Sure, Sophie didn’t understand the sentimentality of it, but one day she would. And Mitch wanted her to have mementos of her mother despite her not being here to give them to her.
Mitch gave Sophie the rest of her presents, though her favourite was the first two—the book and the Peppa toy.
‘You’ll have to show Livvy your book, Soph,’ Mitch said.
‘My U-corn.’
Matilda got to her feet and kissed Mitch’s cheek. ‘I’m going to go have a shower and get dressed. I’ll give you two some space in case you have something special planned.’
He shook his head to say that he didn’t. The present was it for this morning. At lunch today when all the family was together, they would toast Rachel. But Matilda left the room anyway.
Mitch set about unpacking his speakers and syncing them to his phone. By the time Matilda was dressed, he had Christmas tunes bursting from the speakers.
Sophie was dancing around in the centre of the room, saying the few words she knew when they arose. Matilda laughed when she saw her—a true affectionate laugh and, again, his heart swelled with love for this woman.
The day was the usual Christmas shenanigans. For breakfast, they headed to Matilda’s parents’ house.
Felicity met him at the door with a big hug and a kiss on his cheek. ‘We’re so happy to have you joining us, Mitch.’ She turned to Sophie who was standing beside him in the doorway. ‘And little Sophie Mathews. So lovely to see you, sweetie. I think Santa may have dropped off something for you here last night.’
‘U-corn?’ Sophie asked, eagerness filling her widened eyes.
Felicity shrugged. ‘You’ll have to find out.’
Matilda’s dad, Paul, shook Mitch’s hand when he came through. ‘Merry Christmas, Mitch.’
‘Merry Christmas. Thanks for inviting me and Sophie.’
Paul waved his thanks away. ‘It’s our pleasure, mate. Now come on through. Too early for a beer? Yeah, I guess it is. I think the women have organised champagne, though.’
He had always liked Paul. He reminded him a little of his own father—a masculine man who said it as he saw it.
After gift-giving, they ate healthy portions of ham and toast and eggs, along with a glass of champagne. Paul took him out into the paddock for him to help with a fence that had come down near the road while Matilda and Felicity kept Sophie entertained back at the house.
He had anticipated that the morning would be awkward, but it wasn’t. Because of his strong history with Matilda and her family, the numerous times he had slept here and done exactly what he had done today where he went out to help on the farm with Paul, it was all too familiar and easy for him.
It felt right. More right than anything had since Rachel’s passing.
When they were about to leave, Felicity cornered Mitch in the kitchen. He recalled that the last time they had interacted this way was soon after Rachel had died and Felicity had come around to the house to offer some guidance.
He had been a horrible mess—drunk, bitter, broken. He couldn’t help but see all that in her compassionate gaze. Her eyes were like Matilda’s, capable of drawing out his emotions and words.
‘How are you coping today, Mitch?’
He didn’t bother with a social smile. Felicity would see through any pretence, she always had. ‘I won’t lie, it’s tough.’
‘You have the mindset of just wanting to get through it.’ It wasn’t a question, but an observation and she had worded it so right.
He nodded. ‘I wouldn’t have put those words to it, but that’s exactly how I feel. I know that’s selfish—’
‘Absolutely not. Your feelings are your own, and you get through today the best you can. Don’t be afraid to lean on Matilda, okay? My girl is tough when she has to be.’
His smile came naturally at the mention of Matilda. Perhaps he even felt a little bashful. ‘She’s changing my world.’
Felicity’s grin was wide. ‘I could believe that. She’s an amazing young woman. And yes, maybe I’m biased, but I’m allowed to be.’
‘What are you two whispering about?’ Matilda asked as she strode into the kitchen with Sophie on her hip.
He took a short step backwards because her face was all wrong. He had anticipated Rachel’s pale brown eyes and yet he was looking into striking hazel.
The way Matilda’s hip tilted outwards and her arm was positioned under Sophie’s bum to hold her up was so natural, so open.
Something cold and insidious moved through him like the venom from a dangerous snake. It slithered around his heart and squeezed.
