In further considering the Masculine holding space for the Feminine, we must first eradicate the malicious misconception that Woman is so weak or confused that she needs some man to hold space for her. She is not and does not. How self-serving for a man to think. “Women, yeah. You gotta hold the door open for ‘em cuz they’s so dainty … nyuk! nyuk!”
The ordinary patriarchal-male mentality is unconsciously committed to spiteful tyranny over the feminine, and ruinous revenge against any woman who objects. There are lots of Neanderthalean Boxes walking down the streets today. Being aware that Neanderthalean Boxes hold power and authority in much of Western civilization is no reason for women (or men) to regard all men with terror and hatred. Women (or men) do not have to become Neanderthalean to protect themselves from Neanderthals. Sensitive vulnerability does not make you a weak and powerless victim. Sensitive vulnerability is your protection. Attending to the precision of your awareness allows you to intelligently sidestep Neanderthalean brutality.
The technology for transforming Neanderthalean Boxes is beyond the scope of this book. Here we are attempting to awaken an interest in ordinary man to undertake the journey of learning to care for the purity and excruciating lightness of the Feminine being. This awakening, however, can grate so hard against a man’s fundamental constructs, that he may instead respond with amplified efforts to crush the same Feminine we invite him to hold space for. The thing to remember is that all males have a Neanderthal part. All females have an equivalent part that can admire or even continuously forgive being raped. If this Neanderthal part occasionally has the majority vote in you (and you know if it does), you can work to change the balance of power in your Box. The Neanderthal brute who lives in us is not bad, and, that brute does not have the refinements needed to Archetypally appreciate the precious background texture of a Woman’s Feminine voice as she shares the song of her heart.
The patriarchy has recklessly undermined respect for the Archetypal Feminine for so many centuries that exceptional efforts may be needed for a man to reclaim his sensibilities. A new appreciation of subtleties can be kindled. But a man’s appreciation originates from within a plane of utter stillness. Without this stillness as a standard, a man fails to detect the delicate signals he needs to perceive when holding and navigating spaces in which his woman can feel safe enough to unfold.
Instructions for Finding Internal Stillness
Begin by directing your Pirate Magician King Spiritual Warrior resources internally. Your intention is to develop awareness and discipline. No “pigs” can be let loose. That means, no typically male comments, at all. Hold everything within you still. Not with force, not like in prison. Simply let no action have enough energy to take place. Make no sudden moves. Like a tightrope walker balances on his line, balance on the stillness. Become so tranquil that the warm breath of your woman, the subtle movement of her chest rising and falling, becomes magnificent by comparison. Be so still that, watching her notice that you are being with her, while she richly senses her own breathing, defracts your awareness into multiple perspectives like a house-of-mirrors. I think it works like that – a woman notices herself, while at the same time noticing a man noticing her: she notices what the man notices about herself. This kind of splitting of attention – into multiple perspectives simultaneously – is more of a feminine quality, far beyond everything male. Money, power, pride, competition, possessions, reputation, strategies, these have no place here. They are the toys of vicious little boys. So foolish. So temporary. Let them fall away from you without trying to figure out how it works without them. Let yourself trust beyond reason, and be drawn forth into a freshness and tenderness so raw that words are too coarse to be spoken. And continue. Let the tenderness in. The beingness of Woman awaits. She invites us into the feminine world so patiently, having full knowledge of its value. She is neither willing nor able to lessen its heartrending impact. Yet also, and this is the point, she is not able to share the treasure without a partner who is able to receive her gifts. Archetypal Womanliness requires an Archetypally-Manly partner to accompany her on the voyage of sensual exploration beyond the limits of normal senses.
Keep Refining Attention
Man can awaken to a level of attention wherein merely observing the sublime gestures of his Woman’s movement sends chills of pleasure down his spine. Without knowing how, we men still have the capacity for that kind of attention, far vaster than we can conceive. It also frightens us to the core, a core we dare not acknowledge.
Woman can welcome us into an immensity of homecoming that we have never before imagined, a healing so sweet and wholesome that our soul could reveal its undefended nature and bask in her radiant warmth, never wanting to leave. We do not know of this because ordinary masculine attention is so un-refined. Yet, we have a capacity to learn. And regardless of our present skill level, Woman waits, hoping we will snap out of our cold, rational, defensiveness. Woman holds the door open, hoping we will come back home, and not just once.
