“I’m so glad it’s you!” Tera says when we pull back, both of our eyes glossy.
I sniff. “Welcome to the family, Little.”
Skyler joins us then, and when Tera sees her, she covers her laugh before wrapping Skyler in a hug.
“A fine Ron Weasley you make, President.”
“You can call me G-Big now,” Skyler says, and when they’re done hugging, she holds up her wand and says, “Now, what’s the spell to make a very strong cocktail appear?”
We all laugh, already making our way out of the pond and waving to the spectators who had watched the scene. Some of them are snapping pics, so we pose with our soggy Voldemort and take a few of our own.
“Are we changing before we go out?” Tera asks.
“Absolutely not,” Skyler answers. “Fully committed to the Harry Potter theme tonight. We need to look up a recipe for spiked butter beer and order it at Ralph’s.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Something tells me we can’t trust any bartender at Ralph’s to even remotely know how to make a drink that isn’t three parts whatever alcohol you want and one part soda.”
“Fair,” Skyler concedes. “But we should try anyway.”
“Oh! Before we change, I told Adam we’d video chat him,” I say, pulling out my phone.
Tera is all bright smiles and red cheeks, and she, Skyler, and I cuddle in close to make sure we’re all in frame as the phone rings. Skyler touches up her hair while Tera fixes her glasses on her nose, and then the screen connects.
“Merlin’s beard!” Adam answers, completely on theme. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a new Gryffindor.”
“Hi, Adam! Nice to finally meet you,” Tera says. “Virtually, anyway. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Same here, Tera. Welcome to the family.”
There’s a voice somewhere near Adam — a female voice — that makes my heart stop.
It’s then that I notice his surroundings, a candlelit restaurant with plush, deep red booth-like seats and chandeliers hanging above him. Mahogany wood trims everything in sight, and he’s not in his normal Alpha Sig polo, or in any of his chill clothes.
He’s got on a suit and tie.
“Yes, it is! Here, come say hi,” he answers to the girl, patting the seat next to him. A second later, she scoots over next to him and waves at us on the screen.
Which means she couldn’t have been that far away to begin with.
“Hi, Cassie! Oh, my gosh. You guys look amazing!”
Skyler and Tera do some silly movements with their wands to get the full effect, but I just stand there, trying to remember to breathe, trying to force a smile.
Because I know without looking at myself in the screen that I look crazy right now — wild, frizzy hair, baggy cloak, puffy scarf around my neck.
But she — the girl with Adam — is the one who looks amazing.
Her dark hair is pin straight and hanging over her shoulders, her eyes lined like a cat’s, and tinged with smoky eyeliner. Her lips are painted a blood red, spread wide to reveal her perfect, straight white teeth. I can’t see everything she’s wearing, but I can see her quite impressive cleavage and the thin black straps straining to hold said bosom in place.
Skyler gives me a look, and it’s enough to make me clear my throat and remember to speak.
“Hi!” I say.
Simply.
Stupidly.
“I’m Chandler,” the girl says. “Adam has told me so much about you. I can’t wait to meet you when you come visit!”
“Same here,” I manage, and it’s not a complete lie. Adam has told me a lot about her, too.
The part about not being able to wait to meet her, though…
“Chandler scored a free dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town,” Adam explains.
“It was a gift since we booked our dinner before our semi-formal here,” Chandler adds. “But I didn’t want to come to this fancy-schmancy steakhouse by myself, so I dragged your boyfriend here with me and told him we could talk business.”
I force the most pathetic laugh of my life.
“Where are you girls off to now?” Adam asks.
“Ralph’s, of course,” Skyler says. And she must sense that I’m uncomfortable, must know that Tera is about two seconds away from knowing the same, so she grabs the phone from my hands and smiles wide at the screen. “And we better get going. So much to drink, so little time.”
Adam chuckles. “Take care of my girl. And hey, Tera,” he says, waiting for Skyler to put her on the screen again. “Nice to meet you. You picked the best Big there is.”
Tera beams at me. “I know. I’m the luckiest Little.”
The smile I wear is a little less forced then, my heart caught between surging with love and happiness, and breaking from jealousy and insecurity.
“I love you, babe,” he says to me next, blowing me a kiss. “Call me tomorrow.”
Skyler ends the call before I can get out my answer, and then she immediately loops her arms through mine and Tera’s, taking up the middle. “Alright, bitches — let’s party!”
She and Tera give a little hoot of approval, and then we’re making our way across campus. Skyler holds up the conversation as we try to find a cab once we hit Greek Row, and when Tera runs inside the KKB house real quick to meet up with some of the other pledges and take some pictures, Skyler pulls me to the side in the yard.
“Hey, she’s just a friend. Adam loves you. She is not a threat.”
I nod, but almost start crying.
“He loves you,” Skyler says again, holding my arms and searching my eyes.
“I know,” I say. “But people cheat on the ones they love all the time.”
Skyler frowns, pulling me in for a long hug. “He’s not cheating on you. Okay? I promise. I know Adam. You know Adam. He could never.”
I nod, sighing when she releases me from the hug. “I’m just being crazy.”
