by Anna White
"Have you talked to her?" Sofia asked.
"No!" he exclaimed. "I've been avoiding her since August."
"Maybe you should stop."
"I can't." Lucian shook his head. "I can't let myself get more distracted by her than I already am."
He could feel his hands gripping the coffee cup tightly and set it down on the counter so it wouldn't shatter it in his hands. "You know what I have to do."
"Yep." Duncan flipped the last of the pancakes onto the waiting plate and turned to wipe his hands.
"We do. But in my experience, you should follow what you're drawn to. I know you don't wanna hear it because it runs against everything that seems logical to you, but it's time to surrender. You're never gonna find your way if you can't be guided."
"You don't understand," Lucian exploded. "You're not the one with the responsibility for the future on your shoulders!"
"You're right," Duncan said, his voice as mellow as ever. "I'm not. But that doesn't make what I'm saying any less true."
He picked up the plate of pancakes and set them down on the table. "Breakfast?"
"No thanks." Lucian dropped his coffee cup in the sink and stalked past Sofia and Duncan to the front door. "I think I'll just go." He grabbed his bag from beside the door and walked out, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could.
Chapter 24
Another week passed before Lucian made a decision. Duncan and Sofia hadn't said another word about Samara, although he had apologized to them both for losing his temper. When he passed her in the hallway at school or saw her getting out of her car in the parking lot he considered Sofia's advice to stop avoiding her, but he was torn. Part of him, the part that dreamed about her every night, longed to go to her, but he was afraid of what consequences might follow.
Finally, his English IV teacher forced him to choose. "Now students," Ms. Bellise chirped in her nasal voice, "it is time to explore the world of poetry.
"Yes!" she continued enthusiastically over the groans of some of the more vocal students. She clasped her hands to her chest and waved one arm in the air erratically. "Words that excite, incite, and elevate!"
She grabbed a stack of papers off her desk and swirled around the room, tossing them onto desks haphazardly. "We will be working together in class to interpret some of these marvelous compositions, but more importantly you will delve into the depths of your very essence for our next assignment." She gripped the papers in front of her and lowered her voice dramatically. "Go out, young scholars, and find the poem that is a mirror to your soul."
The lunch bell interrupted her speech, and suddenly Ms. Bellise was all business. "Assignment is due at midterm. Prepare a presentation and a written explanation and read page 178 in your text for discussion tomorrow. Good day." She swept out the door and left the class picking up assignment sheets that had fallen onto the floor.
Lucian hadn't been back to the library since the first day of school. He never saw Samara in the cafeteria, and he assumed that she spent her lunch breaks there. He had stayed out of library as a precaution against running into her, but now he had an excuse to go.
He sat in his desk as the classroom emptied and felt his heart racing. He thought about not going, he could use the public library in East Wimberley instead, but really the decision was already made. His brain overflowed with thoughts of Samara; he couldn't move forward until he faced that fact head on. Talking to her, finding her again, was inevitable.
Chapter 25
Samara was sitting at the same table as before when Lucian appeared in front of her. "Hi," he whispered.
She looked up in surprise. "Hi!"
Lucian didn't answer. He just stood in front of the table and stared down at her. He was wearing a dark green sweater that stretched over his broad shoulders, and he shoved one hand nervously through his dark hair. He reached for the chair in front of him and pulled it out without moving his eyes from her face. "Hi," he whispered again.
His eyes burned with a radiant intensity that sent shivers down her spine, and her stomach started a slow swoop into her toes. He slid into the chair, but he never took his eyes off her face. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to pull air into her lungs; she felt like she was drowning. Everything around her was narrowing down, disappearing, as she lost herself in his eyes.
Finally she tore her gaze away and realized that her fingertips were trembling. She slid her hands into her lap, astounded at the effect that one simple word from his lips could have on her. She kept her eyes down and took deep breaths, trying to recover some sense of composure.
"Have you been avoiding me?" she asked. The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, but to her surprise, Lucian didn't deny it.
"Yes," he admitted. He rubbed his forehead with his hand and sighed. "I've been trying, but it's been so difficult."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" he exclaimed. "When I'm around you I say things and do things that I don't understand. You can't imagine how hard it's been to see you, but not allow myself to talk to you."
Samara felt the trembling spread from her fingertips through her whole body, and she tried to keep her voice steady. "What changed?"
She heard a sharp intake of breath and could see his knuckles turning white as he pressed his fingertips into the edge of the table. "I ran out of reasons to stay away."
His words dropped into the still air between them and Samara felt like she was being pulled irresistibly into his orbit, a satellite affected by a greater force of gravity.
Lucian shook his head. "This is what I mean." He gestured toward Samara. "Why am I saying these things to you? Even I know this isn't normal!"
He shoved his chair away from the table. "I'm sorry. I should just go."
Disappointment slammed into her as he pulled away. She couldn't stand the idea that it might be months, if ever, before he spoke to her again. "No!" she cried. She knew she was throwing her dignity at his feet, but she didn't care. The thought of him slipping away from her was far worse.