Somewhere, you already have a reference point for expertise in using refined attention – one that can be applied to appreciating the Archetypal Feminine. For example, perhaps you are a marine biologist and have developed an expertise for distinguishing subtle differences between various species of sea-going slugs, the Nudibranchs. Perhaps you are a racer and can hear, just by the quality of the roar of a V8 engine, which dragster will set a new track record. Perhaps you are a sailor and can tune the rigging of your schooner so she sings across the foamy seas. Perhaps you are an antique dealer and can distinguish the authentic patina of a ninth-century Indian bronze artifact from a more recent reproduction. Perhaps you do body repair work on cars and can feel the smoothness of a surface down to one thousandth of an inch just with your bare fingers. Perhaps you can tie a perfect Robinson lure, guaranteed to catch even the most wily summer trout. Any of a million forms of subtle sensing can blend to produce an uncanny expertise. It is the fact that you understand expertise that is importance. Use your sense of expertise-ness to appreciate the rainbow multiplicity of the Archetypal Feminine.
Over the millennia in which Womanhood has been abused, so much “heaven” has been wasted. Any heaven you can recover could make a difference. Anything that re-establishes or even hints at respect for her breathtaking openness and vulnerability could serve as a liquid link for you to ride on. With refined, expert attention, you might find an irrepressible desire to look at her and see her with more than admiration; to see her as if you were her yourself. When you can breathe like her, then you can appreciate how she tilts her head to intentionally catch the light in her hair, so her radiance draws you just a little bit closer, and to adore her. Learn to adore everything of the lake of her. Then, holding space for her becomes an automatic expression of Love.
Look where she has placed the vase. Look how it honors you in her room. How can she know how to do this? It was not thought about. It was not figured out. She wants you to appreciate all of her. Not the true part, but the real part. When you no longer revere only logic and reason, when you have purified yourself of greediness for mere satisfaction, then you can allow yourself to accept the invitation of Womanliness into a garden filled with ambrosia. It is more than you deserve, more than you could buy. She has kept this waiting for you for years, years of you only refusing. Why?
Why would a man refuse so much holiness? There is no answer, only unbelief, only regret, only wonder that Woman has not yet retreated from our inexcusable inattentions. And still she stays open to us, still she continues, while vast moments of being slide past unnoticed, one into the other. Nothing is happening, yet Everything is here with her. Nothing could be missing because the Allness of her encompassing nature has nothing to hide, nothing to lose. Where would it go? How could it disappear or be lost when she is Everything? Is she frightened? Of course she is frightened. But she is willing to feel her fear so it is not stuck in her. The fear flows through her and can vanish with one sparkle in her eye, one curve on her lips. The t
inkling brook of her voice sounds so comforting here, watering the wandering roots of the masculine mind, so it wants to go nowhere else.
Once a Man knows of this dimension of Woman, he can never disregard her again. He is willing to enter her world whenever she invites him, while still protecting it with dignity and power. He pays attention to supply specific details that weave together and hold a context that permits Woman to drop her worries and thrive in that Feminine world, herself. This makes for a satisfied Woman and a totally embraced Man.
CHAPTER 12
Archetypal Relationship
You can consciously create and live in a nearly continuous state of radiant ecstasy by navigating to Archetypal Love in your relationships. This possibility is now added to the Map of Relationship.
As we noted about many other aspects in the domain of radiant joy and brilliant Love, do not expect yourself to already know what Archetypal Relationship is. We are not educated about Archetypal Relationship in the normal course of our public education. Since we do not already know about Archetypal Relationship, the appropriate form of learning to apply here would be expansive learning, which was discussed in Chapter 1. Recall that in expansive learning we start from knowing that we do not already know the most important things. Each new observation and experience is respected and accepted for what it is without having to make it fit into anything we already know. As more and more islands of experience and knowledge are assimilated, sooner or later they begin connecting to each other in practical and understandable ways, establishing entirely new continents of knowledge. Through continued expansion, the new continents come to rival, in both size and usefulness, the original knowledge continents given to us by our culture. In expansive learning there is no top end to discovering more and more important things.
Although the knowledge continents of ordinary human relationship and extraordinary human relationship are not directly connected to the knowledge continent of Archetypal Relationship, it turns out that only after thoroughly understanding the distinctions between ordinary and extraordinary can we look into the horizon and detect a new land mass ahead – the
Archetypal. Do not expect to enter Archetypal Relationship if you are not already creating extraordinary human relationship. Do not expect to enter Archetypal Relationship if you are not already distinguishing three kinds of love.
SECTION 12-A
Archetypal Context
Archetypal Relationship is a context, not a procedure. This is a big statement and warrants unfolding. A “context” is a container or a framework that catches and holds certain clarities, in the same way that a fishnet gathers fish. If you redesigned your fishnet with a wider or narrower mouth, with larger or finer netting, your design modifications would change the kinds of fish that you could catch. The same is true with context. If you adopt a different context for relationship, then you will find that a different quality and experience of relationship shows up for you. Just like with the fishnet, the proof of whether or not you have shifted your relationship context is whether or not new qualities of relationship appear.
