being shanghaied by unconsciousness is guaranteed.
17. Nobody Knows
Men do not know about Archetypal Relationship. Ordinary women do not know about Archetypal Relationship either. When a man holds space for his woman and places his attention on his woman, she shifts from human woman to Archetypal Woman and suddenly she remembers about Archetypal Relationship. As soon as she shifts to Archetypal, the Woman remembers the way to the Center of the Great Labyrinth of Spaces. She can then navigate the two of them into intimacy, and teach her Man about Archetypal Relationship, while they explore the Great Labyrinth together. It is Woman’s job to teach Man about Archetypal Relationship. Men can learn these things; they just need to be properly rewarded.
SECTION 9-C
Creating New Identities
We have referred to the idea of creating new identities, new characters, at several junctures in previous chapters. We will circle through this important concept once more here, and at a deeper level, as we prepare for the powerful distinctions that will follow in the next chapters – the new identity of Archetypal Man and the new identity of Archetypal Woman. We will start again with the eternal question, “Who am I?”
We have now, and have always had, the complete freedom to choose who we are being. It is true that we have been raised in certain circumstances and in a certain culture and time. It is true that there exist powerful forces to try to sway our decisions in one direction or another about who to be. But those circumstances and forces are now, and always have been, outside of us, incidental, and not causative. The final decision – even down to the finest minutiae of our quality of being – has always been ours alone.
There are, of course, consequences to the decisions we make. Our assumptions about these consequences make it seem like we actually have no choice, and that we are squeezed into our way of being like warm plastic is squeezed into a steel mold. Cultural “being shaping” machinery is indeed powerful, as is family tradition. That is why the vast majority of us surrender our capacity to shape our own being to fit the illusion that it was never our decision in the first place. Nevertheless, the “vast majority” does not have to include you.
“Who am I?” is one of the first questions we are driven to answer. Once we find workable answers, we usually don’t change them for the rest of our lives. We don’t even wonder if our answers are the most useful or interesting. We assume the answers are true, and consider the job finished. Once we have built our Box, we forget that our Box is something that was built. Unconsciously, we know that if we reconsider the “Who am I?” question, it could drop us back into a liquid state – one that we assumed we had permanently left behind. The Box is quick to produce the terse comment, “Been there. Done that.”
However … nonetheless … notwithstanding … you still have the right to change your mind about who you are. That has not been made illegal. After all, your Box is yours to play with and to make into whatever you want. That is why you are reading this book – to play with other possible shapes for your Box.
Consciously changing your Box is an option that you may tend to ignore if you have not acquired a taste for being in flux. Having the option to take on any identity, in any moment, is the same as having no identity at all. Those in-between times of making a new decision often seem bothersome – they are indefinite; we entered them after leaving behind the way it was and before having in place a new the way it is.
The Possibility of Shifting Identity
By investigating these ideas after shifting identity, you are tracing yourself back to the decision points where the design criteria for your Box were originally solidified. In the same way that the vibration waves of an earthquake can transform the seemingly solid earth into flowing mud, asking dangerous questions can provide sudden shocking realizations that decrystallize our self-image and open the possibility for the Box to take new shapes.
Re-asking already-answered questions returns us to the experience of having no answer. Having no answer can feel threatening. In our past, having no answer generated dire consequences. Well-meaning schoolteachers psychologically abused us when they would unexpectedly call on us to spit back requested intellectual information. If we had no answer for them, we were subtly (or not so subtly) condemned. Thus, in a true survival situation, we adopted the imperative of never being without an answer. Especially, we are never without an answer to such a fundamental question as “Who am I?”
Who are you? is also the first thing we demand to know of others: Are you man or woman? What is your name? Who are you? What do you do?
We keep handy answers available in case we need them. Who am I? I am a dentist, a father, a programmer, a gardener, an artist, a writer. Our doing is used to define our being. After choosing our answers for responding to the “Who are you?” questions, we then design our wardrobe, speech patterns, vocabulary, peer group, and lifestyle to match. This makes us appear to be stable, safe, continuous, properly socialized, and acceptably sane.
Who am I? I am a good person, a swell guy, a nice girl. I work hard. I try hard. I am strong. I am faithful. I am delicate. I am special. I am trustworthy. We have our pet answers.
It is interesting to note, however, that the answers we hold about ourselves are not necessarily the same answers (or even related to the answer) that other people would give about us if asked to respond candidly. In addition, it is even more curious that, if our unconscious behavior were carefully observed, not much that is either solid or true would be seen about either the answers we hold for ourselves, or the answer given by others. Huge gaps separate the answers we give and our actual moment-to-moment behavior.
