by Sarah Peis
“I have no problem with that.” He looked to Stella who was silently standing next to me. “Who’s this? Another friend you’ll show how much you don’t like us?”
I stepped on his foot and leaned all my weight on it. “Don’t push it, buddy.”
I introduced them and watched in fascination as another one of my friends fell victim to Landon’s dimples and overused lines. Unbelievable.
“As much fun as this uncomfortable conversation was, we better get going,” I said to Landon and turned around. Unfortunately, my eyes fell on Jameson like he was the red velvet cupcake in a sea of boring vanilla ones.
He was heading our way with none other than Regina trailing after him. Seeing him brought back every single feeling I had locked up tight. He might as well have slapped me over the head with a wrench; it would have hurt less than seeing him with someone else.
He was listening to Regina and thankfully hadn’t spotted me yet. Panicked, I turned to the guys. “SeeyouMondaygottagobye.” It all came out as one word in my rush to get the hell out of the bar.
I turned around and barely avoided a near collision. They must have been closer than my blurry vision led me to believe. Kill me now. Or make me invisible. I couldn’t do this. I had to get out. Fast. Because this could not be happening right now. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t even rehearsed my speech yet. It was only half finished.
I stared at Jameson who was now looking at me, ignoring whatever Regina was babbling on about. Probably her new car. Or her dog, the vicious little shit. Never trust a dog that fits into your handbag is my motto.
I looked at her perfect hair, her perfect dress, her perfect figure and felt perfectly inadequate. I had to get out. Of course my brain chose that moment to short circuit, and I blurted, “I quit.”
Jameson stepped closer, his face drawn tight. “No, you fucking don’t.” His voice was so low I could barely hear him.
“I can do whatever I damn well please. And right now quitting pleases me greatly.”
He closed the distance between us, seriously invading my personal space. Oh dear, not good. Not good at all. Because the closer he was the more my nerve endings sparked alive, demanding my body to throw itself at him. Down body, down. You are meant to be taking your last breath soon. Not coming back to life.
“Well, I don’t accept your resignation.” I could tell he was still trying to hold on to his iron control, but his voice rose at the last word.
Time to get my ass out of here or risk making a scene. “I’m not doing this with you in a crowded bar.” This was embarrassing enough without an audience.
Regina watched us with way too much interest and a smug look on her face. Gah, I hated her. Everyone would know about Jameson breaking up with me in about two point five seconds. She had some nimble texting fingers, that one.
I took Stella’s hand and pulled her closer to get ready for our escape. I moved to step past Jameson, but he stopped me. Oh holy donut gods please make me keep my hands next to my body and stop me from touching anyone inappropriately. And by anyone I meant Jameson.
“You’re not quitting your job.”
I ignored him and instead glared at Regina who was standing entirely too close. It might have been more a one-eyed stare, but who cared at that moment. “Guess you got what you wanted from me and moved on,” I said, unable to keep the words in.
I watched the vein in his neck start to pulse. Right, time to step back slowly. Don’t want to set him off. No sudden movements. I held it together until he reached out and pulled me closer, his hands on my arms.
I would not be held responsible for any and all of my actions from now on. Because touching was involved. His hands were on my body. This shouldn’t be such a big deal. He’d touched me a lot over the last few weeks. Yet at this moment, it was.
I was forced to let go of Stella when he pulled me forward. There was my lifeline gone.
He bent down and spoke next to my ear, so that only I could hear him. “I thought you’d realize how fucking ridiculous this is and come to your senses. But I can see now that you are more stubborn than I thought. So let me tell you what you’re going to do. You are going to walk out of this bar with me, and I’m driving you home. Whatever you think is going on here isn’t happening.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I said.
“This isn’t a choice,” he said, his anger replaced with exasperation.
He turned to Stella. “Are you okay to get a ride home?”
She nodded, the traitorous traitor, and pointed to the bar. “Maisie is here as well. I’ll share a cab with her.”
Jameson nodded, and without so much as a glance at Regina, he held me close and pushed through the crowd. I resisted the urge to flip her off on my way out. Mammoth effort.
He didn’t release his hold on me until we were at his truck. Ever the gentleman, he helped me inside and buckled me in. He didn’t say a word the whole way back to my apartment; I officially had the Neanderthal version of Jameson back.
The short ride didn’t help my drunk mind make any sense of the situation. I also couldn’t come up with an excuse, because I wanted to tell him how sorry I was. How stupid and insecure.
We got out of the truck, but instead of letting him help me out, I dragged my uncoordinated self out before he had a chance to come around to my side. He wordlessly took my key and pushed the door to my apartment complex open. The bitch didn’t even so much as creak but swung open effortlessly instead.
I followed him up the stairs, staring at his back. I knew I had irreparably damaged whatever relationship we had because he didn’t even walk behind me but made me follow him. And he always walked behind me to make sure I was okay. And look at my butt. It was one of the many things I loved about him. And there, I said it. I wasn’t just in like. I was in love and didn’t even get to say the words to him before I fucked it all up.
