophie tickled her with Peppa’s snout while making childish gobbling sounds. Matilda didn’t know if she had heard anything cuter.

  Shy was one thing Sophie wasn’t.

  Once bored with that game, Sophie threw Peppa on the ground and ran towards the playground. Mitched watched her, not saying anything, as if he was half preparing himself to chase after her if she didn’t go somewhere age appropriate.

  She chose a rocking horse, climbed on, gripped tightly and bounced back and forth.

  ‘We’ve been here before,’ Mitch said with a laugh. ‘That’s her good friend. His name is Peppa too.’

  Matilda laughed. ‘Peppa is a little bit of an obsession?’

  Mitch lifted his hand and pressed his thumb and finger together until there was only a small gap between. ‘Just a little.’

  She gazed around at all the mums and dads watching their children play in the small playground and again that aching desire to have her own children rocketed through her. A look to the adoring gaze Mitch held on his face as he watched his daughter only amplified the sensation.

  This was the life she had given up the day she moved away. With him. Could she have spared him from all this heartache if she’d have been strong enough to acknowled
ge and accept her own needs?

  She tossed that thought away immediately. How ridiculous. Mitch wouldn’t give up what he had now, as well as what he had shared with Rachel, no matter how much pain he had endured since.

  ‘What are you daydreaming about?’

  Matilda turned to look at him. Her cheeks were warm. ‘I was thinking how lovely Sophie is.’

  He grinned, peering at his daughter who had climbed off the horse and was now on the back of a rocking bear.

  ‘And I’ve not said this to you before, but I am so sorry about Rachel.’

  Mitch’s smile faltered just a little as he nodded. ‘Thanks.’

  Sophie came bounding back across the grass, her little body waddling from side to side as she attempted to master her stride. She stood a metre in front of Mitch and just stared.

  Matilda narrowed her eyes, trying to discern what she was doing until Sophie’s eyes watered and she made little grunting noises.

  Matilda looked at Mitch, eyes wide.

  Mitch laughed. ‘One way to break the ice.’

  Matilda rolled her head back and laughed. ‘It’s a first for me.’

  ‘Stick around. There’s plenty more where that came from. No secrets where kids are concerned.’ He reached behind him to the small backpack and got to his feet. ‘I’ll be back in a sec. I’ll go change her nappy.’

  He hoisted Sophie up into his arms and headed off towards the public toilets.

  Matilda marvelled after him at how he took it all in his stride. He was the Mitch she used to know, and then, in so many ways, he was nothing like him.

  When Mitch came back, they spent the next hour relaxing together on the blanket, watching Sophie play, then when the hunger pangs kicked in, Mitch fed her vegemite sandwiches and pieces of fruit, which he had packed for her in clip seal bags.

  They strolled through the market after that. Sophie was tired, so she sat in her pram, her eyelids growing heavier until eventually they closed.

  It was lunch time for the adults. They stopped in at a makeshift eatery and had freshly made gyoza with a chilli-soy sauce and chopped coriander sprinkled on top.

  ‘You amaze me,’ Matilda said to Mitch as she gazed at Sophie. Her head was lolling against the side of the pram, her little mouth parted as she breathed steadily.

  ‘How so?’ he asked.

  ‘With Sophie. Having a child is so much work … but you, it’s like you were born to it.’

  He shrugged. ‘I guess, in a way, I was. I was so ready to have children by the time Sophie was conceived.’ His voice grew softer as he said, ‘But, well laid plans and all that.’

  Matilda frowned. ‘I don’t want to sound patronising, but she’s a wonderful child and that’s a great indication you’re doing a good job.’

  He chuckled. ‘I have my moments.’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  ‘Early on, I wondered if I was fit enough to even be a father.’ Guilt streaked across his face.

  Matilda’s gut twisted to see the honesty in that painful expression. ‘You weren’t up against ordinary circumstances.’

  ‘No, I certainly wasn’t.’ He leant back in his chair and huffed a sigh. ‘But Soph and I are a good team now. We may not be perfect, but who needs perfection, right?’

  Matilda smiled. ‘Exactly.’

  After lunch, Mitch walked her to her car.

  ‘Thank you for a great morning,’ he said with a wry grin.

  The day spent with him had been lovely; understated and unlike any day she had ever had with a man she was attracted to, yet she couldn’t have asked for more.

  Okay, maybe a little more, but that wasn’t a child appropriate activity.

  They said their goodbyes, and as he strode away, wheeling Sophie towards his car, she watched him: his easy swagger and the strength of his back, shoulders and arms as he gripped the pram.

  A surge of emotion worked from her toes to her heart.

  When he had spoken about not needing perfection during lunch, he hit on a nerve. She had realised that she had been wanting an ideal man in Mitch. A perfect man. And maybe that’s what she once believed him to be when she had looked at him through her teenaged rose-coloured lenses.

  Mitch wasn’t perfect. He had never been. Nor would a relationship with him ever be without deficiencies and flaws.

  And she would be fooling herself to ever expect to meet some halo-wearing, shimmery, unspoiled man who would sweep her off her feet, wrap her up in his big strong arms, and give her 2.6 babies.

