by V. Theia
The sharp breath he took made her shudder from scalp to painted pinky-toe.
“Do what I see you’re dying to, Paige.” When she flipped her gaze up from his chest she was startled for a moment, her belly twisting with heat bombs. He hissed and brought her hand to his stomach. “Go ahead, touch me all you want.”
He held himself above her so she could run her fingers along the hot, hard ridges, his cock ready and leaking and the place between her legs spasmed, needing him inside her so badly.
Still as a statue, breathing through a small gap in his lips, Reaper watched her travel her hand over his torso, around his neck to feel the corded muscle there. She brushed his whiskers and caressed his clavicle and traced hypnotized patterns around his hard nipples.
He wasn’t super hairy, and she loved that.
Continuing on with her exploration, the muscles under her hand flexing with her sweeping motion. Feeling powerful, she skimmed along his exposed thigh then enclosed her fist around the girth of his hardness and began stroking him.
A silent sob ripped through her, shuddering her chest, the magnitude of him giving her his body was not lost on Paige. This was a controlled man and he was gritting his teeth while she explored him.
“Fuck,” he hissed, clenching his hands up by her head. She wished he’d grab her, make her heart stop thumping in that way it was. His eyes were all but masked in his lowered lids.
“You feel so good.” her lips found his neck as his lower half touched hers, she widened her legs ready for his first hard thrust that would feel like pain and bliss all tangled in one, she brushed his cock against her folds and jolted.
Her hand became faster. He grew harder, dripping down her fingers.
His breathing brushed her cheeks, just as jerky as hers.
Their shared desperation was palpable.
“Oh, I need you.” She whispered against his throat, he’d all but taken over by fucking her hand, she squeezed tightly and arched her body up in silent plea. “Please, oh, please. Need you inside me.”
“Don’t fucking stop, ladybug.”
Paige seized, freezing on the spot, at the same time Reaper did.
Without thought she pulled her hand back.
“W-what…?”
“Paige…?”
“You just called me by your dead wife’s pet name, Reaper.”
His whole face looked pained. “Ah, damn, baby,” he muttered, poised above her. “I’m sorry,” his opaque gaze held his apology, and she really wanted to laugh it off and to get back to making him moan. She wanted to go back a second ago before her heart started to hurt.
“This isn’t the first time, Reaper.”
Her heart thudded, lust drifting away, she felt exposed like never before and needed her clothes.
“What isn’t?”
She slid out from underneath him and he let her, quickly foraging for her clothes she glanced over, that same pained look in his eyes she urgently wanted to sooth away.
“You’ve said that name in your sleep. I just thought it was dreams.”
Lowering his head, he raked two rough hands through his hair before grabbing the shirt, he yanked it over his head and covered his legs too with his discarded jeans, leaving them unbuttoned. “It was a—”
Shaking inside, the pain of it hit her from all corners. She’d thought he was here with her. Now she couldn’t stop her rampant, crazy thoughts—insane thoughts that maybe he wasn’t one hundred percent present with her, that he was thinking of another woman, a woman he loved and couldn’t let go of while her hands were on him.
It was a vile, horrible thought and yet it took root in Paige’s head and started to spread, causing a lump to form in her throat.
She was sure he was feeling things for her, real, true things he was ready to admit to and instead he was lost in memories?
God, that hurt her insides something fierce.
Paige shook her head, took a fortifying breath and looked at him. “It’s fine—it’s fine, slip of the tongue, I get it, it happens to us all.” She tried to smile it away and failed miserably. “I do it all the time at work.”
“Then why are you backing away from me like I got the plague?” He asked quietly, sounding like he was experiencing his own pain, his eyes pinning her.
There they stood, mere feet apart, only moments ago they were as close as a couple could be and now? It felt like it always had been with Reaper, that she didn’t really know him at all and God, she was just contemplating moving in with him.
“I’m not, but I…It just took me by surprise. It’s okay, really.”
It wasn’t okay.
“Baby, I’m sorry. Don’t back away from me. Fuck. I can deal with anything but you backing away from me now. I fucked up; it won’t happen again.”
“Reaper, don’t,” as hurt as she was feeling, it was instinct to want to reassure him, to sooth the one she loved, “mistakes happen, let’s forget it.”
She couldn’t forget it. She was replaying how he’d said the name on a torturous loop.
It was love and passion and need.
He’d said that pet name so reverently, like he was making love to bliss itself.
She blinked back tears and wrung her fingers together, unsure if she should leave and give them some space for a few hours until she didn’t feel so stupid for letting it bother her so much.
She was the woman in Reaper’s life, he’d never given her a reason to think differently. In his own stalkerish way, he’d pursued her all this time, that had to mean something.
But does he love you like he loved her? A voice taunted.
Was she a poor substitute for a love he couldn’t get over?
Hells bells, she was going to drive herself crazy, but how could she fight a ghost?
How could Paige ever live up to what he’d had before?