We arrived at my door, and Jameson once again took over opening the door. Even in my drunk state I could admit it would have taken me a few tries to get the key in. I knew my limits and had gotten well past them again tonight. But that was okay since it was my last hurrah after all.
He didn’t come inside but instead handed me my key. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Try and get some sleep.”
I didn’t move inside but instead turned to face him. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take back what I did.” My voice was hoarse, my heart torn, and to top it all off, I felt a tear escape. I was such a gigantic idiot. A drunk gigantic idiot who was now a crying idiot.
I hoped I wouldn’t remember this tomorrow. Maybe I’d forget I even saw Jameson. Not interested in humiliating myself further, I finally turned around to close the door.
Instead of closing it, the damn thing opened all the way and Jameson was in front of me. “Fuck. Willa. I can’t—” He didn’t finish his sentence but instead curled his big body around me and held me tight. I cried for a while, and I wasn’t proud to admit it, but it lasted this long because I knew he’d let me go once I stopped, not because I felt like crying anymore. Even I couldn’t keep the tears going after he stroked my hair and back and whispered nonsense in my ear. I buried my nose into his shirt and inhaled deeply. This would have to last me for a while.
Instead of releasing me, he pulled me closer. “Do you remember Maisie’s party? The one where you fell in the pool?”
Huh? What did that have to do with anything?
“Yeah?” I croaked out.
“That was the night I knew that you were it for me. I’d seen you around school but didn’t pay much attention. You were a few grades below me, and I was about to graduate. But that night I saw you and my whole world turned upside down.”
“What?” My voice was strangled, the emotions crashing in all around me. Did he just say that we had been a few years in the making? Because Maisie’s party was five years ago.
“But you were with Regina.”
“We broke up that night. I was going to find you the next day, but when I got to s
chool, you were making out with Colton behind the bleachers.”
I had no words. This was crazy. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest. “We were dating.”
He lowered his head until we were forehead to forehead. “I know. That’s why I backed off. And then the whole thing with Hannah happened and I ended up moving to Seattle.”
I remembered him leaving. It was a dark day for the female population of Humptulips but a golden opportunity for Jameson. His friend Granger ran one of the most famous and successful garages in the country. Jameson did his apprenticeship there and came back to open Drake’s with his brother.
“I know you are not ready to hear this, but I need to say it. I love you. I love you so much that the thought of losing you tears me in half. I hate that you think you have to hide us, that you don’t trust me.”
It was in that moment that I knew. Knew without a doubt that I felt the same. But the words wouldn’t come. I stayed mute, my breaths coming loud and quick.
Jameson pulled back. “Go get some rest. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
What? He just told me he loved me, had at least liked me for the past five years, and now he was leaving? I blinked hard to clear my fuzzy brain, but it wasn’t working. When I didn’t move, Jameson took my hand and led me to my bed. Now that’s more where I thought this was going.
He pulled my dress over my head and yanked the covers back. “Sit down, babe.”
Wasn’t going to argue, that’s for sure. He took my shoes off, got a T-shirt out of my dresser, and pulled it over my head. Okay, now this wasn’t where I thought this was going.
When he nudged me back until I was lying down and then kissed my head, I knew this was definitely not going where I thought it was.
“Sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I didn’t get a chance to protest, and the last sign of Jameson was the door closing behind him. Maybe my tired old body might have a few years left of life after all.
My reason for breathing was back. At least I thought it was. Because he did say that I’d see him tomorrow.
That was my last rational thought before I passed out.
Maybe my body wasn’t ready to live again after all, because at the moment I sure felt like I was dying. What happened last night? Did I try and kill myself with tequila? And who put cotton balls in my mouth?
A stretch of my arms confirmed I was alone in bed. Okay, that was good. So things didn’t get too out of hand. I opened my eyes and looked at a familiar ceiling. I was at home. Even better.
Now if my face wouldn’t be so numb and the rest of my body so achy, life would almost be normal again. I retraced my steps last night and remembered everything pretty clearly until we left O’s. Damn limoncello. Guess I wasn’t trying to end my life with tequila but with the lemony goodness instead.
My phone was blinking at me wildly from my nightstand. I did not remember putting it there, but at least I hadn’t lost it again. With a loud groan, I rolled onto my side and lifted my arms to pick it up.
The first message was from Maisie.
Maisie: I can’t believe you left with Jameson without telling me. You better call me as soon as you wake up.
And it all came back to me. Jameson driving me home. My breakdown. Him telling me he loved me. And then tucking me into bed.
I had to call him. Or would it be too soon? Maybe I should wait until tonight. Or tomorrow. Maybe he changed his mind. What if he did? After all, he didn’t stay.
The next message was from Stella.
Stella: Made it home okay. Maisie is pissed she missed the Jameson drama. Meet at Sweet Dreams for coffee when you wake up?
Coffee. That’s what I needed. I just didn’t know if I could make it all the way to Sweet Dreams.
There was also a message from Des.
Des: I heard what happened with you and Garret. You did the right thing. Come over if you wanna talk.
