© 2007, Clinton Callahan.
All rights reserved. It is copyright law that no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of quotes used in critical articles and reviews. And, copyright owner hereby grants permission for readers to copy and use portions of this book as study material in discussion groups, seminars, trainings, websites, newsletters, ezines or power-point presentations provided that the material is given for free, that proper reference is given for maps and exercises to Possibility Management, and that copies include the following copyright block:
© World Copyright 2007 by Clinton Callahan. Excerpted from the book Radiant Joy Brilliant Love – Secrets for Creating an Extraordinary Life and Profound Intimacy With Your Partner. You are granted permission to copy and distribute this excerpt as long as it is given for free and this author, copyright and website block is included on each copy. All other rights are reserved. To get a free email subscription to SPARKs click on PUBLICATIONS/NEWSLETTER buttons of www.callahan-academy.com. Thanks for experimenting with Possibility Management!
Cover, layout and design: Zachary Parker, Kadak Graphics, Prescott, Arizona.
Photo of author: Laurent Belmonte, www.LaurentBelmontePhotographe.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Callahan, Clinton.
Radiant joy, brilliant love: secrets for creating an extraordinary life and profound intimacy with your partner / by Clinton Callahan.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-890772-72-7 (pbk.: alk. paper)
1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Love. 3. Intimacy (Psychology) I. Title.
HQ801.C265 2007
646.7’8--dc22
2007036859
DISCLAIMER: This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information regarding the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering relationship, emotional, or psychological counseling, medical treatment, or other professional services. If professional advice or expert assistance is required, readers are advised to seek the services of a competent professional.
HOHM PRESS
P.O. Box 2501
Prescott, AZ 86302
1-800-381-2700
http://www.hohmpress.com
This book was printed in the U.S.A. on recycled, acid-free paper using soy ink.
1 2 3 4 5
To the One who pushes the ones who push the pens.
Acknowledgements
I am grateful to:
Pauline Aiko Lamprecht who first introduced me to the experience of “Countenance,” without warning, one Monday afternoon in a noisy, smoke-filled Viennese café in the fall of 1994. As my reality horizon expanded into infinity and I could hardly breathe, she calmly said that she never opens this door for anyone. She just waits until someone visits.
Mayli, Aiko’s teacher, who obviously trains her students with a rare deference.
Clinton Callahan Jr., my father, a King who read this whole manuscript out loud to my mother Virginia, who can’t read anymore, just so she could hear what it says.
My ex-wife; my not-ex-daughters; and every person who has ever encouraged me to learn more about love.
Sue Nestrud, who spent hundreds of unpaid hours transforming piles of badly recorded talk tapes into words on paper that built the foundation for this project.
Tilman and Dagmar Neubronner of Genius Verlag, whose unmitigated enthusiasm for our work and for revolutions in general helped entice this book out of the womb.
Regina Sara Ryan and the Hohm Press team, who excel in the compassionate art of working kindly with cantankerous authors to make a better book.
Werner and Hannelore Lutz, whose creative financial ideas and simple exuberance for life greatly supported the final writing of this book.
E. J. Gold, who moves faster than the speed of evolution for the benefit of all beings everywhere; and his student Mike McDonnell, for all those hours talking to me about responsibility under the streetlights on the far side of midnight.
Anyone who has ever tried (or even wanted to try) to write a book that would somehow help people, because many of those books have helped me.
Everyone who participated in Possibility Manager Laboratories experimenting together to discover what works and what does not work.
Marion, for being the listening into which Radiant Joy Brilliant Love could be written.
Lee Lozowick, a man who has many secrets but none worth telling, because he knows that a person keeps only what they authentically discover themselves. You are a space through which Archetypal Love does its work in the world (just my opinion). This manuscript was completed only because you said, “I want to see the book.” Where the words are best the words are yours. Thank you for never ceasing to kick the ass connected to this one.
