After finishing her lunch, Mandy struggled with her homework while trying to tune out meaningless prattle. "I'm going to the library,” she said.
No one responded or seemed to notice as Mandy rose from her seat and walked toward the exit. Chad and Giselle were engrossed in conversation at the other end of the table. Mandy tapped the back of her boyfriend’s shoulder. "I'm going to the library," she repeated.
"Okay, see you later." He resumed his conversation with Giselle. Fighting back tears, Mandy exited the cafeteria. She refused to let any of her classmates see her vulnerability.
Wandering inside the library, she scanned the occupants of the study area. Part of her wanted the quiet to help her concentrate on her work, but a larger part had been hoping to run into Logan. She spotted him at a table along the back wall. A pretty brunette seated next to him laughed flirtatiously. Mandy felt a pang…of what? Anger that Logan was paying attention to another female? Hatred for the girl who seemed so sweet and cute as she tilted her head to the side? Mandy felt an urge to smack the girl's hand away as she playfully punched Logan's shoulder. In a word, she felt jealousy.
No, no, she didn't like Logan that way. She was just emotional and fragile right now. Still, Mandy couldn't bear to watch the flirtatious interaction. She turned around and walked out of the library.
Mandy spent the remainder of her lunch hour in a bathroom stall. Kneeling on the cold tile floor, she prayed for the restoration of her powers.
****
Head down, ducking behind classmates, Mandy did her best to avoid being seen sans magic and puffy eyed in the hallway. She managed to make it through the day at school. When she got home, she went straight to her room and fell into her bed. She could taste the salt of tears coating her lips and tongue, but she couldn't feel them spill down her face. Slivers of sunlight reflected on her bed through the open window as she closed her eyes.
She awoke to a tapping on her bedroom door. Mandy shot up in her bed, blackness all around her. Where was she? What had happened? Looking down at her jeans and tank top, she realized that she had fallen asleep fully dressed. What time was it?
Another tap on the door. "Mandy! Dinner!"
Mandy brushed her fingers through her tangled hair. "One second, Mom. I'll be right down." She quickly undressed, pulled on oversized flannel pajamas, and headed downstairs.
Sabrina was already seated at the table, scooping peas onto her husband's plate. Her eyebrows lifted when Mandy entered the room. "Oh, no. You're not sick too, are you?"
Mandy shook her head. "Sick, no. Why?"
"Your sister has been quite ill the past few days. And I'm just surprised to see you in your pajamas so early. I thought you'd be out with Chad, or Giselle and the girls."
"I'm surprised to see you home at all," Mandy's father said. "When was the last time we were graced with your presence at dinnertime?"
"Oh, Dad, don't be silly. I eat here all the time."
"That's not true," her father said. "When was the last time you had dinner with your old man? Other than holidays, I'm lucky if I get to see you twice a year for a family dinner. Think about it."
Mandy shook her head. Between softball, cheerleading, and all of her other social activities… Her father was right. She rarely ate dinner at home anymore. "Whatev," Mandy said, her eyes down as she slid into her chair. "I'm sorry."
"I'm happy you're here now." Her father placed his hand over hers for a brief moment.
Mandy looked up. "Me too, Dad. So tell me, how was your day?"
During dinner, Mandy and her parents engaged in lighthearted conversation about current events and their favorite movies. Mandy laughed loudly when her father told a few jokes. After dinner, Mr. McKinney retreated upstairs to watch a baseball game. Mandy and her mother remained at the kitchen table, chatting and drinking herbal tea.
"Mandy, you were so vague with us at dinner. How is everything with you? Why aren't you out with your friends tonight?"
She shrugged. "It's nice to spend some time with family." And as she said it, Mandy realized it didn't feel like a lie.
"Well, we certainly enjoy spending time with you. I guess it's better for you to rest up, anyways. You have another big game tomorrow. I'm so glad I'm going to make it to this one, since I had to miss the last game for work. We are so short-staffed at the hospital recently. I've had to pick up double shifts all week." Sabrina stood, collected the dishes from the table, and carried them to the sink.