He hesitated and she reached across the table and lay her hand on his arm. She could feel the tension in his muscles as his body struggled against conflicting urges to stay and to go. "Please," she said, "stay."
Her mind churned furiously, trying to produce a reason more compelling than the fact that she craved his presence. "I need your help." With her free hand she grabbed the paper in front of her and slid it across the table.
Chapter 26
Lucian's arm was on fire. Heat coursed up through his elbow and into his shoulder. The skin directly beneath Samara's hand felt like it was scorching, but he couldn't tear himself away from her touch. Her lips were moving, but her words were drowned out by the sound of blood rushing through his body.
He squinted and tried to force himself to focus on the paper in front of him, but he felt like he was seeing everything through a shimmering haze of heat. The page was filled with delicate, spidery cursive, punctuated by a large red D that filled the top right hand corner. Samara's voice forced its way into his brain, overriding the prevailing sensation of her touch. "See!" she said.
Lucian could tell he was looking at a test, but he was having trouble processing any information beyond that fact. He concentrated on the words at the top of the page and tried to deduce what Samara was showing him.
"Why Quantum?" he read in bewilderment.
Samara nodded. "I'm in Advanced Physics third hour." She pointed to the grade on her paper and made a face. "I thought I understood the material, but clearly I was wrong. Mr. Higgs said we're going to be covering Quantum Mechanics for the next two terms, so if I can't figure it out, I don't think I'll pass the class."
Lucian was still confused. Her words were swirling around in his head, and he knew he was missing the critically important point. He gave up trying to comprehend and stared at Samara blankly.
"I need a tutor," she clarified.
Lucian felt his temperature ris
e a few degrees as he understood what Samara was offering him. She was giving him a reason to stay. The logical part of him, the Dominion, was telling him to walk away and not look back, but that small voice was being drowned out by his newer, human side, by the part of him that was dizzy with the desire to be near her.
Chapter 27
Jack leaned against the library shelves and pressed the back of his head against a row of books. He could see a few girls hovering at the end of the row in his peripheral vision, and he thought he recognized them from a party. He couldn't keep from rolling his eyes as he saw them whispering together. That was the problem with human girls. They were so clingy. Once they got a scrap of attention, he couldn't shake them off.
He ignored the girls and continued eavesdropping on the couple behind him. Samara's soft voice lilted in a question, followed by Lucian's deeper reply. He turned his head slightly to right and was able to see over the tops of the books behind him to the corner table.
There they were, together. Their heads were almost touching as they leaned over a textbook in the center of the table. Lucian ran his finger over a diagram in the book as he explained it to Samara. He spun the book around to face her, then circled the table and sat next to her so that they were shoulder to shoulder. Samara nudged Lucian's shoulder with her own and laughed.
It was quite an interesting development, Jack mused. He was supposed to be following Lucian, he wanted to learn more about Samara, and here they both were, together. It was like getting two gifts wrapped up into one neat little package. Why, he wondered, would a Dominion even act this way? It wasn't like the Light to deviate from their missions, and unlike him, Lucian didn't have to stay on Earth once his work was done.
Samara was pretty, Jack conceded, in an ordinary sort of way. There was nothing overtly outstanding about her, but she did have a certain radiance that drew his attention. He had to admit that after seeing her with Lucian, he was finding her more and more attractive.
Chapter 28
To Samara the next few weeks felt like a dream. Every morning she rushed out of her third period class at the sound of the lunch bell and raced to the library, always half-doubting that Lucian would appear. Her pulse raced as she took out her notebooks and pencils, and she tried to act nonchalant, pretending the fate of her whole day wasn't resting on the few moments between the time she arrived and the moment he turned the corner.
The first glimpse of him always took her breath away, and today was no exception. Lucian was wearing the most ordinary clothes possible, a solid colored t-shirt and jeans, but his casual clothes couldn't disguise the fact that he was the most ravishing person she had ever seen. With, she conceded, the exception of Jack. It was curious that the two of them, both so extraordinary, had appeared at West Wimberley at the same time.
He slid into the empty seat beside her. She could feel his body next to hers, closer than a breath, and turned to smile in greeting. "Hi again," he said. He smiled down at her and trailed a finger across the back of her hand as he slid her textbook across the table.
She placed one hand on the cover of the book and held it shut. "I have a question for you."
"Okay." He raised his eyebrows and waited expectantly.
"Are you and Jack related?"
Lucian wrinkled his forehead. "Why do you ask?"
"I've just heard a few of the girls say it. I assumed it was a rumor, but you do resemble one another, in a way. You don't exactly look the same, but you both stand out. You both moved here and started school at the same time."
He hesitated for a moment before he answered. "I guess you could say we're like stepbrothers."
"Then why don't I ever see you together?" she pressed. "I've never even seen you talk to one another."
