by Sandi Lynn
I lay in the bubble filled tub as the calming scent of lavender and clary sage worked their magic. I had planned on telling Stefan about the baby tonight. But after he confirmed he didn’t want any more kids or a long-term relationship, there was no use in telling him. I needed to think and come up with a plan. The doctor suspected I was around four to five weeks, so I had about two more months before I started to show. I’d keep it a secret, save as much money as I could between what Stefan paid me and my wage and tips at Sebastian’s restaurant, and then I’d leave California and never look back.
After I climbed out of the bathtub, I wrapped the towel around me and looked at myself in the mirror. With the slight turn of my shoulder, I stared at the tattoo that reminded me of my mission in life. I could easily let myself sink into the abyss of heartache and torturous pain. I’d finally found my person. A man who made me fall in love with him. Struggling to stay afloat was going to be difficult because the feelings and emotions that were inside me were broken. My heart was broken and the worst part of it all was that I still had to see him every day. I could just pack up and leave now, but I couldn’t do that to Lily. She was already going to have a hard time with me moving out, so I needed to prepare her for the inevitable and make sure she was strong enough to accept it.
Chapter 32
Stefan
I felt numb. That was the only way I could describe it. I poured myself another scotch and took it outside on the patio. Sam had left for a while and then walked back over.
“Where did Julia go?” I asked.
“She ran to the grocery store. We have no food in the house since we’ve been gone.”
“Are you sure that’s where she went?”
“Yes, Stefan.”
“Why didn’t you go with her?” I glanced over at him.
“Because I wasn’t about to leave you when you’re down like this.”
“I’m sure you called Simon and Sebastian.”
“I did. They’ll be over as soon as they get home.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. She’s still working for me, so there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Hey bro,” Sebastian walked over holding a bottle of single malt scotch whiskey. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I stared straight ahead at the water.
“I’ll go get the glasses,” Sam said as he got up from his chair and walked inside the house.
Sebastian set the bottle down on the glass table, removed the cork and refilled my glass.
“Talk to me,” he said.
“Like I told, Sam, there’s nothing to talk about. She thinks I’m her perfect guy, she fell in love, I told her I couldn’t be her perfect guy, and she moved out. End of story.”
“She’s still going to take care of Lily?”
“She says she is. But I’m sure she’ll come get the last of her things and hit the road like she always does.”
“How does that make you feel, bro?” Sam asked as he sat back down.
“Whatever. I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do,” Sebastian spoke.
“After everything I have done for her.” I shook my head.
“And here we are again?” Simon walked over. “Same situation, different brother. Why did you let Alex move out?”
Sebastian poured him a drink and handed it to him as he took a seat.
“Like I could stop her. You know what she said to me?”
“What?” Simon asked.
“She told me she’s quitting ‘me.’ What the fuck does that even mean?”
“I’m pretty sure she means she’s no longer having sex with you or having anything to do with you at all,” Sebastian said.
“What am I going to tell Lily?”
“The truth,” Simon said. “I know you feel like you need to protect her and shield her from the bad things in life, but you can’t. It’s reality, bro.”
“So, what you’re telling me is that I should tell her I’ve been having sex with her nanny, she fell in love, we got into an argument, and she moved out.”
“You might want to leave out the sex part,” Sam said.
“She also threw Dad into the mix,” I finished off my drink and held my glass out to Sebastian.
“What did she say?” Sebastian’s brows furrowed.
“She said that we all hide behind him and the past and we let his actions control us.”
“That is true,” Sam spoke.
“Shut up,” the three of us said at the same time.
“Actually, I won’t because it’s the damn truth. I did it, you’re doing it, and the two of you will do the same one day. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re in love with someone. Julia is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and Alex is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. You love her, Stefan. Just admit it. You can sit there all you want and deny it for the rest of your life. Then one day you’ll be sitting in that very spot when you’re old and gray all alone asking yourself what the hell you did. You have to let go of the fear, bro. Take your defenses and push them to the side. It’s okay to be vulnerable.”
“I appreciate the therapy session, but I’m going to head inside. I’ll meet you on the water in the morning.”
I got up from my seat, grabbed the bottle off the table and headed inside.
“Hey. That’s a five-hundred-dollar bottle,” Sebastian growled.
I turned and looked at him.
“And I appreciate it, bro.”
I drank until I passed out. When I woke up the next morning, I was still in my clothes and laying across the bed. Looking at the clock it was ten a.m. Shit. Grabbing my phone, there was a text message in our group chat.
“Waves were shit this morning. You didn’t miss anything.”
“Damn it,” I said as I slowly climbed off the bed.
I took a shower and got dressed. Shaking two aspirin in my hand, I chased them down with water and prepared myself for the battle that was going to happen the second Lily walked through the door.
“Hey, Dad.” I heard as I was emptying the dishwasher.
