Mitch took a step back, shook his head. ‘I’m not scared.’
‘You are. You’re petrified.’
Mitch’s face twisted as he rubbed the back of his neck. ‘What do I do?’
‘You’re going to have to take the risk one day. And you really don’t want to leave Matilda hanging for too long.’
Mitch couldn’t speak for a long moment as he contemplated that—the consequences, what it would take, how he would feel. It was pleasure and pain combined. Torment and bliss. Love and loss colliding. If he pursued Matilda, he wouldn’t be able to have one without the other.
But at least it was more than what he had now, which was just one side of the dichotomies—pain, torment and loss. Was he even capable of allowing the other end of the spectrum into his life?
‘What about the implications at the vineyard—if it doesn’t end well?’ he asked.
‘We’re big enough to work through it.’
‘What about Sophie? This affects her too.’
‘She’ll cope. It may be good for her.’
‘What about—?’
‘Are you trying to talk yourself out of this?’
Mitch shrugged. ‘Perhaps a little.’
‘Well stop it. Put on your big boy pants and take a step forward.’
‘All right, God, you don’t have to be an arsehole about it,’ Mitch said, half grinning, half scowling.
‘I don’t know, Mitch, it seems I do. I don’t know about you, but all of us out there are sick of watching you and Matilda dance around one another when you most obviously like each other. It’s just … painful to watch. And embarrassing.’
Mitch chuckled. ‘Bloody hell. Okay. A little harsh.’
‘Go for it, Mitch. You have our blessing. And you have Rachel’s.’
Mitch drew in a deep breath and released it through his nose. Rachel had said to him that she wanted him to find someone else and be happy. And he always thought that a long way down the road that might be a possibility. But to come across Matilda now and to feel the way he did was a shock.
It was difficult to process what the right thing to do was.
‘But,’ Sam continued. ‘Only you can make the decision. So I’ll leave that to you.’
Mitch nodded. ‘Thanks. I appreciate the talk.’
‘You’d do the same for me. In fact, I’m certain you have. A number of times.’
‘Ease up,’ Mitch said, clapping Sam’s back as he turned and started back along the hall to the pergola.
Once outside, Mitch drew himself straighter, then said hello to his mum and aunt.
He went next to Rachel’s parents, kissing Barb’s cheek and shaking Pete’s hand. ‘Good to see you both.’
Mitch took a seat beside Amy around the table that still held the empty plates and platters from their lunch.
‘What were you and Sam doing?’ Tom asked.
Mitch shook his head. ‘Putting Sophie to sleep.’
‘I hope she’s awake before we leave,’ Barb said with a chuckle. ‘I’d love to say hello. We actually saw you both at the markets earlier. We were going to come over and chat, but you looked busy,’ she said.
All the blood drained from Mitch’s face. It felt like he was just caught in bed with another woman.
‘So that’s where you were?’ Tom asked, brow furrowing. ‘What’s the big deal? Why all the secrecy?’
Sam cut Tom a glance that said, ‘shut up’.
Mitch scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. ‘It’s no big deal. You’re the one harping on about it.’
Tom looked at Barb and Mitch, then to Sam. ‘I’m missing something.’
Amy rubbed Tom’s forearm and said, ‘Perhaps just give it a rest.’
‘You should have stopped me and said hello,’ Mitch said to Barb, trying to hold back the tension in his tone. ‘Sophie would have loved to see you both.’
‘I wasn’t sure if you were on a date or not …’ Barb said.
Tom’s head snapped up to face Mitch. Mitch didn’t dare look at him.
‘I didn’t want to intrude, just in case,’ Barb continued.
Mitch’s heart thudded. ‘It wasn’t a date. Matilda is an employee. We bumped into each other.’
Mum sat up straighter. ‘Where is Matilda? She is such a lovely girl. Your father says she’ll be the making of you. Is she stopping by today?’
Mitch shook his head. ‘No, Mum.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame. She’s a lovely girl.’