He closed his eyes for a quick second and swallowed hard.
The snake had been caged for a long while, always there, not intrusive, but now it was free.
Felicity’s hand was on his shoulder. ‘We were catching up. Never you mind, busy body.’
Matilda rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, please.’
Mitch threw on a smiling mask despite the curling torment inside him. What the hell was this sensation?
He swallowed again, unable to process it all.
‘You ready to go?’ Matilda asked him.
He kept that smile there and nodded. ‘Sure.’
Chapter 25
Though it was midday, Matilda was still full from breakfast by the time they arrived at Tom and Amy’s place.
‘I’m not sure I could eat anything more,’ she said to Mitch as he parked.
His smile was reassuring. ‘We don’t normally eat until late afternoon for that exact reason.’
She blew out a long breath. ‘Good.’
Matilda climbed out and went around the back to unbuckle Sophie. Her parents had adored her. But who wouldn’t, she was such a strong-willed, exuberant and funny little girl.
‘I can grab her out,’ Mitch said, jumping out and following her around to the side of the car. A hint of impatience was in his tone and it made her back lengthen a little.
She turned to face him, hoping to gauge his expression. But he was impartial. ‘You sure? I don’t mind one bit.’
‘I’m sure,’ he said moving in beside her and reaching for Sophie.
An unusual reaction and she probably shouldn’t pester him for further explanation on today of all days because it may be a simple case of grief bubbling up as a weird emotion, but being the woman she was, she couldn’t let it go. ‘What’s this really about, Mitch?’
He didn’t look at her as he lifted Sophie from the seat. ‘What’s what about?’
She threw her hands up. No, leave it alone, Matilda, it’s not the time. ‘Never mind.’
Mitch, with Sophie in his arms, leant in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘Everything is fine, Mati. Don’t worry. Let’s enjoy our day.’
She nodded. Maybe she had overthought the matter.
They went through the house to the back patio that overlooked the vineyards at the bottom of a long slope. A warm breeze blew in.
Streamers, posters, bells and ribbons were decorating the framework of the pergola. A long table was set up with a red table cloth, Christmas napkins and bon-bons. She smiled to see the effort Amy had gone to.
Sam, Ellie and Livvy were already there as was Mrs Mathews and Mitch’s aunt.
Matilda’s heart thumped when she saw Mrs Mathews—a shrunken structure of the proud, erect woman she remembered her as. ‘Merry Christmas, Mrs Mathews,’ she said and kissed her on the cheek. ‘It’s so lovely to see you again.’
‘Matilda. I’ve been wondering when you would show up.’
Mitch rested a supportive hand on Matilda’s lower back and kissed her cheek. ‘Mum’s been asking about you.’
Matilda smiled. ‘It’s great to see you.’ She leant in to Mitch’s aunt and kissed her cheek. ‘Merry Christmas, Grace.’
‘So lovely of you to join us. We’ve been hearing about you these last few months, so it’s good to finally get to see you face to face.’
Again that supportive hand pressed to Matilda’s back after Mitch greeted his
mum and aunt. He was still holding Sophie against his hip. ‘Um, let me introduce you to Rachel’s parents.’
She closed her eyes briefly and blew out a breath. So this was where the emotion had come from. Mitch was worried about Rachel’s parents meeting her. And he quite obviously didn’t want their granddaughter being carried in by the ‘new woman’ as though she had happily taken Rachel’s place.
Completely understandable. The last thing she wanted was to take anyone’s place. She wanted to exist with Mitch and Sophie in their own way.
Mitch’s back was erect. His smile was strained. This was a huge deal for him. Enormous. Matilda had the urge to wrap her arms around him, kiss his mouth and utter her support, but all those actions would only make this matter worse for him.
Rachel’s parents were sitting side by side on chairs at the end of the table. They were smiling, faces open and friendly. Both their gazes fell to Sophie and their eyes brightened with affection.