“Hey, baby girl.”
She walked over and gave me a hug.
“How was your sleepover?”
“It was fun. We stayed up until one a.m. listening to her parents fight.”
“What were they fighting about?”
“The fact that her dad didn’t come home until midnight and her mom couldn’t get a hold of him.”
“Nice.” I sighed as I kissed the top of her head.
“Where’s Alex?” she asked with a smile.
I stared at her for a moment as I could feel the tears spring to my eyes.
What the hell?
Quickly turning around, I grabbed the clean plates that were sitting on the counter and put them up in the cabinet.
“Dad? Where’s Alex?”
Taking in a deep breath, I turned around.
“We need to talk, baby girl.”
“About what? Where is she, Dad?”
“Come on.” I took her hand and led her outside and down to the beach. “Sit down, Lily.”
“Dad, you’re scaring me. Where is Alex?”
“Alex moved out last night.”
“What? Why?”
I didn’t know what to tell her.
“What did you do to her?” she shouted.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You’re a liar! She wouldn’t have just moved out for no reason!” She started hitting me, so I grabbed her wrists and held them.
“Listen to me!” I shouted. “She didn’t quit. She’s still going to be here for you. She only moved out! Now you need to calm down!”
“NO! First my mother abandoned me, then Nanny Kate and now Alex. And you know what they all have in common? YOU! She pointed at me. “I’m tired of everyone lying to me! I hate you!” She ran through the sand and back up to the house.
Tears fell from my eyes as a light wind swept over me. Within seconds, my three brot
hers were by my side.
“Julia is going to talk to her,” Sam said.
“Bro, we heard that. You know she’s just angry and upset,” Sebastian said.
“Yeah, Stefan. She didn’t mean it,” Simon spoke.
“That’s the first time she’s mentioned her mother in years,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter how hard you try to protect her, there are just some things you can’t protect her from,” Sam said.
I ran my hands down my face and wiped the tears away.
“I need to go talk to my daughter.”
I got up and ran to the house. As I walked up the stairs, I could hear Julia talking to her. Standing in the doorway, Lily looked at me and then quickly turned away. Julia got up from the bed, patted my arm and gave me a sympathetic smile.
“You’re angry with me and I want you to talk to me about it. I want you to tell me everything you’re feeling right now, and then I’m going to tell you everything I’m feeling. May I come in?”
She slowly nodded her head as she sat crisscross on her bed hugging the Hello Kitty Alex had given her. I took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry I said I hated you. I didn’t mean it.” She looked down.
“I know you didn’t, baby girl.”
“Just tell me the truth, Dad. That’s all I want.”
“Alex moved out because we got into an argument.”
“About what?”
Shit.
“The relationship Alex and I have is complicated. We both want different things, and sometimes when adults want different things, it’s better if they part ways. But she’s still going to be around. She’s just not living here anymore. Nanny Kate didn’t live here, remember?”
“Yeah. I know. But I liked Alex living with us, and I know you did too. So don’t lie about it.”
“You’re right. I did like her living here. But sometimes when you’re an adult, tough decisions have to be made no matter how bad they hurt you. It’s part of being an adult.”
“I don’t think I want to be an adult.”
“You have many years before you need to be one, so enjoy being a kid while you can. You know how much I love you and how you’re the most important person in my life, right?” I stroked her cheek with my thumb.
“I know, Dad. But sometimes I think you love me too much and you won’t let your heart love anyone else.”
Instantly, my brows furrowed at her.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s true. I may only be nine years old, but I’m not stupid. You’re scared to let anyone else inside.”
“That is not true.” I lied.
“Yes, it is, Dad. I’ve watched you and Alex together. You’ve never looked at anyone the way you look at her. I watch the way you stare at her when she sings and how you look at her when you think no one is watching.”
“Lily, I—”
“She makes you happy, Dad, and there’s nothing wrong with being happy. You’ve told me a million times that it’s all you want for me. I’m telling you that it’s all I want for you too.”
“How did you grow up so fast, baby girl?” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a warm embrace. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Dad. Can you buy me a phone?” she asked.
“What?” I broke our embrace.
“If Alex won’t live here anymore, I want to be able to talk to her when she’s not here.”
“You bet. Let’s go.” I smiled as I stood up and held out my hand.
“Really?”
“Yes. But there will be strict rules about using it.”
“That’s okay.” She grinned.
Chapter 33
Alex
I’d spent the weekend locked up in the apartment, except when Jenni dragged me to the grocery store with her so I could shop, and she could get some snacks to take on the plane with her. I missed Lily and as excited as I was to see her tomorrow, I didn’t want to see her father.
I got up early, got dressed and headed over to pick Lily up for school. I had no idea how this was going to go, and I was nervous when I pulled into the driveway. Opening the door, I stepped inside and went straight to the kitchen. A sickness formed in the pit of my belly when I saw Stefan leaning against the island drinking a cup of coffee.