This mysterious relationship he wouldn’t even talk to her about.
She had no idea how happy his marriage was, but if the ring on his finger was anything to go by, then he still felt like a married man and that was something she’d been avoiding.
Sighing again, she gave light to a statement she may live to regret once she’d spoken it. It could ruin things between her and Reaper altogether. “I can’t compete with the dead, Reaper.”
For as long as she lived, Paige would never forget the look that crossed Reaper’s face, he didn’t approach her—didn’t try to touch her, she would have fallen into his arms had he tried. But that look… it gutted her straight down to the bone because it was a man who had loved and lost and who still loved, deeply.
His voice was strained when he eventually spoke. Eyes like two sad coins, unwavering with hers. “I never said she was dead, Paige.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“Love you more…” – Reaper
An hour ago
He watched her like any guy nuts in love with his woman would. His eyes didn’t leave her once, even when he was alerted to a text message from TN and he took himself away to read it.
Smoke: The old coot is on the move. My guy saw him throw a bag into his pickup and steam out of there pretty fast. You want someone following?
Fuck. Fuck. The dread that stole through Reaper almost choked him.
Fear. Panic. Anger.
He knew there shouldn’t be any ramifications coming back on him for what he’d done, but he didn’t fucking care about that.
No, his fear came down to something else.
Something more personal.
While he viewed her laughing and joking around with Tag, his guts on fire, his mind tore through solutions of whether he should confess and let the dice fall where they may, he became increasingly less controlled.
The world slowed.
Leaving him with his head full of fucking trouble while observing his laughing girl.
It was no hardship staring at the beauty of his girl, he’d been doing it from day one, but he fucking wished he had more peace in doing it.
Silence ri
cocheted from every wall of his mind.
It’s funny how he could be surrounded in people and yet the void growing ever bigger.
The dull roar pulsed through his veins.
Focus on Paige, his brain told him. Inevitably, like a moth to its owner, the flame, he’d continually been drawn to her side.
The shit would fall where it would fall, so why shouldn’t he enjoy these moments with her anyway? He’d fucking waited, hadn’t he? More than any man would.
He deserved this piece of good—after all, he’d taken the risks because he couldn’t stop himself.
But while his eyes ate her up, loved her hard, saw the beckoning lust in her eyes—and god help him, he’d give anything to forget life existed and follow through with all the promises her little body gave out—his head kept going back to the same thing; that fucker would be headed this way.
Reaper’s luck had run out, and the only question he needed to answer was; would he continue to gamble on everything staying the same, or having his life implode without repair?
Now
Reaper was not a learned man but even he could read a situation and recognize how close he was to losing his girl and he felt panic swell his chest when he tried to move forward to take her in his arms and she held out two hands, warding him off.
“What did you say?”
What the hell could he say now? Other than repeat his truth. The words that came out of his mouth without realizing. He’d been careful about it for so long it almost became second nature. “She’s not dead.”
“But… but you said she was gone. That time I asked. You said she was gone. I thought...”
“Paige, baby. Let me hold you, okay? It doesn’t change anything. I’m here with you, we’re gonna live together, right?” He needed to ask because now he didn’t know, and his guts felt wide open.
Fuck this. He strode with purposeful steps and closed the gap between them in seconds, her back hit the wall in her haste to get away and he hated that, despised seeing that look on her face that said she wanted to be anywhere else but here.
Reaper held the tops of her arms and lowered his head to better see her wild eyes.
“Are you divorced? Is that why you still wear that?” She looked at his ring.
“I’m in love with you, Paige.” He moved his hands to cup her delicate face. If there was one thing he hated seeing, it was tears in her eyes. Brushing a kiss to her lips she thankfully accepted, he said it again. “I love you, Paige. I’m here with you, one million fucking percent. You have all of me and I want all of you.”
“Reaper…” she whispered, one tear spilling over, he made his thumb move before the droplet could travel further. Her hands clung to his shirt, eyes so wide and confused. He couldn’t blame her for wanting to run, he was fighting without a safety net and he felt unsteady, but his heart ruled him, and he needed Paige.
He’d fight anything and anyone for Paige.
“I love you. Believe me, please.” He said again, leaving his lips against hers and when she sobbed, he took the noise into his mouth, kissing her deeper, frantic for her to not leave him.
She clung and kissed him back, their bodies fused.
“But…” harsh breath caressed his cheeks; he saw her looking at his ring again.
“I swear if we got married today I wouldn’t be breaking any laws, baby. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m with you.”
“I don’t.. I need to … what do …shit,” she cursed on a frustrated shout and Reaper gathered her in, held her against his chest, willing all his love into her.
He didn’t have a backup plan, not really.
Not one he wanted to utilize at this stage.
If she walked out on him now he’d have to let her go and deal with the agony of it later.
“I sound like a crazy person, don’t I?”