“No, you’re being normal. Long distance is hard.”
Skyler’s attempt at being strong dies with that, as if she’s just remembered the distance between her and Kip — both literally and metaphorically — at this very moment.
She clears her throat. “Let’s go out and have fun with your new Little tonight, okay? You can talk to him in the morning. Tell him how you’re feeling. Let him clear your worries.”
I blow out a breath. “You’re right. I want to make sure Tera has the best night.”
And then like we’ve summoned her, Tera is bolting across the yard, waving her wand around and saying random spells as we laugh and watch.
A cab pulls up. We all pile in.
And then we celebrate the new addition to our legacy.
I PLOP INTO BED with a sigh heavier than any I’ve ever released in my life, freshly showered and bleary-eyed after a long, but fun, night out with the girls. My legs are sore from dancing, my throat sore from screaming, and I already know that regardless of not drinking a crazy amount, I’ll have a headache in the morning.
But it was worth it.
Seeing Cassie take a Little, getting to know Tera more, celebrating with all our sisters as our sorority gets bigger and stronger… it’s the best feeling in the world. Perhaps what touches my heart most is knowing I’m a part of it, knowing these are friendships that will last a lifetime, values that will settle in and help young women grow into professionals, maybe mothers or wives, maybe country leaders.
The possibilities are endless, and I get giddy when I think about how something so seemingly small — a sorority at a tiny private university — can have such huge impacts on so many lives.
On the world, really.
I didn’t even bother getting dressed after my shower, and now I’m wishing I would have thought to plug in my phone to charge and shut off the light before collapsing, because it’s going to take every ounce of energy I have left just to roll over and do those things before I pass out.
Except when I make my move and reach for my phone to pl
ug it in, it vibrates in my hand.
And Kip’s face fills the screen.
I swallow down the knot that immediately builds in my throat, pressing my free hand to my chest to try to ease my racing heart. We haven’t talked in so long, and the only time I’ve seen his face was when I stole Bear’s phone to stalk his Instagram and immediately regretted it.
I let it ring for a long time, debating just letting him hit voicemail.
But at the last second, I answer.
“Hello?”
There’s a brief pause on the other end, and then a half-shocked, half-relieved sigh. “You answered.”
I bite my lip. “Don’t make me regret it.”
He blows out a breath, and even though I can’t see him, I can imagine him — the way he pinches the bridge of his nose, moving his glasses up in the process, and the way he runs his hands back through his hair, the way his eyes look when he’s sad or distraught, how they somehow morph into an even deeper blue.
“What are you doing?” he asks after a moment. “It’s late there. I thought you’d be asleep.”
“It was Big/Little reveal. I just got home from Ralph’s.”
“Oh.” I hear the hesitancy in his voice, the questions he wants to ask but doesn’t dare — like if I was there with another guy, if I danced with another guy, if I kissed another guy, if I’m with another guy in any capacity.
It would kill him.
Just like the thought of him and Natalia has been killing me.
“So, Cassie did take a Little, huh? I bet you’re excited.”
“I am. She’s sweet.” I pause. “What do you want, Kip? Why did you call?”
He lets out another long, slow breath. “I called to tell you I’m sorry.”
My shoulders deflate at the words.
“But not like I did before.”
I sit up a little straighter in bed, pulling the sheets to my chest and waiting.
“Skyler, I hope you believed me when I said I never meant to hurt you, and that I was sorry that I did.” He sighs. “But… I didn’t fully hear you out. I was stubborn and didn’t want to believe I’d done anything wrong, because I’d been so far up my own ass that I didn’t stop to consider how my actions might be affecting other people around me. It’s a good excuse, right? To feel like you don’t have to apologize if you didn’t do it intentionally? But I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.”
I close my eyes against the tears building there.
“Not only was I wrong for not seeing your side, for not agreeing with you because you were right — if it were me in your shoes, I would have felt the same way. Hell, I would have been even angrier, I wouldn’t have been nearly as controlled as you.” He pauses. “And you were right about Natalia.”
My heart squeezes so painfully in my chest that I can’t help the choked sob that rips free from me. To see the picture of them together was enough pain to last me a lifetime, but if he’s called now to tell me they’re together, to tell me I was right about them…
I’ll fucking die.
I will die.
“The other night, we got together for a mini premiere night. It was for cast and crew to watch the series before it hits the small screen.”
I can already feel it, my body breaking down, because I know he’s about to tell me that something happened that made him realize his feelings for her.
Bile rises in my throat.
“The show is good, Sky,” he whispers. “It’s so fucking good.”
I want to tell him I’m proud of him, that I’m happy for him, but every word — every breath is lodged in my throat.
“We were on such a high afterward, and we decided to go out. We were at this rooftop club. The music was going, we were all dancing and drinking and…”
My stomach turns again, and I double over on myself, squeezing my eyes shut against the burning urge to cry. Images of Natalia dancing with him, her ass grinding against his crotch, his hands on her waist…
I want to beg him to stop. I want to beg him to hang up and cut me out of his life and just leave me to rot without him.
I can’t handle it.