“Good morning,” he cautiously spoke.
“Morning.” I turned away from him and grabbed Lily’s lunch that was sitting on the counter.
“Alex!” Lily ran into the kitchen and threw her arms around me.
“Hey, Lily.” I bent down and hugged her tight. “Are you ready to hit the road?”
“Yeah. Oh wait, I forgot my homework in my room.”
“Go get it so we can go.”
“How are you?” Stefan asked.
“What kind of question is that?” I furrowed my brows at him.
“Okay. I’m ready. Bye, Dad.” She ran over and gave him a hug and kiss.
“Bye, baby girl. I’ll see you after work. I’ll see you later, Alex.”
I didn’t say a word and walked out the door.
“Guess what?” Lily grinned as we drove to school.
“What?” I glanced over at her.
“My dad bought me a phone.”
“He did?” I asked in shock.
“Yeah, so I can keep in touch with you when you’re not around.”
“That was nice of him.”
“I’m sad you moved out.”
“Me too, Lily.”
“If it makes you sad, then just move back in and you’ll be happy again.”
“I can’t, sweetheart. It’s not that simple.”
I pulled in the school parking lot and dropped her off.
“I’ll see you later, kiddo.”
“Bye.” She smiled as she climbed out and shut the door.
Just as I pulled out of the parking lot, my phone rang, and it was Dr. Kota’s office calling.
“Hello.”
“Alex, it’s Dr. Kota. I got the results of your bloodwork back. You’re around six weeks pregnant. Did you make the appointment to come back in a couple weeks?”
“Yes. I did.”
“Good. I’ll see you then. Make sure to take your prenatal vitamin daily and try to keep stress to a minimum.”
Yeah. Right.
“I will, Dr. Kota. Thank you for calling.”
I pulled over on the side of the road, gripped the steering wheel and cried. Why was I crying? I didn’t know. Maybe because I was pregnant, alone, and the man I loved basically told me to fuck off. I heard a car pull up behind me, and when I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw Simon climb out.
“Great,” I said.
As he walked over, I lowered the window.
“Hey, Alex. Are you alright?”
“Just dandy, Simon.” I pulled a tissue from my purse and dried my eyes.
“I don’t think you are.”
“It’s just my hormones. I’ve been stressed, and I have no doubt you heard.”
“Yeah. I did, and I’m sorry. My brother is an asshole.”
“Yeah, he is. Anyway, I just needed a good cry and didn’t want to do it while driving. I’m good now.”
“Are you sure? We can go somewhere and talk.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. But I’m okay.”
“Alright. If you need anything, call me.”
“I will.” My lips gave way to a fake smile.
I had a couple errands to run and as I was walking down the street, I passed a baby store. Stopping on the sidewalk, I turned around and went inside.
“Hello there.” A nice older woman smiled. “How can I help you?”
“I’m just browsing.”
“For you or someone you know?”
“For me.”
“Really?” Her brow arched as she looked me up and down.
“I’m newly pregnant.”
“Your first?”
“Yes.” I smiled.
�
��How exciting! Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“This is a one stop baby shop. We have everything you and your little one will need. If you have any questions, just ask.”
“I will. Thank you.”
I ran my finger along the rails of the different cribs that were set up. Looking at the prices, I nearly passed out. There was no way I could afford anything like this. I let out a sigh as I thanked the sales associate and walked out of the store. I had plenty of time before I had to worry about baby furniture. Plus, I didn’t know yet where I was going to be.
The day flew and it was time to pick up Lily. When the bell rang and she exited out the door, her head was down, and she was walking slow.
“Lily, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t feel good, Alex.”
“Oh.” I placed my hand on her forehead and she felt very warm. “Let’s get you home.”
She fell asleep in the car, and when I pulled into the driveway, I saw Sebastian in his driveway washing his car. He looked over and waved.
“Can you come over for a second?”
He dropped the hose and walked over.
“Can you carry Lily into the house. She’s not feeling well, and she fell asleep.”
“Of course.”
While he grabbed Lily, I grabbed my purse and her backpack and followed Sebastian inside the house. He took her upstairs and laid her on her bed while I went into the bathroom and got the thermometer from the cabinet.
I held it up to her forehead and it read 102.3.
“Poor kid,” Sebastian said.
“I’m going to have to give her some Tylenol.”
We left her room and went down to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet, I pulled out the Children’s Tylenol and read the dosage on the back of the bottle.
“How are you, Alex?”
“I’m okay, Sebastian. Thanks.”
“Are you still working tomorrow night?”
“I am. In fact, if you could give me another day, I’ll take it.”
“Really?” His brows furrowed.
“Yeah.” I poured some Tylenol into the cup.
“I’ll see what I can do.”