by Dan Knight
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“What is it?” snapped Norman. “Oh, it’s you Hatchet. Have our guests left or created some new controversy?”
“The latter I’m afraid, Jean,” said Hatchet. “I think you ought to hear this.” She handed her caster to Gumshoe, “Go ahead and explain your idea.”
“We’ve had brainstorm,” Gumshoe cleared his throat. “If I may make a suggestion, maybe we might try stunning a patient. A stun might snap the kids out of their coma.”
The doctor put her head in her hands. “You want me to shoot children with stun guns? Inspector, are you out of your mind?”
“You’ve seen the results. We were ambushed by a number of dwarves. The dwarves were sent here for treatment. Before they were stunned they tried to kill us, but afterwards they were normal, harmless dwarves. Maybe it will work on the victims.”
“We’ve tried shock treatments, Inspector, and it hasn’t worked.”
“Stun guns operate differently than anything you’ve got here at the hospital,” Gumshoe pushed back his fedora. “Every nerve cell is temporarily disrupted.”
“I know I’m tired, and I know I’m desperate, but I must be out of mind for listening to this.” The doctor rubbed her temples, “Is it even safe?”
Briefly Gumshoe explained the operation of stun guns and what he knew about the side effects of stunning suspects under different conditions. “I think it’s worth a try. I’m not a weapons expert, but I know more than most laymen. Stunning is generally safe for healthy people. I’ve been stunned in training. It wasn’t pleasant, but I’m none the worse for wear. If something goes wrong, we are in a hospital. You can deal with it.”
The doctor rubbed her temples, “Hand me back to Hatchet.” He passed the caster to Hatchet.
“What do you think, Jean?” The thought visibly rattled Hatchet.
“I’m going to try it Lizzy. Don’t let them shoot anybody yet, though. Get Forest on the blower and tell him to prepare a trauma room. I want all his techs and nurses on standby. We’ll use their neural scanner to see if we get any brain wave activity.” The doctor rubbed her neck, and rolled her head. “Mobilize every available nurse, and find a volunteer. Check with the relatives and friends, and find someone who will volunteer one of the adult staff for the first trial. I’m not experimenting on any of the kids until we know if it works.”
“Leave it to me, doctor,” said Hatchet. “Get some more rest. I’ll come by when I’ve got a volunteer, and we’re set up in emergency.”
“Thanks Lizzy.”
Hatchet closed the caster, and looked at the Constable and his consultants with grim determination. “I think we’re done here. If you go down to emergency, I’ll see you there with our first volunteer.”
Deprogramming
The emergency bay buzzed. Nurse Hatchet held up a hand and stopped the detectives and the amateur sleuths. “You’ll just have to wait in the break room,” she said.
They retreated to the break room. Fortunately, someone had brought in a stack of boxed lunches for the emergency. “Just what I need,” said Wiggles, “I’m starving.”
“No wonder, we haven’t had a bite to eat since yesterday,” said Gumshoe.
They were still picking out meals when Doctor Norman arrived. Norman considered the motley crew of investigators, and shook her head. “I must be crazy, I’ve practiced medicine for over thirty years in this hospital and this is the wackiest thing I’ve ever done. I expect all of you to testify to temporary insanity at my malpractice hearing.”
“We’ll both testify,” said Gumshoe, “if we can get out on probation. If this doesn’t work, I’ll be lucky if I’m sleeping in an alley in Deep Nodlon.”
“Who’s volunteering their weapon?” asked the doctor.
Wiggles drew his weapon. “My case and my jurisdiction, and if they try taking my pension, I’ll hire Dershowitz to sue the Proconsul.” The portly moleman tossed his lunch on a counter, and waddled to the door. “I’ll do the stunning. There’s an art to stunning a suspect and we don’t want to injure them.”
“Very well, let’s get this over with.” Norman disappeared out the door and made a beeline for a busy trauma bay guarded by Nurse Hatchet.
Wiggles chased Norman down the hall waddling like a locomotive. “Okay, doctor, who are we experimenting on?”
Norman glared at him. “Principal Chapel volunteered,” she said. “Her husband gave permission and signed a waiver on her behalf.” Norman passed the hardcore nurse with Wiggles trailing after her.
“We’re ready, doctor, except for a stun gun.” As Wiggles caught up, Hatchet lifted her nose and looked down upon him.
Nurses, paramedics, and doctors filled the bay. Norman’s eyes rested on Forest. “Constable Wiggles will stun the patient,” she said. “If anything goes wrong, I’m the only one here. Are we clear?” A row of heads nodded. “Constable, it’s up to you now. Do your stuff.”