‘Yes,’ Mitch said. ‘She is.’
Pete leant forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He was a stout man with grey hair, and brown eyes that Rachel had inherited. For a long time after Rachel had passed, Mitch had found it so disconcerting looking into those eyes. ‘Mitch, you do not have to tiptoe around us—’
‘I’m not tiptoeing—’
‘Just hear me out.’ Pete sat up taller again. ‘It is expected, and we have been anticipating that one day you’ll move on. It’s human nature, plain and simple.’
Mitch shook his head. ‘Why does everyone keep saying that I’m moving on? Matilda and I are work colleagues.’
‘It looked a little differently from where we stood,’ Barb said quietly.
‘I don’t care what it looked like. I know what we are to each other.’
‘We’re not attacking you,’ Pete said. ‘I’m trying to give you our blessing.’
‘Blessing?’ Mitch bellowed, standing. He held his hands up. ‘Look, I don’t want anyone’s blessing. I don’t want approvals. I want everyone to butt out and let me decide what I want to do with my own life. Is that so much to ask?’
‘Oh come off it,’ Sam said. ‘Nobody is doing any such thing.’
Mitch frowned deeply. ‘Just leave it, okay? Let me work through this myself. Because at the end of the day, it’s my fucking heart that has to cop the consequences.’
Barb sighed. Pete nodded sombrely.
‘I’m going to head off.’ Mitch looked at Amy. ‘Can you give me a call when Soph’s awake?’
Amy nodded. ‘Sure. I’ll drop her back for you if you like. Give Pete and Barb a chance to catch up with her.’
‘Sure. Thanks.’
Mitch went to Mum and kissed her cheek again. ‘I love you. I’ll stop in during the week to see you, okay?’
Mum smiled. ‘I’d like that.’
He said goodbye to the rest of them and marched out, barely able to breathe by the time he got to his car.
He knew every single one of them meant well, but he wished they’d just leave him alone.
When home, he was grateful for the solitude. He grabbed his iPad and rested it on his lap as he sat in the lounge room amidst the silent house.
He opened his photos and scrolled through the thousands of images he had collected of his and Rachel’s life since they met seven years ago. Images of the locations they had been to together. Images of Rachel. Of him. Of them together. Different clothes. Different hairstyles.
But after a while, he slammed the iPad down. Even in this short time, Rachel’s face was too young. He had moved on, grown a little older, lived through the toughest time of his life, and yet she was still there trapped in youth.
It was as though he was seated on a train that was racing away from that moment when he had wanted everything to stop and go back to how it used to be. And he had his face pressed to the cold window pane so he could watch Rachel as she stood on the platform, an alarmed expression on her face.
As he raced towards his future, she shrank away in the distance until he could barely see her anymore.
But no matter the distance, grief as fresh as the day he departed that station sat in the centre of his chest. He wished for it to leave, yet couldn’t bear for it to go. The same way he wanted to turn his face from that tiny Rachel speck and look forward, but as much as he had willed himself to look ahead, he couldn’t, in case he missed the very last moment he’d ever see her.
Such a silly preoccupation really.
&n
bsp; A more together man would have allowed the appropriate time to pass, then got on with matters of living.
But he had loved Rachel and there was something so terrifying about turning away from her. That if he’d dare try, he’d fall into something darker, deeper and greater than he himself could fathom or escape.
Perhaps if he looked in both directions?
Mitch arrived at work earlier than usual the next morning. He planned to peruse the statistics Matilda had gathered to highlight where the marketing campaign was seeing the most success. Simon, their accountant, had also produced some financial reports for him to show the dollar conversion of all this advertising.
He would give a quick report of the results to his brothers when they sat down for their Monday morning meeting at nine.
As he was trawling through the numbers, his phone rang. His heart thundered when he saw the name—Chris. He still hadn’t been given a definitive yes or no about the partnership and it was crunch time.
He answered. ‘Chris, mate, how are you?’
‘I’m good. We’re good. I’ve got Jemma here with me on speaker phone.’