Lucian placed his hand flat on the table and rolled one of the pencils underneath his palm. "We don't really get along. We look at the world differently."
He gave Samara a disarming look. "Haven't you been able to figure that out from listening to the girls?"
She nodded. "I hear he gets around more."
Lucian gave her a mischievous smile. "What do the girls say about me?"
"Well," Samara giggled, "Carin thinks you look like a sexy woodsman.
"They don't understand why you don't talk to many people, or why you haven't gone out with anyone. This week, they're talking about how they keep seeing you with me."
"What do you tell them?"
"I tell them the truth! I'm hopeless at Physics."
"Speaking of hopeless," he said, "I have my own assignment."
"You?" Samara teased. "I was starting to think you knew everything."
Lucian melted her with a piercing look. "You're wrong," he said. "Every minute I spend with you shows me how much I still have to learn."
He leaned over and pulled out the assignment page from Ms. Bellise. "I have to find a poem that captures my essence. I don't even know what that means."
"Well," Samara mused, "I think your essence is the most basic element of you. What gives order to your heart."
Lucian frowned. "What if I'm not sure about that right now?"
She shrugged. "I think you have lots of company. To see yourself as you really are is a difficult thing."
"Hmm…." He rested his hand against his chin and studied Samara's face. "How do you suggest I go about figuring that out?"
"Just pull some books and start reading. Maybe something will speak to you."
She grabbed the Physics book from in front of Lucian and flipped it open to Chapter 4. "Go," she urged. "I'll be fine without you. I've been selfish taking all of your time for myself." She tipped the book up and held it in front of her face.
"Go," she repeated. "I'll feel guilty if you stay."
Lucian hesitated before he reluctantly pushed his chair back from the table. "Ok." He rested his hand on her head and smoothed her hair back with his thumb.
Samara continued to stare at the printed words in front of her and avoided making eye contact as he walked away. She couldn't let herself look up; she doubted she could resist the urge to grab him and not let go.
Chapter 29
Later that evening Lucian sat on the porch and flipped through the poetry anthology he had checked out from the library. A cool breeze crept up his sleeve, and he pulled his jacket closer around him as he skimmed over the titles of the poems. He wasn't optimistic about finding something that resonated with him.
His mind quickly drifted to Samara. He could imagine her eyes, impossibly dark and framed with long lashes. And her lips. He closed his eyes and allowed her face to fill his thoughts. Was this what it felt like to fall in love?
He heard the creak of the screen door and turned to see Sofia carrying out two oversized mugs on a wooden tray. She set the tray down on a small side table, and then curled into a chair opposite him. "Hot chocolate," she said. Lucian could see tendrils of steam escaping from beneath a cloud of cream. "Try it," she urged as she claimed one of the mugs for her own. "It's a secret recipe."
When he wrapped his hands around the mug, its warmth seeped into his skin. He waited for Sofia to say something else, but she didn't. Instead she sat quietly and looked out onto the yard in front of them.
He sipped the chocolate slowly and let its rich sweetness flood his taste buds. His racing thoughts began to slow down as he breathed in the velvety fragrance. Birds flirted in the trees and a few cars hummed past, but otherwise everything was quiet. His mug was nearly empty when he finally broke the silence.
"What was it like when you first came to Earth?"
Sofia continued looking into the yard as she answered. Every word was measured; he could tell she was choosing them carefully. "It was very hard. It was during the time the humans call the Middle Ages. The population was exploding and people were struggling just to survive. I thought I could help. I tried, but I failed. I didn't appreciate how complicated humans could be."
She swirled her mug thoughtfully. "There were
many battles being fought then, all in the name of God. Sometimes the difference between the Darkness and the Light was hard to see."
Lucian shifted in his chair. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Why?" Sofia turned her clear gaze on him. "Even the most painful experiences have value."
"But why go through that? Why stay? You could return to the Heavenlies any moment you choose."
She nodded. "That's true. But there are many things that matter more than my pain, and this life also has much to give." She set her mug on the tray and clasped her hands around her knees. "It helps to have a partner."
"When did you meet Duncan?" Lucian asked.
Sofia smiled. "He found me. When the Black Death struck London I scoured the streets, searching for people too sick or poor to go to a doctor and tried to care for them. I didn't catch the plague, but I exhausted myself. I didn't eat or sleep for nine days before I collapsed in the street. Someone must have pushed me into the gutter, because that's where Duncan found me. He picked me up and carried me home.
"He was a blacksmith then, and he gave me his own bed and slept in the stable. The first time I saw him was three days later. I woke up and followed the sound of a hammer into his shop. He was standing with his back to me, and there were sparks flying all around. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
"When did you know he was one of the Light?"
"I didn't at first. I don't know if he ever would've told me. There were fires in the city almost every week then, and one night he ran into a collapsing building to rescue a family trapped inside. He was hit by a falling beam. He dragged himself out of the fire and managed to get to me, but his body was too damaged.