“If you say great guy, I swear to God, I’m pitching myself off the first rooftop I can find.”
I swallow, picking at my nail polish with my eyes on my hands. “I’m sorry.”
Jarrett sighs, deep and heavy, like all the hope he was holding onto left him with that breath. He holds his tumbler in his hand lightly, giving it a toss with his wrist, and then downs what whiskey is left before turning to face me.
“I hope my brother knows how lucky he is.”
I try to smile, but it falls flat. Instead, the tears I’ve been holding at bay slip free, the realization that Jarrett and I will never be sinking in and tearing my soul to shreds.
“And if he ever fucks up,” Jarrett warns.
“I know,” I say before he can finish, reaching for his hand. He turns his palm up, letting me hold him, and I squeeze his hand tightly. “I know.”
He nods, his eyes searching mine, and tears well in his eyes before he sniffs and jumps up without warning. His hand pulls from mine, digging into his pocket for his wallet. He slaps down a twenty to cover our drinks, and I slowly stand to mirror him.
“So, I guess this is it,” he says.
“I guess so.”
He bites the inside of his cheek, and then opens his arms, and without hesitation, I slip into them, both of us sighing when he wraps me in a tight embrace.
“You’re wrong about one thing,” he says against the shell of my ear. “I do love you.”
I nod against his neck, squeezing him tight, and we hold that hug for just a second, or was it a lifetime, before finally letting go.
And we do.
We let go.
In that moment, with that final embrace, I feel the last bit of Jarrett that has always stuck to my heart washing away, the waves taking him out to the Sea of the Past. And when I look into his eyes, I know he feels it, too.
The cleanse.
“Goodbye, Jarrett,” I whisper.
And then I leave him behind.
Later that night, Kade draws lines on my skin with his fingertips, my back to his chest, his chin on my shoulder as he holds me.
“So,” I say after a while, rolling in his arms to face him. Every limb is sore from how much we’ve made up lately, but it’s the delicious kind that I don’t mind at all. “What now?”
“What now?” he repeats, kissing my nose before he looks up at the ceiling, thinking. “Hmm… well, I’m thinking we might need a little food, maybe a shower, and then I have this position I want to try where—”
I flick his forehead, laughing when he pins me down into the sheets and kisses me breathless. I finally push him away and hold my hands to his chest where he balances over me.
“I’m serious,” I say. “With all this behind us… now what?”
Kade smiles, smoothing my hair out of my face. “Well, I’ve got a semester left of school,” he says. “You’ve got a busy wedding season coming up in the spring. And then…” He shrugs. “The world is our oyster.”
“What does that mean?”
He laughs, leaning down to press a brief kiss to the frown line between my brows. “It means we don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’re young, Jess. Young and madly in love. I’m finishing up school, you’re starting a new career, and we’re building a future… together.”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “We are, aren’t we?”
“I don’t know that I’m ready to dive in as head-first as your bestie has but…”
I snort laugh. “Oh no, I’m not ready for babies either. Although, I do plan to spoil the shit out of hers.”
“Oh! Can we be the cool aunt and uncle who gives the kid ungodly amounts of sugar and loud toys and then send them home again at the end of the day?”
“Obviously. I also plan to buy them any and everything they want so that they know when they’re old enough to need beer for a high school party, Aunt Jess has their back.”
“That’s illegal.”
I snort. “Like that ever stops anyone.”
Kade chuckles, settling more in-between my thighs, and when he nestles into my warmth, I feel him start growing hard again.
“Insatiable,” I whisper against his lips as he kisses me.
“Only when it comes to you.” He nibbles my lip before pushing up to balance on his elbows again. His eyes search mine, his smile warm and just… happy. So, so happy. “I don’t have a ten-year plan for you, Jess. Or a five-year one or hell, even one for the next three-hundred-and-sixty-five days. But I can tell you this. One day, I will get on my knee, and I will ask you to spend your life with me — officially, because to be clear, you’ve already agreed to that whether you know it or not.”
I laugh, but it’s against the tears building at his words.
“And one day, I’ll cry like a fucking baby when you walk down the aisle to me. And one day, I’ll hold your hand when you give birth to the first of our twelve babies.”
“Twelve?!” I laugh. “And what if I don’t want any of those things? What if I said I never want to get married or have kids?”
Kade shrugs. “Then I would say whatever you want in this life, wherever it may take you — count me in. Traveling the world, joining the circus, partying until we’re too old to take drugs,” he says as I laugh. “Whatever you choose — I’m your co-pilot.” He swallows. “For as long as you’ll have me.”
I curl my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, reaching up to press a kiss to his lips. “What if I want you longer than you want me?”
“Impossible.”
“What if I drive you insane?”
“Oh, you absolutely will,” he says, and I pinch his side. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I bite my lip when he rolls his hips against me, doing his best to distract me from this conversation — and it’s working.
“So, no matter what comes next, it’s me and you.”
“Me and you,” he echoes, kissing me deeply.
“I love the sound of that,” I whisper, wrapping my ankles around his hips.
“And I love you.”