‘Good morning, Jemma.’
‘Morning, Mitch,’ she said with a smile in her voice. That helped ease the anticipation crawling through Mitch’s gut.
‘I thought I’d give you a call first thing to let you know that we’ve made a decision about the partnership,’ Chris said.
Mitch held his breath.
‘We think it would be in our best interest, as well as yours, if we proceed. After attending the launch party, we’d be stupid not to jump on board with such a professional outfit.’
Mitch rested back in his chair, slumping down as relief filled him. He moved the phone away from his mouth as he sighed. ‘That’s fantastic. Welcome aboard. I’ll let my brothers know, and we’ll commence all the paperwork to make this official.’
‘Looking forward to working with you all,’ Chris said. ‘You’ve got a great team. You, your brothers. And Matilda. Boy, isn’t she a powerhouse?’
‘She is indeed. We are pleased to be working with you both too.’
When Mitch hung up, he was vibrating.
Footsteps sounded down the hall. ‘Hey, I’ve got good news,’ he called.
Matilda stuck her head in, hazel eyes meeting his gaze. She smiled.
He maintained his grin, attempting to hide that he had presumed it was one of his brothers walking down the hall, not Matilda.
What a face to see first thing in the morning, though. His blood pumped faster. ‘Come sit down.’
She did, still grinning. ‘Spill it. Stop keeping me in suspense.’
‘Chris and Jemma are on board.’
She fist pumped the air and hissed, ‘Yessss,’ reminding him of her strong competitive side. He had forgotten about that.
While he was the football captain, she was the netball captain from the time she was fourteen. Not to mention the school captain and the lead in the senior musical.
He recalled the pride he used to feel that this incredibly talented, feisty girl was holding his heart. No-one else’s, but his.
‘He said that they were impressed by our launch event and that it would be stupid of them not to join us. He couldn’t sing your praises highly enough.’
A blush coloured her cheeks. ‘Oh, please, this vineyard would manage without me. It’s you guys who make the magic.’
He chuckled. ‘I like that.’
She arched a brow, a cheeky grin finding her lips. ‘Might make that a slogan.’
He laughed. ‘I dare you.’
‘We do have a pretty good team going here, don’t we?’
‘Absolutely.’ He lowered his gaze to his desk before meeting her eyes again. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail today. ‘Speaking of teams.’ His voice took on a softer tone. ‘I really enjoyed the morning with you yesterday.’
‘Me too.’
Before he knew what he was saying, he asked, ‘I was wondering if you would like to grab a bite to eat with me during the week?’
‘Like a date?’
He nodded. Though his stomach twisted, there was no backing out now. ‘Yes, exactly like a date.’
‘Are you sure?’
He chuckled low, understanding why she was doubting his conviction. ‘I’m sure.’
‘I’d like that.’
He stumbled through his mind trying to come up with something for them to do. But he hadn’t planned to ask her on a date this morning. Perhaps his elation from the good news had given him the courage to ask. Or maybe the support his family had provided yesterday for him to move forward with Matilda, despite his own initial aversion, allowed him to take the leap.
He hadn’t been on a first date for seven years, though, so he was out of practice.
‘How about you come over to my place,’ she suggested. ‘I’ll cook us some dinner. That way you can bring Sophie too.’
His eyes widened. ‘Sophie? Really? You’d want to …’
She nodded, smiled. ‘She’s a central part of your life. I think it’s important if we want to date that we see how we all fit together.’
He stared at her for a long moment before he realised he better say something. ‘Sounds great. How about tomorrow night?’
‘Perfect.’
‘Still like to eat all the same stuff you used to?’ she asked.
‘If you mean everything, then yes.’
She dragged her top teeth over her bottom lip, then smiled. ‘I’m looking forward to it.’
‘Me too.’
‘I … better get to it,’ she said, pointing her thumb behind her shoulder in the direction of her office.