As her mom rattled on about work, Mandy swallowed anxiously. She'd forgotten she'd have to tell her mom about quitting the team. With her mother's back to her, Mandy finally found her nerve. "Yeah—um— um," She stammered. She took a deep breath. "I quit the team."
"What?" Sabrina was at the counter now, spooning carrots and peas onto a clean plate. "Why would you do that?"
"Um, I don't know. I don't think I like softball anymore. I'm sorry, Mom. I know how much you and Dad like going to the games. I'm so sorry I let you down."
“Don't be ridiculous! I don't care if you play softball. If you don't like it, don't play! What I like the most is when you are happy, and if softball isn't making you happy, then find something that does."
"Thanks, Mom," Mandy said, but couldn't shake the feeling it wasn't true. She wasn't good enough, and her mother was patronizing her. Oh, what's wrong with me?
Sabrina used her fork to push the vegetables aside, making space for two large chicken cutlets. "This is for Brianna. Maybe you'd like to bring it up to her. She's weak right now. I’ve never seen her so ill."
Mandy felt as if her heart was hurling into her throat. "Mom, what's wrong with her? Did you take her to the doctor?"
"I did. I practically carried her into the office this morning. Doctor says it looks like mono, but the quick mono test came back negative. He's running blood work to confirm that, and he's also testing for other ailments. It might just be that nasty spring flu that's been going around this year. She does have a peculiar case, though. It makes me wonder…"
"Wonder what? Is she going to be okay, Mom? What's wrong with her?"
Sabrina shook her head, her strawberry-blonde curls swaying. "Oh, nothing. I'm sure it's just a bug, and she'll be feeling herself in a few days. Did you want to bring up her dinner?" After placing a fork and knife on top of the full plate, Sabrina held it out to her daughter.
"Sure." Balancing the plate on her palm, Mandy headed upstairs. She tapped a soft rhythm on Brianna's bedroom door. "Bri?"
There was no response. "Brianna?" Mandy pushed open the door and stepped inside. Brianna lay on her zebra-print sheets, chest moving up and down at a slow, steady pace. Carefully, Mandy sat on the nightstand next to her twin's bed. Mandy nudged her sister’s shoulder. She felt so hot. "I brought you dinner."
"Hmmm…" Brianna's eyes inched open for a moment before her lids drooped again.
"Are you hungry? You need to eat." Mandy put her hands around her sister’s waist. She pushed until her twin was seated upright against the headboard. "Here, Bri." Her tone was gentle as she placed the plate on Brianna's lap. Brianna's hand shook as she grasped her fork. After several attempts, she managed to capture a few peas, but as she lifted the fork toward her mouth, she lost her grip. The fork clattered on the plate. Peas flew through the air and spattered across the leopard-print carpet.
"Oh, are you okay? Do you need me to feed you?"
Brianna sucked in a ragged breath and then exhaled loudly. "Yes." Her voice was barely a whisper.
Mandy cut the chicken cutlets into small pieces. She fed each piece to Brianna, waiting patiently as her sister labored to chew. Mandy felt her twin's agony as though it were her own, like she always had when they were children. Her mother had always said it was the power of love. Mandy had argued that it was her magic, but she'd been all wrong.
Once Brianna had gotten down one whole chicken cutlet and a few bites of vegetables, Mandy helped her sister lie back down and then tucked the covers all around her. "Snug as a bug in a rug,"
Mandy whispered. "Isn't that what Mom used to say when she tucked us in? Back when we shared a bedroom and we had bunk beds."
She stood, paused at the door, then on an impulse twirled back around. She lay down in the bed and watched her sister sleep. "I always used to sleep with you when you were sick." Mandy listened to her twin’s breaths, which were long and steady. "I know I haven't been the greatest sister these past few years." Unshed tears swirled in front of her pupils. "Bri, the truth is, I was always so jealous of you. You were always so confident, so secure, and you never worried about what anyone thought of you. You dressed your own way. You didn't care about hanging out with the popular kids. You're such a good person, and you would never do anything to hurt anyone. Not like me. You were everything I wished I could be, and everything I'll never be. I started to hate you for it, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Mandy cried until rays of sunlight twisted and wound through and around the blind slats.
