by V. Theia
What was so bad he could so easily be around his wife for years and not tell her who she was and what they were to each other?
Sighing, she smoothed on some of Winter’s face cream and body moisturizer, slipped into the borrowed jammies and trekked downstairs, finding Winter in the living room curled up on the couch. Paige followed suit and laid her head on Winter’s shoulder. Her friend was such a caretaker and had hot chocolate and plate of fresh cookies waiting for Paige. “Feeling better?”
“Better? I’m not sure. But I’m clean now, that’s something.” Then added. “Thanks for taking me in.”
“You’re my best friend, Paige. If your best friend suddenly discovers she’s been married for years to her brand-new boyfriend, of course I let you have my spare bedroom and PJ’s.”
Paige chuckled. “Nuts, right? I keep waiting to wake up and have wild dolphin sex with Reaper before I tell him about my crazy dream.”
“You can still have the wild dolphin sex, sweetie. I’m just taking a running guess at this, but I think he wouldn’t mind at all.”
She sighed. She knew that. The look on his face when he’d pleaded for her not to leave him again about killed her. She was all in her own head and couldn’t fully focus on what he’d been through by losing his wife.
Losing her.
Wow. That was going to take some getting used to.
All along she was the wife she’d been horribly jealous over. If she wasn’t so heartsick she could have laughed at the irony.
“Do you know how long I’ve been jealous of his wife? And it was me all along.”
Winter chuckled and rubbed her arm.
“Do you think it was a twisted game to him all this time?”
She’d known there’d been three people in their relationship from the beginning.
Her.
Him.
And his wife.
It was a damn taser to the brain to know now she was two out of those three.
A shock like no other but if she was honest with herself… to know she was married to the man she was in love with … a thrill passed through her. God, did that make her a warped bitch?
She had no answers and altogether too many questions.
Hooking up her cocoa she slurped and followed with a cookie.
“I don’t have the answer, sweetie. I’d guess no, because he not only seemed to genuinely care for you, I think he’d take a bullet for you. All that time he watched you makes sense now. As for why he didn’t tell you who you were, and what you two had? Only Reaper can answer that and though I am a thousand percent team Paige, I can sympathize with his decision to protect you from whatever has happened before. We protect those we love.”
It sucked to know Paige was the kind of person who couldn’t deal with bad shit very well. Yay for women empowerment. Ugh. What kind of a weak wife had she been?
Winter nudged her. “Do you want to know my opinion?”
“Only if it matches mine.”
Winter grinned. “I think he loves you so much to do what he did, sacrificed his life for years just to make sure you were okay, I think you should hear him out.”
Paige sighed and rested her head on Winter again.
“You are not helping.”
“Yes, I am, and you know it. Or you will, once you start to process that you’re an old married bitch and you’ve probably had so much monkey sex with Reaper already.”
She hadn’t thought of that.
Wait. Did that mean he was her first sexual experience? She’d woken up in the hospital with only memories up until she was seventeen and at seventeen she’d only done third base stuff.
Was Reaper her first and only? Oh, my god!
Her heart gave a little electrical shove.
“Maybe you were a little freak back then.” Her friend said rubbing her extended belly. Because Paige loved the boys she was going to babysit so much, she rubbed too. “I bet you were a little butthole licker.”
Paige giggled. “I was not!” Maybe. Reaper did like doing butt stuff… she didn’t know what she was like before she came to Colorado, she only knew the woman she was today. And that woman was a whole basket case of confused who missed her man like a gaping hole in her chest.
Paige was in the midst of mental crisis number seven hundred, while she swallowed her third cookie… what was big hips in the grand scheme of her life being so fucked up anyway? When they both heard a key in the door.
A second later a tall biker in leather and tattoos strode through the arched hallway into the living room.
Sadly it wasn’t the biker who got Paige’s heart thrumming.
She felt like a third wheel when he leaned over Winter to smack a kiss on her upturned smiling lips and then took a moment to rub her belly. “How’s my snow queen and my football players?” When he got his answer he winked at Paige. “Hey, babe.” It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he’d seen Reaper.
“Hi, Snake. Thanks for letting me crash at your house.”
“You’re welcome anytime.”
He kissed Winter again, and Paige turned away from their love. Her own belly squeezed missing Reaper. He told them he was heading up for a shower then he’d make food.
“Oh, hey, Beau. Bale called earlier, I told him I’d get you to call him back when you got home. He sounded down.”
Snake frowned and rubbed his tattooed fingers over his stubble. “I’ll go skype him. Did he say what was wrong?”
“No, but I got the impression it was boyfriend related when he avoided my question.”
“Motherfucker, I warned that little bastard not to hurt my boy. You can’t have the babies this weekend, Winter, not if I gotta grab my boys and fly to kill a little shithead.”
This made both girls laugh. Snake was fiercely protective over the brothers he’d raised. Especially the baby of the family.
Twenty-four hours ago she had that kind of love and now Paige felt adrift without Reaper.