He nodded. ‘Of course. If you want to join us during our meeting this morning, I’d appreciate it. In case I need some clarification on those figures you gave me.’
‘I’d be happy to.’
She stood, straightened her skirt.
When she left, he leant back in his chair, hands behind his head and grinned. His stomach was stirring with excitement. It had been so damn long since he’d felt like this.
‘What are you grinning like a goof for?’ Tom asked, poking his head into Mitch’s office.
Mitch picked up a pencil and threw it at him. ‘None of your business.’
Tom laughed as he ducked the pencil. It hit the wall behind him and fell to the floor.
‘Good morning to you too.’ Tom chuckled as he kept on down the hall to his office, and Mitch was so distracted by what just happened with Matilda that he didn’t even remember to tell him the good news about the partnership.
Oh well, they’d hear about it at nine.
Chapter 15
Tuesday evening, Matilda opened the door to find Mitch and Sophie standing there. Mitch was dressed in casual jeans and a charcoal long-sleeved V-neck jumper that did nothing to hide his fit body.
Her heart thumped one loud thud in her chest as she took in his height, his breadth.
His dark hair was combed neatly, and his eyes were bright against the colourful twilight that was his backdrop.
Sophie wore a pair of jeans too and a blue jumper with a unicorn on the front. In her hand was a bunch of colourful lilies in magenta, yellow and white that was nearly as big as her.
‘Hello,’ Matilda said. ‘Lovely to see you both.’
Mitch presented a crooked—somewhat bashful—grin. ‘You too.’ He glanced down at Sophie. ‘You can give Matilda her flowers.’
Sophie frowned but held the flowers up and Matilda drew them into her arms, the scent of their sweet perfume clinging to her nostrils. ‘Oh wow. Thank you so much, Sophie, they are beautiful.’ She bent down and kissed Sophie’s cheek, then straightened, leant into Mitch and pressed her lips to his cheek. She lingered amidst his soapy scent and against the smoothness of his freshly shaven face. ‘And thank you.’
Moving back, she swung the door wider and gestured they come inside.
Since he had asked her on this date, she had been a buzzing ball
of anticipation. He had surprised her, yet after the morning they spent together at the markets, she knew in her own mind something had changed.
With a greater understanding of his true situation, she had a greater acceptance of what he was going through. She had determined that she would be patient. But also, that she wanted to pursue these feelings she held for him, had always held for him.
Perhaps that change within herself was enough of a catalyst for him to see what they were and what they could be despite his grieving process.
Nonetheless, she was still going to hold a little part of herself back as a protective measure. Because, despite him being here and willing to give this romance a go, she had her doubts that he was ready. It wasn’t that long ago that he was telling her how much he was still deeply in love with his wife.
She had never been in a situation like this—where the man she was pursuing was in love with another person. And as much as she tried to take in the full picture of Mitch’s circumstances—that he was in love with a woman who was no longer here—she wasn’t confident in her ability to cope with that.
To some extent, she felt like a mistress. And to the extent that Mitch had expressed his guilt over the fact that they had shared a careless kiss, she wondered if he saw her that way too.
And if he did, it implied one thing—that Matilda would always come second to Rachel. Would she be okay with that?
‘Want the tour?’ she asked.
He grinned. ‘Absolutely. I saw that the previous owner was renovating this house and have wanted to see what it looks like inside. An amazing spot. The best view in Alpine Ridge, I reckon.’
‘I think it might come a close second to the vineyard.’
‘We are pretty lucky out there.’
Sophie dropped her father’s hand and stood before Matilda with her arms stretched up towards the flowers. ‘Ta,’ she said. ‘Ta. Ta.’
Matilda grinned at Mitch.
‘They are Matilda’s flowers,’ Mitch said.
‘Ta,’ Sophie said now frowning deeply.
‘Maybe she can hold them?’ Matilda suggested, feeling like a big bully.
Mitch smiled, but he shook his head. ‘If we do that, then every time I give you flowers, she’ll take them. And probably abuse them quite severely.’
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