****
After sleeping through most of a lonely weekend, Mandy was pleasantly surprised when she heard Giselle's horn on Monday morning. She dashed outside and into the blue convertible.
"Morning," Mandy said. "Wow! You look fabulous!" Giselle loved compliments.
"Thanks." Giselle smoothed her full, glossy, chocolate-brown hair. "I wish I could say the same for you. What's up with you recently? You look like garbage."
Mandy wished people would stop pointing out the change in her appearance. As if she didn't already know. "How was your weekend?" Mandy changed the subject.
Giselle shrugged. Mandy guessed she was getting the silent treatment again.
"I stayed home all weekend. Chad isn't returning my calls."
"Well, can you blame him? You have let yourself go," Giselle said. Mandy was speechless, but Giselle went on. "Have you thought about seeing a doctor? Maybe you need some medication."
"For what?" Mandy snapped.
"Don't give me an attitude! After the crap you've pulled recently, you're lucky I'm even speaking to you."
When they arrived in the school parking lot, Giselle got out and slammed the convertible's door. She flounced off ahead of Mandy. Penny jogged through the parking lot to catch up to Giselle. "Preliminary voting to determine who will be on the ballot for Spring Queen is next week, and I'm definitely choosing you, Giselle," Penny said.
****
Between periods, Mandy was using the restroom when she had an epiphany. Screw 'em. Yep, that's right. Screw 'em. Screw 'em all. An image of warm, amber-colored eyes flashed in her mind. Well, maybe not all.
The door opened and shut, and she heard two familiar voices. "What happened to Mandy?" Penny asked. "She's just pathetic these days."
"I know," Giselle said. "It's so awkward having to drive her to school. This morning she was upset because she hadn't seen or heard from Chad all weekend. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh, Mandy, I'm so sorry, but don't worry. He's in good hands.'"
Both girls burst out laughing.
"How was last night?"
"Amazing!" Giselle gushed. "I always knew Chad would prove to have many talents." The girls giggled.
"Mandy is so lame. Do you even think we should continue to hang out with her? It doesn't make us look good."
"Good point."
Mandy stepped out of the stall and slammed the door causing a loud clamor. Giselle and Penny spun around. Fists clenched, Mandy glared at her former friends with intense animosity.
Giselle's jaw dropped, and she raised her hand to cover her mouth. Then both girls burst into hysterical laughter.
Mandy reached forward and grabbed a large chunk of glossy brown hair.
"Ouch!" Giselle howled. "Oww, owww, owww! Let go! My hair!"
Penny receded, arms over her head to protect her own locks.
Mandy twisted the brown hair and then yanked it downward. As each root separated from Giselle's scalp, Mandy felt herself separate too, severing all ties from her phony old life. But there was one last thing she had to do. She threw the clump of hair on the floor before she stomped all the way to the other side of the building, where Chad was stacking books in his locker.
"What's going on with us?" Even though she already knew, she wanted to hear it straight from him.
"Hey, what's up?" Chad tried to act casual.
"You don't love me anymore?"
"Well, um, I mean, I think you're a nice girl." He quibbled around the topic. "We've had a lot of good times together."
His evasiveness answered her question. He didn't love her. He never had. But she couldn't be mad at him. Mandy rightfully bore the burden of the blame. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Confusion clouded Chad's eyes as Mandy walked away.
She had wasted his time. She tricked him, used him, and made him think he felt something he never had. But would anyone ever love the real Mandy? Doubtful.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The past few days had been the happiest of Valerie's life. From a distance, she'd watched Mandy's world fall apart. She'd relished every moment.
Although it was a great delight watching Mandy suffer, it wasn't nearly enough. This was just phase one. Valerie would not be satisfied until Mandy lost everything. First her powers, her friends, her status, her integrity—and finally when it was all she had left, her life. In phase two, Valerie planned to garner all of the power. Once she possessed Mandy's former beauty, allure, and astute athletic skills, she would have all of Montmorrow groveling at her feet. Mandy would get down on her hands and knees to kiss Valerie's toes. And Valerie would kick her in the face.