I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet but was sure that without a hangover I would be more willing to make amends. But first I needed a shower. I smelled of limoncello and meatballs, a dangerous combination if you’re one sniff away from throwing up last night’s dinner.
After I dragged my body into the shower and stood in the weak trickle until it turned cold, I felt a little more human. I shuffled into the kitchen in one of Jameson’s T-shirts that might have fallen in my bag at one stage and big wool socks. Putting on pants was too much of an undertaking.
My next stop was the coffee machine. The coffee tin felt suspiciously empty, and once I opened it my worst fears were confirmed. I was out of coffee. Didn’t even have the disgusting instant stuff left.
A knock at the door pulled me out of mourning. I was slumped over the counter and still thinking about whether or not I should go and let whoever was out there in when it opened. I had given a key to only one person besides my dad.
“Are you still alive? And decent?” Maisie called out, the loud noise making my head pound.
Her shoes clacked loudly on the floor, causing me to bury my head in my hands, still half lying on my kitchen counter.
“Go away.”
“Where is Jameson?”
“Not here.”
“Why?”
I lifted my head to glare at her. “How would I know? He dropped me off, told me he loved me, and left.”
“He what?” Maisie’s voice was too loud. Why was she here?
“Left. Now can I feel sorry for myself in peace?”
She clacked her tongue at me and pulled me upright. “Put on some pants. I’m not watching you like this any longer. You love him. He loves you. Let’s go and tell him.”
“How do you know I didn’t say it back last night?”
She let go of me, and I sagged back onto the counter, this time leaning on it. Maisie crossed her arms and raised her brows. “Really?”
“Fine. I didn’t say it back, but I can’t go anywhere. I’m not feeling well.”
This time she rolled her eyes and came closer. “Get dressed. If you don’t, I’ll drag you out of here dressed in what looks like Jameson’s shirt. You have two minutes.”
I grumbled in response but did go and put on some pants and change the shirt. Maybe I could convince her to stop at a coffee shop.
We got into her car and stopped at the coffee shop with only one threat of bodily harm on my part and more than one eye roll on Maisie’s.
Once the caffeine was cursing through my system, I felt better. I could totally talk to Jameson. He wouldn’t have changed his mind overnight, and I was ready to do some groveling.
We pulled up to the garage, and I sank into the car seat.
A slap to my thigh made me shriek and sit up again. “What the hell, Maisie? What was that for?”
“For you being such a chickenshit.” Her expression turned somber, and she turned in her seat to face me. “Look, I’m sorry for talking shit about Jameson and for judging him without even knowing anything about him. He seems like a great guy, and I was wrong.”
“Oh my God, am I dying?”
She slapped me again. “Shut up. I can apologize when it’s necessary. I’ve just never done anything before that warranted an apology. I’m basically perfect. Now will you close your mouth and get your ass in there so I can stop feeling guilty?”
I nodded and got out of the car. If Maisie of all people could admit that she was wrong, then I could do it, too. Determined to tell Jameson that I was an idiot, I walked into the garage.
“Sweetcheeks. You’re either running really late or you’re looking for Jameson,” Landon said, knowing full well why I was there on my day off.
“What do you think?”
“Jameson.”
“Correct. Is he here?”
“Sure is. But not sure if you want to get any closer. He’s in a mood.”
I could guess why and hoped he would want to see me.
Despite Landon’s warning, I walked over to Jameson’s bay. He was halfway underneath a car and didn’t see me approach. I
stood in front of his feet awkwardly, not sure what to say. I cleared my throat. “Jameson?”
He pushed himself out but stayed on the floor. I looked down at him, suddenly tongue tied.
“Willa. What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to tell you that—” My voice broke and I backtracked. Because I most definitely was a chickenshit. “—Landon broke the fridge door.”
“You traitor,” Landon called out and took off.
Jameson watched me but didn’t react to my news. “Right. And you came all the way over here on your day off to tell me that?”
“Yes. I mean no. There was something else.”
He stood up, standing close, but didn’t touch me. He wasn’t going to make this easy for me. Guess I deserved that.
“I also wanted to apologize.” I forced myself to look at him. “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. If I could take it all back, I would. Being with you meant more to me than I ever realized. Life sucks without you. I kinda got used to having you around. And I also kinda like you. A lot.”
“So you got used to having me around.”
I nodded. That wasn’t an altogether terrible speech. I had done worse. But why did he not look convinced?
“And you also kinda like me.”
I nodded again. Not sure my fumbled words were having the desired effect. He wasn’t exactly looking ready to forgive me. I guess I hurt him worse than I thought.
Unable to stay there any longer, I turned on my heels and walked outside. I could try something different. Maybe I’d write him a letter. At least that way I could think about what I wanted to say. Maisie was waiting for me outside her car, her forehead creased with worry. I was halfway through the parking lot when her eyes went wide. My steps faltered, and I was suddenly airborne.
“What the hell?”
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jameson asked.
“Well, home most likely.”
“I don’t think so. Didn’t you know the best part of having a fight is the make-up sex?”
My grin was so big it threatened to split my face in half. “Does this mean you forgive me?”