Contents
Introduction — 1
Part I. Expansive Learning — 11
Chapter 1. Learning About Joy and Love — 13
Part II. The Ordinary — 27
Chapter 2. Ordinary Relationship / Ordinary Love — 29
Section 2-A. Ordinary Relationship /Ordinary Love — 30
Section 2-B. Ordinary Human Communication — 32
Section 2-C. Low Drama — 35
Section 2-D. Handbook for Ordinary Human Relationships — 38
Chapter 3. Ordinary Man and Ordinary Woman — 51
Section 3-A. Matriarchy and Patriarchy — 51
Section 3-B. Getting Through Patriarchal Defenses — 55
Section 3-C. Ordinary Man — 57
Section 3-D. Ordinary Woman — 60
Section 3-E. A Rite of Passage — 64
Chapter 4. Some Amazing Things About Having a Mind — 74
Section 4-A. Creative Mind — 75
Section 4-B. Playing the Victim — 78
Section 4-C. The Box — 81
Chapter 5. Some Amazing Things About Having a Body — 89
Section 5-A. Four Bodies — 89
Section 5-B. Feelings — 92
Section 5-C. Mixing Feelings — 97
Section 5-D. Our Fear of Fear — 99
Section 5-E. Two Phases of Feelings Work — 101
Section 5-F. Loving Your Body — 102
Section 5-G. Brain Chemistry — 104
Part III. The Extraordinary — 107
Chapter 6. Extraordinary Human Relationship — 109
Section 6-A. Responsibility and Practice — 111
Section 6-B. Adult Ego State — 113
Section 6-C. Extraordinary Human Love — 119
Section 6-D. The Soft Skills of Extraordinary Human Relationship — 120
Section 6-E. New Results Come From New Actions — 124
Section 6-F. Entering the Liquid State — 126
Section 6-G. Authenticity — 129
Section 6-H. About Denial and Drivers — 130
Section 6-I. Take Possession of Your Attention — 132
Section 6-J. Heal Yourself of Beliefs — 133
Section 6-K. Hooked or Not Hooked — 136
Section 6-L. Holding and Navigating Space — 140
Section 6-M. Nit Education — 143
Section 6-N. Meta-Conversations — 149
Section 6-O. Using Adult Communication — 154
Section 6-P. Four Kinds of Listening — 163
Section 6-Q. Five Kinds of Speaking — 170
Section 6-R. Centering — 173
Section 6-S. Feeling Communication — 176
Section 6-T. Build and Use a Low Drama Detector — 183
Section 6-U. Say Yes or Say No — 187
Section 6-V. Ask For What You Want — 189
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Section 6-W. Make Boundaries — 192
Section 6-X. Going Nonlinear — 200
Section 6-Y. Feed Your Heart and Feed Your Soul — 207
Section 6-Z. 27 Experiments for Creating Extraordinary Human Relationship — 209
Section 6-Ω. Ending an Extraordinary Human Relationship — 217
Chapter 7. Edgework — 221
Section 7-A. The Marshmallow Zone — 222
Section 7-B. The Edges of Your Box — 224
Section 7-C. Edgework Experiments — 227
Section 7-D. Intimacy Edgework — 234
Part IV. The Archetypal — 243
Chapter 8. Archetypal Relationship / Archetypal Love — 245
Section 8-A. You Can’t Get There From Here — 246
Section 8-B. Love, Friendship and Sex in the Three Domains — 247
Section 8-C. Love, Love, Archetypal Love — 248
Section 8-D. The How To of Archetypal Love — 251
Section 8-E. The Power of Attention — 259
Chapter 9. A Short Course on Archetypal Man and Woman — 264
Section 9-A. From Pain to Rocket Fuel — 265
Section 9-B. Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman: The Notes — 267
Section 9-C. Creating New Identities — 275
Chapter 10. The Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman — 278
Section 10-A. The Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess — 278
Section 10-B. Manmaking — 281
Section 10-C. Gorilla Basics — 291
Chapter 11. The Pirate Magician King Spiritual Warrior Man — 295
Section 11-A. Pirate King — 295
Section 11-B. Spiritual Warrior — 297
Section 11-C. Magician — 299
Section 11-D. What is Woman? You Ask — 302
Section 11-E. Holding Space for Woman — 304
Chapter 12. Archetypal Relationship — 309
Section 12-A. Archetypal Context — 310
Section 12-B. Radical Responsibility — 313
Section 12-C. No Such Thing as Relationship — 322
Section 12-D. Prerequisites for Exploring Archetypal Intimacy — 325
Section 12-E. Three Archetypal Experiments — 325
Section 12-F. Create a Box Free Zone — 327
Section 12-G. Serve Something Greater Than Yourself — 330
Section 12-H. The Archetypal Chamber — 333
Section 12-I. How to be Turned On — 334
Section 12-J. Bright Principles and Archetypal Love — 338
Section 12-K. Impersonal and Nonlinear Evolution — 339
Section 12-L. Doing the Homework — 340
Chapter 13. The Underworld — 342
Section 13-A. The Power of Myth — 342
Section 13-B. Map of Worlds — 346
Section 13-C. Underworld — 349
Section 13-D. Man’s Job in the Underworld — 357
Section 13-E. Woman’s Job in the Underworld — 358
Section 13-F. Map of Possibility — 360
Section 13-G. Name Your Gremlin and Its Hidden Purpose — 366
Section 13-H. Be Your Destiny in Action — 372
Section 13-I. Serve As the Center of a Gameworld — 373
Section 13-J. Report from an Underworld Journey — 377
Part V. Countenance — 383
Chapter 14. Reinventing People — 385
Section 14-A. The Nine Cow Story — 386
Section 14-B. Reinventing People — 388
Chapter 15. The Experience of Countenance — 393
Section 15-A. Countenance, the First Time — 393
Section 15-B. Countenance at 30,000 Feet — 396
Section 15-C. The Map of the Evolution of Self and Relationship — 397
Section 15-D. Self-Sitting – Preparation for Countenance — 401
Section 15-E. Together-Sitting – The Beginning of Countenance — 403
Section 15-F. The Possibility of Countenance: An Experiment — 405
Section 15-G. Requirements for Countenance — 406
Section 15-H. Cultures Evolve — 417
Chapter 16. Encountering the Goddess — 420
Section 16-A. A Personal Encounter — 421
Section 16-B. Navigating the Space of Relationship — 426
Section 16-C. Bringing the Woman to Life — 427
Section 16-D. An Ordinary and Extraordinary Nurturing Environment — 430
Section 16-E. Archetypal Possibilities in Ordinary Life — 432