With that promise, he captures my mouth with his, effectively silencing the conversation as he rolls against me once more.
And finally — finally — every jagged little piece of me falls into place.
I SHOULD BE GETTING ready for my last semi-formal.
I should be laughing with Skyler as she does my hair and I help her pick out the perfect accessories to go with the dynamite black dress she bought a few weeks ago for the occasion.
I should be taking Tera under my wing, showing her the ropes, passing the torch to her as Skyler and I leave and she starts the new line of our family.
Instead, I’m on a flight to Denver, my tail tucked firmly between my legs and what’s left of my bleeding heart on my sleeve.
It’s all I have to offer Adam. No apology will be enough. No amount of admitted regret can take back what I’ve done. Nothing I ever say or do will be able to atone for how I betrayed him in the most fundamental and hurtful way there is to betray someone you love.
In my heart, in the very pit of my gut, I know I’m walking into a losing battle. Like a soldier on the front line against an impossible force, I know I won’t walk out a survivor. But I can’t let him go without a fight. I can’t let go of him without knowing I did everything I could to hold on.
A soft, quiet voice whispers in my ear that Adam loves me, that we can make it through anything, that it will all be okay — but I don’t see how it ever could. Adam hasn’t spoken to me even once in the three long weeks since I confessed what happened in Mexico.
I wouldn’t speak to me, either.
For all I know, he’s written me out of his life forever. For all I know, he’s shacking up with any girl who looks his way and trying to fuck me out of his system. For all I know, he’s moved past the grieving stage and right on to the fuck her stage where he firmly believes everything between us was a lie.
I cover my mouth against the bile burning my thro
at at the thought, closing my eyes and willing myself to calm down as the captain announces we’re descending into Denver.
I was supposed to be on this flight three weeks ago, flying in to spend a long holiday weekend with the man I love.
Instead, he went to try to secure our future.
And I put my mouth on another man.
If I hadn’t already cried out every bit of moisture left in my body, I know I’d be sobbing once again. None of the girls have been successful at pulling me out of my depression — no matter how they tried. It’s taken all my energy just to drag myself to class and pass my last finals. I barely passed them, my long run with all A’s slipping from my fingers. I’ll still graduate just fine, and I’m already set for Johns Hopkins, but it doesn’t change the fact that not only did I fail Adam, but I’ve failed myself, too.
Regret and longing sour in my gut as I grab my carry-on out of the top compartment once we land, wheeling it behind me. My mind races, trying to grasp words out of thin air, to string together the right declarations that will somehow prove to Adam that I’m still worthy of his love.
How can I convince him when I don’t even know that I believe it myself?
My phone pings to life when I turn it off airplane mode, texts from both Tera and Skyler filling the screen. They send pictures of their outfits, of them doing our sorority hand sign in front of the house, and the latest is them piled into the back of the limo, loading up to go to dinner and then to the venue.
Fire burns my chest as I type back that I miss them and hope they have the best time. Skyler just types in all caps GO GET YOUR MAN while Tera sends a string of emojis.
I’m still staring at the pictures when I hear my name called.
“Cassie?”
My feet stop moving.
My heart stops beating.
My lungs cease to provide air as the familiarity of that voice sinks in.
Everything comes back to life in slow motion, and I turn just the same, finding Adam sitting in a chair by gate C45. His phone balances in his hand, brows furrowed together as he blinks over and over like it can’t actually be me he’s seeing.
When he realizes it is, he’s off his feet in the next instant, his phone dropped on top of his duffle bag and left behind.
I immediately start to cry.
And then I’m swept into his arms.
I clutch him so tight my knuckles whiten, and he crushes me in return, soothing me as I sob and struggle to catch my breath.
“Cassie? What are you doing here?” he asks, but still, he holds me, kissing my hair before pulling back to search my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I didn’t want you to tell me not to.”
My bottom lip quivers with the admission, and Adam sighs, shaking his head and pulling me into his chest again. “Oh, baby. I would never say that.”
“Not even after the monster I’ve become?”
His laugh is soft, blowing up the tendrils of my messy hair. “You’re not a monster.”
“Sir,” a stern voice interrupts behind us. “Please don’t leave your bags unattended.”
It’s one of the flight attendants working the gate desk, and Adam nods, grabbing my hand and my bag before pulling us both over to where he was sitting. When we get there, he drops his hold on my bag, but keeps his hold on me.
“I’m supposed to be boarding a flight in twenty minutes,” he says with a laugh. “To come see you.”
I sniff, looking at the monitor behind him. Sure enough, Miami is written in big letters at the top.
“You were coming to see me?”
“I was going to crash semi-formal,” he says on another laugh. “I mean, come on — you know it’s my favorite thing to do when it comes to you.”
“I seem to remember it being me who crashed through your bedroom window last year.”
“True,” he admits. “And then we went to semi in our pajamas.”
The memory makes him smile, but it makes tears well in my eyes again, and I cover my mouth, shaking my head as they relentlessly fall free.