If she allowed herself, Matilda could dwell on the complications of getting into a relationship with a widower. She could dwell on the fact that this relationship would always be a relationship of three, plus all the extras like ex-in laws, which Matilda hadn’t even considered.
But she wouldn’t focus on that now.
She smiled at Rachel’s parents as Mitch led her forward with that hand on her back.
He let Sophie down and she ran to her grandfather. He lifted her up onto his lap and kissed her neck like a hungry play monster.
‘Merry Christmas,’ Mitch said.
‘Merry Christmas, Mitch,’ they both said.
‘Thanks so much for driving out here to join us today.’
‘We wouldn’t miss the chance to spend Christmas with you and Sophie,’ Rachel’s Mum said.
Matilda assumed then that Rachel must have been an only child. How utterly heartbreaking for Rachel’s parents.
‘I would love,’ he said meeting Matilda’s gaze with genuine affection, ‘to introduce you to Sophie’s grandparents, Pete and Barb. Pete and Barb, this is my partner, Matilda.’
Pete lifted Sophie off his lap and stood. Barb stood too and came to Matilda with open arms. They each cuddled her, kissed her cheek and exclaimed how lovely it was to meet her.
‘We were high school sweethearts,’ Mitch explained. ‘Matilda recently moved back home to Alpine Ridge and our flame was rekindled.’
‘Oh, how lovely,’ Barb said. ‘That’s … fantastic.’ A tinge of sadness had touched her eyes and made her voice waiver. ‘We are really happy for you both.’
Mitch straightened ever taller beside her. Her own heart pounded with a pulse of sympathy.
This situation was so much more complicated than she had presumed, but she managed a heartfelt smile. ‘Thank you.’
They left Sophie with Pete and continued around the rest of the room giving their Christmas greetings, but the heaviness of that introduction weighed on Matilda’s shoulders.
When the introductions were over, they took a seat together. Mitch’s rigidity had lessened now that the obvious hard part of the lunch was over, but he wore a frown.
She kissed his cheek. ‘Pete and Barb are lovely.’
He nodded. ‘They are.’
‘We couldn’t hide forever.’
His frown was even deeper and her heart raced to see it. ‘No. We couldn’t. It’s still a bit of a milestone, you know?’ His words were strained as though pushed forth through a tear-tightened throat.
‘Of course.’
‘Fuck this for being so difficult,’ he cursed under his breath, tears filling his eyes. He stood, then before she could say anything, strode off inside the house.
Pete raced after him.
Matilda hated to recognise the warm wet threat of her own tears.
Amy took a seat beside her. Her expression was sad but sympathetic. She put an arm around Matilda. ‘It’s just the type of day it is.’
Matilda nodded, blinking quickly.
‘We’ve all been exactly where Mitch is now,’ Amy said. ‘Right when I couldn’t decide if I should be with Tom or not. I could feel life shuffling forward, and I couldn’t keep pace. Rachel kept dragging me back. Mitch is doing well, but I can still see he is holding on. He thinks he can change the past. He’ll soon realise that no matter what he does and what he’s trying to hold on to, he won’t change that Rachel has died.’
Matilda’s bottom lip trembled. ‘I don’t want this to be about me.’
Amy shrugged. ‘But it is because you’re a part of his life. And Rachel was and still is too.’
Matilda nodded. ‘Most of the time, I don’t know what to do.’
Amy’s chuckle was sardonic. ‘Don’t I know that feeling. Mitch’s grief is different to my own and most of the time I have no idea how to help him. Until I realised I can’t. It is up to him to heal at the pace he is capable of doing so. All you can do is keep loving him and be patient.’
She lifted her head to see Mitch coming back out. His eyes were red, as were Pete’s, and a shock of sympathy struck her heart. Here was this man she loved so deeply, struggling and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. What a hopeless situation. And heartbreaking.
He met her gaze and motioned she come with him inside.
‘Excuse me for a moment,’ she said to Amy.
Inside, Mitch took her hand, led her through the kitchen to the long hall and down to the end. He held her hips until she butted gently against the wall. His hands framed her face gently. Eyes intense on hers. ‘I love you, Matilda, okay?’