  Now that she had admitted this to herself, that this romance, or whatever it could be called between them, might take time and work, she knew, without a doubt, that he was worth the effort.

  She wanted to be a part of his life in every capacity.

  She wanted him—every part of him including the imperfections—so much it hurt.

  Chapter 14

  ‘The big man graces us with his presence finally,’ Tom said when Mitch met the rest of the family on the back pergola of Tom and Amy’s house.

  Mitch’s mum and aunt, his brothers and their partners all looked at him with curious gazes. He shuffled Sophie, who was still sleeping against his shoulder, a little higher.

  When he met the eyes of Rachel’s parents, who often came to the monthly Sunday lunches, his heart sunk to his stomach and guilt surged upwards in its place.

  He cleared his throat. ‘I’m sorry, I was … waylaid.’

  ‘Doing what?’ Sam asked.

  He cut a glance at him. ‘None of your business.’ He hadn’t intended it to sound so curt, but he wasn’t going to be forced to answer while Pete and Barb watched on.

  Sam arched a brow at his reply, then his gaze narrowed as his mind obviously sought to discover why Mitch was a bit testy.

  ‘I’ll go put Sophie to bed, then I’ll join you all. I apologise for being late.’

  ‘We’ve already eaten,’ Amy said regretfully.

  ‘That’s okay. So have I.’

  Tom’s eyes widened at that.

  Mitch strode into the house and up to the spare bedroom where they had a portable cot for Sophie for moments exactly like this or if Tom and Amy looked after her for the night. He closed the curtain to the bright afternoon sunlight, and, as gently as he could, bent over the cot and placed Sophie in the centre.

  She stirred and rolled onto her side, but didn’t wake. He stroked a tender hand down her arm before straightening up.

  A sigh of relief streamed from him as he tiptoed out of the room and shut the door behind him.

  Waiting outside the door was Sam.

  Mitch blew out a long breath. ‘What is it?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘I could ask you the same.’

  Again that surge of guilt stirred in his belly and stretched its clawing nails upwards towards his heart. His face must have shown his inner-turmoil because Sam frowned, pressed a hand to his shoulder and drew him away from the door and down the hall.

  When they were in the farthest spare room in the house, Sam asked, ‘Everything okay?’

  Mitch shook his head. ‘I met up with Matilda at the markets. We spent the day together.’

  ‘And what happened?’

  ‘We had a really great day together. The three of us. And I was happy.’

  Sam shook his head, shrugged. ‘Did you upset her or something?’

  Mitch’s shoulders rolled inwards. ‘I feel so damn guilty, mate. I had a good day with a woman who wasn’t my wife.’

  Sam nodded slowly. ‘Mitch, Rachel passed away twenty months ago. I think it might be time you actually had a single ‘enjoyable’ day, don’t you?’

  Mitch shook his head. ‘Not if it makes me feel like this. And then to walk in here and have to face Pete and Barb knowing that I just spent the day with another woman …’

  Furrows formed in Sam’s brow. ‘Pete and Barb are not going to be upset if you move on—’

  ‘I’m not moving on,’ Mitch said a little too loudly. He lowered his voice. ‘It was just a day. A mo
rning really.’

  Again that slow nod. ‘I didn’t mean you had already moved on. I meant that Pete and Barb aren’t going to get upset if, eventually, that’s what you decide to do.’

  Mitch rubbed his face and groaned. ‘I think I like her.’

  ‘Matilda?’

  ‘Yes Matilda. Who else would I be bloody speaking about?’

  ‘Don’t get upset at me. I’m trying to understand how it is for you.’

  Mitch lowered his gaze and groaned again. ‘I’m sorry. Seeing Pete and Barb has wound me up. I feel so guilty all the damn time. Guilty that I’m not moving on. Then guilty when I think there is a possibility I could. Guilty because I fell to sleep thinking about Matilda, not Rachel and, as of yet, I’ve never done that.’

  Sam’s eyes widened. His lips gently parted. ‘That’s … big.’

  Mitch ran his hands through his hair. ‘It is big. Huge. Does it mean I’m forgetting her? I can’t forget her, Sam, I can’t.’

  Sam rested a hand on Mitch’s shoulder. ‘Mitch?’

  Mitch snapped out of his rambling and met Sam’s gaze.

  ‘You will never forget Rachel. Maybe all it means is that life is moving on and it is opening up in a different way for you.’

  Mitch stared at his brother for a moment as he considered that. ‘But am I ready?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘Only you can answer that.’

  ‘What do you think I should do?’

  Sam removed his hand, allowing it to drop down beside his thigh. ‘Well if I remember back to a conversation you had with me when I was resisting a relationship with Ellie, you told me to not allow one traumatic relationship to ruin my life.’

  ‘Traumatic relationship and my wife dying are two different matters.’

  ‘I think your exact words were, “the consequences are still the same”.’

  Mitch squeezed his hand into a fist. ‘Do you have to have such a good memory?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘It’s a skill. And a burden. But that’s not the point.’

  ‘Then get to the point. Please, before I die an old man listening to you.’

  Sam smirked. ‘The point is that after that conversation, I believe, if I remember right, which of course I do, you called me scared. So, I’ll return the sentiments. You’re scared, Mitch.’