“Hey,” Adam says softly, pulling me into his chest. “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I sob, wiping my nose with the back of my wrist as I press space between us. “Adam, why were you coming to me? I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one who… who…”
I can’t even finish the words, and Adam frowns, rubbing my arms. “Have you been torturing yourself this whole time?”
“How could I not?”
I sob harder, and Adam sighs, looking pointedly at an older man staring at us before saying, “A little privacy, please?” The man looks away, and Adam grabs our stuff and leads us to the corner of the waiting area, tucked between a wall and a window.
I finally find the strength to look into his eyes, my hands clinging to his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Adam.”
“I know,” he says. “I already know. Okay? Trust me — I’ve been on that side plenty of times to know you didn’t mean to hurt me, and even more that it meant nothing to you.”
“It didn’t,” I swear. “I was so drunk I don’t even remember it, which I hate admitting, but it’s true.”
Adam just smooths his hand up and down my arm for a long moment, letting me breathe, willing me to steady my racing heart. His touch alone is enough to do it, and slowly, my tears start to dry.
And then I hiccup.
Adam smiles. “There’s my girl.”
“I hate myself,” I whisper on another hiccup.
“Don’t. Look at me,” he says, lowering his gaze to mine. “I’m sorry, too. I should have made you more of a priority this semester, should have listened to you when you told me you missed me and we weren’t spending enough time together. I was so focused on the fraternity, on the drama with the exec board, and then my focus shifted completely to getting a job in Baltimore. When the opportunity came up with Chandler, I just… I couldn’t see all the ways it might threaten you or upset you because I was too zeroed in on what it would mean if I landed the job. I promised you last year that I wouldn’t mess things up over this, and I meant it. But I failed you. I just hope you see that it’s always been us in my mind — even if I didn’t do things the right way.”
“You were doing it for us,” I say. “I know that now. I see it. But in the moment, I was just…”
“I know. And you had every right to be. I’m sorry I didn’t follow up on my word to you. I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that there’s anything or anyone more important to me than you.”
That makes my nose sting again, and I stifle the tears threatening to spill. “How can you say that after what I did?”
“You fucked up,” he says — simply, casually, as if I left my purse in a restaurant rather than kissed another man. “And you know what, so did I. I have. Multiple times. I mean, have you forgotten the absolute ass I made of myself in the first two years I knew you?”
I laugh a little at that.
“I don’t care about some loser in Mexico,” he says, waving his hand. “He might have got one kiss. But I want the rest of them. I want them all, every kiss from here on out, from now until the end of time.”
“So dramatic,” I tease.
“Have I ever been any other way?”
I shake my head, tentatively leaning into him. “So, you forgive me?”
“I do. And I’m sorry it took me so long. I hate that I made you sick all this time. I know you’ve been sick, because I have been, too.”
“It’s been the worst three weeks of my life,” I admit. “I thought I lost you. For real, this time.”
“Silly girl,” he says, lining my jaw with his thumb. “Were you not listening to me at Spring Break last year?”
I try to smile, but my chest is still so tight, it’s impossible to hold in place.
“Cassie McBee,” he says softly, tilting my chin until I look into his eyes. “What did I say?”
I swallow. “That I’m your now. And your
forever.”
“Yes,” he says. “And that means you’re my pain in the ass and no one else’s.”
A little laugh breaks free from me at that, and before it can turn to tears, Adam pulls me in for a sweet, slow kiss.
“You know, I had a whole plan for tonight,” he confesses, and it’s then that I notice his hands trembling, his breath a little shaky. “Semi-formal has always held such significance for us. I almost fought Clay at your first one, nearly killed Grayson after he broke your heart at the second one, and came pretty close to losing you forever last year, thanks to my pride. We don’t have the best track record when it comes to them, so I was really hoping to set that straight tonight.”
“Well, I beat you to the punch,” I tease. “I just… I couldn’t go. I couldn’t get dressed up and dance and pretend I’m okay.”
“I was flying in for your graduation, too,” he adds. “Which is in three days. So we need to get you back home.”
I nod.
Adam sighs, still thumbing my jaw.
I frown, covering his shaking knuckle with my hand. “Are you okay?”
“About to shit myself, actually, thanks for asking.”
I laugh, searching his eyes, confused. “What? Why are you—ohmygod.”
My hands fly over my mouth, eyes bulging out of my head as Adam carefully lowers down onto one knee.
Distantly, I hear the collective gasp around us, traveling strangers as shocked as I am as they pull out their cell phones and watch Adam dig into his jacket pocket.
“Like I said,” he starts, freeing the box. “I had a whole plan for this. But I guess if we’ve learned anything by now, it’s that plans don’t ever work out the way we think they will. Not for us. The world loves to throw us curveballs, to test us, to throw every hurdle at us it can just to see if we’ll break.” He smiles then. “But we don’t. We won’t. We never could. Because you and me, Cassie? We’re indestructible.” A pause. “Just like diamond.”
He pops the lid open, a chorus of squeals and swoons echoing all around us. Nestled inside the cream cushion is a delicate gold band with a solitaire round diamond glimmering in the light.
“Adam,” I whisper, shaking my head, eyes flicking from the ring to him and back again.
Greek: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 7) Page 29