MAP OF THREE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIP
Shifting the context of relationship is probably not one of those skills that your dad took you aside to explain. The manner in which Archetypal Relationship replaces the context of extraordinary human relationship, for example, is indirect, subtle and profound, beyond the Box’s capacity to arrange.
The Box demands simplified instructions for making things happen, like, “First pull up, then pull down.” “Lather, rinse, repeat.” “Insert tab A into slot B.” “Push to start.” The Box wants linear techniques that produce surefire results. The Box has designed our modern culture with an editorial preference toward science and technology. But, in the case of relationship, what the Box wants and how things actually work do not coincide. Archetypal Relationship is multidimensional and alive, writhing with subtle never-repeated energy patterns. Ordinary linear instructions will not help you. This is why some people who would perhaps make wonderful parents cannot get pregnant. Their Box wants a child, but something in their relationship context produces physiological conditions that won’t allow it.
The difference between what the Box wants and how things actually work is also why using Viagra or Cialis to make a man’s dick hard will not necessarily enhance a couple’s sexual intimacy. Archetypal Relationship is a context, not a drug.
Think of it this way: Having top-quality recipes does not guarantee that you can produce an extraordinary meal. Creating extraordinary meals comes from being an extraordinary cook, not from having an extraordinary cookbook. Extraordinary cooking is a mysterious faculty that takes years of training, practice and luck to develop, and is completely independent of the brand of your kitchen appliances.
Does having elegant furniture in your living room guarantee that the people who come to visit will connect to each other with warmth and harmony? No. Does having an impressive website guarantee that you will have lots of paying clients? No. Does wearing superb clothing or makeup guarantee that someone superb will be attracted to you? No. In the same way, following a step-by-step procedure will not guarantee that you enter Archetypal Relationship.
If this book were trying to give you a procedure, it would have ended before reaching considerations about Archetypal Relationship. There is no system, method or procedure that guarantees entry into Archetypal domains. And, there are ways of behaving that increase your chances of being in Archetypal Relationship. This chapter is about those ways. The gates of heaven are more prone to open if your behavior already resonates with what is on the other side of the gates.
Align with the Archetypal Purpose of Relationship
To investigate the Archetypal purpose of relationship, let us ask the bigger question: What is the Archetypal purpose of the universe? One would have to be galactically arrogant to seriously consider answering such a question. But we need an answer. One way to figure out what the universe is up to now would be to review what the universe has been up to during the past few billion years. The pattern seems rather clear: dust to diatoms to dinosaurs to Danny DeVito – the Archetypal purpose of the universe appears to be evolution.
The organic tissues constituting the salt-water computer of the human form represent a potential for evolution that surpasses our own capacity to estimate. This vast and awesome evolutionary potential, however, is imprisoned and limited by our free volitional power, controlled by our Box. It is our Box that stands guard between our evolvable being and the evolutionary purpose of the universe. The Box’s self-defending purpose prevails. This is the true impact of free will.
When the purpose of our Box is unchanged from its original survival purpose, then our Box is dedicated to defending itself from the universe’s efforts to bring it through evolutionary steps. As a side effect we are left stranded in ordinary human relationship. When our Box is initiated into adulthood, then the purpose of our Box shifts from defensive to expansive. Instead of trying to keep everything the same, our Box starts seeking how to learn, grow, and expand. Have you noticed any such changes happening in your own behaviors?
Do not try to make the ideas in this book into rules. The ideas are offered as considerations, perspectives of thought, and as possible avenues of experimentation to be used for your personal development and enjoyment. If you take these ideas as rules you are trying to give away your personal authority to the author of this book, and he refuses to be used as such an authority for you. Generate and sustain your own authority through doing your own experiments.
When you change the strategy of your Box so that it aligns to the evolutionary forces of the universe, you gain functionality in the responsible Adult ego state and can enter extraordinary human relationship. These are joyous times!
When you develop the ability to discern between the mechanical busy-ness of your Box and your natural ability “to be” and to “be-with,” you can then make a paper-thin gap between the urges of your Box and what you choose to do, so that
the Box’s motivations become irrelevant. The Box’s mechanical drivers and defenses can be disconnected from your actions – in the same way that the wheels of a car can stay motionless when the clutch is disengaged, even though the car’s engine may be revving fast. When the Box is no longer the unconscious motor for your actions, you are free to move – or be moved by – Bright Principles and stellated Archetypes in evolutionary directions, such as toward Archetypal Relationship. Your relationship can become a theater in which Archetypal Love can perform, but this does not mean the end to all of your problems. For example, Archetypal Relationship is not intended to solve the problem of loneliness. Archetypal Relationship is not intended to solve any problems. The value of Archetypal Relationship is that it creates the possibility for Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman to be functionally present in the world. How do we figure out what this all means? How do we work with these conditions? The rest of this chapter reveals a broad set of Archetypal perspectives for you to test out for yourself during experiments in your daily life.
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