So many secrets and misdirected truths between them, that she didn’t know if it gave them a future together at all.
Sitting on Winter’s deck in the backyard an hour later, the night-time enveloping Paige, wrapped in Reaper’s hoodie she’d worn that day, the call connected, and she was momentarily surprised he hadn’t changed his number.
“Dad?”
“I knew you’d call. He fucked up, didn’t he?” He crowed, almost delighted, and Paige sighed. Yeah, this was the father she knew. Why would she ever think he’d change and be there for his daughter?
“That’s not why I’m calling.”
She didn’t fully know why, seeing as how her family had never, ever been the nurturing kind. To get answers, maybe. To make sense of everything.
Maybe with all her amnesia she was now a glutton for punishment.
* * *
Missing Paige loosened Reaper’s sanity, one thin thread at a time.
With his back to the room, he sat at the club bar staring into his glass of scotch like it held all the fucking solutions he needed.
What the fuck would he do if this separation became permanent?
He couldn’t go back to that half-life again. He couldn’t do it.
Not after feeling her burning gaze on him every day.
Or how her hands were always touching him.
Not to mention her smile that gave him life again.
He’d festered in the dark for so long, content knowing his girl was healthy and happy and then he’d gotten greedy and wanted more and he’d taken more and now? It was all gone to shit, and he fucking hurt deep in his chest.
“Cheer up, ghost, you look like you lost your dog and found a hamster.” Preacher parked his big self on the stool next to Reaper and clapped him on the back before asking Jed to slide him a beer. It was rare to see the road captain in the club late at night, what with him being a married homebody now. Reaper didn’t have the words in him to ask him why.
He just needed Paige.
He’d always just needed Paige.
A
king could lead, sure. But a queen held all the power.
He was nothing without his queen. Just a shell of his former self gasping in memories and glimpses in hopes of seeing what he once did.
Some might call him pathetic or deranged for everything he’d endured in the last four years, the scraps he’d made do with just to keep his heart ticking.
His brother back home sure thought so. He didn’t understand Reaper’s reasons.
He’d told Bryan plainly. You don’t turn your back on that kind of love.
It didn’t die.
It fucking lived on in Reaper’s chest, pounding away every minute, every second. How the fuck could he leave Paige to her new life, leave her alone, when his love hadn’t disappeared?
Only hours since he’d been forced to watch her drive away and he was a miserable bastard. He’d had so many plans for tonight that didn’t end this way.
He sighed and sipped his drink. And then another. It was his only goal, otherwise he’d embarrass himself and Paige by knocking Snake’s door down.
Grinder came up behind and spoke to Preacher. “What’s wrong with our boy?”
“Not sure. I think he might be sniffing glue.”
“Nah, glue sniffers are more animated than that.”
“Who’s a glue sniffer?” Asked Arson.
Another sip. Another refill. He ignored them all.
It was Preacher who bumped Reaper’s shoulder with his own as he hunched over. “You wanna talk about it, bud?”
Did he? Could he after all this time of withholding so much from his buddies?
He didn’t make eye contact, didn’t even look up from the glass he was cradling between two hands. “I think my wife has left me.”
He could have heard a pin drop from fifty paces.
“Say what now?”
“Whose wife?”
“You’ve been boning a married chick?”
“My wife.” Reaper said tonelessly, staring into his drink like it held all his fucking answers.
“You got back with the Mrs?” Asked Preacher. “What about diner girl?”
“Paige is my wife.”
More pins dropping.
Within ten minutes he’d told the boys the whole sorry fucking tale.
“Holy fucking shitballs. This is like one of Cap’s Spanish shows!”
“Man, now I feel fucking weird I tried to hit on your wife, bro.” Arson remarked with a chuckle. Reaper hadn’t forgotten and was tempted to hurl the guy across a room again if he kept on mentioning it. There was no statute of limitation when it came to his possessiveness of his wife.
“Paige knows all this now?”
“Yeah,” he answered Preacher. “She didn’t take it so well.”
“And the fuckhead dad, he’s still around?”
“Probably.”
“You think he wants revenge for the paedo son?”
“Motherfucker deserved to get dead if you ask me.” Tag piped up. “You did the right thing, Reap.”
He had. He wouldn’t ever feel guilt over getting rid of that guy. Only not doing it sooner.
Despair sat on his shoulder even as Preacher laid a giant paw on him. “So, you gonna win your wife back?”
“She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“When has that ever stopped a dickhead in love?” Was it weird a former self-confessed manwhore was giving Reaper marriage advice when Reaper had more married years under his belt than most of the boys here? Nah, it felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders to have them all know the full story.
He didn’t intend to sit on his ass and do nothing but getting drunk sounded like the best idea in that second. Until he could figure out a way to get Paige to talk to him again.
“Listen, I’m all down and shit for winning back love. I watched Disney that one time with Harper, I’m a fucking romantic.” Tag said over the voices of others who were tossing out sex tips. “But do we need to take care of the dad before anything else? He seems like a loose end that needs fixing”
“I’d be happy to.” Lawless said, appearing out of nowhere and Reaper swerved his head to be met with twin blue eyes. Shrewd and dark, murderously joyful.