“No, baby. But you are freaking me out. Take a deep breath for me.” His hand worked down her long spine and he felt the air expel from her as it warmed his chest. When she lifted her eyes, those beautiful fucking lavender eyes glistening with unshed tears he leaned in and kissed each corner.
“I’m scared if I give you all of me that this will suddenly go away.”
Ah, damn, baby. She had all the tools to burst him open.
He’d concealed secrets for a good reason, and he’d done the worst thing possible any man could do and yet she gave him something that made him clean again.
“Trust me,” he husked. “Give me you, baby.”
With her hands banded tight around his waist he felt her head nodding against his chest and relief stung his eyes.
“I love you,” he barely caught her whispering. The words stopped his heart and he took her face in his hands.
“Again. Tell me again.”
“Bossy.” She grinned with watery eyes, but no longer were they cautiously watching him.
What he saw there made him want to howl at the fucking moon like a lunatic.
“Tell me again.”
“I love you too, Reaper.”
He crushed her little bones, she squealed, but he couldn’t let go. Not yet. Not any time soon. He felt like he was gonna chick his fucking emotions out all over the floor when his eyes stung, and his chest concaved.
He’d waited so long.
“Need to have you,” he growled, lifting her into the air so her legs went around him, he pressed her into the wall.
He probably looked like a wild mad man, but his girl giggled, locked fingers in his hair and let him strip what he needed to while he pressed starved kisses all over the face that loved him.
She fucking loved him.
Trouble could come, he didn’t care because he had his dream back.
“I love you,” he groaned, thrusting in. “You’re all mine,” he professed, swallowing her cry of pleasure as his body took over, shut down his brain and gave his all to making his girl feel good.
That’s how priorities worked.
The silence could scream at him.
The dread could chew off the lining of his stomach.
But when his girl needed? He was a fully focused man.
* * *
Reaper didn’t just fuck her.
He consumed her.
She hit paradise time after time and came and came.
She came so freaking hard that she lost whole minutes, lost in the space of bliss.
And there was no more room for doubts to slide in between the cracks.
She loved him.
She trusted him.
And hoped that would always be that way.
* * *
Sex drunk and sated. There was no sleep like it.
Of course, his subconscious was a vicious cunt and infiltrated Reaper’s dreams while his girl slept snugly against his ribs and Reaper powerless to the past.
“What?”
“I said you love me,” She didn’t so much as stumble over her words did his sweet young girl. He ought to be locked up for fucking her in the back of his truck, but he couldn’t feel anything south of his waist, not because she was straddled over him, she was light as a feather. But she’d fucked all feeling out of his body and was now sat smugly looking down at him. “You love me so much, Judson, and I love you too.”
Holy.
Fuck.
His heart stopped working.
He’d been gearing up to tell her for a week now, every night he told himself he’d do it tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and Jud would chicken the fuck out, frightened it was too soon and she’d think he was trying to smother her in their relationship.
Little did he know she’d kill his cock, sit naked on him and then say the words first.
He had a train wreck of excitement in his chest.
“For the record, I get to say I love you first.”
His ladybug grinned and stroked strands of his fallen hair. “Nope. I said it for the both of us.”
“Take it back.”
“No way.”
“Ladybug…” His tried
to warn but it was useless when she giggled. “Fine,” he conceded with his own smile. “Now kiss me and make it right.”
He figured he was only falling in love once in his lifetime and this was it. It mattered none who said it first, when Jud knew absolutely he’d say it most.
He woke, not with a start as always.
Nor was his heart pounding out of his chest like it usually did after one of those dreams.
He wasn’t plagued with sadness.
The soft warmth of the woman in his arms kept him anchored in the here and now within the darkness of her bedroom.
Limbs tangled under the comforter and Reaper brought a hand from her waist to gently palm the side of Paige’s sleeping face. He couldn’t see her features through the darkness, but he could be a blind man and know how fucking beautiful she was. His fingers stroked through her hair to hold the back of her head, his mouth found hers, kissing her lightly. “Paige?”
“Mmm?” She mumbled curling deeper into his chest, filling him with helium, and he smiled to himself, taking another sip of her sweet lips. “Love you, baby.”
“Mmm…love you more.” And she was passed back out.
Not possible, Reaper thought letting his eyes drift closed again.
Not fucking possible.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“Now Lawless was in his inner secret circle…but they didn’t have a handshake.” - Reaper
Moving day!
For a quiet guy, Reaper really did move mountains when he wanted something, and he wanted Paige in his bed every night. In their bed every night.
It was just over a week ago when he’d asked her to move in with him and now it was moving day, with a truck on the way, and some of his guy friends to help lug boxes.
He’d settled her lease contract with her landlord and within one night of pizza and beers he’d helped pack up Paige’s life.
It was unreal, exciting, terrifying and she didn’t have a single doubt in her mind.
This was the right thing for her.
She’d thought near-perfect relationships didn’t exist. She could only remember her high school boyfriend and that didn’t really count as far as adult relationships went.