She nodded.
He removed a hand and pressed it to his heart. ‘This pain doesn’t take away from that. I’m sad and I’m confused, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?’
Again she nodded, grazed her bottom lip with her teeth.
‘I love you,’ he said again, so much angst and emotion in those three words. Never had anyone spoken like that to her before, except Mitch. When they were seventeen, together on her bed, and he said, ‘I love you so much it hurts’; she understood what that meant now. He loved her despite every consequence. Even when that consequence was pain.
‘I’m sorry this is hard. I’m sorry.’
She reached for him, her hands cupping his jaw. ‘Just stay with me, Mitch.’
He nodded. ‘I’m trying my hardest.’
‘Then that’s all you can do.’
‘Tell me, please, that you love me too.’ Each word was desperate.
It made her heart jump.
Did he want her love for him or did he need her love to fill that hole left by another woman? And did that change how she loved him?
She had loved this man for half of her life. After all that, she couldn’t look into those deep brown eyes and see all their history and not admit how she truly felt. ‘I love you, Mitch.’
His eyes closed on a deep inhale. When he looked at her again his eyes were wet with tears. His mouth met hers. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered across her lips.
And despite his words and action, Matilda couldn’t help but see all this as dangerous. That familiar sense of foreboding rejection sat up and was looking around with wary eyes.
After a while longer, they headed, hand in hand, back out to the others. No-one said anything about what had happened, but Matilda could see the knotted threads of tension that moment created floating through the air around them.
Amy came over with a bottle of wine. She smiled and that smile communicated everything without words that needed to be said between them. ‘A drink?’
Matilda grinned and nodded. ‘Please.’
They settled in to the afternoon with lively, friendly chatter. The drinks flowed and with the heady buzz the wine provided, the threads of emotion from earlier disintegrated until she could no longer feel them.
Amy served an incredible summery Christmas lunch of cold meats and salads with accompanying pickles and sauces. Dessert was the main affair though—traditional plum puddin
g, rum and raisin cheesecake and a delicious coconut and lime sponge cake.
Sophie and Livvy played together throughout the day, but by the late afternoon, Sophie clung to Mitch’s legs and grizzled and groaned over the smallest grievances.
Mitch was patient, though, and the others shared the load.
Mrs Mathews and Grace left early in the afternoon. The strain of the day was evident in the declining sense Mrs Mathews made, repeating herself many many times as the day flowed by. But the brothers were so accepting and loving with her.
Pete and Barb left to drive back to Melbourne soon after. Mitch left Sophie with Matilda while he went outside to see them off. Sophie climbed onto her lap and cuddled her head against her chest. She was so exhausted, her little body flopped. With a tender hand, Matilda stroked her hair until her eyes closed.
‘I think Sophie has a new favourite,’ Sam said.
Matilda smiled, a delightful mix of tipsy triumph filling her. Despite her desire for her own children, she hadn’t had much experience with children other than brief interludes with her nieces and nephews when they visited her in the US or when she came home on the odd occasion. So, in the back of her mind, she had wondered if she was even capable of being a good mother.
‘I’m a comfortable place for Sophie to rest her head,’ Matilda said.
Sam waved away her modesty. ‘Oh please, I’ve watched you all afternoon with her. You’re very patient.’
Yes, patience was one characteristic she had to have at this stage in her life. ‘Sophie is delightful.’ Not all the time, of course. She could also be demanding, but what child at this age wasn’t. ‘Mitch has obviously been a fantastic father.’
Sam nodded. ‘He has.’
‘I can’t wait to have my own children,’ she said whimsically. Maybe it was the wine dragging out her honesty or maybe it was because she was so comfortable around this family or maybe it was because it was the truth and she had done her time trying to hide her desires.
‘You’ll be a great mum, I’m sure,’ he said.
Mitch strolled back into the room and spotted Sophie asleep on her lap. His face was a flurry of emotion and none of it good. Her heart thumped to see it there. What had Pete and Barb said?
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