It was Valerie's turn to run the place. In a few weeks' time, she would be the star of the school, the Spring Queen, and the captain of the cheerleading squad. And Mandy would have nothing. She would be the loser. A sly smile spread across Valerie's face as she imagined the fruition of her cunning and ambitious scheme. She would own the school. No one would dare to call her a loser ever again.
Everything was going according to plan. Now, if Brianna would hurry up and get better, the real fun could begin. Poor, gullible Brianna, so trusting, so easy to manipulate. She would never see it coming.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mandy fully adopted her new "screw 'em" attitude. She found a quiet spot outside to eat by herself, which allowed her time for reading and introspection. It was easier to be all alone than to face rejection or phony relationships. She managed to convince herself that she didn't need anyone.
Within a few days, loneliness set in. The high point of every day was ninth period science, when she saw Logan.
When the last bell rang on Thursday, Mandy and Logan walked out of the classroom together. As they headed down the hallway, she said, "We need to get to work on our project. What are you up to—? "
Mandy was cut off by the pretty brunette from the library. "Hey, Logan! Are we still on for tonight?"
"Definitely, Kristi. I'll pick you up at seven."
"Sounds fantastic. Can't wait!" Kristi batted her eyelashes as she strode by.
"Sorry. What were you saying?"
"Oh, nothing," Mandy said. "Have fun tonight."
"Thanks," Logan said, his green-and-gold-speckled eyes shining behind his glasses. "Tomorrow we'll make plans for the project. Have a great night."
He proceeded down the hallway toward his locker. Mandy couldn't ignore the unmistakable pang of jealousy, which was accompanied by an aching in her heart.
What was wrong with her? It was Logan. She should be happy for him.
****
On Friday morning, Mandy was disgusted by the reflection in the mirror above the vanity. She was repulsive. No wonder nobody liked her. Without her powers, she was nothing. There was no point to her existence. Spiraling into the depths of despair, she crawled back under her fuzzy pink blankets.
"Mandy! Are you okay? You're going to miss the bus," Sabrina called from the hallway.
Mandy couldn't find the strength to answer. How could she possibly convey the misery and dread she felt walking through the double doors of the h
igh school? How could she ever explain what a useless, worthless person she was without her powers? Sabrina had no idea of the frequency with which her daughter had used her powers. Maybe even her own mother wouldn't love the real Mandy.
Sabrina entered the bedroom. "Dear, it's time to get out of bed."
Mandy tried to speak, but all she could muster was a weak groan. She felt so far away, like she was a spectator of her own life.
"Honey, are you sick?"
"Mom, yes. I don't know. I'm so tired." Tears spilled from her eyes, which felt so heavy and so hard to hold open. Lethargy weakened her brain and muscles. Her stomach and head throbbed. Mandy wondered whether it would be quicker to hang herself or slit her wrists. Maybe the whole world would be better off without me.
Sabrina moved to the edge of her daughter's bed. She ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair and massaged her shoulders. "What's wrong? You can talk to me."
"I'm so depressed, Mom."
"Oh, honey." Sabrina sat down, wrapped her arms around Mandy, and held her tight to her chest. Mandy snuggled up, feeling like a silly child, but not caring. She needed this so badly. "Tell me what's bothering you, baby. You've always been such a happy girl."
"No, I haven't! I've been faking being happy for years and years!" Mandy didn't realize she had shouted until her eardrums reverberated from the intensity of the sound created by her own vocal cords.
Sabrina's eyebrows drew together, and she held her daughter tighter. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry that I never realized. I think you should talk to a professional counselor. I'm going to do some research and find someone for you. Would you go if I set up an appointment?"
"I guess. Right now I just want to go to sleep. I can't handle school today."
"Okay, honey, you get some rest. I have to go into work for a few hours, but I'm going to ask to leave early. We're going to get you to a counselor this afternoon. You can't be taking off school like this. You and your sister are going to fall so far behind. At least Brianna seems to finally be feeling better."
In Shadows of Magic Page 8