I can’t take this pain.
“She said she needed air, needed a break, and asked me to go with her. We went to this little corner garden with benches and a fountain, and we were just sitting there, talking, looking out over the skyline.” He pauses. “And then… she kissed me.”
I can’t fight against it this time, the guttural cry that rips free from me, the tears that pour down, the ugly sobs that free themselves.
“Skyler, baby, don’t cry,” Kip pleads, and I swear he sounds like he’s in just as much pain as I am, like hearing me cry is a dagger to his chest.
I can’t even catch my breath long enough to tell him not to call me baby, not to coddle me as he breaks my heart.
“I saw it then,” he says. “I saw everything you’d been telling me, everything I’d been ignoring, everything I’d said was innocent even when I knew deep down that it was suspicious, that it was maybe a hair too much.”
“Kip, please,” I finally manage to beg. “Please, stop. I can’t breathe. I can’t…” My next sentence is robbed by another painful squeeze of my chest.
“I know. I’m so fucking sorry, Sky. I didn’t want to tell you, but I knew I had to. I wanted to be upfront and clear about everything. If I stand another chance at having you, at getting back into your heart, there can’t be any secrets between us.”
Those words make me pause, though my rib cage is still painfully tight around my lungs. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I should have listened to you. I should have respected you. I should have sat Natalia down and had a conversation with her about professionalism, about drawing a clear, dark boundary so she understood. More than anything, I should have been there to pick you up.” His voice catches. “I should have been there. And I’ll live every day of my life regretting that I wasn’t.”
I sniff. “I don’t understand. What happened between you two? After… after she kissed you?” My stomach knots.
Kip blows out a breath. “Well, I grabbed her arms and pushed her back to stop her. She basically said I was fighting it and she knew I wanted her to, which I immediately informed her was a gross misinterpretation.”
My chest kicks in my chest, and I can’t help but feel a small twinge of petty victory.
“I told her she’d been drinking and needed to sleep it off, then the next day, I sat her down and told her it was out of line. She was pissed,” he adds. “But I was disappointed more than anything. Disappointed that I didn’t see it, that I’d hurt you, that she was the star of my first show, that she plays the most amazing woman in the world, the woman I love, and I can’t go back and change that now.”
I swallow. “You can’t go back and change it,” I finally say. “And maybe it happened for a reason. You said it’s good, right?”
“It is,” he admits. “But now, it all just feels… tainted.”
I nod, even though he can’t see me, because I can only imagine how contrary those feelings must be — pride and shame all at once.
“I don’t ever want to work with her again,” he says after a while. “And I don’t plan on it. I just wish I would have seen it sooner. I wish…” He curses. “God, I wish so many things. Most of all that I was with you, right now, holding you in my arms and looking into your eyes when I tell you that I love you, that I’m truly, truly, sorry, and that I’m begging you to give me another chance.”
His words release another wave of tears, but they’re silent, slipping down my tears like assassins in the night.
“Will you ever forgive me?”
I swallow down a sob, and it takes me a long while before I can answer.
“I want to,” I admit, my voice raspy and strained. My heart is already breaking before I say the words. “But I don’t know how.”
My face warps with the admission, with the truth that Kip has hurt me so much — possibly past the
point of fixing. But it’s the truth.
And if there are no more secrets between us, then I won’t keep one, either.
“You know more than anyone how hard it is for me to trust,” I say. “How hard it was for me to trust you again, specifically, after what happened with your dad and Vegas and… just… everything.”
“I know. I know,” he says, and I wait for more, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“I love you,” I whisper. “But I’ve forgiven you once. I… I don’t know if I can do it again.”
I hear something on the other end, something that sounds like a restrained cry, like a grunt of a grown man trying to hold it together when he’s on the verge of breaking down.
For a long while, we sit on the phone together. Sometimes it’s just breathing, sometimes one of us is crying, sometimes it’s more silent than a desert in the middle of the night.
After what feels like an eternity, Kip speaks.
“Hold onto us, Skyler,” he pleads, his voice rough. “You know me. You know my love for you. Hold onto that. Hold on.”
I close my eyes, sending one last set of hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
And though my heart surges in my chest with the urge to do what he’s asking, and I can already feel ever molecule of my being latching onto him, onto our memories, onto everything I know and love and trust in him, I end the call and force myself to make peace with the truth.
It’s over.
THERE’S SOMETHING UNIQUELY HORRIFYING about reliving sexual abuse.
For years, I’ve blocked out that night — the shock of it, the pain, the embarrassment. I’ve blocked it out so hard, so fiercely, that it almost feels as if it never happened at all.
Did I imagine it, the way I’d felt more drunk than usual, the way the chandelier light spun and spun above me as we danced at semi-formal? Did I imagine the way Landon’s warm eyes turned cold, the way he gripped my wrist when he pulled me back to that room, his brothers following us? Was it all a dream that I sensed something was off, that I got uncomfortable when his friends started touching me, kissing me… that I tried to fight… tried to leave?
Sometimes, it feels like it. It feels like it happened to someone else, or never happened at all.
Greek: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 7) Page 15