Without realizing it, we are changing our answers about “who we are” from person to person and from situation to situation: as soon as we feel fear, as soon as we get negative (or positive) feedback, as soon as the telephone rings, as soon as we win or lose, as soon as we compare ourselves to photos in a magazine, as soon as we get on a scale, as soon as we make a mistake in public, as soon as we are put under pressure to do something we never did before. Without knowing it, we are already masters at changing identity. Unconsciously, we are actually as slippery as eels in changing identity. This gets interesting when we consider using our unconscious eel-slithering abilities to consciously slither into new characters.
What new characters? What for?
The “character” whose Box we play in determines the limits of what is possible for us. It therefore determines what kind of relationship we can create. At any moment, the new character could be purposely chosen to provide expansive new limits. Without our character being different, our creations will not be different. For our relationship to have new features, we need to have new features. The two characters that we will consciously explore in the next chapters are the Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman, and the Pirate Magician King Spiritual Warrior Man.
CHAPTER 10
The Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman
In this and the next chapter, both men and women will get to try on some new roles, on purpose, by practicing a few simple new behaviors. For the purposes of entering the kingdom of radiant joy and brilliant Love, we will start with the following experiment: From now on, until such time as you decide to change your mind, whenever answering the question from yourself or others, “Who are you?” use the following answer: For women, “I am a Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman.” For men, “I am a Pirate Magician King Spiritual Warrior Man.” Memorize this answer. Each morning or evening when you brush your teeth and look in the mirror, repeat the answer back to yourself. During the day, add in more and more behavior details. The first section of this chapter contains a list of starter experiments for women. Experiments for men will be found in the next chapter.
SECTION 10-A
The Pirate … Woman
You know what many of the limitations of your usual self have always been. As Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman, your usual limitations
will vanish. Without preconceptions of your limitations, you can meet and stay present with anyone. Entering the kingdom of radiant joy and brilliant Love starts when you shift from being the “you” with characteristics that you have always known, to being the Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman with characteristics that originate in the Archetypal and extend beyond what you or anyone might ever come to comprehend.
Healing your past through psychological or therapeutic processes may gradually move you from ordinary to extraordinary domains. But, entering the Archetypal happens with who you are and what you have in the immediate present, relying on your past with gratitude as a training ground, no matter what state of healing it is in. Instead of starting each moment from your familiar perspectives, you start each moment from the extemporaneous perspectives of Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman. From your new approach, the available options seem completely different.
Pirate
The term Pirate with a capital P refers to conscious responsible piracy. The Pirate allows that other people’s opinions are only other people’s opinions, and she no longer wears the automatic “nice girl” mask to meet other people’s expectations. In particular, a Pirate disregards internal rules that would limit thinking, being, feeling, perceiving and acting. Any similarity between a Pirate’s actions and the standard rules for acting in those circumstances is mere coincidence. She takes radical responsibility for her actions regardless of what the rules are.
Sorceress
The Sorceress is called forth by what you can do with your attention. If you practice saying or doing something completely different from what you or anybody else have ever said or done before, you will be practicing as a Sorceress. Let your fear-level get to 50 percent (0 percent being no fear, 100 percent being ultimate fear), and let it stay at that level all day, while you put your fear to conscious use. For example, use the sensations of fear to stay alert and solve problems that other people do not even dare permit themselves to see. Approach insolvable problems and be-with them, still afraid, even if you have no skill or experience that would lead you or anyone else to think you could have the ability to make any difference with those problems. If you think of something you can do to make a difference in the problem situation, just stay afraid, go ahead, pay attention, and do it. Sometimes the sorcery works; sometimes it doesn’t. Shift and Go!
Warrioress
Our impression of Warriorship has been distorted by Hollywood’s shoot-‘em-up action heroes. Warriorship has more to do with internal disciplines of stillness than with violence or even action. Find the internal Warrioress who sustains your integrity – the one who promised to do something even when Gremlin offered good excuses not to. The Warrioress uses anger responsibly and consciously to create clarity, make distinctions, choose, declare, take action, change things, start or stop things, make boundaries, say yes or no, and ask for what she needs. These actions can all be clear and precise, and still delivered with gentleness and kindness.
The greatest challenge for modern woman is to awaken the Warrioress Archetype within her. The hindrance could well be the modern materialistic culture. In a material-centered patriarchy, women can ensure their survival through surrounding themselves with material goods. Even if it takes three cellars to bunker their warehouse, the security is worth it to the materialistic woman. In times of sudden poverty (e.g., if the man leaves), this woman can sell all her things to survive.
Hoarding material objects is the opposite of Archetypal Feminine tendencies. For Archetypal Woman, letting go of things with love and appreciation is natural the moment those things are no longer needed. Women do this biologically every month during menstruation. They create an egg, then wait for fertilization. If the egg is not fertilized, it is released, and the whole system is cleaned out. The insanity promoted by modern culture is to create without knowing how to get rid of the things created.
Beauty itself arises through recognizing that all people and all things will one day pass away. Beneath the powder and fluff that characterize the stereotype of modern women is the natural Feminine ability to see things die and to go on creating. This is the Warrioress.