Section 16-F. What to Watch Out For — 433
Section 16-G. Your Divine Beloved — 436
Part VI. How To Do It — 439
Chapter 17 Protecting What Is Real — 441
Section 17-A. No Jumping Ahead — 441
Section 17-B. Pseudo-Archetypal Substitutes for Love — 443
Section 17-C. Warning: Psychic Sex — 444
Chapter 18. What About the Kids? — 451
Section 18-A. The Phoenix Effect — 452
Section 18-B. Archetypal Relationships with Children — 453
Section 18-C. Your Attention and Your Children — 457
Section 18-D. Letting Go of Your Kids — 460
Chapter 19. What If It Is Not Working? — 464
Section 19-A. Build Common Ground — 465
Section 19-B. Evolution and Relationship — 467
Section 19-C. Requiem: A New Ritual for Accepting Changes — 474
Chapter 20. A Short Handbook on Living Happily Ever After — 476
Section 20-A. What If It Works? — 478
Section 20-B. Flying Instructions — 480
Glossary of Possibility Management Terms — 484
List of Thought-Maps — 516
List of Experiments — 517
References — 520
Further Reading and Further Listening — 523
Index — 525
Further Experimenting — 561
About the Author — 562
Contact Information — 562
Radiant Joy
Brilliant Love
It’s No Secret
A man tells me he wants to leave his wife because they have not had sex in a year and their relationship is dead. Well, what did they expect? The couple had no chance from the beginning. It is not their fault. They were given no classes about how to stay ecstatically in love, no guidance for enduring intimacy’s intense delights. How could they have learned to create anything different from what was modeled by their parents? The couple tries to have relationship but the man does not know how to protect his woman’s feminine dignity. How could she risk revealing her true sensuality to him? He holds no safe sanctuary for her to unfold into! The man has no reference point for directing his attention or keeping his center, no connection to his feelings at all. He does not recognize that the thinness of his personality is his true source of power. The man could use uncertainty as a way for making right-angled turns at light-speed, bringing his woman along for the adventure. Instead he regards his inner spaciousness as a handicap and masks it with a show of toughness or professionalism. He turns to whatever the culture offers to prove his manliness – an expensive car, a corner office, the latest mobile phone. But the man himself remains adolescent, having undergone no rite of passage to shock pulses of life into his archetypal masculine structures. So the revolutionary in him who could make changes to benefit the world watches videos instead. The courageous inventor who could generate wonderful new viewpoints to lift the hearts of humanity goes gambling. The noble leader in him stays home and masturbates. This adolescent, dressed in a man’s body, remains “hook-able,” defensive, and self-centered. And his communication sucks – talking to him is like reading emails, so much is missing. He gives smart reasons instead of deriving power from admitting what he does not know. He stands arrogantly aloof instead of consoling fears through simply listening, or vaporizing barriers through speaking clearly about what else is possible. Like the rest of us who at
tended school he has been forced to sever his internal connection to deep imagination, so no flood of dynamic nonlinear actions brings his life to life. He is dead. He is dead. He thinks of his woman as something to consume like a candy bar, like a movie, like a plate of food that you can send back to the cook if you don’t like it, instead of something to create, like a possible goddess, like a temple of tenderness, like a trembling love poem. Forced to constrict himself to a mental world, it’s no secret that the only ecstasy he feels is intellectual. Thus blinded, he forfeits his natural gifts for unlocking the sensual feminine “being” before him, aching to explore worlds of sexuality beyond his wildest dreams.
Introduction
If you could learn to create intimacies that lead directly to true love would you be willing to start over again in relationship? If the love your heart and soul yearn to bathe in was proven to be a direct result of certain behaviors rather than a fantasy would you be willing to forget your hopelessness, forgive your partner and try again? If clear practical instructions could be given for journeying to radiant joy and brilliant Love would you begin the practices? That is the challenge of this book: What are you willing to actually try?
The main idea of this book is quite simple. From moment to moment, no matter who you are relating to, you choose one of three kinds of love to set the tone for your relating: ordinary, extraordinary, or Archetypal.
Our culture does not teach us to distinguish among ordinary, extraordinary or Archetypal Relationship, so you have little clarity for consciously determining the quality of relationship that you create.
If the possibilities offered to you in this book were already provided by our culture you would not need to read this book. You would already be living in radiant joy and brilliant Love.
A culture can only teach the level of relationship skills that is already woven into its fabric. To learn more you must venture beyond traditional limits. Our culture does not teach you how to go beyond its own limits. It could, but it does not. In many ways our present culture takes our dignity away, subjugates women, deceives men and prepares us for a lifetime of relational mediocrity. Without consciously taking actions that seem unusual by normal standards you will rarely if ever leave the familiar but heartbreaking conditions of “ordinary human relationship.”
Radiant Joy Brilliant Love Page 1