“No.” He said firmly, “if it comes to it, I’ll do it.”
Lawless rolled a shoulder and strode off.
Reaper was grateful for the guys support, but it wasn’t them he needed.
Only his Paige.
He was laid face down in a bed out back hours later when his phone buzzed against his stomach. The flood of oxygen was dizzying when he saw Paige’s name.
Ladybug: I’m really your wife?
Reaper: Yeah, you are, baby.
Ladybug: Did we get married in a church?
Reaper: We had a ceremony in Atlantic city then a blessing on the beach. Followed by a seafood dinner and dancing.
Ladybug: Were we happy?
Reaper: Stupidly, crazily, perfectly happy.
He answered with shaking thumbs. His Adam’s apple bobbing looking down at the phone screen.
Ladybug: I can take it then that you loved me…the me who I was back then?
His eyes blazed. His heart hurting that she had to ask.
Reaper: Love. Paige. I fucking love you. Then, now and always. There’s never been a second when that love was past tense. I’ve always, always loved you.
Because he hated texting and couldn’t stand the distance, he hit call and hoped to God she picked up. He exhaled when he heard her voice.
“Out of everything, please tell me that you believe I love you, Paige? I can take you being pissed off at me, but you gotta know that.”
“I.” she paused, and that small hesitation killed him. “I do. I’m just trying to get my head around everything.”
“Let me come and get you and I’ll show you how much.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Reaper. I can’t think when I’m around you.”
Swinging his legs off the bed, he let his head hang over his body, hand in his hair, the pain at his temples throbbing steadily.
“When you’d come into the diner every day. What was that about?”
Of all questions he’d expected that was low on the list. And one he could answer easily. “Watching you, baby. Being around you.”
“You’re essentially saying you stalked me.”
His mouth quirked. She didn’t sound mad. “It can’t be stalking if it’s mine.”
She hummed and he would swear the noise had a direct line to his dick because Reaper had to lean back and adjust his pants before the zipper cut off circulation to his growing length.
“I feel bad you did all that…watching.”
Fucking hell, he missed her.
Missed her sounds and her joy and it had only been a few hours.
What would his life be like if she decided she no longer wanted him?
He went all in with everything to lose—fighting to keep the life he’d mentally exhausted himself with for years.
“From the beginning we were in love. Not a day went by with us not loving each other. I loved enough for the both of us, so don’t you ever worry about that. I was right where I wanted to be. You might hate me now, Paige, and assume I kept things from you, but I’ve always loved you. Always, always loved you. Everything I’ve done is for you.”
The only noticeable change from the other end of the line was the slight hiccup from his girl and his tongue burned, his throat dry and his head throbbed. He went on fighting.
“One of the first few dates we had, Paige, you said to me anything is possible if you make it a priority. You’ve always been my priority. Every single day, every minute. You’re my priority. Even when you couldn't remember me. I remembered you and knew how vital you were to me.”
“Reaper…” she was crying and his heart both soared and sank at the same time.
“Baby, let me come and take you home.”
“I can’t. Not yet. I need time.”
Time. Fucking time. He’d had so mu
ch time already, but he was lucky she wasn’t kicking his ass to the curb, so he’d have to deal and not pussy out and beg her.
“Tell me you love me still.”
Silence.
“Paige. I’ll give you all the time you need but tell me you love me.”
“If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be hurting this badly.”
Direct. Fucking. Hit.
He heeled a hand over his heart and sighed.
There was no sleeping for Reaper that night.
Nor the two after that he spent alone without Paige.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“Ice cream and stars.” – Reaper
“I can’t, dad.” Paige said. More forceful when she added “I won’t.”
“Fine, girlie, but you know the consequences. You got twenty-four hours, don’t let me down.” He hung up.
What was the saying about regrets?
Calling her father in a weak moment and Paige was regretting it big time.
He was trying to hook her back in like a fish caught up on the end of a pole and he knew he had her dangling on that hook.
She sighed and went back to fixing her face, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror, which was difficult to do whilst applying eyeshadow.
With bigger, more important things than her father’s deviousness to concentrate on, she had a tentative date/meeting with Reaper soon and her stomach was flipping like salmon.
Dammit, she had to stop making fish analogies.
She was nervous. So freaking nervous.
And excited. God, she’d missed him so much and it’d only been two days.
* * *
“Gonna let me in to see my wife?”
“That all depends.” Smirked Snake, arms folded in his doorway. “Gonna have her home at a reasonable hour?”
He thought he was funny.
Reaper shouldered past him and ignored Snake’s cackling. “And don’t get our girl in any trouble. I got shot guns.”
“Beau, stop teasing him.” Winter’s voice drifted from the kitchen. “Paige is upstairs, Reaper.” She explained, more helpful than her clown husband. “Third door on the right.”