Women in modern culture do not learn that it is natural to get rid of excess. Consequently, men try to run interference in this activity, and must then deal with the subsequent recoil. For a woman to responsibly enliven her Warrioress, she would recognize that her faculty for detecting deficiencies (especially during times of premenstrual tension) is not to be wasted on men, but used by the internal Warrioress for her own benefit. She can then catch herself feeding her Gremlin through Ordinary human relationship. This “detecting-deficiencies faculty” can help her to dismantle her own defenses and become vulnerable; reconnect to other women; promote healing through discerning fallacious thinking; distinguish the difference between a pick-up artist and a Queenmaker, and so on. The sword of the Warrioress has two edges. The Warrioress uses both.
Queen
Self-respect, presence of mind and trust in her own authority permits the Queen to stand beside her Man without doubting herself or her Man. The Queen is in charge of her own queendom, which is parallel to the King’s kingdom, but more complex and fluid than his. The Queen leads through joyous communication, brings people together, unwinds confusions, and forgives. Be the Queen. Stand, walk, turn your head, act as if you are Queen – not Queen over the peasants, but rather Queen with other Queens. Compare being Queen with how much energy it takes to stand, walk, turn your head, and act as if you are a victim. Keep comparing the conversation that you speak with others, or that you argue in your own mind, with the conversation that a Queen would speak. Be noble. Be generous. Be kind. Have a dignified body posture. Start taking little responsibilities that other people avoid. Then, train others to have your job.
Goddess
You have a capacity to get out of your own way so that a radiant, wise and loving Archetypal Goddess presence beams through where you are. For a few moments at a time, let yourself experience everything that you interact with as pure, holy, and vibrating with an abundance of Love – including people, young or old, known to you or unknown. The Goddess is not naïve; she is not to be trifled with; she is not even pretty or nice. At the same time, the Goddess is full of blessings. Figure out ways to bless people through what happens when you are with them. For example, bring people into their own energy. Be a “listening” through which people can heal themselves by completing important or emotionally-charged communications. This is not new-age namby-pamby crap! This is a science experiment!
Woman
Woman interacts with the world from the source of Archetypal Feminine strength, warmth, passion, subtlety, intelligence, tenderness, sensuality, acceptance and innocence. You can be Feminine, not as defined by the patriarchy, but as defined Archetypally. Find out experientially what Archetypal Femininity could mean. Find out what it means that Woman is Everything. Repeatedly experiment with making an easeful energetic contact with Everything simultaneously, everywhere. In linear, practical terms, such a thing is impossible. But this is the Archetypal. Get used to the vastness of your resources. Practice gazing around, slowly walking, and finally talking while having contact to Everything. Access Everything as a resource for serving others and for serving Bright Principles. Include into your foundation all that you could possibly experience, as well as the multidimensional beyond. And, let all of that flow respectfully and without expectations through the space that is held for you by your Man.
SECTION 10-B
Manmaking
Let’s begin with a word of caution as we approach this vital subject of Manmaking. If you are a Woman who is practicing as Pirate … Queen, and you start to implement behavior changes such as those suggested in this book, make certain that your decision to change your behavior patterns is public information for your Man. That is, do not just suddenly start behaving differently. If you abruptly enact new behavior without explaining it to your Man, it forces your Man to confirm tha
t you are crazy. If, as the Pirate Sorceress Warrioress… you change your preferences, your speech patterns, your timing, your needs, your wishes, or your actions without preparing your Man, he will not trust you or the new behavior for a long time. To prevent the distrust, each time before you make a shift in your behavior, do a little piece of “conscious theater.” It is “theater” because you know that you are playing a role, and “conscious” because you play the role on purpose to reduce the natural shock that occurs for others when you change your behavior. To do the conscious theater, make sure the timing is right and you have the man’s attention. Tell him that you have had some kind of realization … that you had a dream … that you have been thinking things over… that you got some feedback that was correct… that you have changed your mind, and that you are going to start doing some things differently than before. This way, when you do start behaving differently, the man will know why – because you told him what happened to you that caused the change. He will not be shocked – because you predicted the behavior change for him. And he will trust you more, rather than less. This is how it works for men.
Archetypally it is Woman’s job to educate ordinary, extraordinary and Archetypal Man about relationship. It just comes with the territory. When you discover an aspect of relationship that you would like your Man to know more about, instead of complaining or feeling like an abused victim, you can feel glad that you have discovered a further way to create intimacy. You can develop new intimacy Edgework experiments and lead your Man into them.
Don’t try to manipulate your Man into leading you into intimacy Edgework experiments. Relationship is Woman’s domain so Woman must lead Man. Don’t be shy or it will not happen now … and you are not getting any younger. Do not be embarrassed or he will feel embarrassed too. Be bold. Take the initiative. Lead your Man into further intimacies.
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